Yogan's Journey to Life

Previous Parts  My story: why I support Living Income Part 1 So continuing where we left off. It was during that time that I started searching on the web/internet for topics/words/phrases that I had feeling might lead me to some answers or new realizations. So there I was searching, and so willing to see/read something new, because what had been applying thus far, meditation, and stopping thoughts, wasn't working. And I was really determined you know? Like that is ALL that mattered, which was to change my experience of myself, permanently, not just for some hours, days, or some moments through some methods. I mean because that is what most of us do right? I mean, let's be honest here, that much of what we do in our free time is to make ourselves feel better for a while. Whatever it may be, be it drinking, drugs, gaming, partying, pornography, or whatever. I mean it can even be something that isn't so controversial, but it is still something we do to make ourselves fe...

Law, follow the law character, fear the law, fear breaking the law, fear making money, fear being independent, follow gods law, follow the rules, live karmically well, live what is good, avoid bad or you will be punished, do what is good only. Don't eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.  Always living according to what is morally right, losing all self-direction. That is my life in a sentence. Now I am starting to live my principle, what is best for all, however my eyes are tainted by the law of good and evil, or shall I say glasses. Feeling good within following the law, feeling as all is in peace or alignment because I am following the law, the law of God, what is right or just or good. The seed or soil where righteousness is born, or brought forth. The law. Punishment, retribution, delivery of reward and rewarding justice. I was destined to be a Guru. There is not a doubt about that. A guru follows the law. There is karmic law and spiritual law, and the law ...

SO one of the hardest points for me to get over is trying to convince people of things which I know is true. Like the point of oneness and equality. The strange thing is, when I heard the point the first time, I knew it was a true description of how things worked. It explained so much to me, even in a way how everything works. I also remember how by the fact people become nasty when hearing this message, it already invalidated them, and at the same time demonstrated how the message is true. Because the truth that you are one and equal to what you accept and allow, is for some strange reason judged as bad by the mind. I don’t get it, and I can’t explain why the mind would do that. The mind perhaps perceives it may die, by why ignore the truth that this is how you really live.   The mind itself seems completely invalid and unnecessary. Its like an extra layer of bureaucracy, just a waste of time and money. You never accomplish what you REALLY wanted to accomplis...

So, we always know what to do in every moment. We know how we should be. We know who it is that we really want to be. We also know who we are now. We can see the bullshit if we want to see. We can do so much, only if we allow ourselves to do it. it starts with ourselves, and self-honesty. We already know the highest way to live. We may not have a name for it, but you know what it is. Since birth, since childhood. Why do you choose the lesser path? The lesser way to live and be? Because of energy, because you want more? Yourself is enough. Why not give the same to everyone else? I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not do everything I can so that others can give themselves the gift of themselves. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want more than what another has, what is available to all, instead of sharing all with everyone for the good of all. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire a process or journey to...

Im going to take this deconstruction of myself slowly . I always wanted an easy life.  --> I can see this play out in the context of two summers ago where my dad, my brother and cousin and I were building a shed for my dad. I noticed how I did not try my best and how my dad kept telling me I would hate this kind of work because I do not enjoy working, like him. He wanted me to get a degree so I can get a job that does not require to much work and makes relatively more money than other jobs without degrees. This reminds me now of a conversation my dad and I had around the time I was about to enter highschool. We were walking outside at night and my dad asked me if I could have any job in the world, any, what would that be? What would you do out of love? To respond I first looked inside and saw a distaste for work that had no 'significance' where people are not 'helped' in what they need helped with most. I made it my job/responsibility to help people w...