Yogan's Journey to Life

I have been applying a practice of being Silent with points that I am working with, when I know that speaking about it would compromise me in some way. Its like I know or can tell that if I were to share this thing I am working on with someone or certain people, that it would disrupt me in some way. How I know? I suppose its the deep intuitive knowing. You just know. So the difference is that now I am doing that on purpose, I am listening to that knowing. And so I am being quiet about certain things, certain projects, with certain people. We could analyze here the practical reasons and the playouts of why and what happens sometimes. But I think I will leave that to you the reader to figure out and see for yourself. So how I see what i am doing is that its a technique, and its a way of living/doing things. And that it makes me strong/stronger. Because its about me implementing and creating points for me. And that very success matters. And taking responsibility for my word, my word...

When someone you Love is Angry at you. I think this may be actually my greatest weakness. I see it being a point of great weakness because there are two parts. The first part is the fact is that it is someone who I love, or in other words have a connection with. And the 2nd part is them being angry at me. Either part alone is a point of challenge/force. So together they make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Because the point becomes: I am causing them to be angry, and I am responsible for their anger. And I feel blame/responsibility and I am afraid of losing them. The truth, the truth of desteni, the truth of Life is that no one is responsible for how anyone else feels. No one. And not with anyone. You are not responsible for how other people feel. This includes anger. And this includes people you have a connection to. You are responsible for how you Feel. So on a physical level I am afraid, I am swallowing in my throat that I am so afraid. I am physically possessed in fear...

My day was really fucking good. I did some exercise walking around and strengthening my back. I read outside in the sun. I am understanding the material I an learning. I read some more. I participated in chats. I watched a movie. I worked on myself in going to heart of what I need to learn in order to improve myself and me in my relationships to people. So I am advancing and going deeper. I am learning and realizing. I feel quite strong, and connected to my body. I want to strengthen that connection to my body even deeper. I want my voice to embody the sound of my body, to be more visceral. I want the presence of the body to come through the sound of my voice. I want to change more and do more. I want to go deeper than I have gone before. I want to see the heart of what this is. I want to see what expression will emerge and radicalize my life, and dramatically change it. I know what the area I want to improve. I am right at the precipice  of changing it. I am walk...

There are many things that one can say is wrong with the world. But one thing that happens is that people complain about what is wrong, and they only take it to there, just words that are complaining about the problem. But what is needed is sacrifice, commitment of your Life and your Time in some positive way that is practical that will inevitably bring about the end of the problem with a solution. It can be long term stuff. It can be where you spend your money. It can be saving your money and using it wisely in supporting people that are voices of changes. It can be directly volunteering, becoming a politician, starting a business, making a plan to work a certain job that provides you security and use that security to support others, uplift others. We each have strengths and inheritances. We are not all born equal or have access to equal opportunity. BUT we can BE equals, and SEE each others as equals, and so give this life all that we got, and we utilize our strengths and advanta...

I am writing now, even though I feel tired, and I had a long day. I will be waking up early tomorrow, but I wanted to spend at least 15min writing. So if I do some self-introspection. One thing that was interesting for me was how I had reacted with a smile and a sort of warmth in my heart sort of feeling when my aunt was saying how my cousin loved me. For me I notice one prominent thing I reacted to was the sound of my aunt’s voice, which was high pitched. I can imagine if it were low pitched that it would have much less of an effect, at least that it was it would appear to me when I take on this possible moment. I also notice that if I were to imagine it to be a guy, like if my aunt was a guy, that I would react more if she/he would speak in a deeper voice. Like if he.she would be speaking slowly, but confidently or dramatic. So I would to summarize this as reacting to my own learned associations to some sets of voices and sounds, like male and females, and high an...