Yogan's Journey to Life

 I'm too good for this world. This phrase has many meanings/interpretations, read on. One of the things that perplexes me of human behavior is when two people are kind to each other, are happy with each other, and enjoy each others company and then all of the sudden, BAM, it ends. But its not always the simple, though: it ends? What happened? So who I have always been is someone that never went into pushing people away. I know never is a strong word here. But with every person who did BAM, decided that they weren't my friend anymore, I always accepted/respected their decision, but at the same time just couldn't believe it. Meaning, I would ask myself: then was everything they said and did a lie? Did they not really been happy? Were they not seriously kind? Who were they within all the times we had together? Were they just fake/kidding? I mean that's only natural to wonder that. Especially when I was here not wanting to push them away or end things. Yet here they...

 People people will hurt you, cut you, punch you, make you cry, steal from you, make of you... make you laugh, cry with joy and love, sing, dance, play around, become goofy, explore different parts of yourself, smile and feel overjoyed! I always knew when I would open up to people that it would get to me. That I would have this thing which seems like weakness. Its gonna suck. Its gonna hurt. And I know it. I am in uncharted territories, I mean there's no guidelines here or rules on how to be or what's best. I only have myself in this. Am I making a mistake with this? Do I know what I am doing? I don't know. But I think that's its okay that I don't. At the same time... at the same time it feels right. Its my unique way of relating to people and supporting people. Its my expression. I guess. God it sucks, it sucks so bad to be kicked, to be screwed with. But at the same time its so good to connect, to reach out and laugh and say something. So FUCKING good....

Here we are again. Something new to name within me. An energy without a name, that is unique/different from the others. The name is Thrill. Its specific. Context: Seeing others Fight I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel thrill in seeing others fight I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel thrill in seeing others emotionally fight I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel thrill in seeing others physically fight I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel thrill in seeing others react with energy I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel thrill in seeing others speak in energy to one another in conflict I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel thrill in seeing others argue with one another within energy  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel thrill in seeing others get personal and attack each other with insults  I forgive myself for accepti...