Yogan's Journey to Life

Time to Recreate myself again. I see now that I have been developing and participating a desire to have someone else like me around. Someone that I can talk to in depth and detail about the mind, about all the details. all the dimensions, all the aspects and observations as if it was a fascinating scientific pursuit or study. To be able to share and make cross-referencing with that person regarding any and all dimensions of the mind/body and our experience. To discuss the techniques and methods used, as well as describe the mind system, treating them as universal things to study/catalogue and so share and discuss as something mutual and applicable to all of us. SO I was developing that desire. And desire means energy. Desire are system. All desires are system as long as they operate within energy. Its possible to make a decision about what you want or go after it, all without energy within it or behind it. That is not what I was doing in this case. I had a life long desire, that sp...

What I am in the process of doing is Giving up all Hope and then Placing Self-Trust Here. Specifically I am giving up the hope that anyone or everyone will make it in their process, will actually learn, grow or change. Even more specifically its the hope for real connections with people, since a real connection would require that person be real (me too of course), where there is that depth. I am giving up all hope that anyone will be real. And what I am doing is placing my self-trust here in me, in what I can do, create, and move in this physical reality. And what I am also doing is that I am going to do all of this Life Creation, and Self-Creation, and World System Creation in the Name of all of those who I basically loved or hoped for to make it, which is everyone really. So I do all of this in the Name of Everyone, in the Name of everyone's potential, even if in reality no one makes it, and all will Fall. Because me doing it, me Living it, Me being the Creation, being the ...

Self-forgiveness I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be sad and depressed over losing a friend I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be hopeful that they will return one day I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry that they blamed me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself for them leaving I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be tired I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about them I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be free of my reactions about them no matter the cost I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define and expect all relationships with people will end in the same way as them I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel hopeless and depressed that I couldn't do or say anything to keep someone from leaving I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be inadequate and blame m...

This Blog is Almost like a Thought Experiment. It is Reflective, and you need to Read it all the way through because my Perspective Changes in real time. So make sure to read it all the way through, I end somewhere differently than where I started out in the beginning.  There is me as Yogan as my story as an individual... There is also me that is not Yogan, that takes on a grander perspective, grander vision, that includes many more perspectives at once, and strives for what is best for each perspective. When I live in this way of living from multiple perspectives or many perspectives... I become something different, I see things differently, I respond to situations differently. It is a point of greater understanding. Understanding more perspective on any given situation or moment. It is a point of living outside of my previous conceptions of my self of who I am, of Yogan. It is a point of just having a body and just relying on that fact that I am anchored here in r...

This morning I found out something about the mind.... a memory from when I was told "Yogan, listen to me you don't know what you are doing" OMG I can't believe this...You are so weird and different. So I did self-forgiveness on this moment/memory and the reactions... and I had a peace within me. A quietness. The reaction that was haunting me was held together by LOVE. I loved my friend, and he was the one that told me these words. So because of Love I listened to him and believed him. Because of love I validated his opinions and beliefs about me. And it stayed with me. Love is unnecessary. I realize that. Because you can hug a person, you can talk to a person, you can do anything with a person, and you don't need LOVE to enjoy them. Love is fear. Fear is love. Test it out yourself, when you love someone, will you take in whatever they say about you? Don't you start to accept more shit, don't you FEAR to lose them? You do. That's the human nature or...

The value of a Friend. The value of someone who sees into the same depths as you, that very few can. The depths of this reality The depths of the Self. The depths of all the selves The depths of all life The depth of what it means to be alive The depth of what it means to really live. The power of the self The beauty of the self The creativity of the self The potential of the self The potential of all life The specificity of all of this, in written and spoken word, shared and lived in the moment, in the physical flesh, here to be heard with your own ears spoken from the lips of a body. Real. Here. Not a memory, not an image, not a past... here and real. There are many levels and variation of Friendship... but this kind of friendship is most special, most important. It is a friendship bound by this process, by the very Life itself, the very physical itself, with the understanding and manifestation of LIFE here in the flesh. In full awareness, in t...

A moment where I had a chat scheduled and it didn't go according to plan and expectations.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of Guarantee I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of Scheduled I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of Planned. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of Expectations. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of Security as a Feeling I get from having things planned and scheduled. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live Security as having this plans and living in a planned life, instead of Security as always being Secure within myself WITHIN this moment, which may be unplanned, unstructured, unsettled, unstable. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear living Spontaneity and in the Unknown. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rel...

Here's a simple observation about the economy and free market system. In order for you to hire someone to do something for you, lets say a gardener for example. You would have to meet a certain number of conditions. First you need to be making more money than what you need to survive. Because you won't hire someone else for something if you cannot even eat. Secondly if you would pay someone a certain money per hour that is more than what you make per hour, than you would obviously just do the work yourself instead of paying the person, assuming you can. Often what happens is that a person who makes $30 per hour will pay someone who make 8$ an hour to do the work. I know the math may be difficult to get but look at the fact that someone is making $8 an hour, and someone else who makes $30 an hour is paying them just 8$ an hour. Assuming that all jobs would pay the same rate lets say $100 an hour or $10 an hour, than why would you ever hire ANYBODY to do anything you can do you...

Time to share a story... of a man who with a great desire, had created his own trap/prison. So this man, since a young age had a desire to have a partner for life, a twin flame, a soul mate. He had spent a great deal of time fantasizing, hoping, wishing, with various potential suitors in his life. They were his secret crushes. None of them came to fruition. It wasn't until he was 18 and entering college did he have a real chance. And indeed, it did come to pass. In the beginning the relationship was great, wonderful, amazing. However, suddenly and unexpectedly there came a moment where he had lashed out within anger. Earlier that day he had wanted his partner to do something for him. And when he didn't get his way he became spiteful. And so later on in that day when that same partner wanted him to do something for her, he gave her justice, and denied it. He spoke spitefully, he spoke in anger, and he justified it because he didn't get what he wanted. The partner reacted...

Hi, so I will be, like the title says, reassessing and recreating my starting point for blogging. From now on, I will be blogging on substantial points. So no more surface level, or simply touching the surface of the mind. I will be going deep into points of my mind and the general mind. I will be describing in detail, the energies, my experiences, and thoughts I have. So let's begin! I have potential business client, and with this client, there exist a dimension of hope for the future, specifically that she becomes a long standing and permanent client. If such a future were to occur, this would secure a significant amount of income for me. On a practical level, I have already decided to do whatever physical work necessary, meaning as much physical support possible, within the limits of what I can give without upsetting the balance of time I have, to secure her as a client. Why? I am in the beginning stages of a business, and if I secure a good solid ground of clients, no matt...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to self-forgive in order to feel good, and avoid feeling bad. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be honest whenever I can be honest without harm or injury to myself. I fear that my honesty will lead to a limitation of opportunities for me. But I also realize that if I am not honest, what chance do we have to get out of the mess we have made for ourselves? I forgive myself for not allowing myself to see that whatever is the result that is best for all, is worth whatever risks and changes I have to make in how live.                                                                             ...

There comes a point where you just have to believe in yourself. I face this point now. It opened up in a moment where I was being aware of my body while pointing out what was the mind and what was me. The question came up how I knew what was the mind and what was me. I considered whether it was self-honesty, and I said no. That it was more of a point that I just know it. Sort of like faith. And this scares me a bit from the perspective that abuse is so easy. That I can say or another can say that they are stopping the mind or whatever and it isn’t true. But at the same time, you already know what is truth of what is going on in the moment. So I just have to believe in me that I am capable of knowing and just do it, with no hesitations or regrets.               For a long time faith has been used to abuse, which occurs through its starting point of separation. At least that is what I have understood. Where faith has i...

Real world challenges. Picking a career. So I have received my liberal arts degree in psychology. I wish to further my studies to strengthen my position and influence in the world. I have been primarily trained in researching and overall critical thinking and problem solving. One thing college does not teach you or show you, is how the mind functions. This I am learning with Desteni. I have my mind of course, and I can observe it. I can also stop participation in it in a moment. I can move myself in the physical. I can breathe. I can stop participation in energies, in a moment. I can also participate in  the mind, but this is something I do not want to do, because it will strengthen the mind and give the mind more power to decide who I am and what I do/participate within. I notice that every time I allow a thought, the mind gets stronger. I also remember that every time I say no, I get stronger, and I take more responsibility. I notice it is better to not participate in the mind ...

INFERIORITY. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as inferior to XXX. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as superior to XXX. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consider myself as dumb in comparison to XXX. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as inferior to YYY. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as superior to YYY. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as inferior to ZZZ. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as superior to ZZZ. I forgive myself or accepting and allowing myself to consider myself as dumb in comparison to ZZZ. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as inferior to AAAA I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as superior to AAAA I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myse...

I saw what I wrote yesterday as supportive. Later I noticed I stopped pushing and challenging myself. Earlier this morning, I did push and challenge myself by pushing and challenging myself and everyone internally to live oneness and equality. This is clear for me. For me this is either absolute or not. I cannot pick sides. There is only oneness and equality. If people I thought were honest, turn out to be dishonest, this should not affect me. If I move or act, is should always be me here moving and acting. Living here. Thoughts and emotions and feelings are in separation from self. The words and pictures, things we can live and apply as, are in separation. So we have to direct our words and pictures, as all and one and equal. The same with everything, beliefs, ideas, behavior, fears, desires, we have to direct ourselves whether this removes beliefs or not, the point is clear, oneness and equality. We have to become equal to the mind. The mind is in the superiority seat, because we ab...