Yogan's Journey to Life

A moment where my attention got zoomed in focus on something/someone. Here the mind is activating. It is clearly the mind. Thoughts started to stream: maybe they are doing some activity, maybe they are secretly angry at me. Maybe they are doing something intentional and its direct at me! I don't want to see this! I also can't help but look! It has caught my attention, i am looking at it. So I had obviously shifted into something. I had a thought/opinion about the situation about what to expect and about the scenarios that could be happening. I was emotional already. It felt real and it caught my attention. I notice this aspect of having my attention caught is a red flag for the mind. My attention was shifted. It became zoomed in and focus on this thing that was happening. I didn't want to look away, I wanted to pursue and look at it more, and at the same time I didn't want to look at it, but I couldn't move on. So all of this is obviously the mind, its cle...

How Desires really work Desires are things you want, for example a desire for a romantic relationship with a partner; Link: The Desire for a Life-Long Partner Test. It seems that when you a desire you would surely get what you want, right? Let's self-reflect on this question shall we? Have I fulfilled my desires and how long have I had to do so? In my life, I have had the desire for having a partner, and I am 26 years old, and so I have had 26 years to fulfill this desire. What I have seen when it came to my mind and my desire, is that who I am and how I am, is not actually built in such a way so that I would attain this desire. For example, being afraid of not having a partner, which itself prevents me from being comfortable and confident which would in theory attract a partner. Yet my fear of not having a partner is a manipulation of myself to push myself to go after a partner. And so what ends up happening is that I end up thinking about a partner, and imagining what it w...

Silence I can become very quiet. I can sit and listen to someone talking to me, as long as they are talking. And I can sit with them in silence. I have never done this before, but I would find it quite enjoyable. That I would live/be with someone, and we would never speak, yet we would communicate without words. Now that I went through a personal journey where I spoke and expressed me, I am looking what is required of me. Meaning that what the moment requires of me, whether it is to speak or not to speak. So to again be silent. And its simply based on what the moment requires. Its funny that I have a slight to resistance to not speaking. It's only slight. I find that I can drown my thoughts in silence. That the silence is all pervading, all consuming, a never ending dark pool of liquid. I have heard some people in my life say that to be silent, to not speak would be a torture, something that they can't do, and would lead to great stress and anxiety. I have s...

So today I experienced something unusual. That is thinking about my diet, and some other things, such as about my dog. When I would start thinking about things, this would create non-existent problems. So I am creating a flag for this generalized thinking that occurs with seemingly random things, such as with my dog or with food. What I notice within this thinking is that I would start to feel emotional, mainly sad and worried. This would lead/fuel a greater motivation to think more about these things and correct these problems, which before were non-existent. What I notice in general about this specific kind of thinking is that it relates to fixing problems. So I would create a problem in my mind, and I would then think about how to fix it. This would lead to a panic, where I felt worried, scared. Within this panic and thought, I would try and fix things, but really be feeding and validating the non-existent problems. I notice this generally happening in the world in Veganism/Ve...

Presents, Christmas Eve. I feel sad, depressed, tired. Imagination of people getting angry with me. I feel a pain, emotional pain. And I feel a movement of crying within me. It seems silly to me that we give presents. Because within me, I have felt sad when I don’t receive a present and someone else did. I feel like that said something about my value/worth as a human being or person. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give value and worth to myself dependent upon what presents I did receive, or did not receive because others had received a present. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value myself highly when I receive a present, which I believe/perceive is of high value, that someone else didn’t receive. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value myself lowly when I don’t receive a present, which I believe/perceive to be of high value, because someone else received it. I forgive myself for acc...

Mechanistic Mind Part 2 So imagine the city where you live. Now imagine on the other side of the world, a city that exists. Do those people exist? Then why do we act like they don't? We waste our time when we are not aware of the life that is existent everywhere equal and one. Every moment that is not spent being aware of that life, is a moment where you could have been aware of that life. So it is wasted. If you had only one life, would you not make it the best life on earth? Well you do have only one life. In case you forgot, when you were a child, you were aware of life. That was the best moment. So why not be aware of life, of all animals, plants, humans, beings, insects, snakes, lizard, bugs, bacteria, cells, organisms, the water, the air, etc... and so on to include everything? Everything is the most that exists, there is nothing more than everything! How many times have you looked at a pet, a dog or cat, and envied them? How many times have you enjoyed their expre...

Ok so in my last post I made it clear what I was doing, so stopping any movement within me, which is not me directing it. So I have been applying this for the past 24-ish hours. So while I was applying it I had great success. And I have been able to sit with the reactions I have been having and simply be here with them, which already has become a point of release or stability, Im not sure how to describe it. Though I have to walk this each time with each set of thoughts I have. So with a new set of thoughts, by new I mean thoughts I have not yet sat with and walk with yet, it is that exact point of not having walked it yet, so it is that point of separation that makes it seems so big, but when I stop and walk with those thoughts, then everything is cool. So like right now for example when going to bed to go to sleep, there was a set I thoughts I had, which I did not stand one and equal to, and walk with, so it became overwhelming and I allowed it to direct me. I at some point took prac...

Asking for help So asking for help is cool, however like with anything, we can take something which can be self-supportive, and actually use it in a way that it is not self-supportive. So for example, when asking for helping as a way to do better in something or expand oneself (so whatever that means in the context), in contrast to when asking for help and one does not actually expand or can be expressed as not doing one's best, but is retracting self and relying on others to do the supposed work that self would have done. So, each one knows already when one does this, so it is our responsibility to act. And if your really not sure whether you do this, then one thing that can be practiced is sitting with self and being honest with self about what happened, and who self was in a moment prior. That's what cool about self-honesty, you always have access to yourself, just be honest. After reading what I wrote, I realized something cool: you decide, to be self-supportive, and thus ...

I was helping out a friend with math, and I was using a scientific calculator. When I was making certain quick movements with my fingers I saw a picture of my math classroom where I had I used a scientific calculator before. I felt energetic: nervous and excited. I didn't question the energy. For me it was something normal, something I had felt many times over again within my math classes and various other classes. Now that I can look back on the point I see how the energy is overwhelming for me, and is very heavy. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to generate energy within me of exctiement and nervousness while using the graphing calculator, with specific movements of my fingers. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing melf to access the image of my statistics classroom where I used the graphing calculator when I had used the graphing calculator this night. And so I forgive myself for accepting and allownig myself to charge this image within me of the stat...

In some ways I see myself as a lesser man than 12 months ago. I have become more daring and more risking, but these qualities alone mean nothing. I used to judge certain people who we social, smiling all the time, as sort of correct, and who I was as being quiet, which I did not see myself as quiet or that as a problem, but that others saw me as quiet and I saw that that was a problem, because it was a problem to them. SO I have to learn not to take what other people think are problems with me, as a real problem. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take on what other people think are a problem for myself and judge that as a good thing.   I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take what I think other people will have a problem with me, as a problem for me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take what other people think is a problem for me, that I am quiet, and make that into a problem where I think I the s...

During the last 2 days I have been exploring some points within myself. I decided to start over and give myself a do over with myself. To start from scratch. So Im no longer accepting any thought as valid. So I bring this up because I am looking now at the point of morality and how this has served me, and how it is proving very useful to me. Now, in my mind, and perhaps in the mind of all men, there are certain things, which we may judge as Ok, or acceptable. Porn could be one of those points. For me, I can't explain it in any other way, but porn is unacceptable because of the message you are giving for seeing women and men as inferior, and as less than who they really are. We are not images, we are more than just that. So there is something wrong within reacting to the image of the women and seeing just the image and nothing else. The same goes for men. So, from the point of view of the mind, there is nothing wrong, because no one is getting physically hurt. But I know something h...

So one of the purposes of this blog will be to expose the negative and positive within me and how those is being patterned within everyone. How we as individuals live in a systematic predictable way, using the positive and negative as the excuses to live so. So I will make posts on my use of the positive and negative and describe the systemic behavior, emotional, thought patterns within me. This is an open journey so I do not know what twists and turns I will make, however this is where I will start. It will be cool to write 100 posts on 100 different patterns/systems. So this is my commitment to do this cool thing.