Yogan's Journey to Life

So I see this point within me of the Secret Bully. Where in specific situations, where my mind sees the opportunity to activate, then it will be here: the Secret Bully. The design works as follows. It finds the perfect situations where basically another person will be confronted with me as the Secret Bully, but because we are alone, and because I don't do this openly with groups of people, and moreover I be Good with groups of people, and present myself as a good guy, that it would be strange odd if they were to tell anyone about it. So its highly specific. Understand this is a design, and given that I am writing it out, it loses its power. Because when you write out the design, the pattern, when you expose all the moments where it occurs, then it becomes powerless, because then you know it. When its kept secret and unspoken its like you don't know it. That is why the Secret Mind exists, to keep you trapped, and keep a level of power over you. Your only choice is to stop...

What I am in the process of doing is Giving up all Hope and then Placing Self-Trust Here. Specifically I am giving up the hope that anyone or everyone will make it in their process, will actually learn, grow or change. Even more specifically its the hope for real connections with people, since a real connection would require that person be real (me too of course), where there is that depth. I am giving up all hope that anyone will be real. And what I am doing is placing my self-trust here in me, in what I can do, create, and move in this physical reality. And what I am also doing is that I am going to do all of this Life Creation, and Self-Creation, and World System Creation in the Name of all of those who I basically loved or hoped for to make it, which is everyone really. So I do all of this in the Name of Everyone, in the Name of everyone's potential, even if in reality no one makes it, and all will Fall. Because me doing it, me Living it, Me being the Creation, being the ...

It really is a cool alliteration. D esperate D esire,  De De , I'm using it to describe something within me. I had already described Desperation as a key word, along with anxious and nervous. I had a memory where I was pulling on my parents arm, telling her to go, that I wanted to go! I was like cmon! cmon! cmon! lets gooooo!!!! already!!!! CMON !!!! The emotional state that I was in was Desperate. Looking at my current moment. I desperately want something. I desperately want this, and so desperate desire then. This is in relation to a person. Where I want to be with this person. At the same time I can draw a contrast here to perfectly illustrate the reality of desperate desire as emotion. In contrast to desperate desire, what I want as having a family, having kids, having a partner that I can share such a deep intimate connection with that we would be connected simply by our words hundreds of million miles away from each other, that I can see their soul, that they bear thei...

My only desire to for there to BE people that are best for all, best for all life. So how can I make there be? By making it, by creating it. Making and creating takes time. I live in a world where my time is dependent on money. If I have none, my time is up. So I need money. If I go for a career that is well secured, has a long future, that is stable, that pays well, then I should do that. If I don't I will have a mediocre job that is not secure, unsure future, unstable, doesn't pay well and I wouldn't have the time anyway to create or make anything. Within having a stable career I will have SOME time I can dedicate to creating/making people, the future, which is better than NO time, and it will be for as long as I live because the work is stable and has a long future. This is the best I can do. If I could have someone PAY for me to be able to create/make the people and the future for the REST of my life I would do it. The same as as I do my career and make money for th...

Looking back across my life, I have had many desires and dreams fulfilled. I have experience great things. I have experienced what's its like to be in a relationship. I experienced what its like to have lots of sex. I have experienced what its like to feel so much love. I have experienced what its like to have amazing friends. I have experienced moments of great laughter and fun. I have also had my dreams fulfilled. I was able to work and do what I really wanted. I was able to do things I have always wanted to be able to do. I have conquered so many fears and limitations. During the last years I have experienced somethings strange, where it felt like I had done what I always wanted, and that I have no goal to work towards. At the same time, everything that I desired and wanted was false. This including the places I wanted to work. This includes all of my relationships and friendships. None of it was real or lasted. They were all temporary. Now looking back across my life ex...

The following is a self-reflective and mental exercise to test yourself with to see whether you have a desire for a life-long partner. Imagine yourself, or place yourself here; all of who you are, bring it here. Now, imagine the world and everyone in it. Now pretend or imagine that the people you desire for relationship: male, female (gay, straight etc…) do not exist. That only the people that you don’t desire for a relationship exist. Reflect on how you feel, how you would act and behave, who you would be, what you would do. See if there are any differences.   Any differences that exist between who you are now and who you would be is evidence or proof that you have changed who you are as a person just so you can have a relationship. If you have a desire for a life-long partner, then you would have changed everything of yourself so that you can get what you want. So you can look at how you talk, how you walk, how you make your appearance, what you like or dislike, your o...

What if... I have been using the what if question to gain greater insight into my mind. The other day someone pointed out to me that I have a problem with desiring relationship. I had a hard time seeing what they were saying as it felt like I was done with wanting to go after relationship. But I decided to make sure and really check within myself thoroughly and completely. That is how I came to use the What if question. So first off, I wanted to test myself for any positivity within me. So I asked myself the question, what if there was no positivity at all. So asked this and I began to see that I have my sight or my vision. I have the sense of the blood flowing in my hands. I have hearing sound. And so on and so forth. There was plenty here for me to sense. Now for some, some may be asking why would you ask this question? Are you saying there is something wrong with positivity? Are you not suppressing what you are feeling?  So in response, I would ask the person to consider how...

Time to share a story... of a man who with a great desire, had created his own trap/prison. So this man, since a young age had a desire to have a partner for life, a twin flame, a soul mate. He had spent a great deal of time fantasizing, hoping, wishing, with various potential suitors in his life. They were his secret crushes. None of them came to fruition. It wasn't until he was 18 and entering college did he have a real chance. And indeed, it did come to pass. In the beginning the relationship was great, wonderful, amazing. However, suddenly and unexpectedly there came a moment where he had lashed out within anger. Earlier that day he had wanted his partner to do something for him. And when he didn't get his way he became spiteful. And so later on in that day when that same partner wanted him to do something for her, he gave her justice, and denied it. He spoke spitefully, he spoke in anger, and he justified it because he didn't get what he wanted. The partner reacted...

The fear and desire of receiving attention on my blog. I feel fear and desire when I write on my blog, because I know or have seen in the past that people read, see, or visit my blog. Within a moment of seeing the statistics of the number of views on my blog posts, I feel excited and energetic. I feel happy, thrilled and enthused to see this. Within the moment of writing on my blog, I feel tired, resistance, fear, stressed, that I just don’t want to do this THOUGHT. I feel like running away and avoiding writing on my blog at all costs . So I stop and I breathe   I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel fear when I write a blog post that will go on my blog, A Behaviorist’s Journey to Life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel desire when I write a blog post that will go on my blog, A Behaviorist’s Journey to Life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to receiving attention from people....

In some ways I see myself as a lesser man than 12 months ago. I have become more daring and more risking, but these qualities alone mean nothing. I used to judge certain people who we social, smiling all the time, as sort of correct, and who I was as being quiet, which I did not see myself as quiet or that as a problem, but that others saw me as quiet and I saw that that was a problem, because it was a problem to them. SO I have to learn not to take what other people think are problems with me, as a real problem. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take on what other people think are a problem for myself and judge that as a good thing.   I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take what I think other people will have a problem with me, as a problem for me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take what other people think is a problem for me, that I am quiet, and make that into a problem where I think I the s...

Real world challenges. Picking a career. So I have received my liberal arts degree in psychology. I wish to further my studies to strengthen my position and influence in the world. I have been primarily trained in researching and overall critical thinking and problem solving. One thing college does not teach you or show you, is how the mind functions. This I am learning with Desteni. I have my mind of course, and I can observe it. I can also stop participation in it in a moment. I can move myself in the physical. I can breathe. I can stop participation in energies, in a moment. I can also participate in  the mind, but this is something I do not want to do, because it will strengthen the mind and give the mind more power to decide who I am and what I do/participate within. I notice that every time I allow a thought, the mind gets stronger. I also remember that every time I say no, I get stronger, and I take more responsibility. I notice it is better to not participate in the mind ...

I saw what I wrote yesterday as supportive. Later I noticed I stopped pushing and challenging myself. Earlier this morning, I did push and challenge myself by pushing and challenging myself and everyone internally to live oneness and equality. This is clear for me. For me this is either absolute or not. I cannot pick sides. There is only oneness and equality. If people I thought were honest, turn out to be dishonest, this should not affect me. If I move or act, is should always be me here moving and acting. Living here. Thoughts and emotions and feelings are in separation from self. The words and pictures, things we can live and apply as, are in separation. So we have to direct our words and pictures, as all and one and equal. The same with everything, beliefs, ideas, behavior, fears, desires, we have to direct ourselves whether this removes beliefs or not, the point is clear, oneness and equality. We have to become equal to the mind. The mind is in the superiority seat, because we ab...

Who am i if i express according to a desire?  I am stuck to that desire. If i desire to follow the mind... i will follow the mind. The moment of stopping following the mind, is also the moment of stopping following the desire, and then you feel this friction, which is a resistance to change (see Physics JTL blog http://physicsjournettolife.blogspot.com/2012/12/day-118-physics-and-desteni-process.html) for a relevant analytical discussion on inertia and Newtons three Laws). So desires are things we follow. Can we also live a desire? Does that even make sense? If we are living something, say waking up in the morning and moving with the body in breath, is that a desire? It seems redundant to say i desire to wake up in the morning and move with the body in breath, instead of I wake up in the morning and move with the body in breath, which to me is a complete statement of 'who i am' or who that person is. Would you agree or not agree? (These are all words of course, though i ...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am nothing without success. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am worthless if I do not live a life of worth. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire a life of worth. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exclude myself from what it means to live a life of worth, and chose to follow fear of appearing arrogant to others (i ironically became arrogant as a result) I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing my relationship with myself, within who i am with me, how i interact with me and reality, that i was somehow dishonest and everything i had lived needed to be lost, without realizing i am simply investigating me piece by piece and see, through asking, am i in fact living, am i in fact here? I am in fact in directive power? And daring to see the truth which requires only for me to be here to see.  I forgive myself for acce...

As a child i was brought up expecting myself to be a savior. My parents had told me i was an old soul. So i formed a belief about myself that i was somehow more than others. For no apparent reason other than i was an old soul and so acted more mature. This was certainly an act. So i notice that in my writings i am very self-assuming. yes well this is abusive because it assumes and i really have not investigated points thoroughly in detail. Now having understood this about me i must now change this about me as it will lead to consequences i would rather not create. i notice how this has influenced my general writing even for school where i would think what i write is good, but without considering how it was good, i would only feel that it was good. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use feelings to judge whether something i written as good. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing emotions and feelings while seeing what i write. I forgive myself for accepting...

--> These are self-forgiveness and self- corrective statements for day 21. I suggest reading the preceding post before reading this post. By Kelly Posey I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek relationships to relive an experience of blessed stored within me as a memory from an early childhood experience, where I believed that it was my relationship with my parents and specifically the particular relationship with my mom that was the reason/cause for my experience within me as a energetic feeling known as love, which in fact was due to an accepted and allowed reaction to something in my environment, and so was separate from me from my mind’s point of view and so not my responsibility that I was powerless and helpless to prevent or control this experience that it was natural and how things were suppose to be, when in fact I am the initial creator and have separated himself from his creation as himself, as the physical, and so why humanity is where ...

Self-forgiveness and commitments pertaining to this post http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/10/day-22-self-forgiveness-and.html So in my private writings I had opened up the point of relationships and how I seek relationships to relive an experience of bliss when my parents were in love and I thought I felt love from my parents. Which of course, is an experience within me and so has nothing to do really with my parents but with me. I bring this point up because I am looking at a point that opened up where I see myself as better or more if there is a woman who is standing by me, so to speak. Which is very not cool that because something outside me is different, who I am changes. So I see desire to manifest this point of relationship and I see I fear losing this point, not attaining this point, as I fear who I am without this point, and so in this way fear my own fear. I have to become comfortable with me first to get to know me first before embarking on any relationship, wh...