Yogan's Journey to Life

Yesterday's blog: https://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2019/01/day-690-about-being-alone-as-trauma.html So first an update. Things have been pretty quiet in my mind. Like I have the moments where the thoughts and experience would come up, and they start to creep in, but then I remember and am applying my application in the moment to change with understanding. And so I change it, I stop the thought, mind chatter. Negative backchat. Feeling Nervous or Anxious in relation to conversations/messages. I remember the point that its connected to this Trauma of Being Alone, the pain, the agony, the self-hatred, the torture. and voila! done. And just the eerie quietness of the moment, of being alone. That is eerie because its been so long, so not my normal. If it wasn't obvious, within this system, I have been living my life, I have been pushing in every such way for expansion and growth in every dimension and way I understood thus far. I have been accepting every challenging, emb...

Being Alone There is a system within me that 5 parts to it. Each part relates to this Trauma of being Alone growing up, being alone as who I am, being alone as my story, being alone as my past, the physical behaviors and ways I act out due to this Trauma of being alone. The 5 parts of the system are: 1.      Feeling/Thinking my life is meaningless and purposeless. This is very well captured by the end of the Bohemian Rhapsody song “Nothing really matters, anyone can see, nothing really matters, nothing really matters to meee…. Any way the wind blows….” These have been constant and consistent backchats in my recent days going back to several years. Where I would try to stop it and stand up from it, though never really ending it or changing it. But I did use this as a starting point to write out my purpose to become a data scientist and use that money to create my life and support the life of others. So I didn’t let it stop me, I worked with it however w...

Socializing is the weirdest thing. I am just reflecting here. Like today, I get home, I do some things.... I don't FEEL like socializing or reaching out to people. I don't FEEL like it. I am happy and content as is, and if I reach out to someone.... they might not reach out back... maybe they are busy..... maybe they just don't want to right now.... maybe they just don't want to talk to me, OH THE DREADED FEAR OF THAT!!!!! Fear of Rejection!!!! AHH!!!!! OHH!!!!! NO!!!!!! Anyway, So I'm reflecting here, its weird, why would I ever reach out to socialize??? Why bother??? I am happy. I am content..... with just me.... alone.... But, But I know something. But I know there were memories and times before in the past. I know that there are people I have a history with, a past with.But I'm forgetting it.... Its weird, why do I feel like NOT reaching out to people and socializing, when i come home from a day's work???? I can hear my mom complai...