The most important thing that I can offer existence is to show that its possible to live and exist without thought, emotion and feeling. To show what its like to no longer feel insulted, intimidated, scared, worried, love, hope, sadness, excitement. To show what it is like to smile for real, laugh real, spontaneously in the moment, unplanned.

Sunday, September 30, 2018

Day 46 The Surprise in Music and Dance

This blog, I'm going to be remembering and sharing something good, something I would like to.

What's great about music/dance is the surprise moment in it. The moment requires your full attention!

When you are dancing with someone in a partner dance, someone is leading and someone is following. BOTH! Have to pay attention. I have lead dances and so its not boring I have to pay attention and play with it. I play with the rhythm, the pattern of the music I am dancing to. The fun part is listening to the music, following the beat and then BREAKING IT, and then going back INTO IT, and matching the beat, and then SURPRISING the person your dancing with. Are they HERE???  Are they paying attention? Can they FOLLOW? If I go fast now can they match it. If I go SUPER SLOW can they match it. Will they get annoyed? Are they disciplined? Can they be here in the moment?

All of these things are revealed when I lead. And if they are a great follower, then I can really enjoy dancing. I know I can do more COMPLEX and COMPLICATED dance moves, or I can go something really SILLY and FUN. I can make them laugh by surprising them. I can just listen to the music and get lost in it.

When I am freestyling on the piano, its the same thing. I lay down a pattern for the music. I lay down the beat. I then break it and then go back into the rhythm. I LISTEN to where the SONG or SOUND wants to go. Its all in the moment. I listen almost to what the piano wants to be played. I listen to what the music wants to be played. I listen to the sound. And I play it. Or the sound plays me. I follow the sound of it. I then insert my own creativity in it. I can do something very slow or something very fast. I can stick to the higher notes or just the lower notes, or mix between them. I can mix up the speed. I can imagine/hear the story that the notes are playing. I can visualize the message or hear what its saying like words, like voices speaking to me. The music is something Alive, and ME being here and paying attention to it, I am alive along with it.

When I play music and get into it, my body will start swaying with it.

I close my eyes, and I can play certain keys without looking.

I can get really intense with it, and bang on the keys.

I can go really soft with it, and just perfectly press the notes just right.

When I dance by myself, like at a dance party, I listen to my body and to the music. I ask and see/listen to what my body wants to do. I speak to the sections of my body. The wrists, the elbows, the shoulders. I can see okay this part wants to move like this. This part wants a turn, and so I create a movement with awareness on that part of the body. I create new dance moves in the moment without preparation. I listen to the song/music and I see what it inspires me to do. I STICK to the beat of the music and then I BREAK IT, with a surprise. I can go DOUBLE STEP or half step. I can go faster than the beat and join back into it, or I go slower than the beat and then faster than it and then join back into it. I get a work out for my whole body. I close my eyes, and I am not focused on ANYONE ELSE. I then open my eyes periodically and see what others I do, I may get an INSPIRATION from what others are doing in their dances. I sometimes slow down my dance if I get more tired to get a breather, and then after a breather I go back into it. Maybe I go and get some water or sit down for a second.

I never use drugs, alcohol, drink caffeine. No stimulants. Just through normal body, breathing and just commonsense I do it.

I used self-forgiveness in the beginning to remove my fears around all these points, and any other reactions.

Anyone can do this.

Saturday, September 29, 2018

Day 45 When you are connecting someone

Something I observe is that we can connect with people through different ways or modalities. Like one way is through words. Some people are able to connect intimately purely through words. Whether it be in the form of hand written letters, which used to be the old way of communicating. Or whether it is through online chat in modern times. And its not so much about only certain people can ONLY connect this way, its more that its like either a skill or a relationship to words in a way that enables them to do so. Compare this to meeting in person and connecting through the presence of a person right here in front of you.

Perhaps you can say its easier to connect with someone in person, though that is a generalization and there is always exceptions to the rules. So to summarize what we have so far, people can connect solely through written words without ever meeting face to face, without any NEED to, where it isn't any less. Other people can't do this, at least in the present moment. And it seems general that people can connect face to face.

If we look closer to face to face interactions, there are also OTHER ways to connect WITHIN that. For some people they can just sit next to a person and connect with them, WITHOUT words, simply through their presence shared in the moment. Again, this is more like a skill or a certain relationship to the SILENCE, speaking without words, and LISTENING. Again, some people can do this and others can't in the present moment. It's not more or less, just a different modality.

Going back to connecting through words, there is a depth of expression where one shares one's own intimate history, self, perspective, the real truth of what one sees unhindered by holding back for the sake of others or some other reason. Being able to do that is also a skill and requires a relationship to one's own TRUTH, and REALITY, and knowing one self.

There are more shallow forms of connecting, which I rather not even call it connect, so we won't. There are shallow relationships, which are very surface level, and the ultimate reason for being this way is because of one's own relationship to oneself or parts of Reality. For example I can stare at a tree and connect with a tree, which I am connecting to a part within myself. A tree is part of Reality, and I am part of reality, and being able to connect without words is the skill.

Shallow is like superficial, which is like another word for Image. When we connect based on the Image of things, just the appearance of things, which is like the image we PRESENT to the world, while keeping the REST of it SUPPRESSED, well that is how we get superficial and shallow. It is the hiding, the denial, the hidden, the secret. It is PART OF REALITY, yet it is not seen, known, shared, understood.

Going back to face and face interactions, there are certain expressions and communications that you can have, that can be unspoken yet known. These are spur of the moments jokes, ideas, creative/spontaneous moments that can be created through READING the other person and READING the moment. It requires a LISTENING that is deeper than what is on the surface of things. There are things you can keep hidden within written words, yet you can read such things on people's faces, on how they hold themselves, and how their voice sounds.

But at the same time, you can tell if someone is open/vulnerable while writing in word form only, it is undeniable. Because writing, when its so open and intimate, it is just like speaking. Literally the words you write is how you would express through speech. It is you communicating, and again this is a SKILL and a relationship to words itself.

When you live your words, well, this is part of what it means to be Living Words. Every single word you SPEAK, Write = is you.

 What I notice is that for every person there are TRICKS or unique moments where people connect naturally. Maybe its a group activity where we all play a game with a common goal. Like keeping a ball into the air or a balloon without it touching the ground. I have seen that time and again. I would say people want to naturally connect, but we are WAY to dependent on our programming to tell us WHEN we are ALLOWED to. We aren't aware that we are like robots, programmed to only do things at certain times. To only live a certain way without living.

There is only one fake way of connecting that involves spirituality, where we creates a fake connection with people, like a LIFE FORCE that one cooks up in one's head. This is fake because one doesn't change, and one doesn't move without oneself. Its a passive receiver of a feeling. When connection is REAL you are ACTIVE creator of it, because you are actively moving within yourself. A passive receiver is like an inferior standpoint like a follower of God, that beams down love and light towards you. Its FAKE. The ultimate reason why is because of oneness and equality. Typically we God is superior and your inferior. When its a LIE, its FALSE.

The same vein of inequality happens in relationships, romantic ones or familial bonds or friendship. Inequality = FAKE.


Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Day 43 Why Do you?

Why do you DO the things you do?

Why do you do your job?

Why do you have a family?

Why do you dedicate your time in the things you do?

What's the reason why you do EVERYTHING that you Do?

When did you start believing that?

When did you BECOME YOU?

Do you remember the exact moment?

Did you decide to be your exact nature, personality, self?

Did you decide to have and BE the Human Nature?

Did you decide to have these Identities?

Why are you you?

Why do we accept bad things?

Why do we accept things like poverty, or crime, or rape, murder?

Why do we accept an Imperfect system?

Why do we accept an Imperfect world?

Did you really stop for a moment consider everything and then really decided that it was just best to accept the Imperfect world? Accept to do Nothing.

What if I told you that everything you have lived in your life, all your decisions were originally preprogrammed and nothing of you is original, is really you, DONE within a real CONSIDERATION, real DELIBERATION, where the ANSWER was already PREPROGRAMMED withing you.

What if I said you never really THOUGHT anything before, and all your THOUGHTS were created and placed there by others, which you only accepted and allowed. Passed on from past generations, from other people WITHOUT question.

How would you know this is happening?

Can you call the exact moment you decided to be you?

All the Good and All the bad about you. Everything of you. Why do you do what you do?

Can you really even say you're a person at all if you haven't had an original thought, haven't really deliberated and questioned independently, openly, without a set answer already in mind?

If everything of you was simply you accepting what others have told you, what you have heard and just repeating it, aren't you more like a robot, or like a copy and paste clone? If so, you aren't really a person.

Do you KNOW what makes you YOU?

Do you remember WHEN you became You?

Can you really say you didn't just accept the answers given to you by others, that you just accept your world the way it was presented to you?

Did you know you are capable of original thought, of original expression, unplanned, unprepared, unknown spontaneous expression?

Did you KNOW that you are capable of sincere deliberation, questioning, and capable of finding the Truth to ANY question?

Did you KNOW you can QUESTION your own preprogramming? Question the Thought that you have accepted as the truth, passed on from past generations.

Did you Know you can REMAKE and RESHAPE reality? yourself?

Did you know you DON"T have to just LISTEN TO your THOUGHTS, and simple FOLLOW THEIR ORDERS? Did you know true deliberation, questioning starts with questioning your thoughts? Did you know that is HOW you get to the TRUTH?

Did you know that you CAN do that, that your are CAPABLE? You can QUESTION your thoughts, you can NOT FOLLOW THEM. You can run ASTRAY from your own Preprogramming. You can run Astray from what you were designed/planned/destined/placed to BE.

Did you KNOW that there are Protection Mechanisms placed to PREVENT you from CHANGING, to make it CHALLENGING to Change your PREPROGRAM, to make you afraid, fearful of ever questioning, ever going AGAINST the PLAN made for you?

Did you know that you ARE the way you ARE, because you Accept a LIFE ruled by FEAR to actually LIVE, and actually BE Independent, and actually TAKE self-responsibility for your ACTIONS and THOUGHTS? Did you know you rather be Fearful and just ACCEPT it.

Did you KNOW this is your ONE GREATEST FEAR? Seeing yourself, what you really are, how and why you really exist as that. To see how you currently exist inside of you, how you operate, how you make your decisions. To see how you aren't really even a person, even original, how you are a clone, a copy, and just have been given a definition, an Identity that you just accepted to be YOU. To see you already KNEW all of this All Along already.

You already knew all of this, you just haven't dared to take that step forward to turn around and do something about it. By and Through your Will you can take self-responsibility and change. You can Forgive yourself and change. You can be honest with yourself and change. You can.

www.desteni.org


Monday, September 24, 2018

Day 42 Thirst for Life

A thirst for expression.

To say inappropriate things. To say the things that try to make people react.

To dance on roof tops!  To blow bubbles obsessively even though I'm an adult.

To bang pots and pans together!

To dance incessantly around people!

To build something creative, colorful.

To engineer something amazing beautiful, a structure like a magical tunnel full of glowing lights!

To engineer a full size maze!!

To throw fire crackers.

To build a giant hamster wheel!

To run around a small circle for no apparent reason!

To hop everywhere I go, not walk!!!

To walk backwards everywhere I go!!!

To skip everywhere I go!

To walk sideways like a crab everywhere I go.

To take tiny footsteps and take forever to go anywhere like a snail.

To walk/navigate with my eyes closed!!

To scream and run!!!

To point at someone and chase them down!

To tackle hug a friend!!!

To Lift hug a friend!!

To Tickle a friend!!

To sneak up on and scare a friend!!

To put make up on, and create like a mask.

To use body paint and colors to create a disguise.

To create a costume.

To cut my hair a funny way.

To use hair gel to make my hair look funny.

To create a mask.

To speak in a deep voice always.

To speak in funny voices.

To make pretend.

To pretend I'm invisible.

To crawl on the floor.

To scream and run away to get people to also run away.

To roll in the grass.

To climb a tree.

To Laugh.

To climb on the roofs.

To eat laying on the grass.

To lift and carry your friends.

To dance all night until the sunrise.

To walk hand in hand with your friends, skipping with them.

To chase your friends.

To play hide and seek.

To sing karaoke with your friends

To put a smudge of dirt or food on your friends face.

To instigate, annoy, tease a friend.

To throw water at your friends, have a water fight.

Play with balloons.

Pillow fight.

Play with balls.

Keep the balloon in the air game.

Play with silly string.

Play a prank.

To talk about Philosophy

To give my answer/perspective on a question

To Imagine how things could be

A whole world of people Living their Thirst for Life.

Day 41 I am a Group of People

I am a Group of People,

You can't walk this process alone. This statement goes much deeper than simply advice from a friend, or advice from a teacher. You can't walk this process alone, in the context of the Process to becoming Life as the Physical... is something about either realizing, seeing, or perhaps more specifically BECOMING a group of people as yourself.

There are two different immediate ways to interpret this statement. One way is an ego way of making a group of people Like yourself, superimposing yourself like a big ego. The other, more appropriate way is like the opposite, a humility, and 'losing' of yourself, becoming more than just yourself.

I received advice/direction from a person within the group, and simply as MYSELF I couldn't fully see/understand. However, by dropping myself and seeing it as the group, becoming a group of people, becoming like the awareness of a GROUP, taking on the sight, vision, perception, focus, and attention that the group sees, the advice/direction becomes CLEAR. So to literally becoming your highest potential, requires walking WITH a group, you literally CANNOT do it alone. You literally must become MORE than just yourself, through literally taking on the Awareness of a Group as Your Awareness.

This statement also goes deeper than just advice. It goes into your living, into your sharing of victories and defeats. If something bad happens to the group you feel it. And this goes deeper than just knowledge, its a connection that exists outside of knowledge, outside of mind, outside of rational perceptions and possibility. It connects you from great distance across the world, where you just KNOW.

There have been times where I have either seen something or learned something and I see it popping up within the Group without even saying anything. Or the other way around. And right now, when something sad happens, I know it, I feel it. Like a real loss. You can call it a telepathic connection if you want. But in reality, more specifically, its a connection based on Life, based on the Process that is walk, based on the same mutual principles that are lived, which are the very principle of Life itself, and the very One Process, to become Life in the Physical, a connection to the entire Physical Reality, and Oneness and Equality. It is the same Process, and this is the One Life.

Right now I am sad, not the usual emotional sadness, a real sadness as a loss. I know when there is something significant happening within the Group. Losing something meaningful, something Physical that you Had, is something Real. So you experience a real loss. And so a sadness. It's self-honest to say what it is. Know that it is for this moment. Appreciating the time you have left is good. Gratitude is good. Realizing/Seeing the Life that is within this and these things are the Same Life within you and across the Physical Reality. The Form is temporary, but the Life never dies.

Whatever a person Lands  on next, will have life, and so ripe with possibility and potential. The next adventure awaits around the corner. For the time being, be here with what's here while its here. And plan/prepare for that next adventure.

Friday, September 21, 2018

Day 40 Sharing Self-forgiveness

This blog is dedicated to all of the relevant self-forgiveness recently in my days.

I forgive myself to have fear and hesitation to do what I see is best.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hesitate removing myself from a situation where I was reacting heavily, so that I may work on myself and then later returning to the situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry about the future, what will happen, what is outside of my control.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not live my gifts, my LIFE within me, my EXPRESSION, my art within me, my creativity, my beauty within, ...to not live it within my Life, within my reality, with me, with others when such doors open.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto excuses and limitations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wait for death, or something to just happen to me, before I SEE what I HAVE, and who I AM, and what I can DO with my TIME left.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny myself the real pleasure of physical living and expression, which has to do with my AWARENESS, ATTENTION, and FOCUS.

When I bring my awareness, attention, focus here within something creative, it is a real pleasure/gift for myself. Bring this attention to the Physical, and the moment of creating something according to me. It is beautiful always. It can be playing music, it can be dancing, it can be sexual expression, it can be art, it can be writing, it can be resting, it can be LISTENING to music [really listening], cooking with attention, it can be SEEING a Tree [really looking at it].  Bring your awareness to the MOMENT and move with the Physical, as the Physical.

Add Sharing Yourself to the above list.


Wednesday, September 19, 2018

Holding Life in your Heart

Beauty from inside.

A spark of youth, idealism, care, compassion, passion, in the eye.

Determination in the voice.

Power and strength in every fiber of your body. Knowing what you must do and live to make this life a success.

Speaking about Life, about everyone, all of us. Speaking the Truth.

Holding Life in your Heart.

Day 39 Why?

There's is something that has happened to me... Or rather I should say that I have been walking a long process that started in 2009, and so its been about 9 years of me doing this... And now, its like I don't care what people think of me... I'm not afraid of being alone... I can just say anything...

I have my plans/goals for myself which I wrote in my last blogs, and so I have my purpose and meaning. I have my expressions where I have fun through expression. And I went to Jury duty which showed me how much different I am from most people. It's like why bother hiding who I am. I'm so different already anyway. And its also like something inside me snapped, where its like why waste my time not being me, and just living. I am unique and I am different from others. So I live my uniqueness, I share my difference, I live me. Something like that. Because I am so alone already, why wait. Why die without anyone knowing who I am?

I share my difference, I share me, before I die.


I know it sounds stupid to say or think: that like I'm afraid to share me, because other people are like me, think like, me, are similar to me. But then when I see how I'm so alone or so different, I'm like, why give a fuck? I'm different, so I need to share me!

And its not about difference. Its about thinking that other people are GOOD, or see the BEST WAY already. And so I HAVE to be ME and express my goodness, my sight/vision that is the best way because no one actually is believing it or standing up for it.

Its like people are so mind controlled, so robotic, like in the matrix, that like why should I give a fuck what they think. I know the best way, I know what's its like to have FUN for free, I know truths. So fuck it. I stand by the truth. Why hide the truth? Why bother? Just say the truth.Tell others what it is.

I see the truth!!!! So why keep quiet about it?!

Why keep my perspective quiet? Why keep what I see to myself?

What? HUH? Why? Meh. Just fucking live already. I mean you are either going to find people that understand you and connect with you, or you will speaking with people who DON"T but then have a CHANCE of CHANGING now because you shared and spoke. Like FUCK its only Good things!


I mean, we can fucking change this world. We CAN. cause its US, its the WE. We can do it. We will. We are. See it and Do it!

Live already!

Friday, September 14, 2018

Day 38 My Purpose and Meaning

Two blog posts ago, [this one] I wrote about my meaning and purpose in a totally NON-philosophical way. I wrote out my exact purpose and meaning for my life, that I chose for me, as of right NOW. I can live this NOW, and I can expand upon it and deepen it. It is something I can stand behind.

This is making purpose and meaning practical. It is actually writing it out for what it is, and what I'm living. My written purpose and meaning REFLECTS my daily life and what I can allot time to. Because it is not as simple as ONE thing. It is a few things, a few handful of goals that I accomplish each day.

Who I am bleeds into my purpose and meaning. Who I am provides the foundation for purpose and meaning. And practically looking at it, it is a statement to STATE and to then LIVE.


My purpose and Meaning. 
My purpose is to work a 40 hr a week job, pay for my needs, give money to support the desteni process, in so doing I support with money the development of awareness in people/humanity. My purpose is to share myself online so that others walking process may be supported. My purpose and meaning is to express myself creatively as dance, music, art, singing, play, writing, joking, etc... I live my meaning and purpose everyday. 
Who I am?
I am my body, my being, my self-expression. I am the work I do, and the money I give. I am the song I sing, and movement I dance. I am the words I write and speak. I am the work I do, the blogs I write, the people that listen/read my words. I am expression. I am the support I give and receive. I am my job, my work, what I give to others. I am the moment I express in and live in. I am the process I walk to bring awareness within me, and within others. I am the self-forgiveness I speak and commitments I make. I am the humanity that is standing up and self-changing.

I live everyday.  
 
The reason why I'm doing this, why I am writing out my meaning and purpose is for several reasons. First I didn't write this out, yet it existed within me as a KNOWING yet without putting it into words. Secondly, writing it out solidifies it for myself, I can now see it, and embrace and even repeat it or remind myself of it. Thirdly, there is a problem of emotions, and the mind, which I can support myself in changing, by actually doing and living my change. 
 
There is more I can say about my purpose, but what is here is sufficient for everyone reading this to understand what I am doing and why. For me it seems to be working where I see more clearly and KNOW my purpose and am living it through me, and reminding me of who I am, and what I am doing everyday, and then DOING it. 

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Day 37 The purpose of laws and rules

Laws and rules should serve Man, or Life!
If a law or rule doesn't serve what is best for all, best for Life, then it is Invalid.

Following a law or rule just because its a law or rule makes no sense.

Following a law or rule to avoid the consequences make sense.

Doing what one can do to improve the awareness of Humanity, and the quality of Self so that LAWS and RULES serve no basis for the REASONS of one's actions, and that wholly the reasons and PURPOSE of your actions and living is in accordance with the PRINCIPLES WITHIN you that are aligned to what is best for all or existence or Life.

That is when the Human is trustworthy, because one's actions is due to that which is within  you that IS NOT fear or emotion or thought. Instead it is instinct, it is so principled and so ingrained in the fiber of your being and self, that you act and do it, and speak it without hesitation in a moment. You ARE IT. You ARE what is BEST for ALL. It is YOU already, as your body, as yourself, ALIGNED.

That human is trustworthy.


Monday, September 10, 2018

Day 36 A Solution to a Problem

My purpose and Meaning. 

My purpose is to work a 40 hr a week job, pay for my needs, give money to support the desteni process, in so doing I support with money the development of awareness in people/humanity. My purpose is to share myself online so that others walking process may be supported. My purpose and meaning is to express myself creatively as dance, music, art, singing, play, writing, joking, etc... I live my meaning and purpose everyday. 

Who I am?

I am my body, my being, my self-expression. I am the work I do, and the money I give. I am the song I sing, and movement I dance. I am the words I write and speak. I am the work I do, the blogs I write, the people that listen/read my words. I am expression. I am the support I give and receive. I am my job, my work, what I give to others. I am the moment I express in and live in. I am the process I walk to bring awareness within me, and within others. I am the self-forgiveness I speak and commitments I make. I am the humanity that is standing up and self-changing.

I live everyday. 

Monday, September 3, 2018

Day 35 What I want to SEE

When I look online and around me, I don't see what I really want there to be.

In the deepest part of me there is something that I want. There is something that I want to see happen. There is something that I want to see people doing and being.

I want to see people, adults, teenagers, all people, old people, just say I am your friend to each other, everyone, anyone. I want to see people just laugh with each other, play with each other. I want to see people not care or be afraid of how they will look. I want to see people just want to have FUN.

I want to see the end of this separation.

I want to see people looking at the trees, and connecting with the spirit of the trees. I want to see people marvel at a tree, any tree, every tree.

I want to see honesty, direct honesty from people. I want to see people taking responsibility for their opinions, beliefs, for what they say and think, and feel. I don't want to see anyone blaming anyone else for what they feel or think.

I want to see men and women, the opposite sexes, being able to be FRIENDS, without any idea of sexuality or relationship/romance.

I want to see people's strong side, and understanding side, compassionate side. I want to see people being open, intimate vulnerable and direct. I want to see people ready for a new world.