Yogan's Journey to Life

My Story: The Gift You Can Only Give Yourself When I was around 13 years of age, my parents sat me, my brother and sister down and led us within a session of meditation. My parents were really interested in Eckhart Tolle at the time. I, naturally, was interested in Eckhart Tolle as well. My brother and sister did not take to Eckhart Tolle the same way I did. I read his book the Power of Now. One thing I took from my parents and from reading Eckhart Tolle's book was that it was important to stop the mind or to get enlightened. Because the mind or unconsciousness was the cause of human misunderstanding and the self-inflicted harm we do to ourselves. So this was something I kept close to my heart. I took this idea very seriously. I felt out of place from those around me. I felt that no one understood me. In some ways I felt I did not understand myself. I just spoke, and I would search for words within myself, words that sounded right, that when I said them I felt they were the right ...

Working with others can be very difficult. For me, I often become a different person than when I am alone. One thing that is easy for me to forget is that I am always alone with myself. I prefer to be this person always, because I am standing by myself always. I have not been myself for the last 9 months. I took myself to the metaphorical sacrificial altar to sacrifice myself in the name of the money system, in order to sell myself out, to "know who I am" according to a position in the system of money or education. I highly do not recommend sacrificing yourself. You lose everything and more. You become blind, deaf, and senseless all at once. To others you appear happy. Indeed, it is the only way to cope with the betrayal.It became a free-for-all for the systems of the mind. As I write this I am forgiving all the charges I see that I have placed on my words. So, one thing that has happened is that my words have received positive and/or negative charges. I have a tendency to sa...

I am very confused. I do not like what I am feeling, or what I am participating in. But I am doing it anyway. Why? I feel like there is something inherently wrong with me. That I cannot do anything. I question whether I am just playing the victim. Am I? Why would I accept and allow this, why would I accept and allow such a hell for myself? There is something that I believed I could not do on my own- and I asked the mind for help. Now within participating with a group I am living this statement, however I have always existed in a group, everyone does; we all effect each other in every moment. I feel like I may just be ranting to get attention. Is this true? Do I just want attention from people, where I generate energy from attention and feel good? Within me I am feeling a response- energy building up and it feels pleasant- so I interpret this as a clear Yes. SO what now? SO obviously if I just run away, and If I were to come back I would still have the same react...

-->  So something to share with everyone, I have changed writing on self or 'about us', everyone including me within this world which is the reflection of who we are, so I write on these two things I mentioned (they often go hand in hand in my writing) from a point of enjoying seeing myself and uncovering myself and seeing who we/I am. In breath its quite enjoyable from a physical experiential/here perspective where its like that experience where you are here and the you can continue and go as you know this body/you can. I immediately put what I “want” to write, and I “choose” my words sometimes and direct even small points of what I am going to say next, and its enjoyable from the perspective its what I know its me and so im just expressing me, there is nothing wrong or right since its me. So its like im talking to a friend, completely opening myself up to that friend. Its enjoyable. So one interesting experience that is related is seeing like this energy monst...