Yogan's Journey to Life

 I am back from my job again. Yesterday I wrote about my reflections from my reactions to my job/work. Today I was also focusing on stress again, and I was more successful in stopping the stress. At the end of the blog yesterday I finished with saying how I was breathing to stop positive energy. So I had trouble ending positive energy. I tried searching Bernards blog on topic keywords of positivity, and I found some useful points. One point is how the more negative you are then the more susceptible you are to positive energy. So I concluded that the high amount of positive high I felt was due to the collective stress I felt as negative energy during yesterday. So it was concluded that it was already done, so it was a outflow consequence. Another point in one of his blogs was about stimulation and how everything works on stimulation. Both the Physical world and the Mind operates on principle of stimulation. You can stimulate animals, plants, the body, and also the mind. So I applied...

Creating a Relationship of LOVE.....  in order to get the SEX. Making a relationship with another human being on the premise of LOVE.... so that I can get to have Sex with them regularly. Convincing them that I love them and want a long term relationship with them...... so that I can have sex with them as the Reason why. The reason why I create a relationship with a person and tell its for Love, and that I love them.... is to make them agree to sex. I speak loving words to a person, and make them feel like I love them, because I want to have that physical sex, because sex feels meaningful, and it gives my life meaning. The truth of Sex is that it is meaningless entertainment. Sex has no meaning. Sex is meaningless. There is no meaning in sex. Sex is only temporary entertainment. Sex does not deepen a bond between person. Sex does not make one reach higher planes of consciousness. Sex does not make a relationship stronger or work. Sex does not bring two people together....

Here we are again. Something new to name within me. An energy without a name, that is unique/different from the others. The name is Thrill. Its specific. Context: Seeing others Fight I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel thrill in seeing others fight I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel thrill in seeing others emotionally fight I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel thrill in seeing others physically fight I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel thrill in seeing others react with energy I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel thrill in seeing others speak in energy to one another in conflict I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel thrill in seeing others argue with one another within energy  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel thrill in seeing others get personal and attack each other with insults  I forgive myself for accepti...

Link, 1st blog on topic : https://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2019/01/day-690-about-being-alone-as-trauma.html 1st Addendum: https://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2019/01/day-691-update-and-addendum-to.html So today is the second Addendum. I have had several different points come up in the last few day and half that would add up and be part of this original mind system of Trauma of Being Alone. The first was a more sexual one. Where I have had a problem within masturbation where a certain line of thought would come up of: "you don't know what you are doing!" so what I did this morning was look at this line of thought within the context of the Trauma of Being Alone, and what I have opened up recently. So within that it became clear that I was digging into my Past Relationship and sexual encounters. One of my past partners said to me "Yogan, you don't know what you are doing, you have good intent, but you don't know who you are."  So I started...

I remember the Joy I felt in my first relationship. It was pure happiness. I was purely innocent. Naively happy. Believing they are the one, and I will marry  them and we will live happily ever after. The expression of being innocent and joy, these are hidden here in plain sight. This kind of joy there is something real to it. The separation is the fact that I only tied it to this one person and to this relationship. So that when they fall away and pursued other people, that my joy and innocence went with them, or so it seems. Really it is right here in me. Living this kind of joy and innocence with everyone is a real thing. It can become a living word that I choose to live on command. Except now I learned about what it would take to set up a relationship with someone for real now. Because initially I wanted to be with anyone I could. I just wanted to be in a relationship with SOMEONE. This is not right, and this is not real. It is a recipe for disaster. The kind of sadness...

Right now, neither the vast majority of men or women are fully living their sexuality. This is something difficult to understand. As a guy, the normal orgasm ejaculation seemed great. Though in comparison to actually expressing myself sexually, it was puny, like nothing. And if you haven't lived it yet yourself, you won't understand. Though I did it, so its possible to do. In the beginning I followed the basic Desteni principles. Do not react. So I did self-forgiveness on all reactions I had, which included with sexuality. If i reacted to seeing a big breasts of a woman, I would do self-forgiveness. And so on and so forth. Every single time. Then I started practicing masturbation while still doing self-forgiveness on any sexual thought. Without relying or using thought, I relied on the physical, my physical body. I found that the natural liquid secretion from my penis was enough for creating lubrication and it just felt good physically. I didn't need to think of anything....

Remembering my life and who I have been. I have been many different persons. I once was a person very much in love and obsessed with one person. I remember all the love and pain I felt. I was in so much emotional pain. Remembering the emotional pain I felt, it feels like no physical pain would mean anything in comparison to that. This is my evidence that love is the real evil. I once had the relationship I wanted. I had lots of sex. I felt close, intimate. Then I found out the person was someone who was not committed to me. I realized that I made a mistake. I realize I needed to change. That is when I started Desteni. I was ready. I remember being like 7 years old and sad. I remember being happy in regular class, and when I moved to gifted class everything changed. the kids in regular class were friendly and sociable. The kids in gifted class were super serious and intimidating. It was like being in military school, or where everyone was a robot. I remember feeling just weird, ...

Achieve Integrity. Integrity is the single most powerful force. A man with integrity will stop at nothing. A man with integrity can banish all fears. A man with integrity can command the physical. A man with integrity will vanquish all limitations. A man with integrity will bring about a new world. Integrity is the single most valuable thing. It is more valuable than all the money in the world. It is more valuable than all the relationships in the world. It is more valuable than all the Love and all the Sex in the world. It is more valuable than all the Drugs in the world. It more valuable than all the highs in the world combined. Nothing is more valuable than Integrity. Integrity is standing by and for what is best for all, as all as one and equal. Integrity is incorruptible. It is steadfast, unwavering and absolute. It is righteous, powerful, unstoppable. Integrity cannot be swayed, bribed, persuaded. Integrity cannot be moved, faltered, or weakened. A man with Integrity ...

So I was watching WallE on the tube and someone made the comment that I like to watch kid's movies. So I questioned the person what their definition of kids movie is. Because why is certain movies just for kids? So the person shared that they saw kids movies as lacking violence and sexual content. So when I reflect on this seemingly small point, I actually see a greater pattern in society. Whether this is the case or not it is for you to decide. The pattern is that we define childhood and adulthood as being different, where you are an adult once you have sex or once you have committed some acts of violence. Meaning if you see a person who has never had sex and is not aggressive, then you perceive them as being child-like. And if you see someone who has had sex for the first time, you perceive them as an adult. Alternatively if you see someone who looks attractive or dressing sexually or provocatively, then they are no longer a child. Another example is if a child commits acts of ...

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So I am going to explore multiple orgasms in a series of blogs. It is a huge topic and it can be overwhelming and difficult to even talk about. So for today I am going to just give an introduction and overview. So if we look at the reports women are having trouble achieving both orgasm, and so also multiple orgasm. "In studies, about 15 percent of women report having experienced multiple orgasms." http://www.nytimes.com/2007/04/10/health/10real2.html?_r=0   Unfortunately I couldn't find any reports for how many men experience multiple orgasms, but at least some do have multiple orgasms. "Most people - men and women included - assume that an orgasm and male ejaculation are one and the same. Actually, the male orgasm generally takes place several seconds before the ejaculation itself; and in fact, men can experience an orgasm without ejaculating at all - good news for guys who were wondering whether they can come multiple times." http://www.selfgrowth.c...

So we are going wayyyyyy Back in Time.  Welcome to the past. Here I am where my first crushes were present. So my earliest relationship with the opposite sex, girls, I see as significant, now that I have made a major breakthrough in seeing my pattern of reacting to women in detail. So I see then that my first relations with women, defined how I responded/reacted to all women. That is quite significant, the fact that my first initial relations with women defined how I responded, felt, and what I thought when meeting all of these future women. That is what I can see now. This reveals how everything we live: think, feel, react, doesn't just go away by itself. It stays with us. Until, we actually in awareness take responsibility for that, and release it and change. See, I was aware that my relationship to women was not self-supportive. I knew that. But, I wasn't aware of the detail of it, how I felt, what I thought, in moment to moment playout. I had to be aware of what it i...

Knight in Shining Armor So the knight in shining armor is a fairy tale archetype, originating from Medieval Europe. It also relates to the widespread framework for stories involving a male character that saves a female character, and they both fall in love. Within me, I notice such a point, operating on an automatic and feeling level. This feeling reaction I would call feel warm and feeling love. I notice too that there is a connection to pornography, which is another form of story telling, but involving sex. Within pornography, believe or not, is the same feeling of warmth and love, in relation to the female character wishing/desiring/wanting sex. In comparison to the archetypal fairy tale story, the female character wished, wants, and desires to be saved. Within these specific words, and situations, there are images within me, which are energetically charged with the same point. Throughout my life I spent a great deal of time, especially teenage years, thinking about girls, ...

Sex So what is sex? If you look up the word in the dictionary you will probably get a medically worded definition. Using my sophisticated Oxford Dictionary, I have this definition: Sexual intercourse 1.     sexual activity between individuals, especially the insertion of a man's penis into a woman's vagina until orgasm and ejaculation occur So first things first, if having good sex, enjoyable sex were as straightforward and simplistic that this definition suggestions, well… its not. If all you had to do was to stick your penis in the vagina that would be great. But anyone who have had sex can attest, No, its not that simple and straightforward. So if we look at some statistics of sexually related problem/difficulties. This website says: “the prevalence of sexual dysfunction is 43% for women and 31% for men in a large American sample.(1) Erectile dysfunction increases as men age, with 52% of men age 40 - 70 having some degr...

The Relation- Ship Construct. Yay!!! So I have recently mined into a significant vein of the relationship construct of mine. So I made a better deep dent, into parts I didn't see, or at least have suppressed, for a long time. But this is just one part, and there were more points that revealed themselves today! So I will be recap what I have already looked at for myself, and delving into these new points.  So in my personal writings and self-forgiveness I uncovered that within the relationship constrict, and particularly the desire for a relationship, I am actually desiring many points. I am desiring pleasure, to be cared for, to be serviced for example. And within that the greatest desire of them all, sex, which really is just pleasure. This I found being sourced to early childhood experiences of love, and being CARED for (note the wording). As a baby you are helpless, and in my life in particular I was extremely well cared for and I experience energy which I called the love...

So you may recall some of my blogs from October or November were on creating relationships. So I'm continuing on that point. So today, I will be looking at free choice, and how there really isn't any. So, if creating relationships were a game, then there really is one set of actions that will produce the exact result you're after. There might be several actions, but they are certainly limited, and they are in a way fixed and predetermined. So all I have to do is find out what these actions are. So that's the essence of what I understand, having no choice within this, means. So this process of creating relationships is more a process of discovery than anything else. I will be discovering what it is exactly that I need to do, which can come from many sources, such as research, making mistakes in real time, and reflecting on past interactions/memories.  This is something completely new. I can't recall anywhere in my life where I have approached something like ...

So this blog will be from a guys perspective. So hi, I'm male, haha. Even though this topic will cover girls, as seen from my perspectives, I invite readers to switch girls with guys, to see if the same patterns exist within you, even if you may be female, or homosexual/gay. So I am 24 years old, a male, and I identify as a male, and as heterosexual. So that's really like THE word that defines and has defined much of relationship to females/girls in general, "SEX." One thing I can identify right away, is that it is about my beliefs and ideas, not about the actual physical act of sex. I have only had sex a few times, and only had sex when I was 18. So from about the time in elementary school when I first saw GIRLS as something special, unique, interesting to the time I was 18, there was no SEX. So its not really at all about sex. Instead, during that time period, I would think, fantasize, imagine conversation with some specific girls, and would have desires and f...

So I watched this documentary called, Miss Representarion. So in my life, I didnit really perceive or see women as having a greater obstacle than men. Partly because it seems everyone has something fucked with them, and there is something each can do. I don't see there being a greater obstacle for men or women in this life. It seems the obstacles that face everyone is big already. If however, women, or men, view themselves as a victim I would say you're wasting your time. So I would like to speak from the point of me having made myself a victim, to provide perspective on this women inequality. So bullying. If you are absolutely sure of who you are, 100%, can anyone say anything to you, telling you who you are, and convince you of anything? No. So really, whenever anyone makes you feel or think a certain way about you, they are giving you a gift, because they are revealing to you a fault in who you are that you accepted and allowed. All you have to do is fix that fault. If you ...

Since I am now speaking from the starting point of what the moment requires, and since I am not really talking to any person, I am in essence just talking to myself... I figure that I could just speak as myself, which I already see as not easy, as I have this defense coming up, of fearing what I could say and the consequences of that. I can start with one point, one thread. Sex. No not the intercourse, definition, but the Male/Female distinction. I see very little real distinction between Male and Female. I recall a time when I was a child where that difference didn't mean anything more than, what color shirt you were wearing, or how long your hair was, or your eye color, or skin color. It was just an arbitrary thing, one of those unique features that distinguish us. A little difference in height, your favorite food, etc... It didn't matter, it wasn't important. I still feel that way, and I prefer to feel that way. I am not ignorant to the fact that there are some noticea...

I am writing now, even though I feel tired, and I had a long day. I will be waking up early tomorrow, but I wanted to spend at least 15min writing. So if I do some self-introspection. One thing that was interesting for me was how I had reacted with a smile and a sort of warmth in my heart sort of feeling when my aunt was saying how my cousin loved me. For me I notice one prominent thing I reacted to was the sound of my aunt’s voice, which was high pitched. I can imagine if it were low pitched that it would have much less of an effect, at least that it was it would appear to me when I take on this possible moment. I also notice that if I were to imagine it to be a guy, like if my aunt was a guy, that I would react more if she/he would speak in a deeper voice. Like if he.she would be speaking slowly, but confidently or dramatic. So I would to summarize this as reacting to my own learned associations to some sets of voices and sounds, like male and females, and high an...