Yogan's Journey to Life

  Death is quite the topic to look at. I think its because of the mystery of it. We don't really know for sure what will happen when we die. I mean you can have beliefs about it. You can even listen to what others say about it. But all of those are still words or belief. To actually go through it... Its like the first time being in love in a relationship, or having sex, or your first breakup. You don't know until you really go through it.  I see death as being something very important. It serves a very good purpose. Because in order for new life to arrive, other life must leave. That way it maintains a balance and prevents overpopulation. It is also important because it does put an end to things. And having that expiration also makes us care more and gives more value to our actions. It also gives others the chance after we fail for example. 100 years from now there will be new people here. Completely new. And I like that. I like that is how the Earth is.  It also means a ...

I grew up in a household where God is Love. I do believe that for every single person, we have that point that is our absolute potential of who we can be and thus what we would do (because doing flows from who you are). And that potential is god-like, divine, because you are an amazing fucking person. Strong, Courageous, fearless, Expressive, Fun, Creative, Giving, Committed, Impassioned, you Know who you are, Disciplined, Understanding others and your Role, Owning up to your Responsibility, Deep, Flexible, Saying/Doing exactly what is needed, Owning up to your issues, weaknesses, Patience with yourself and others, Diligent, Consistent, Forgiving of yourself and others, honoring your relationships, honoring yourself,  taking the initiative, taking the first step, trying and failing, trying and succeeding, Living. And more. That is all of our potential: every single one of us. How we may live these words may be unique, and has its own flavors: yet here the words are and they are a...

Proceeding down the hall, I see another door that I fear to go, and don't want to open. Overly Emotional when something happens in my Relationships- either Friendships or Partners. I can just open a door and then close a door, its not a big deal if someone enters my life and just leaves. But I can see my emotions, me being emotional about it, as if to say I care about them more cause I am emotional. Emotions don't equal care. Care is not emotional. Its not as big as a deal as I am making it out to be. Just open a door and close a door. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel emotional when someone enters my life and when someone leaves my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel super excited when someone enters my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel devastated when someone leaves my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel it to be rude or disrespectful to say that som...

I have been having an issue where its like my memory is gone. I don't see myself being sick/ill. This feels more like a Lose of Self. So, in this Video: Revenge of the Ego by Bernard Poolman, I remember him saying that at times we will find ourselves losing Faith in ourselves. And this describes what I feel, so I decided to listen to the recording today. So the recording is fairly long and it covers a fair amount of dimensions/topics. The point that stuck out to me was how the mind is vastly superior with its access to the Knowledge, Intellectualism, such as facts, or memory - or Memory. It has access to all of that information, and everything I have every done in the past, and everything I ever felt/thought and all of my reactions to everything ever. So it knows all of this. And I don't have that same level of access. But, Bernard said the one point that the mind fails is in with Breath- this will disrupt the mind- in Breath the mind cannot do anything. So if I try to Thin...

Recently I wrote out this phrase,  "When you are really faced with the Heat of yourself, the Darkness, and the Deceptive Light of yourself.... no one's motivation or words will be the saving grace.... its all you baby! haha. We need Self-Willed individuals.... and that process is like the formation of diamond. Its under a lot of pressure and takes time." And the specific words, the Heat of yourself is specific. It encapsulates and captures a very nice meaning, and real time moment with the Mind and reactions that I have lived and I'm sure humans everywhere have lived/faced. I would like to unpack this to bring attention to it, for it may assist others and its a very nice reference for that. I also will cover the solutions as well and taking responsibility as well. Facing the Heat of Yourself I notice that Heat is very much connected to two things you have Romance/Love, getting caught up in the heat of the moment... and also the moment when you are in a heated a...

Patience Many people would call me a patient guy. Well, I am patient in some ways and in some moments and with some people. But in other moments, with other people, in other ways I am not patient. So this blog I am writing to assist and support me to be more patient with a certain someone, in a certain situation/context, and in a certain way. So for my situation/context I am facing, I see I can be more patient through yes understanding the person's situation they are in. Understanding does help. However its not enough in this case. For me, even with understanding their situation that they are in, I still am impatient. I still want things to be done faster and happen faster. I want things to move faster. In reality, they cannot. I definitely require patience. This is really out of my hands and out of my control. In addition to this, I am in the state/position of the unknown. I don't know what will happen or how things will turn out and I have no way of making it known or h...

I took a look at my photos of me across the years. I posted an album of such photos on facebook. I can see the change in me, in my very face. Before I was scared to express. I had trouble expressing my face. Then I started practicing. I did things. Like I shaved my head. I did it because our water supply is getting polluted by hair products and I wanted to bring attention to that. At the same time, I face my own perception of what i think others perceive as me. I freed myself through challenging myself. I sought challenge. I expressed my face. As I walked process, the desteni process, where I STOPPED emotions and Feelings, the negative and positive, and I started to EXPRESS myself through the physical, there are changes in my face that happened, changed in my expression. My expression has become more fuller, more confident, more settled. I know who I am. I like who I am. I like my face. I am going to miss this body after I die. I realize I will die, and that life is a gift. I rea...

This blog is dedicated to all of the relevant self-forgiveness recently in my days. I forgive myself to have fear and hesitation to do what I see is best. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hesitate removing myself from a situation where I was reacting heavily, so that I may work on myself and then later returning to the situation. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry about the future, what will happen, what is outside of my control. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not live my gifts, my LIFE within me, my EXPRESSION, my art within me, my creativity, my beauty within, ...to not live it within my Life, within my reality, with me, with others when such doors open. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto excuses and limitations. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wait for death, or something to just happen to me, before I SEE what I HAVE, and who I AM, and what I can DO wi...

Respecting Time I am resolving my relationship with time. I as my body and this physical reality exist within time. They are subject to the limits of time. I have not been respecting time. Respecting Time Everything done happens with time. My relationship with time determines what I do and how I do it. My pattern of having short time is to move quickly to produce a result. My pattern of having a long time is to take my time to produce a result. What is best for me to change into? To use my time as best as possible. To use my time well. To produce the best result possible. To ask for more time when I need more time. To not use more time if I don't need more time. To respect time. To not use more or less than what time is needed. 

So I was doing some self-investigation today and I realized something. I was looking at human connections, and how I haven't realized that connections between people is something that is out of my control, or at least not completely in my control. Because what I am seeing when I reflect on my past is that I have a grievance in relation to perhaps 100 people, or many many people that I have met and known, where I wish, want, and blame myself for not keeping the relationship here, for it ending or not going further than it had. Though now with having a more discerning eye and self-honesty, I can see how in fact that for all human relationships that the connection you have is temporary. So for example I can see how 2 people meet and have a connection, and that connection will last any amount of time, it can be a second, a day, a week, a month, a year, or more. That initial connection forming is out of the hands of the people. For example, someone can't decide just to have a con...

So what I am about to share may seem like an embarrassing story. So I will start it out just like that. When I entered college I had a belief that there are people that don't need to eat to live, and to become this way is fairly easy, if one is very spiritual. From this belief, I started eating less and less. I would push myself to what they call fast. I would let myself feel the hunger, and not act on it. So over time I forgot about this belief and doing this. Instead I was focused on studying and the stress. And I would skip meals, or wait to eat, because I didn't have enough time. And I found that I stopped feeling hungry, and I had to actually remind myself to eat regularly. So this has still affected me until today, where I have trouble feeling hungry. So based on what I did in college, I believe that I conditioned myself to suppress/ignore feeling hunger. Because I wouldn't respond to it. Similar to an anorexic person. So something I started doing now was eating m...

You only have so many chances. You don't get infinite number. Nope. One day, the time in clock will run out. Not only within your physical death, but also within daily life and with people. You only have so many chances, to learn, to do what is best for all. And one day, it will be too late, unless you actually learn and correct yourself. I say this, especially for those that still hold onto the idea that you have until tomorrow to act, live and correct yourself. You don't. You only have right now/here. If you don't correct it here/today, then you won't ever. It's as simple as that. And you only have so many chances to realize that. And one day your chances will run out. Learn humility, stop fighting. There's no excuses. You have had plenty of chances, and you blew it. And soon, you will blow the biggest mistake. The moment of being the last moment/chance. And you won't see it coming until you have already blown it. So don't wait!

So why do you clean the dishes? Because you are given in return the gift of clean dishes. Why do you clean the house? Because you are given in return the gift of a clean house or living space. So, here we are emphasizing the importance of seeing the Gift within doing of things. What gift do you receive in return? In comparison, you could look at the consequences of things. Why do you clean the dishes? Because you would have dirty dishes otherwise. Why do you clean the house? Because you would otherwise have a dirty or messy house. So one mistake or problem that I have faced is only focus on the consequences of not doing something. Within that I would feel afraid of creating the consequence. And this would actually lead me to create the consequence partly because I was so afraid/stressed all the time. I was not instead focusing on the benefit, gift, and so receiving in return for what I effort/time that I gave. So practically it is best to keep in mind everything that is invol...

Enjoying putting things off for later. Creating that anticipation within myself, because I have put something off for later. I can revel in the experience of anticipation, that energy, in thinking about the future, and what I have put off for later. It can be positive anticipation, or negative dread. In both cases it is still put off for later. I was/am in a situation where I had the choice of choosing one of two things that I could participate now, one involved doing research, the other involved a social matter. Only putting off the social matter created a noticeable energy within me. Putting off the research for later does present some energy within me, but it is significantly less. The research would be more procrastination, or a dreading experience. The social matter would be more of a anticipation, which is both fearful and exciting energy. The social situation obviously has lots of potential for conflict, so there could always be unexpected energy to...