Yogan's Journey to Life

Time to Recreate myself again. I see now that I have been developing and participating a desire to have someone else like me around. Someone that I can talk to in depth and detail about the mind, about all the details. all the dimensions, all the aspects and observations as if it was a fascinating scientific pursuit or study. To be able to share and make cross-referencing with that person regarding any and all dimensions of the mind/body and our experience. To discuss the techniques and methods used, as well as describe the mind system, treating them as universal things to study/catalogue and so share and discuss as something mutual and applicable to all of us. SO I was developing that desire. And desire means energy. Desire are system. All desires are system as long as they operate within energy. Its possible to make a decision about what you want or go after it, all without energy within it or behind it. That is not what I was doing in this case. I had a life long desire, that sp...

 I'm too good for this world. This phrase has many meanings/interpretations, read on. One of the things that perplexes me of human behavior is when two people are kind to each other, are happy with each other, and enjoy each others company and then all of the sudden, BAM, it ends. But its not always the simple, though: it ends? What happened? So who I have always been is someone that never went into pushing people away. I know never is a strong word here. But with every person who did BAM, decided that they weren't my friend anymore, I always accepted/respected their decision, but at the same time just couldn't believe it. Meaning, I would ask myself: then was everything they said and did a lie? Did they not really been happy? Were they not seriously kind? Who were they within all the times we had together? Were they just fake/kidding? I mean that's only natural to wonder that. Especially when I was here not wanting to push them away or end things. Yet here they...

 People people will hurt you, cut you, punch you, make you cry, steal from you, make of you... make you laugh, cry with joy and love, sing, dance, play around, become goofy, explore different parts of yourself, smile and feel overjoyed! I always knew when I would open up to people that it would get to me. That I would have this thing which seems like weakness. Its gonna suck. Its gonna hurt. And I know it. I am in uncharted territories, I mean there's no guidelines here or rules on how to be or what's best. I only have myself in this. Am I making a mistake with this? Do I know what I am doing? I don't know. But I think that's its okay that I don't. At the same time... at the same time it feels right. Its my unique way of relating to people and supporting people. Its my expression. I guess. God it sucks, it sucks so bad to be kicked, to be screwed with. But at the same time its so good to connect, to reach out and laugh and say something. So FUCKING good....

So I have been watching the videos from DODO that share videos on facebook, that I see while scrolling through facebook. Its all about animals. Its hard to put in words . There are people that care about animals, that GIVE UP their lives and self-definition and money to take on a NEW self-definition and Life that is about raising, caring for the animals, to the utmost degree. You can call this real Love. real Care. This is something I would do. And this is the BEST of Humanity, and the human spirit. https://www.facebook.com/yogan.barrientos/posts/10217804753097519?__xts__[0]=68.ARDxH-SH1CSRhDgwSC_7AU3P6b5Vr42GnyvReMxOLUmFPJdcK7AAvifRiTgJw_XEbqfXcIeKyADbKKC7oO7vvYa4tbaDPh8UTKzn2xtEjIEjIeqAyx8s6TvlWbvUafJeT0L_XUJmAWu6cN00eeiovQC0wgGhtWrZ90GytVyQLN9w-dGunPL48abcFqxnsBY7aTaXfFkuGM5HQyMvJUoStFYZdaVWHyMHIOdCnw8&__tn__=-R https://www.facebook.com/yogan.barrientos/posts/10217804171682984?__xts__[0]=68.ARCEY943k6BB42k5tK1X_y8ucFiis9sCOiuUfiC1k-9i67Px1wX9dhn7816DeRKp_xMUe-kQVOpc7rQrddG_...

I noticed something. I bought some soda and was drinking it regularly the last week. I noticed something weird in my body. I had a lessened sensitivity to pain. It was weird. I later checked and caffeine does decrease the sensitivity of pain receptors. I never had so regularly drink caffeine. It was weird. Though it does bring up an important topic to talk about, and that is Pain. Normally, there is just pain throughout different parts of my body. And it is normal. Its not this immense pain, but then again its how you look at it too. Its the normal pain of just being alive and being physical. It is also the key to being sensitive to physical reality. It is being highly alert, or lets just say alert. In the same way that is how you enjoy the physical reality through physical senses. Enjoying the feel of the wind on your skin or the feel of water, or just the feel of laying down on a surface. It is all through physical senses. And where you are aware of what it feels through the body, ...

Happiness. There is something programmed into us that when we become parents or caretakers of children or animals/pets, we start to feel a kind of joy, happiness or love that consumes us. Where we feel this way that feels so good. Buts it is not a happiness that you live or direct. It is a happiness that is a reaction, something you just feel with your kids you care for or the animals/pets you care for. So that the day they may die or be taken from you, you are filled with an inexplicably powerful sadness/depression that you cannot stop. What is interesting is that what is BEST for your kids and pets is that you don't feel this way. Instead, what is best is that you LIVE happiness as yourself, where you JOIN them in LIVING. Be an equal with them. Doing this will teach them as well to do the same and become the same as you. Because Living Happiness is not something that can be taken away. You are not riding the waves of energy when you Live Happiness as yourself. It won't end...

I remember the Joy I felt in my first relationship. It was pure happiness. I was purely innocent. Naively happy. Believing they are the one, and I will marry  them and we will live happily ever after. The expression of being innocent and joy, these are hidden here in plain sight. This kind of joy there is something real to it. The separation is the fact that I only tied it to this one person and to this relationship. So that when they fall away and pursued other people, that my joy and innocence went with them, or so it seems. Really it is right here in me. Living this kind of joy and innocence with everyone is a real thing. It can become a living word that I choose to live on command. Except now I learned about what it would take to set up a relationship with someone for real now. Because initially I wanted to be with anyone I could. I just wanted to be in a relationship with SOMEONE. This is not right, and this is not real. It is a recipe for disaster. The kind of sadness...

This blog post may not be so great. The thing I worked on today involves my relationship with my mom, at an early age. She was my root, my connection to this world. She was my world, my sun, my everything. I felt like I connected to her, I felt understood, I felt I received attention. And when I was not with her I noticed the difference. When I started school, I notice most people, or  really no one gave me that same attention and treated me that way. What I can observe now is that as I met people that actually in some way did give me attention and was nice and kind to me, I started really liking those people, having crushes on them, or just wanted to hug them. You have to understand that I felt so much love for my mom, then I would love to go up to her and hug her. And I related to some of my teachers this way. But why is this? Why feel this way? Because what happens later is the relationship falls apart, where I start talking about things where she doesn't understand. I sta...

Judging people before you get to know them. This leads to great suffering. Judgment. What is Judgment? Judgment is when you have a thought, a thought about something, and you believe it, and charge it emotionally. The truth doesn't need believing it just exists, and it exists without emotion or feeling. So judgment is not that.  How many times have judged something or someone. Maybe it is a group of people. Maybe its people with money, without money, beautiful people, ugly people, happy people, sad people, loners, popular people, friendly people, nasty people, spiritual people, pessimistic people. All of these words represent forms of judgment. Because there is no way one word can define an entire person. Looking at what was said yesterday, Evil needs to stop. So here Judgment is evil, and evil, the act of evil, and the thoughts must stop. Because this evil, judgment leads to suffering. How many opportunities did you screw up because of what you judged another to be, and ther...

Fear of Being Alone. We do a lot in the name of NOT being Alone. I have done a lot. How much? I went into years of depression because I had people in my life. I had the attention, the love, the admiration, the worship, celebration, care. I felt needed and wanted, I felt I belonged. I felt like this is who I am, I found myself, this where I am supposed to be and do. All of this that I felt and thought was a lie. Because these feelings are lies. These thoughts are lies. This positivity, this bliss, this pleasure is a lie. How can feeling good be a lie? I was part of some people's everyday life. I got to know them. They would smile at me, and I would make them happy. When I would make they happy, laugh and have fun, I felt amazing. I felt complete, I felt great, I felt wonderful and bliss. This is all I ever wanted to do forever. Just make them happy. I wanted to keep them in my life, and I wanted them to keep me in their lives. I wanted to own them and be owned. I wanted...

So knowledge and information can never be a guiding principle for reality because knowledge and information is not a principle. Knowledge and Information can prove or justify any behavior/action: I hit him because the sky is blue or his skin is yellow or my shoes are untied. This is a logical statement, however anyone with a shred of dignity knows this is wrong on so many levels. Therefore what we should do, what we ought to do, can never be explained by Science or knowledge and information. And that is why what is best for all is always the only option to choose. Because it is itself what is best for all. If this resonates with you, visit the articles at the Desteni website: desteni.org, and read on what is best for all.