Yogan's Journey to Life

How Desires really work Desires are things you want, for example a desire for a romantic relationship with a partner; Link: The Desire for a Life-Long Partner Test. It seems that when you a desire you would surely get what you want, right? Let's self-reflect on this question shall we? Have I fulfilled my desires and how long have I had to do so? In my life, I have had the desire for having a partner, and I am 26 years old, and so I have had 26 years to fulfill this desire. What I have seen when it came to my mind and my desire, is that who I am and how I am, is not actually built in such a way so that I would attain this desire. For example, being afraid of not having a partner, which itself prevents me from being comfortable and confident which would in theory attract a partner. Yet my fear of not having a partner is a manipulation of myself to push myself to go after a partner. And so what ends up happening is that I end up thinking about a partner, and imagining what it w...

SO, having examples to live by is important. However, when I look at what examples I had growing up, I know that I had none that I followed that were real/alive. I had plenty of potential examples that I could have chosen to follow, but I didn't because they weren't good enough. The example I chose to follow, is actually not someone alive. I used my imagination to create who it is I wanted to be. I collected the best person possible through my experiences, observations and imaginations. While doing this it felt more like a discovery than an act of creation. I merely uncovered the potential right here. So in my mind I had the best example of who I should be. And as I aged and grew older and was exposed to more things, this example changed. And so I changed. I would say the person that I have changed into and the example I looked up to, are in agreement with the previous self and example. Because they are born out of that, out of those lessons and past experiences. So how can t...

So you have heard that the decisions you make have lasting impact on your future. You may have even made certain decisions that changed your life drastically, and that you may regret deeply. So I recently am recognizing and seeing a particular decision I made, which I hadn't fully taken responsibility for and turned out to be a really bad decision, and within/from the consequence of the bad decision, it not only was a bad decision, it also affected who I am, my confidence and my ability to make good decisions. So I realize that this may sound confusing, so let's start with the situation. So when I was 18 years old I entered into my first relationship. This point of a relationship forming was the results of years upon years of thinking, imagination, hoping, desiring, emotions and feelings. So in that sense I created it and the consequence was inevitable. So I was ready and willing to enter into a relationship with ANYONE. So I essentially had no standards, really. So within...

I was helping out a friend with math, and I was using a scientific calculator. When I was making certain quick movements with my fingers I saw a picture of my math classroom where I had I used a scientific calculator before. I felt energetic: nervous and excited. I didn't question the energy. For me it was something normal, something I had felt many times over again within my math classes and various other classes. Now that I can look back on the point I see how the energy is overwhelming for me, and is very heavy. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to generate energy within me of exctiement and nervousness while using the graphing calculator, with specific movements of my fingers. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing melf to access the image of my statistics classroom where I used the graphing calculator when I had used the graphing calculator this night. And so I forgive myself for accepting and allownig myself to charge this image within me of the stat...

I had for a while in my life fantasize about meeting a group of people/friends that would accept me. I also imagined having a relationship partner and a best friend as well. However, I see I have made these several points as compromises to who I am, because I have charged these points with energy, so that I become overwhelmed by these points. I also notice I enter into points of contests/ego with friends, with these people who would accept me. I saw it as something normal or to be expected, an idea I built and reinforced   with   my observations and constant thoughts, imaginations and playouts in my minds. This has lead to a great compromise in who I am and in my living. The nature of who I am is to seek consolence, and so be weak within that. All these years I have built up strength and skill. Who I am is in reverse. Inside I seek to do nothing, be nothing, and let others do all the work. This is ego and self-interest, the exact evil that creates the world. I am just lik...

--> So one prevalent point I have, especially on the weekends, is sleeping in. I am writing this in response to the forum thread, Only 4 -6 hours of Sleep Required? . So sleep and I have had an interesting history. I remember if there was like an emergency or great need to wake up like to head to the airport, I was able to wake like in a second though in a slight daze. I also used to before going to bed I would say I would sleep until a certain time in the morning and I would wake then. Thought of waking in morning, lol. The Heaven = Hell             So now in my current situation, I am a student studying who needs to be in charge of his study(and so sleep too!). I am writing separately a point on scheduling which will assist me in my setting my sleep pattern. So im going to just as a support see what excuses or reasons I have to go to bed early or to sleep in. Then I will establish a new pattern of sleep. ...

-->          Looking at how humans currently relate to animals and plants, we see the earth as a resource, an essentially dead thing. So too we treat the animals and plants on the earth where they readily are killed for our interest and profit. If you have not already I suggest watching Human Resources- Social Engineering in the20th Century, they make a point that our current philosophy is the mechanistic approach which capitalism embodies. We see humans as machines to be controlled as well as the animals, plants and earth itself. We see this embodied in many forms in entertainment, where super heroes, action movies, readily destroy things. A personal story related to this, I had as a child been very fascinated and enjoyed destruction where the very thought of buildings getting destroyed or fighting occurring where the entire environment would get beat up and all this action, and technology would be firing… it was exciting. All th...

--> Oct 1 2012 I saw X, I slowed down to say hi. ( I saw she was looking away and I thought she might be embarrassed) I was watching her eyes as I was telling her: How are you? She responded, good you? (I did not consider she was simply expressing herself) I kept walking, I thought then, imagined, I had told her: I was sitting outside if you wanted to join me. (I had imagined she would like to sit with me) I then reacted in fear, and told myself no, im going to go sit outside like I planned. I went to the spot I had told myself I was going to sit. I thought there would be too many people walking by that it would be awkward. (I thought she would see me sitting close by yet I separated myself fro everyone else) I also thought it would be not sunny, so not cool. I started then heading somewhere there was sun, outside. I had then imagined if I had asked X out, to which I reacted positively (I imagined she would have said yes to me). But I see this point is just in my mind...