Yogan's Journey to Life

She said: step in the circle if you are nervous that you’re in a new place. I hesitated to step in. I knew it was not true, but I was also afraid of standing out and not being part of the group. But I decided to stand back, and smiled. I felt nervous in standing out of the circle. The camp leader said ok. I noticed some eyes did look at me, but I focused looking straight ahead. The upperclassman next to me whispered in my ear that “you’re an asshole” I felt shocked, it struck a cord with me. I felt afraid. I suppressed that response and carried on my day with excitement. I believe I need fear in order to fit in. I believe I need to respond to fear, in order to be accepted and be like everyone else. I fear standing without fear, and so standing separately and differently from the group of people. I am afraid of not being accepted because I don’t have fear. I am afraid of sticking out and standing out from the crowd. I am afraid of not being liked. I forgive myself for acce...

It really is a cool alliteration. D esperate D esire,  De De , I'm using it to describe something within me. I had already described Desperation as a key word, along with anxious and nervous. I had a memory where I was pulling on my parents arm, telling her to go, that I wanted to go! I was like cmon! cmon! cmon! lets gooooo!!!! already!!!! CMON !!!! The emotional state that I was in was Desperate. Looking at my current moment. I desperately want something. I desperately want this, and so desperate desire then. This is in relation to a person. Where I want to be with this person. At the same time I can draw a contrast here to perfectly illustrate the reality of desperate desire as emotion. In contrast to desperate desire, what I want as having a family, having kids, having a partner that I can share such a deep intimate connection with that we would be connected simply by our words hundreds of million miles away from each other, that I can see their soul, that they bear thei...