Yogan's Journey to Life

  The day a friend's dog bit me, I didn't know any better. Based on my experience this dog, this dog was calm, was not barking or being aggressive. If anything, it looked shy. And the way my friend told me that careful the dog my bite, it sounded like so chill and not a big deal. And it was in a context of me entering her car and not putting my hand to the back to pet the dog. So far I never experienced or heard of a dog biting in this way with that demeanor. One second so calm, and immediately just biting, without warning. The dogs I have seen would bark heavily, growl, or make some other indication that they will strike. If they weren't like that they would at least be energetic, or happy. Another demeanor is a shy dog that was how one of my dogs( that passed away) would be around strangers.  In a way it was a gap in my knowledge and experience as well as my friend being so chill about the dog potentially biting. The dog and the situation were exceptional. And it all came...

Being a Loner, a Lone Wolf, I should be able to be ALONE, not need anyone. I should be able to exist within ANYONE. That is where I should go, develop and be... All of the above is a LIE... Its a lie. The true way of living is the a mix of independence and dependence. Even more so, hold dear and deep to my heart those that bring out the best in me, those who bring me the most joy, the most expression, the most creativity, the most love, the most fun. And hold them to my heart, remember them, call them, talk to them, keep them in my EVERYDAY Life. Even though they are not physically present. I can't hold them or hug them. They are very far away. But they are more real to me, and bring out the best in me. No fact can change that fact. Except me. Just me that can take that away. Just me that won't fight for it. And I have to fight for it. Its not automatic or natural. But if I fight for it, I get it, and it is better than anything. It is real. I have to fight b...

So I was doing some self-investigation today and I realized something. I was looking at human connections, and how I haven't realized that connections between people is something that is out of my control, or at least not completely in my control. Because what I am seeing when I reflect on my past is that I have a grievance in relation to perhaps 100 people, or many many people that I have met and known, where I wish, want, and blame myself for not keeping the relationship here, for it ending or not going further than it had. Though now with having a more discerning eye and self-honesty, I can see how in fact that for all human relationships that the connection you have is temporary. So for example I can see how 2 people meet and have a connection, and that connection will last any amount of time, it can be a second, a day, a week, a month, a year, or more. That initial connection forming is out of the hands of the people. For example, someone can't decide just to have a con...

Connecting with my dogs. I accessed my memories of who I was when I was very young. By accessing these memories I am accessing both who I was and who I could be. I have always had the potential to connect with people, animals, and plants. And I have done so in the past, during the years as a child. By accessing my memories of who I was when I was young, I can again do the same, and perhaps more. Because I was always limited in how much I connected with people, animals and plants, in my past. And now looking back I see that. So what I am seeing is the potential to connect even more. When I connect with plants or my dogs, I become silent, and I focus on myself, what is here. My emotions are not activated, and my experience of myself isn’t fluctuation, but instead it’s continuous and steady. There is a connection formed, one that is firm, and clear. I may enter the mind, which involves thinking, but I can bring myself back here. Entering the mind becomes obvious be...