Thursday, July 30, 2015

Who will stand to make our future a reality? 321

So I have been doing audio recording about LIG, and economic solutions. Now, during my day, when my attention is to this topic, about us needing to move to get economic solutions in place as soon as possible, I have this experience in my body. It's like my arms are surging with a power/strength. My eyesight becomes heightened and focused. My brain feels turned on and alert. I would be ready to tackle any problem or task, well, fast, and correctly.

So this sort of relates to the topic of late about being turned on like a light all the time, except that this appears different. Before, I was still sort of tired, within being activated/stimulated. What I am experiencing is not tired. So this could be, theoretically due to me having rested, and taking rest breaks. So that when I am activated/focus that it is clear, focused, and directed. And I have been stopping myself from getting activated in cases like fear reactions, or overly happy reactions. And I have been practicing something an Eqafe interview suggested, which I would recommend everyone to have a listen to: which recommended taking a moment to be here, and be breathing, and aware of what is going on, while not doing anything in particular, just sitting for example. This itself is quite restful. It's important that I emphasize that I am only doing this for a moment during the day, and it's not something I do constantly, but just assess myself, just be here, and see what's here. So right now it's to do it at least once a day.

So the reason why I am writing this blog is because there is a question. Whether this experience is something real, is me, or is it being overly activated, and damaging/draining. So one point is that it is constant. Except where I did feel it like coming out too much, which then I slowed myself down and pulled it back. I can also just completely let it go and do something else. So it does appear to be under my control and direction. And it is also set to a specific purpose, to make Living Income a reality, or some other economic solution that actually works practically, reliable, constantly, or permanently. It is not overwhelming, unless I let it, if that makes sense. There is an element of impatience to it. What I am looking at right now is simply to dedicate time each day to this endeavour of making LIG a reality, where I do become and take on this point. Because I do know practically, that I can't live this point 24/7 all the time. That it would be draining, and not possible. But I can focus on it everyday, and put my focus on that daily.

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Parties, people, noise, commotion 320

So in line with the recent posts and audio recordings, I am continuing with this topic of being overly agitated/activated/energetic. Now, like I had shared, many thing throughout my day activate/trigger me into this hyped up state. So on this topic alone I could write many blogs. Today's blog will be able social situations and gatherings, because today I faced this point. Now I have to be specific about the context here. So basically in a moment/middle of a conversation that is flowing, meaning that you speak and others respond to what you say, and in that moment you can respond to what they said in response. So this excludes moments where conversations don't flow or they drop flat, or they don't move. And in situations where there are no conversations, like everyone is sitting nearby one and another and not interacting. So that's the context.

So in this moment, I become energetic, excited, motivated. This turned on like a light switch and energetic state. I am becoming familiar with this now, as one tell tale sign is that I crave sugar then, or I could easily gobble up something tasty or delicious very quickly. And my thoughts, and words move very quickly. And this is on a physical level meaning that I feel it within my arms and legs, and general experience. It is a strain/stress on my body to move in this way, that is for sure. And so this one reliable trigger.

In my memories everytime I have been in a similar social situation, I do become this way, turned on like a light switch. The conversation is moving, they are responding to what I am saying, so I have things to say now! So those things I want to say then come up in this energetic/activated/adrenaline way. And of course, now that I am being so frank, that if the conversation turns into an argument, Man you got to watch out for me, because I will argue, intensely, and I will share my point of view. And yes in the past I have had held myself back, sometimes, other times not. And I feel the energy like a surge rising up within me, from the bottom depths into my upper body and head area, circulating now, ready for battle, ready to share my point of view. And ready to retaliate and respond to any objection.

Because in arguments too, people are responding to you, the conversation is flowing, just not really what is best, and not really in control and in awareness of what I am saying and how I am saying it, and whether the person is actually getting me, and I them.

Another dimension, a similar one, is the teacher talk, where you share your point of view as a preacher, educating the ignorant friends/people. That I have done, and it also becomes an excitement to share, to teach, to impart great and correct knowledge to those who lack it and they surely will be grateful. So that too can be imbalance, where even within my speech I make myself seem so right, and so knowing, and of course anyone can plainly see through that ruse. So it is like where you point of view becomes a fact, when its not, especially in this world where knowledge is limited to human error, opinion, belief, desires, emotions, etc... So, it's best to be honest, which means automatically humility.

So in the above ONE context, but with 3 different responses, being excited, argumentative, or preaching, which intermingle and are similar, that it is interesting to observe how a physical change automatically happens, meaning that in the presence of this context, that without me doing or moving in any particular way or direction, that my heart rate increases, that I feel the energy rising, that I become fidgety and losing control of some movements where I find myself just moving in some certain ways, including in speech words, movements. I mean basically I am describing what someone goes through when they drink alcohol and get drunk, meaning that they lose the ability to stop, and so just keep going going going and moving moving moving, with whatever comes up. They get activated and turned on like a light switch. Now I don't stumble and fall, but I do have less awareness on my body. Another clear example is little kids on a sugar rush. So for me, this just happens in presence of this social situation. And yes for me, I have thought over and over again, since a very young age, how much i would like to engage socially with people to have best friends, friends to hangout with. So yes this was something I in my mind desired and thought about constantly, and fantasize about.

So when I am in that context, all those memories, and thoughts, and what I imagined and pictured would come up, I would get a range of feelings, and I would be high like on a drug, except without the drug. How I was, how I appeared, how I presented myself, what I did, changed in that moment in that context. And this I have observed and seen many times, especially in University where I had more chances to participate and engage with people in this way. And of course, I was never satisfied, my desire hasn't been satisfied. To tell you truth, I don't think its possible to have such a deep connection with any person where you truly understand them or know them. Because that would take so many years upon years that you would have to know levels of them and have access that is probably not even possible at least with our physical senses right now. We are limited mainly to words and interpretation. So really, honestly, there is only one person that you have complete access to, or at least have potential access to,  on all levels and that is yourself. So practically, the connection that I want with others, isn't possible. That same level of connection is possible, but with myself. That is the situation. And intuitively, you will have more access to and understanding of other people through getting to know yourself more and more deeply.

 The other side of the coin is that you learn more about yourself through other people. And while that deep and connection and understanding won't be with other people, they will be invaluable in getting access to and understanding of yourself. So things are not what they are expected to be... they are in reverse.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Benefit, given in return, Gift 319

So why do you clean the dishes? Because you are given in return the gift of clean dishes.

Why do you clean the house? Because you are given in return the gift of a clean house or living space.

So, here we are emphasizing the importance of seeing the Gift within doing of things. What gift do you receive in return?

In comparison, you could look at the consequences of things. Why do you clean the dishes? Because you would have dirty dishes otherwise. Why do you clean the house? Because you would otherwise have a dirty or messy house.

So one mistake or problem that I have faced is only focus on the consequences of not doing something. Within that I would feel afraid of creating the consequence. And this would actually lead me to create the consequence partly because I was so afraid/stressed all the time. I was not instead focusing on the benefit, gift, and so receiving in return for what I effort/time that I gave.

So practically it is best to keep in mind everything that is involved, the potential benefit, potential consequence, and the effort/time needed.

Monday, July 27, 2015

The Over-active Lifestyle 318

So I have been doing some inner research today, with focusing on a particular point. This relates to when you feel hyped up and energetic. Now what I am realizing may be the case, is that since university I have been in a constant state of being alert, what we call fight or flight mode. This is because of both the demands of my school, and perhaps other reasons, including my relationship to my mind. Suffice to say, I am pretty confident that this is the case, because one thing that occurred during this time period is that I lost my appetite, meaning that I didn't feel hungry very often, or less often, I should say. So this morning I tested the point, and lo and behold, I became hungry. So all I did was to calm down, and enter into a resting state. This involved stopping a particular train of thought that I have been obsessed with the last day or yesterday. But in general I know that I have not been feeling hungry, and in general I know that there may be many points, if not the majority of what I do, I approach with this adrenaline, intensity of flight or fight response. Now why is this a problem? This is a problem because if I am always in a flight/fight response then I am always tired because I am draining all of my reserves and I am never replenishing them, even when I sleep. In general, most of the time when I sleep I dream something that is active. So my dreams too are just another activity that I am constantly in a flight or fight response. I know I wasn't always like this, but also things had changed in my environment, and I also was not fully aware of what was going on here. Suffice to say it is complex. And I could open up the point one by one. But, instead I am going to take small points to make a simpler. Yesterday's blog was a result of me pushing myself within the state I have been in in general. So let's start with describing this state.

So I called this the I am addicted to challenge state, because when I am faced with a challenge its like I am addicted to it, and I will do anything to succeed. And this involves too pushing my body to the limits. So I have been like this for a long time, since I was young, and it did develop over time. The difference though is that when I was younger I would balance out my day with plenty of rest and taking things easy. So I wasn't the whole day pushing myself for a challenge, but instead complemented and supported my body with what it needed. This too enhanced my results and creativity. So the difference now is that I developed into a kind of blind addiction towards facing any challenge, partly because I am dealing with a whole new set of challenges, one that I was not equipped for, and I resisted. So I did, within reaction and resistance, pushed myself. The result was of course addiction, as I was already within an energetic reaction to the challenge.

Now what happens in my body when I enter into this state now, and what triggers this state? So my body, my hear rate  increases, my breathing becomes sharp, I feel like pushing, and going going going, never stopping. So I do push through pain and tiredness of my body. I don't feel hungry. So that is why I included this chart on top. What I go through is described by the Sympathetic Division of the Nervous System. So in general I have been this way throughout my days, everyday since college, so when I was 18 years old. And really it was before that time as well, and did develop over the years growing up. The sudden change though, of new relationships, new school/environment, unbelievably hard scholastic challenges that I had never faced, all meant that yes I was not only stressed, but also always on the move physically, because I had to be. Balance was no where to be found. So this is how I was even during vacation, and even after graduation. Suffice to say, I have been a mess. And only now, am I seeing this. And now I am putting together many many different small moments that connect all the dots together to reveal this to me.

So what triggers this? Mostly everything in my day. From when I go to the kitchen and I decide what I eat, I enter this state in regards to eating, which means I go for something sugary, which makes sense in that it gives immediate energy, and I do not feel hungry, and so the sugar stimulates my hunger. Another trigger is simply working with my dad at his work. With the demands of work/job/responsibility, there is simply a face paced movement that is demanded of you, and the voice of all the people and their states is of the same nature. So it is same to assume that both city culture and in America in general, people are like how I am, always in flight or fight mode. Another trigger includes things I enjoy, including music, movies, tv, they are all also stimulating the flight or fight response. Something that doesn't stimulate flight or fight is being in nature, sitting, moving slowly, which is what I did today to support me in seeing the difference. So in general, I have always been in a state of the Sympathetic, which is constantly on adrenaline, constantly moving quickly, stressed, etc... whether it is working, eating, enjoyment, whatever, it has been within every moment in me. Ideally, we would have a balance, where we are always at rest and stable, and only when we need to, or would like to, do we enter the active state for a moment to carry out that task. But then we return to the resting state again. So the consequence is the imbalance where you do not rest enough. And this doesn't mean sleeping, because I have done that. To enter the resting state it is a decision/movement you make in awareness. The same when you would enter the active state. What I have done, and what I am guessing that most are doing is the same, is that we are always active. Meaning that we don't sleep well, we drink lots of coffee and sugar, we watch lots of stimulating action movies, and play very tough challenging games, and we run very demanding jobs or businesses, and we exercise very vigorously, and we have sex/masturbate very vigorously, and we eat very quickly/vigorously, we bath/shower quickly/vigorously, and we drive quickly/vigorously, and so on. So at least for me, I am seeing a pattern here. Where there is literally no time for rest. It is not true that sleeping is enough. We need to take those breaks, and take those times where we move slowly. And for some, it may be frankly impossible. But even then, you have to find a way, for your health, and mental sanity, and it will improve your work, believe it or not. Now this is one thing that I can attest to with 100% confidence.

So here's my testament, that growing up, I did have a more or less balanced relationship between work and rest, and I was extremely good at school work because I had an extremely good memory. Now I was aware that, in some way, that it had to do with being calm and relax while in school, and while listening to the teacher, and while reading and taking tests. I would literally absorbed the moment within me and I could remember what I read and what I heard later on very clearly. And I could see that if it wasn't clear it was because I was distracted and not here fully. So the trick was for me to not get emotional, and be like a Zen state. When I took a test, I knew it completely depended on how well i placed the information inside of me before the test. So when taking the test I either knew it or I didn't, and so I just focused on remembering/retrieving the information that I stored inside of me. I knew that if I was stressed or thinking, or nervous that this would impede the flow of information inside of me. I also learned that this not only applied to studies but also to physical tasks, sports, exercises and movements. Where the same principle applied, where I could do more, and learn better, more precisely and be more accurate through taking things slow and calmly when learning them the first time. From there I could speed up while keeping the same high level of precision. The most important thing was to learn it well the first time.

So now, what I am doing is finding that balance again, which starts with just being able to be here, stable at my baseline, breathing at rest. That I am having difficulty with doing, and I have to first start with that.

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Opening up the Men's Mind 317

So today we are opening my Men mind, and by that I mean, what I, as a guy or man, find attractive and why? Specifically we are looking at a kind of attraction which I have observed most if not all men, who are straight/heterosexual, have towards an specific particular image of a woman, as well as her physical facial expression. So to start off this blog, I ask that you remember/imagine what you have thought to be a hot woman or man. So for me, I have many times while growing up, having certain fantasies, particularly involving a woman which I considered to be sexy or hot. So the question here is why is this particular image of a woman decided or chosen to be what is sexy or hot. And in general we do, as males, and women, have a shared idea about what is sexy or hot. Here are some examples. For women, it means to wear mascara, a tight dress, or short shorts, or showing cleavage, and wearing make up so make yourself like young without wrinkles, etc...

So in commonsense yes, there is probably a connection to looking young, and looking almost naked. The naked obviously having to do with sex, but you can look before the time you have had sex first. Go back to when you were first feeling these responses of attraction towards particular women/man. The earliest memory of responding to a woman was when I was in the 1st grade, where there was one girl, who for some reason when I looked at her, I felt that familiar, fear to look response. Where I would sort of like seeing her, yet I felt I couldn't. I didn't know her. So it didn't have to do with her personality, or anything about her really. Except it had to do with her physical appearance. Her structure of the eyes, nose, lips. What else? So the response I feel is a mix of fear. Where even tonight, I felt the same experience while also looking at a particular woman. The same situation where I don't know her, and its purely in response to her face. The only difference now is that after all those years, I have added other thoughts, like, is "she interested in me? For sex?" So basically that is the line of thought. And I remember clearly, that when I first had sex, it was the same, a kind of fear, the only difference is that I felt that i didn't need to be afraid, because I CAN look now at the person, as SHE has given me permission to, because we already decided to have sex, and be in a relationship, so I CAN look at her. So in this moment, this reveals the other side of the coin where it now became a point of access to this special experience, which is because its forbidden.

So this experience that i go through, is like taking a blender, and shredding my body with it. Where you can be so drunk that you stumble and fall and get yourself hurt. So you the word over-joyed would be the word, with emphasis on OVER. And being drunk is when you have had TOO much. And this experience is rare and specific in that it is in response to particular women in particular situations.

Now, as a word of caution, we will be looking at the particular trigger for this response in me, and so in men in general. So the caution is that yes women can look, act, a certain way to have men react in this way. And yes they will be able to be manipulated easily. Yes. This is the caution. Both men and women are responsible for the outcome of the moment if they choose to manipulate another man or woman, in full awareness of what they are doing. So you have been warned.

The truth is that most if not all women and men, have some knowledge at some level on how to manipulate another person either sexually or not sexually, but other means. Now yes, some are masters of this. One clear example is the fashion magazines, and super models, and the porn industry etc... So many industries are built around using the image of a particular woman to manipulate both men and women. So they have really gotten manipulation down to an art.

Now, in truth, the thing for me that has me triggered is not so much the image. NO. But how the woman acts. How do I know this? Simply by comparing the image and how the woman acts. Now the image itself does lead to a reaction, but that is only when I believe the image is part of the acting. And that acting is of course that woman being attracted to you! Simple no? So if a woman acts like they are attracted to you, then you react the same way. Which is strange, honestly.

Now, my earliest memories, like when I was 6 years old, I do remember how there was a moment with a girl, where I wanted to speak to her, and be friends with her, but felt I couldn't because she wasn't interested. So that interest, is what attraction is in essence. And interest is just an attention, right? Attention is something we all wanted since being a baby. So is this entire desire of sex/attraction part of this point of wanting attention? Now when I look back at the other memory I opened up about the girl in 1st grade. I saw her as someone who would look like that she is so kind and understanding that she would like me, and be nice to me. And why is that important? Because it means that she wouldn't reject me, and that she would listen to me and give my attention. I wouldn't have to fear not getting that point. Now the second part of the 6 year old memory is that I felt rejected by this person. So it is as if from this rejection, it formed a desire for this person who rejected me. And then it translated into anyone that looked like this person, and in desire that person then, yet fearing that they would reject me. And it is part of feeling inferior through the rejection.

If the above looks complex, its because it is. This is not a simple topic to open up. So to recap, there are the following dimensions: Image, Action/behavior of the woman = activating/reminding me of women who rejected me, who I felt inferior too, and who look kind/nice. So a key point to look at is the element of surprise and contradiction. That is being rejected or inferiorized by someone who I perceived as nice/kind based on her physical appearance. And when I look at picture of women in pornography and in models, and in general, that there is the "nice girl face" that is made, and with that the I AM ATTRACTED TO YOU face. So to give some more description to it, it can be called the I am innocent and pure face. I am an angel face. I am so sweet and kind face. And when she is attracted to you, it becomes the, I am hot for you face, I want you so bad face, I need you face, be mine face etc... So you get the idea.

So these faces, they are found all over and so what I am seeing is that what I went through, is a general point for men. Now the point of responsibility that men need to take is that someone else being nice/kind to you, whoever it may be, does not fill the point where you are nice and kind to yourself. That is where responsibility must be taken. Now this point, once it is lived, whether someone rejects you, it won't mean that you lose the point of being nice or kind to yourself. In reality it could never go away. So then you won't feel inferiorized for having lost this point now.

Now here's the big question. Why is there this split between males/females, where females take on the point of being kind/sweet? At one point, we were so young that male/female didn't exist. And only later we were expected to become male or female. So fundamentally this point of sexual attraction based on what the opposite sex is living as, is related to believing that you can't live that point for yourself because you are male/female, and so you are limited to what you are allowed to express or live. This limitation gave a false meaning or significance to certain expressions and validated the belief that male/female expressions and the separation is valid/beneficial.

The problem everyone seems to over look is that countless hours and effort is spent looking for the ONE that will complete you. That is a waste of time. And that is being supported by this separation belief. Plus, only you will be able to fulfill that ONE that is yourself.

So right now, if I were to see myself meeting that girl when I was in the 1st grade. If I had been kind/sweet myself to her, and approached her and said hi, then there wouldn't be any attraction or fear of looking at her. It is only when I am waiting there in front of her, hoping and waiting or wanting her to be nice/kind to me, is that point of attraction/fear existent. When I am living and moving/expressing me as sweetness as kindness, then there is no lack or wanting. So that is the point.

So yes right now I am facing the trigger of an image of a particular set of features for a woman, but also some men, where I do expect them to be kind/sweet, and hope that they are like that too me, and so within that I am secretively/actually wanting myself to live that point. So this is indicating to me, that I have a belief that certain people, and how they look will indicate that they are sweet/kind. This is a mis-belief. And I have a reaction to people who are kind and sweet, that I have investigated before. So right now the solution is to live that point for myself, especially in moments with these people, and to also stop the belief that they will be expressing kindness/sweetness as an expression as themselves in the moment. Because in truth this is an expression as a decision you make, which you express only for a moment. It is never WHO you are. A person is not kind or sweet, but they express that way for a moment. We often believe and speak with our words that people ARE kind and sweet as if they are always like that and that is all they are. That is exactly the point I am looking at here today. Now for me what I notice immediately is that the expression of kindness and sweetness has very little to do and perhaps nothing at all with the image we portray as what kindness or sweetness is, which is more like a statue that is unmoving, like a still photograph, which is the opposite of what a movement as an expression is.

Lastly, I would like to add, as a point of clarification, that I do have persons I have met throughout life who I can recognize as they expressing kindness/sweetness as friendliness and how that point is perceived as flirting. So that is a common mixup. And understanding what is going on as attraction, it makes sense why I was confused, and why others too get confused. Though now I have a reference of what I means to express this point. But of course, there is no guarantee that others will not take me expressing as this point as not a point of flirting. And of course there is much more involved behind when someone takes someone else as flirting with them, which for me, I have not ever decided, I am flirting now. Not once. So I have no clue what it means. So for me at least, I can do without that and simply work on the attraction level and the reaction level. So for me I will express kindness/sweetness without conditions/expectation, and simply be a decision, yet within assessing and awareness of the moment, myself, and the other person. Because I am responsible to assist and support another where I can that they live within self-honesty and self-responsibility.

So what is missing now?

So, it really seems I can write a book about everything that happens between the traditional male/female attraction. So, to just add one more point to this, is how there is the point of separation that THEY are the ones making me feel this way. The same statement would be, I AM the one making the other person feel this way. So these two statements are incomplete. Because it is always an acceptance and allowance of oneself to react to another, YET, within that if a person chooses to manipulate someone and cause them to react, then THEY take responsibility for what happens, especially if they do not take the responsibility for showing the other person how to take responsibility for their reactions. So what defines manipulation here?

 Manipulation is when you act or speak in such a way that you only do so for the purpose of causing a specific reaction with in another person. That is manipulation. If you are doing self-movement and simply expressing yourself, but not as manipulation, then that is it. If you are manipulation then that it is. Manipulation is not bad, but it can be abused, especially in situations where you deliberately limit another person, and so essentially go against what is best for all. All abuse is abuse when it goes against what is best for all. So if you use manipulation to assist another to expand themselves, then that is cool. 

So with the above point now understood, in general when it comes to our general presentation of ourselves and communication, in all contexts, which include relationships, romantic interests, pornography, fashion, physical appearance, everything, that in general we are abusers as we are not standing for what is best for all outcome. Instead we use our presentation as a point of limiting others, and receiving some satisfaction as a self-belief system.

When it comes to presentation, honesty is the best policy, except where it jeopardizes your survival. So, when it comes to the physical mind systems, its survival was place first. So it designed the sex and attraction system, based on your lacks, to motivate you, yet keep you serving the mind through generating energy, and so never fulfilling yourself in what you lacked.

So in essence when you are fulfilled, the entire systems of sex, of relationships, or attractions, end. Because you are fulfilled. What is then possible is decisions of expression. So the old world as the image and presentation and the meanings behind them will fall and fail. Our entire conception of beauty of sexy, of hotness will change. We won't see or focus on the image so much, but in a different way, where the body is seen for what it is. And so the person is seen for who they are.

Now for me personally, who or what shaped or formed my guy mind, my male mind as seeking a female mate the most? My parents/family. Basically, they imprinted the belief that I can't only be friends with a woman. And they imprinted the belief about what would be a good mate. They imprinted a fear about letting them down. They imprinted a desire to please them. This I all accepted and allowed and lived in my life. This influenced all of my major decisions on who I believed would be a good mate, and who I went after or not. This influenced how I felt, scared, or excited in response to which person. This meant I was never practical or honest about what women I was attracted as, as each one was a point of wanting to please my parents points. And if I were to remove that point. What would remain would be the obvious, that there were great people that I would have liked to have been myself with, but wasn't because I was in this program. This program meant that I was in reaction or possession, that how I talked and acted were special in design to make my fall in a relationship with a person. Essentially I was submissive, subservient, and at the will of the other person. A person that would connect with my program would be someone dominant that would control me and demand of me, and so easily manipulate me.

Now in having seen all of this, it is clear to me that with people who I did get along with, I didn't have any interest in relationship in. Meaning that energetically there was a motivation to get into a relationship with the person if there was a friction there. That is what this fear is too, in essence a friction. If everything is going well or smooth, it is not what the program was designed for. Because in essence, what I lived in relation to my family/parents demands/expectations is a point of inferiority/superiority. If all was cool, equal, balance, acceptance, then this program wouldn't have manifested. It was only through drama did this program manifest.

In addition, the point of sex, was never discussed, and if it were discussed it was within a point of reaction. Sex as expression of who you are, doesn't exist yet on the planet. But that is what also would have balanced and stabilized me as a child/person growing up in the world and relating to people. Where it is an acceptance of who you are and of the other person, within a stability. My parents lived a normal life, meaning they have had lots of different partners and went through the usual dramas. They haven't had though a stable relationship, because that stability can only come from your stability with yourself. Then you would/could potentially gift yourself that stability through getting in contact with the right people that support that stability.

Friday, July 24, 2015

Who am I? Day 316

I have written about this topic many times. I may even have a blog somewhere that is titled who I am. But this time the question is, Who am I? as if someone else is asking this question. So to answer this question I am going to be answering another question. That is Why do I write this blog?

So this blog is part of my commitment to become Life, through writing, sharing, and in the real world, living the words I have written in every day life. So it does take years, yes, 7 years in fact, of writing and application in every day life, to truly change yourself on every level, dimension, nugget, and speck of yourself. So why I write the way I do right now? Well, I have had a journey in itself in writing my blog. You can see over the years how my writings has changed. That is because who I was within it, has changed. Before I was brand new, meaning I was full of fears, self-judgment worry, self-conscious, thinking about what others would think or say, etc... Now, I walk my process in real time. When I write, I sometimes am in a reaction, and I walk out of it in writing. I look at the point, describe it, piece by piece, until the truth of it unfurls before me. So I have come a long way. Now, when I write, I don't bullshit you. I don't have any interest in this blog, besides what is best for me, you and everyone. I don't wish to be famous or give you something airy, superficial, non-grounded, and something just to make you feel better or be distracted from your every day life. Most, if not all, people do that to some extent or another. So what you read here, is really me. If you were somehow able to sit down with me, and speak with me, and we open up one of these points that are opened up in my blog here, you would here me speak in the same exact way. I am even expanding this point, and testing it within real time speech now, which is why I am doing the audio recordings on soundcloud. Though when I write here in this blog, it is all in one go, one breath. I don't pause and think, and plan out a manipulation or strategy. Instead my strategy is my principle which is what I have set forth in not only my writing but in my daily life. Be become one whole person, that speaks, writes, thinks the same. That is what is best for all, and that is the awareness and hereness, and ability to decide and direct myself. It's not easy, and I make mistakes yes. But when I come to write or share about a point, I find that ground and stability again. This includes times when I am in a reaction and confused and don't understand why I am feeling the way I do. I simply go to my blog or in my private documents and just write it out. All in real time, collecting the information, everything that I observed and see about the point within me. From there, each and every time, I have found the answer. This process really took traction in this last year. Meaning I have been proving myself consistently that I can do it, whenever I have a reaction, each and every time, sorting it out, and having the answer to the puzzle and being able to correct, me, my experience of myself, and knowing what to do in this moment. So I write the way I write, because I am an example, a leader. I lead my life in the way that is best for me, you and everyone. So that you the reader knows how to do the same, and knows that this works and is the way to assist and support yourself to see, realize and understand who you are. If you read all my blogs, you will have a complete understanding of my journey up until this moment. You will for yourself, the proof that this process works. And you simply have to walk it, even from where you are right now, if you are brand new to process, that is where I started out, which you can see for yourself in my earliest blogs. 

Now for the other side. If you do not write everyday or at least try to write everyday, you won't see any results. You will probably become even worse, in terms of the extent of your possessions. So that is to warn those who believe that writing every now and then, half-heartedly, is the same as what I have walked. No, it isn't. So don't claim that it is, or that you are walking the desteni process. The day you walk the desteni process is the day you struggle, you persist, you face deep reactions, resistance and shit, through writing and self-forgiveness, and you do the same the next day and the next. Each time you find some realization or understanding and some release. You will actually feel pretty good, what is called stability after writing, but it won't end there. Because the next day or even the next moment you will face again the same point or another point, and that will continue for so long that you will forget about when you originally started. If you are not walking that process of continuously and consistently face the shit, and stopping it, you are not walking the desteni process. So the same with me, initially. I wrote sporadically. I didn't really face the real shit. And it took time yes, before I mustered the courage to do it, which was in the end a decision. You don't need strong muscles, you just decide. The greatest gift that you can give in this process is to yourself. If you gift yourself process, that gift will be given to others as you live your life. Blogging is PART of my life. It is not my entire life, but a part. And some people do read it and are supported and receives gifts from it, yes. But also in daily life, who I am, is a gift to others as well. So its important to remember and remind yourself that you are the central point in process. That if you walk process, make sure that you would walk it only for you, meaning if no one else existed, you would still walk it. And so that's the attitude you take. Because no one else is going to face your shit that you feel inside of you. I mean yes you can act out, but that's still going to be on you. If you walk process believing that your mission/goal is to walk it for others, and you don't include yourself in that picture, what you walk will be ineffective and wasting your time and the other person's time. You may even become famous, and have millions of people say I love you and pay you money. But as we can see with all of our celebrities and rich people, that they are not supporting what is best for everyone, and they are not leading examples of how you should relate to yourself, and so everyone else.

So Now you kNow who I am. So I guess its time to ask, who are you going to become?
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Tuesday, July 21, 2015

From Reacting to Myself to Knowing Myself 314

I was listening to someone's story about a situation and it reminded me of a mistake I did. Now, there is no way for me to know whether the person is making the same mistake as me. Why that is is because it really has to do with self-honesty, which requires the person seeing/assessing what her situation and who she is within that. So what she shared with me could be completely the case. And that case is that she is facing resistance to doing something. But there is a reactive response that I faced with resistance, throughout my life. That is that I have placed myself in the situations that I would face the most resistance, or that were very difficult and challenging. So this mentality and idea, belief, and desire that it is always good and best to put myself in a situation where I will face resistance, challenge and difficulty, is false. Why that is I can explain with examples.

So the first example is that I wanted to be a philosophy major. I had different reasons why I wanted to study philosophy. What I found though that when I took the classes, is that they were too difficult for me. I couldn't keep up. The reading material was too much for my reading ability, and so I was constantly behind and in the dark. I was stubborn and stuck to it. English and writing isn't my specialty, mathematics and logic was my strengths. But thanks to who I accepted and allowed myself to be, I threw my whole life into the most challenging points, into my weaknesses. Thankfully I did switch to psychology when I was honest with myself that it is too difficult and that it wouldn't practically serve my life. Now psychology too, isn't aligned with my strengths, it is like philosophy, more aligned with my interests. So what I lived as seeking out the most challenging situations and placing myself where I faced resistance is an interest of mine. It wasn't a decision on what is best for me and everyone, or what will produce results.

My second example is when relationships. I wanted to be someone who was my opposite. I believed that opposites attract. So I looked for a girl that was loud, talkative, expressive. The more differences that we had the better. This was the same point, of wanting to grow, of facing resistance, and learning from another. I am not like this as a person. I am what people considered introverted. I would observe people, and I did have fears about social situations, but most people have that. I would like to talk about deep subjects, and analyze the word in an attempt to understand it. I wasn't into superficial points at all. So instead of finding someone who was similar to me, I was attracted to people the opposite of me. There was always a disconnect in my relationship. There was an excitement and a rush, but when it came to deep points, like having deep conversation, there was a mismatch. If I would have been with someone who was like me, that we could have enjoyable conversations, share perspectives, look at the world, analyze it together, and come up with solutions. Instead I had an emotional mess with silly arguments that I know were just a waste of my time.

So we have covered relationships, and education/career. What else is there? So I mean, in my life, even though I was really smart and had a lot of success, I had also severely limited myself. I could have achieved so much more, and had so much more, if I had focused on what I was good at, and going very far with that, and as well as who I am as a person. I mean, I can see clearly that the reason why I placed myself in situations where I had the most resistance was because I felt inferior in the things I was good at and how I was. I was mostly different than everyone around me. No one was good at math, I was the best in my classes, and that's a fact. Almost no one was organized, or cared about grades, or school or learning.  I actually enjoyed following everything. What I didn't like was being alone and the only one and being seen as strange/weird. And also not being able to relate to anyone else. I ended up not liking myself and wanting to be the complete opposite of who I am. And this was also thanks to everyone's comments about me, which I took personally. So I did develop a hate towards everyone and a superiority complex. I mean yes, with all reactions aside, there is something wrong with everyone else, because they can't see something as different and simply accept it for what it is. They instead place either a positive or negative label, whichever suits them within their self-definition.

So everything I have lived and done so far was to match those labels, to become whatever information I received from my outside world about what the perfect human being is. Something that is sociable, smart, capable, fearless, perfect, beautiful, friendly, kind, nice etc... In reality, is there anyone on the planet right now that is always like this and always will be like this, in any moment or situation? I mean fear alone would disprove that. And no one is capable at ALL things. And there are different ways to relate to other socially. And we all will make mistakes. And the appearance about the body will change, and what is considered as beautiful would change. And there are moments where yes you may be friendly, nice or kind, but there are plenty of other moments where you take on completely different expressions. So what is considered perfect is false.

So this tendency of simply placing yourself in difficult, challenging situations, to face resistance in an attempt to become one idea of perfection that is false when you look at it with self-honesty, is compromising you. Trying to change who you are so completely and drastically is one flag point that you are not self-honest about who you are as a person, what you are good at, what you can give to others, the world with your talents and abilities, and presence. The who you are as a person, has been suppressed by you. So this desire to change into someone else that is basically the opposite of you, isn't a decision about becoming better or more, but instead a reaction to who you are, and in a way trying to erase the past, erase who you are, and trying to become someone else in a new life. But the point that is missed is that you are one person, and you have only one life. And as that person, yes you do have faults, evidently, as you are believing that all of you is invalid and worthless. But you do have things that you can give to others. The problem in my life is that I gave up too early, where the people around me, yes were reacting to me, and were not ready for the gifts I have, but there are many more people out there in the world, and things change with time. So to essence, never give up, because there will always be someone new that you will meet. In a planet this large, you can bet on that. And even if no one out there can relate or understand you, then at least be true to myself by stop the reaction to myself.

So we are essentially in this blog clarifying what it means to face resistance/challenges. That simply facing a resistance/challenge does not indicate anything. The same with change and becoming more/better. These points can both be a self-dishonest or self-honest movement. The key is really whether you are reacting to yourself or have accepted yourself. That one point will determine your experience.

So this would mean that you could look at yourself in the mirror, in your memories, and not react. That would be acceptance. That when you are moving, talking, living that you don't react to yourself.

Sunday, July 19, 2015

Joking around or creating consequences

So this week I was looking at the topic of comedy and humor. And lo and behold, there were two videos on facebook that are suppose to be hilarious pranks. Now, really even though some people may consider it funny, it does not mean it is acceptable simply because it is funny. In fact, these two pranks are not acceptable.


So the pranks are throwing a pie in someone's face, and scaring someone with a tiger.

So the reason why these pranks as jokes as something funny is not acceptable is because of the unpleasantness of having whipcream smeared all over your face, and the belief that you may die, respectively.

There is no lesson or message to be heard, and the other person does not have fun. These are jokes/pranks at the expense of the other person. These kinds of jokes, should be illegal, especially in this case where it is publicize and money is made off of pranks. The fact that money is made off of these pranks, goes to show how we as a people have accepted outright abuse. Now this reminds me of one particular video I saw. A father had their young son watch a jump scare video. The boy freaked out and the father was just laughing hysterically. Now I have had adults, including my father do similar pranks where it was irresponsible and abusive, especially with children as they will believe you and trust. This is the video:

I do find such actions heinous. As well as when I see people laughing when someone gets hurt physically. I question, why do people respond with laughter when seeing other people in pain, instead of their first response being concern, and action to help the person? I remember seeing such videos in a group setting in class one day, and most kids did laugh, only a few, like one or two, including me didn't. And yes I did want to laugh. I had an experience of wanting to laugh. Why? Why is this? Because I do remember a time when I was young and I didn't have the response to laugh.

So laughter, jokes, as with everything is misaligned. We have to walk a process of correction with laughter and jokes. We need to question our reactions/and responses. What I see is useful is to compare and contrast the different moments of laughter and joke making. To see where there are consequences, or even benefits to people. I see no room for jokes when it comes to anyone's expense. I do see that jokes can be used to benefit everyone, in seeing a new point of view, or point something interesting to consider. For lack of a better word these are more creative and intelligent jokes. That doesn't mean you can't use profanity or topics that make people uncomfortable. That too can be a point to provide perspective on in a humorous way. As with everything, let's push ourselves to be better.

A Life with Living Income 313

Saturday, July 18, 2015

We need a Living Income 312

Everyday, tens of thousands of people die from completely preventable situations. Why do they die? No money. They couldn't afford to live. This is what happens when you don't have the money. And you know this too. This is why you are in fear all the time. Fear of losing your job. Fear of not making the rent. Fear of not being able to pay your credit card debt, your bills. Fear that you will have some unfortunate medical accident, or car crash that completely ruins you financially, or worse that you can't afford it. There are plenty more fear surrounding money, that is just the tip of the iceberg what I mentioned. And maybe, you do get successful. Maybe, you get to retire. Maybe,  you are able to have a large enough savings account so that you can sleep soundly at night. But you know, that it is not enough. It is not enough to end your fear completely. It is still there. It has been there for so many years, you have no idea if you will ever be able to end it completely. It's been here for as long as you can remember. The fear for survival,

Is there anything that you can do to truly end this fear of survival? I mean, you could pay for massage classes, yoga classes, meditation classes. You can go out to the movies, drink, party, hangout with your friends. You can have sex, play games, fall in love, have children. Does any of that truly end the fear? No, it doesn't. It does distract you and postpone it for a while, maybe. But end it? Nooooo. You know you will fear again!

Is there a way to end the fear of survival? Yes there is, but you won't like it, because it takes effort, dedication, and there is no guarantee that you will be successful. But there is a way. It's not easy and will take a long time. And maybe you will get to see the results of your labor in this life, maybe. Maybe only the future generations will actually receive the results. Even then it is not guaranteed. But there is a way. The way is to make sure that everyone has enough money to live a life worth living. That means your daily needs are taken care of, guaranteed. This includes young, and old. Smart and dumb. Every person of every shape, color, size, personality, and skill. Because you don't want to isolate everyone, do you? Because you've tried that and it hasn't worked. Becoming a millionaire won't remove the fear because you know anyone can take it all away in any moment and you would have to fend for yourself again. The only way is to make sure that there is no chance. And that means making sure that you guarantee your chances through guaranteeing the chances for everyone else. The way is to guarantee a living income, so that you guarantee life for yourself. Because your future and the future of any person is unknowable. So you want to put in place the exact measures to ensure that everyone's need will always be provided for through the very simplye and versatile tool/technology that we call money. Money is the solution to lack of money.

There are some very simple and effective ways to utilize the money and the relationships of money in the system so that it does support everyone's needs. This is a science in its own right. The study of how to ensure a living income for everyone. You can be part of this science, and be part of the initiative as a pioneer in this grand new field, and new future for Humanity. This is the breaking point where a new dawn will shine. A new future is guaranteed through the work done here with equal money. Life will be able to express itself.

Are YOU ready to Live?
Life for all, all for life.
Living Income

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Democratic, Free or Sudbury schools

These school models get my approval. I could describe it as a school were people ages 5-18 can be "destonians" in the sense that they are responsible for themselves, for their decisions, and therefore have to be self-directive, and so also self-regulate. They face the real world meaning that they face challenges, make mistakes, learn from them, and they have support available to them at all times, which they must take the initiative to ask for help. They are all equals in the community. Children are not inferior or superior based on age, talent or skill in some area, to anyone. Instead they get to intermingle among their ages, and they support one another in conversation, growing, expansion. So basically how we all should have acted since the beginning. The trick would seem then, to simply provide a support structure for children, instead of a forceful teaching regiment design to create a particular child, with particular skills and knowledge by your design. So just like what we are doing here at Desteni, we are all participating in Self-design. So apparently children all naturally participate in self-design. Children are then equal to adults. A problem with our vocabulary is that we all have defined child < adult. We have many excuses for this including: age, experience, height, strength, size, money, ownership, to name a few.

So let's look at each point and belief briefly.

1. If you are older you are better/more.

2. If you have more experience you are better/more

3. If you are taller/stronger/bigger you are better/more

4. If you have more money you are better/more

5. If you have own people you are better/more

Now these above are the most obvious examples, but I bet you that there are many more. But for the sake of time, we will look at these. Now is it true or false that when you were growing up that you saw the older kids as better than you? Did you see adults as better than you? Did you see bigger kids as better than you? Did you see younger kids as worse than you? Did you see smaller kids as worse than you? Did you see people that have money or more money better than you?

So what is one thing that is a fact? When you are born you have $0, no money. You also are puny/small. You are newly born so you are the youngest age possible. You have no experience. So growing up somehow you are taught by everyone around you, adults, teachers, schools, parents, peers that you are inferior for being young, small, little, having no knowledge etc... That is taught clearly, and the evidence of this is found in how we viewed older kids, as superior. Did we all now rank everyone by their ages growing through the public school system, or private school system? We dared not intermingle outside our age groups. And we would form smaller groups. Small group of friends. Sometimes ONLY boys or ONLY girls. We created further and further separation.

I believe that it is a complete imperative that we make sure that every single child has access to money since birth. Because children and people are not inferior for lacking knowledge, or for being small, or new, or for being female or male, or for any reason. Inferiority is a lie. It doesn't exist. And everyone needs money. We treat children like they are less than people. Inferiority is a lie. The statement children < Adults is a lie. But we are all living it to some extent.

Modern slavery does exist. In every single family slavery exist. Children are OWNED. They have an owner. The owner is called the parent. This is WRONG and a lie. Inferiority is a lie, and so is ownership. Parents have the responsibility and honor to support a newborn person.

We are all just people. We are equal. The division of age is an illusion that we feed through our egos.

Hopefully we learn this lesson before we interact with children again. We are all just equals, and we are one.

Here are some links:
2015 Ted Talk

Sudbury Valley School Website

Online Article Explaining Democratic Schools

Sudbury Documentary Youtube

Sudbury Valley School Facebook

My relationship to Teachers and Schools 309

Thursday, July 9, 2015

My relationship to myself. Origin Story Part 4

Previous Posts:
My relationship to myself. Origin Story Part 1
My relationship to myself. Origin Story Part 2
My relationship to myself. Origin Story Part 3

So I do believe that I have now seen the source or core of this massive point. But I won't know it until I walk it real time here in writing. So basically what I see is a complex point. This view or understanding of it as complex is probably why it is such a influential point. So let's see if we can simplify things for ourselves. We will start by describing the situation.

So you know when you say something and someone get's upset, angry or emotional? So was this because of you or them? What's your final answer? So right now I can tell you that you can't give me an answer, and if you believe that you had an answer, then I say to take a good look because this the complexity I was speaking of. So basically without further information, you can't know whether it was because of you or them. I mean, honestly anything that involves two people, creates results that involved two people. So you can honestly say it is both. BUT, that's not what is spoken of or meant within the words "was this because of you or them."

So this may or may not be an obvious point to you, that when someone gets upset or emotional such as angry, there is somewhere a point of blame. So when someone gets angry or emotional in our environment, because we know that blame is such a core to the emotion, that we take a look at what the "source" of the anger is. And sometimes we fear that it is us, that we are the source. Okay so this should be a confusing situation to you, if it is not then wow you understand much about how we work. But for those of us who are confused, then what needs to be understood is the word reaction. What does reaction mean?

When a person reacts it means that there is something that they are reacting to. So in the presence of this A or when this happens A, then I will behave, think, move, feel like B. So in reality whenever someone gets angry or emotional, who is to blame? Well, I would say that there is never one point, but always two points. The person and what they are reacting to. So if you ever see someone speak of blame, and if they only speak of one point, know that they are missing the second point.

So now we are seeing that it is a very common mistake people make, that whenever we blame, we only see one point, instead of the two points involved. Now what is interesting is that this Two point principle, is found everywhere. You are either the trigger or the person that is reacting to the trigger. For example, if you go up to someone and push their buttons, you are serving as a trigger. This is very obvious. Now what about when you are minding your own business, and someone reacts to you. This is an area of confusion to so many people including me. Am I responsible for this person's reactions, should I change? Let's see if we can find some answers.

So there are two kinds of people, those who take responsibility for the reactions they have to triggers, and those who don't and instead project blame on the triggers. Most people you know fit into category 2. I mean if we are really honest, if everyone in the world came together to conspire to make sure that none of them trigger someone else's reactions, that such a world/life would be pathetic. So in an absolute sense, this fear/concern of triggering other people's reactions is invalid in a practical sense because it doesn't assist and support anyone. So the same goes with seeing how if everyone took responsibility for their reactions, that such a world would be wonderful. Now these would be in an absolute sense, but what about in the relative world of today/now.

So because so few people take responsibility for their reactions, one cannot essentially demand that someone else take responsibility for their reactions. Most people would actually blame you. That is the reality of the situation. Everyone everywhere, from people in schools, teachers, peers, students, to the home, parents, family, and at work, with bosses and coworkers, everyone everywhere will blame you for what they feel when you something you or even your mere presence triggers that feeling/emotion. This includes feeling good too, not just emotionally angry. So virtually no one is taking responsibility for what they feel, and they will blame you for it. That is reality right now.

Now because we depend on each other so much, in terms of such basic things as food, housing, rent, education, grades, money, job/work, literally everything, and because other people out there control these things and make the decisions of what grade to give students, what money to pay employees, and who to sell their house to, literally things are not in your control/ownership. So because it is like that and because people blame you for how they feel. You basically have 1 of 2 options, you can either recognize that people blame you for how they feel and you can utilize that to your advantage by pushing the right buttons to get access to what you want, or you don't recognize that and simply not caring what buttons you press and let them get angry/upset at you. This is everyday life for people today. And so many of us actually embrace this LIfE we live, saying that how we feel, and how we MAKE each other feel, is wonderful and special and right. I mean, there couldn't be a better horror movie than the one we live daily.

So now within looking at the confusion I have, and the question I asked about whether I am responsible for other people's reactions, and whether I should change. I can say this now, that you can only ever serve as a trigger for someone else's reactions. Is a trigger wholly responsible for someone's entire reaction? No. That much is clear. But if you knowingly know what a person's trigger is to a particular reaction, and you push their buttons knowing that it is not leading to any beneficial outcome, then that you are clearly responsible for, because you had a better option. So is this complex? Yes. Because you are dealing with a world whether everyone has placed their power, and have essentially placed their behaviors and choices out into the environment, for outside forces to decide what will happen. No one is in fact in control of their behavior, what they think or what they say, because all of that is determined outside of them. So it's like you are walking on a road, and on the road there are millions of buttons, many of them you cannot avoid if you want to keep walking. So you basically need to step on the best possible route that you can. That's literally doing the best you can do. And that will involve pressing people's buttons so that you do get access to grades, to money, to food, to housing. You have to do that. And you literally won't have a choice because practically everything you do will be pushing one of a person's many buttons. So you can't escape that. The best is to just press the best buttons you can.

This brings up a very important point. People are not people. People are robots right now. Remember that. The people that are around you that are reacting to everything and living in a constant state of reaction and having their buttons pressed are not people, they are robots. So to feel remorse, or anger and react would only make you a robot too. And it doesn't change the situation and the reality we face. If everything a person does is in reaction to you, meaning that no matter what you do, they will be reacting to you, then you just have to do what is best and create the best outcome, which you can only do within awareness and deliberate intent of button pushing.

It is safe to say that there is no morality and responsibility when it comes to the point of whether you should press people's buttons. This act itself will happen regardless because other people are literally the ones who are living that decision to be in constant reaction to everything and everyone. So whether you have an opinion or moral judgment about that point, know that everyone will continue getting their buttons pushed by everyone, including you. They can't help but react to you. So you literally don't have the choice, because it is their responsibility. Your responsibility is to make the best of the situation and so it involves pushing the right buttons, and creating a future that everyone has the chance and opportunity on earth to be aware, and take responsibility for their life of reactions, by firstly separating the physical life necessities of food, water, housing, money from other people's decisions and control, and so from their reactions, and thus meaning that we don't have to compromise ourselves to push people's buttons to get them. Because obviously yes, that when you push people's buttons it is not the ideal way to support a person. But right now it is necessary to even live on this earth. So do you feel like you understand everything now? Lol.

See Living Income for this Economic Solution

So this I see to be a difficult point to grasp, that people are not alive, that they can be considered as being dead or like zombies. This is partly because of a morality judgment. Because in all honesty, if you tell someone this, they will react. Their buttons will be pressed, because they believe they are alive, and that most people are alive and have a value/worth. But of course they are just reacting. They are not seeing that everyone everywhere including them for their entire life have only ever reacted to everything. Nothing of what they lived was by a decision. None of it. Everything they lived was determined by outside forces and so not by them. That is the very definition of being dead, of having no value, and could literally be disregarded, because everything they would say to you is only in reaction to you. Nothing of them would be here to consider what you say or to listen to you.

Why it is important to see the above point that no one is alive, and how will it assist and support you? Basically so much of you is intertwined within this belief that people are alive and that they deserve respect and equal consideration. Even this point of equality where everyone is equal. So much of that is defined and so based on that people are alive and aware. But if you now take into account the reality that people are only living reactions and so can be disregarded, then so much of that falls apart. But in a good way as that liberates much of the guilt, confusion, and worry that one participated in before, including second guessing. Because you would be worried about how you can assist and support a person when they are having a reaction, because you would want to assist and support them in being aware and taking responsibility. But one thing that escapes your awareness is that this person and most people are constantly reacting to everything in their entire day and they haven't even YET made a SINGLE decision in this life so far to take responsibility for their own reactions. Such a person is dead, and cannot be supported. So if it was yes, a person that made the decision to take self-responsibility and you can openly talk about it, yes then you can see how you can assist this person. But when it comes to people out there that you don't know, then you have to ask the question how you can assist and support yourself. Because the only one that is walking a path towards Life, towards having value is you in that interaction between two people. The other person isn't. So they are not even walking the process and so they don't even have a chance in this life yet.

Within that above interaction, the desire to help or save another is great. But when you take a look at this feeling of wanting to help others, what is it based on? It is based on that person both wanting help and deserving help. But again, in a world where everyone is only reacting to everything, and so creating the entire consequence that we face together, is such a person looking for help? Or are they just reacting. See, when you are reacting you completely invalidate everything about you. You are not even a person. You can even make an appearance and illusion that you care and that you want help, but even that can all be just a reaction. You know this because the reactions are sporadic and inconsistent. Each person is literally like a chaotic tornado. Reactions in every moment to everything. None of that is real. There is no person there to communicate to. They will react to you, yes, but there is no equal communication.

It may actually help to pretend you are talking to a microwave. Because a microwave has many buttons. Essentially all you can do is press buttons. See, there is no point in getting angry at a microwave, yelling at it, or even breaking it or hitting it. A microwave is a microwave. Right now the human is a microwave.

So this entire blog can be considered a button pressing point. Now for those who are self-responsible, they are the only ones that can decide to let go of this button. Meaning that when it comes to pressing other people's buttons you see the reality of the situation that everyone is living within reactions right now, and that for this realization to push your button of guilt, worry, confusion, and so resistance, is just another button. You can only directly change what buttons you accept and allow for yourself. Most people will react to you, will bully you, will attack you and belittle you if you threaten their self-belief, which can be summarized as their buttons. They in a sense want to continue living with their buttons intact. You, that is the one taking self-responsibility, are the only ones on this planet that can change their own buttons. So to react to anything yourself, including reacting to someone else reacting, is the same game. The reason why people bully you or attack, is not only because they feel threatened, but its also because they know that you have buttons too, and so they are trying to push your buttons, to get you to react, to join them. It is literally like a disease or zombie virus that is trying to infect you as well.

So this reveals an interesting thing. That yes, if you could somehow reveal who you are, your stand of self-responsibility to every person on the planet at once, they would attack you. So in that sense the world is against you. Thankfully, people out there don't know who you are. Otherwise they might actually attack you. Remember people are just living reactions, they are robots. Their awareness is limited, yet when they feel threatened they do respond. So within this you obviously want to connect with as many people possible who are like you that see the value of self-responsibility. So that you can assist each other. Because in the land of robots, threats are everywhere, and you need to push their buttons to get the things that you need.

The hardest point may be to realize that everyone you have met is a robot, and that what you may feel for them, is simply a reaction. If you are lucky enough you will realize this sooner, and if you are really lucky, you will be placed in circumstances and situations where the ones you have felt so much for, reveal their true colors and their reactions to you, revealing that they are not alive, and only live within reactions. When you see this directly, you may even deny it. But seeing it is important and is a necessary point. It is part of the process of developing the sight and so discernment of who is real and who is not. And remember most are not, for now. Maybe one day that changes, but it will be a long time, probably not even this lifetime. But if it does change, it will be because of those who took self-responsibility and joined forces.

Another extremely important realization is the value of you. You are literally like a pearl in the sand. Your value is so so important. To even be alive is important. To walk your process and take responsibility for your reactions is so important that you can say it is the pivotal point of value within any human. That is why you must stay alive, to live in the system, to push people's buttons so as to ensure that you can keep walking your process.  Sometimes you may get fed up, and react. Simply breathe and take responsibility. You also may feel confused or guilty when others attack you. That is the main reason why I am writing this blog. That you recognize when someone else is reacting to you, that you can self-honestly see in any moment whether you were pushing someone's buttons within awareness for your survival, or whether you weren't aware that this person had such buttons to be pressed. So then it can be a learning process about what buttons leads to what reactions within some person. And you can use that information for your benefit in the future.

It will be hard to live in this new way. Because for your entire life you have listened to and reacted to everyone else's reactions to you. That is how the programming that we looked at in this series of blogs worked. We looked at the parent-child relationship, families, schools, teacher-student relationship, and at the work place. Everywhere, you have been programmed on how to be, how to think, how to speak, how to do everything. This all happened within reactions. All the adults in your life reacted to you. Whenever you did something which wasn't aligned with them, they reacted. Whatever the trigger was, it was in relation to something that was already defined as good/bad or as acceptable or not acceptable within the adults. So you were weaved into and through these reactions, and you actually embraced them in some level inside yourself, where you actually look for reactions, look for feedback on what to do, how to be, who to be. You have been a robot, built in the same way as your parents, and their parents before them. This is the legacy of the human race.

So understand, you are going against your base program. That being that you react when people react to you, and to have to utilize that information to reprogram yourself so that you fit in, and no longer cause reactions. If that program wasn't accepted or allowed at all, then no one could control you whatsoever. The problem though is that such children would have probably be sent to psychologists or beaten by their parents, because they wouldn't obey. So just like a child, an adult would be treated similarly today. So you do have to pretend, and play along, for your safety.

If you like to solve problems or puzzles like me, then see how in understanding the problem, and placing the puzzles pieces within understanding how it works, that you solving it and are on the right path. I suppose it is shocking to see your life and now only see an entire problem or puzzle that used to be your ordinary life before, where now everyone is robot, and constantly reacting to everything and now you are in the middle of it. Before you were in the middle of it, and you were sort of aware of it. You survived, and you are here now. And now you only are much more aware of the extent of the problem. Because you always knew that there was a problem, right? Well, now you know. I am sure this explains much about everything, and why things happened the way they did. It certainly discredits much of the new age, love and peace, philosophy and that all humans are inherently good. Because well, they are not even alive, lol, they are robots, just in reactions. If you press the right buttons, you can make someone act good or feel love and peace for a while. Even then it falls apart because the complexity of the reactions and because there are so many triggers, this only means a new emotional reaction is just right around the corner.

And it is important to emphasize, that the only thing real in your daily interactions is you. You can decide who you are and how you express yourself. Other people, cannot do the same. But you can. So when you express yourself, know it is real. This awareness you have to hold onto because it is guaranteed that others will attack you, will react to your expression even though it is real. Because for other people, they can't even tell that what they live is a reaction and not real. So everything in the world for them is a trigger for them. And if it is new, then they are busy developing a reaction for that new trigger. It is easy to react when others bring out their attacking, aggressive, superiority, upset, crying, depressed personalities as reactions. The reason why it is easy is basically because you have reacted yourself in the past in any such moments every single time consistently. So you are breaking a habit here, and facing your history/past.

Another important point is how when you are yourself taking on an expression on purpose that involves accessing parts of your personalities, that there is a danger to watch out for. That you can get stuck within that expression or personality. So to watch out that you don't forget yourself within surviving in the world by pushing other people's buttons. That can also happen easily. And I have seen it many times even with people who made the decision to take self-responsibility. When you are busy out there trying to push the right buttons, taking on your various personalities or expressions, and within that getting lost within it all. It will help to remind yourself too that expressions and personalities are not real. An expression is not you. An expression is a movement that you make. It is a part of you, but it is not you. Therefore it is not real. If you suddenly never express an expression ever again, you don't die or stop existing. So the value we give to expression and personalities, which has to do with how we have defined such points within reactions to triggers, is false. The only thing that is real can be you, when you make the moment to express, you are what substantiate the moment of expression. The problem comes when you start to believe that the expression is you, and what is real or of value. That is the lie and that is where many people fall.

It is essentially the point of falling in love with yourself. You react to your own memories, to your own image, to your reactions, then it becomes a little cycle or hole that you get stuck within. And you will stay there as long as you decide. This is somewhat more dangerous and vicious as it is all contained within you and will most likely waste much of your time. At least when you were reacting to things outside of you, those things could shake you up, and trigger in such a way that you won't be stuck in one point for too long. So interestingly enough, for those robots that show a lot of commitment within a particular area, like really devote or really zealous, that is this reacting to yourself and holding onto you that is at play here. For everyone else they tend to be reacting to various things outside of them. Religions are built on that type of consistency and commitment. That is often why using positive messages and points is the best way to create the falling in love with one's own reactions. That creates a little circle that cycles like a spiral, completing itself within reacting to itself onto into infinity. Usually those who sort of realize what is going on in the world, get trapped when they try to find the truth and they come upon the positive messages which essentially tell you to fall in love with yourself, and then once you embrace that you are completely messed up, and are stuck like that.

Now for me, what is this core point for this massive point. It is essentially regarding when people in your life that you grew up with that have a history with you, that they know what your buttons are, and that they deliberately push them to get you to do what you want. Now deliberate maybe misplaced here, but since everyone is in reactions, people are usually just reacting and when they see you they simply push your buttons as part of their own reactions. It is an abuse, and you are the only one that can end it, since it is you and your buttons that are being pressed here. So there are such moments which are more rare, the reason being is that there are usually very few people that you have spent many many years together, and so with these people there is a specific interplay and network of linked reactions. With people that you don't have a history with, they wouldn't know what buttons to press and they wouldn't have a habit of pressing your buttons. So that is what make such "close" relationships a challenge. You do require to apply extra effort, extra attention in such moments than you would with other people. So it does require more direction, more movement of you. So just like there is no equality among the value of life, there is also no equality among our relationships. There are simply some people in your life that you have a history with that you have a way of interacting with, where they will constantly press buttons that other people wouldn't. I am sure you can think of 1 or 2 examples from your entire life. The potential of standing up within these relationships is massive, meaning that if you can stand and take self-responsibility and live it in such relationships, then you would be becoming much more stronger.

So it is important to be aware that not all people are equal when it comes to how you relate to them and whether you react to them. Some people will just know how to push buttons. And there are guaranteedly some people out there that are master minds when it comes to button pushing and those are usually the people that are on the top of the food chain, this means people involved in very wealthy money, including professionals, such as doctors, lawyers, and even priests. So to also watch out, because not all people are equal, and with some of them they will take advantage of you if they can. They are just robots, remember that. If they weren't they would be using their "powers" for a better cause. They also wouldn't be reacting. So keep on eye out as these people are your biggest threats, but also your greatest opportunities to grow. So remember, the process, who you are, and self-responsibility.

And for people you have a history with, recognize that there is a history, meaning that you also know how to press the other person's buttons and that you have reactions to them, even just as a person. These points you have to take responsibility for. You are going to need to recognize that they are not aware that they simply react. Your reactions to them are invalid, even if they were aware. So that is where the cookie crumbles. That is the point to get. That no matter what you are responsible for your reactions and the responsibility of directing yourself no matter where you are and no matter who you are with. The outcome is not fully in your control, but your responsibility for yourself is 100% in your power, and so your reactions and your Self. So eat a cookie.

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

My relationship to myself. Origin Story Part 3

Previous Posts:
My relationship to myself. Origin Story Part 1
My relationship to myself. Origin Story Part 2 

So we are continuing with this massive point. You can reach the previous posts to catch up. So what has occurred now recently, is having me look at the fear and anxiety within this point. I notice it on a physical level. Where throughout my body, including my legs, back, and shoulders, I was very tense. I actually had a headache, and I spent a good deal of time figuring out why I had a headache. I finally narrowed it down to the tension in my muscles. This reveals how unaware I am of the tension that my body takes on, specifically with this point. So with this significant person, I am having a reaction to them. Why am I reacting to them?

So yes, they are a parent figure, and what I see clearly is an fear and anxiety of making a decision, which I have made, that they would disapprove of. It's a very simply and very common point. Have you ever feared making a decision that your parents didn't approve? Have you ever feared your parent's reaction to a decision you made?  So this is really common for everyone. And within me it is revealed that it is programmed on a very physical level, which makes sense since this is one of the first responses we lived in relation to our parents, fear.

So it should come to no surprise, but it may very well be shocking, that when parents tell us not to do something as children, that they speak to us in anger, and within that we feel afraid. Very simply no? And this happens daily I am sure. So something so small is having a tremendous influence and control over the lives of people everywhere. This is, just like Love, an essential program for brainwashing and control for determining what decisions a person makes, how they decide, how they think, how they act, and who they are. And this all starts at home, not in some strangers house, but right at home.

What I notice about fear and anxiety is that it is stronger and deeper than the love experience. It is more difficult to release the fear and nervousness, and it requires you to be more aware and more specific. I know that within releasing this point, the entire dynamic changes. This is absolutely necessary.

Now, for those who think fear is good and necessary. Like for example, a parent fears for your safety and so in the name of love, they do something to protect you. I mean that doesn't seem bad. We would even call that good.

However, consider the same point but differently, a parent fears for you safety and so in the name of love, they completely possess you and control you, such that you can only think, act, and be the way that they choose, and if you resist them, they will bring up emotions within you like fear, anxiety and nervousness until you break and submit. Now it doesn't seem so nice.

What is interesting is that the way we treat children/people in there first years of life, is the same way we treat animals, meaning that we train pets/animals with physical or emotional abuse. How many times have you seen an pet owner yelling at their dog or cat, or sometimes kicking them? This happens daily. We can even take it a step further, and when we involve love, we can see that we also reward pets to do what we want. So humans are treated in the same way, in order to control and create the behavior that someone wants.

On the surface level, rewarding good behavior seems good and acceptable. I mean, when you do well, you get a cookie, or a gold star, or a letter grade A. You feel good. And so everyone's happy. But is this really the case? I challenge this.

So let's look at this differently. See an adult making a decision about what the correct behavior is. They decide that they will reward people who do this correct behavior. So they give people food, money, letter grades A, hugs and kisses, dessert/sugar. So this seems normal right? But what happens to people who don't follow? They don't receive the reward and so they aren't given food, money, letter grade A, hugs and kisses, desert/sugar. This seems fair right? Do what I want, and I will reward you.

Honestly, it is hard to see the above example as wrong. So consider the alternative. You give everyone access to food, money, letter grade A, hugs and kisses, and desert/sugar without condition of them performing and doing what you want. Instead you let them decide what they will do, how they will decide, how they will think, and who they are. You can then have a discussion about their choices and understand their choices. You can also discuss your own choice on how you think, how you decide, how you think, and who you are.

So when looking at these two points, the second alternative seems better. Though within looking at the first example, it seems that there is simply an influence on a person to compromise who they are to achieve some pleasurable experience. There is no absolute force in this example. But there can be, can there?

The following example happens daily. If you do something that an adult disapproves, they can pick you up an spank you, hit you with a shoe, or belt. They will physical hurt you to punish you so that they won't do that behavior again. If you continue making the choice to continue your actions, they will hit you again. So in this example, someone basically threaten your  life and well being, and if you are a child you basically have no choice but to listen.

So, potentially, a child can endure all of this abuse, and on the inside, continue to decide who they are, even if they can't reveal that or live that in the world with others. Though such a child, would be the first to say, this abuse must stop. We need a world that support individuals decisions making capability, that doesn't impose a way to think, to feel, to relate to the world, of who you are. A world of oneness and equality, where you treat everyone exactly how you would want to be treated.

For those that have a stable living environment, you have the opportunity to remove the physical programs that bring up these fears, anxiety emotions of abuse. So that they no longer influence your decision making capability whatsoever. The brainwashing is deep, and the program were developed over many years since birth. So it will take time, years, to completely remove them. The first step is within understanding and investigating your own mind and accepted self. Get to know the programs.


What is interesting is that these programs that exist inside of us have been manifesting in our world for some time. They can be seen within our Justice/legal system as the laws and police enforcement. They can be seen in our education system as the teacher/classroom, letter grades, and performance based testing. They can be seen in the rewards of scholarships, higher salaries, bonuses, awards and perks. These systems obviously don't benefit or support everyone. So if you change the systems within you, you will change the world system as well. By getting to know the world, you will also get to know yourself. 

The time for fear and anxiety is over. It is time for self-responsibility, self-direction, and self to stand up for the quality of life and living that Life itself deserves.