Yogan's Journey to Life

I am afraid of disrupting things. I am afraid of standing out. I was masturbating the other day within using my body and physical expression, and so without using my mind. Not thinking about women, not thinking about any images. Just purely physical expression. And I have a fear. I have a fear within being independent of stimulation of women, and their images. I have a fear that if I were to ever have a relationship with a women, and I tell her how I am committed to not be stimulated by her as an image or her as an idea. That with sex it would be a pure physical expression where I am responsible for my own orgasm within that, and that so is she. Where it is an act of self-expression and not a stimulation of the mind through triggers and reactions. I have that fear. Because I fear standing out, being different, and not being accepted by others. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being a different human being. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing ...

The documentary called Century of Self had very aptly call this current time period: the Age of Self. If you watch the whole documentary you will see how it approaches this point of the "The Age of Self" as a form of a conclusion that says we have been a product of mass manipulation through corporation, advertisements, and essentially the free market. Where we have become consumers self-obsessed with ourselves and our wants, needs and desires- and how this all started at the turn of the 20th century or the 1900s, because previously we weren't like that at all. So here is a twist of that coin: that this is indeed the Age of Self, and all that the documentary is pointing is quite true, but the 2nd meaning of the Age of Self is that this is the time period where Self as the Solution and as the one responsible for reality becomes Necessary and Prevalent. It is the Desteni message, that through Self is the Key. Because you have all the tools such as Self-forgiveness, Self-re...

When it came to comparing myself to others in where they are in their process. Meaning how "advanced" or "skilled" someone is... well first off that idea is wrong already. Each person develops their own skill in a particular area of themselves... so there are differences, and different skills. And secondly both time spent in process makes a difference. Obviously though those who have walked longer have more experience, because they spent more time at it. When it came to the point of jealousy of someone who is more skilled than I, this is what I did. I choose to see them as a teacher. I choose to make it a statement of celebration: "wow! that's great they have achieved this!!!! The world is better for it!!! They are better for it!!! And I am better for it!!! So it always a celebration when someone is super strong, super skilled, and advanced!"  So with this perspective its always STUPID to react or think its bad that someone is super advanced ...

This morning I found out something about the mind.... a memory from when I was told "Yogan, listen to me you don't know what you are doing" OMG I can't believe this...You are so weird and different. So I did self-forgiveness on this moment/memory and the reactions... and I had a peace within me. A quietness. The reaction that was haunting me was held together by LOVE. I loved my friend, and he was the one that told me these words. So because of Love I listened to him and believed him. Because of love I validated his opinions and beliefs about me. And it stayed with me. Love is unnecessary. I realize that. Because you can hug a person, you can talk to a person, you can do anything with a person, and you don't need LOVE to enjoy them. Love is fear. Fear is love. Test it out yourself, when you love someone, will you take in whatever they say about you? Don't you start to accept more shit, don't you FEAR to lose them? You do. That's the human nature or...

So like I said in my previous blog, I will only be writing on substantial points. So I see within me the space to integrate myself further into responsibilities, thus things that will create a visible change in reality. I have many creative ideas already, so I am not short of ideas. What is missing is the application. There is some energy of resistance, its not very intense however. What I find though is that things are very silent, and living out these responsibilities, things are silent, and with that silence I feel fear. Strange isn't it? But its here. It feels almost like a subtle wavelength that moves with the silence. Haha, so as if the silence has sound? Haha. This fear hidden in the silence is tied to the fear of living these responsibilities so absolutely that they are a part of me completely. This is what this fear actually is. And the silence is just the future point, what I anticipate/expect the future to be like without fear... strange how the fear is tied to... being...