Yogan's Journey to Life

So the other day I learned something. This relates to the point of Manipulation that I face and the point of being alone. So basically I change when I am completely alone. When I am completely alone, all the reactions I am having to things in my environment, mainly people drop.  So basic truth is I am not YET fully ME, living me, without reaction, and comfortable enough to express my Real expression, in the face of rejection and resistance of people. Across my life, whenever I express myself FREELY and REAL, people judge me. They make fun of me. They tell me I am WEIRD. This has an effect on me. I react. I want to one day be strong enough where I don't react at all and I continue being me.That day is not here. So basically, here is the lesson, that we each need to spend time alone for part of the day or week or just whenever you need it. Because this alone time you will allow yourself to express your real self, and real expression at least part of the day/time. If you don...

So yesterday I was looking at the biases that I have toward women, which include seeing them as better, more honest, more intelligent, more trustworthy, and nice, and kind. And this was brought up thanks to looking at the manipulation that I have faced. Now I have already covered using Confidence, and using anger. And yesterday I sort of started introducing the point of using kindness, and being nice, and happy to manipulate. In this blog I am really going to focus in on this topic. Now one context where I have constantly faced being treated with kindness and happiness is when I was a child. This is something all children face. We treat children with kindness, and being nice to them and happy. So how is this manipulation? Well, how about when you tell a child in a great big happy voice with excitement = "why don't we go over here and do some finger painting won't it be so much fun!!!"  So the child gets excited by what you are saying and follows you and then starts ...

For quite some time I have reacted to various popular tv shows and movies. These include the simpsons, Family guy, and such movies as Ted, or A Million ways to die in the west. Now, having reflected on what I am reacting to and how I am reacting to, I can see now what is actually happening. We as humanity are laughing at characters that are psychologically deranged, crazy, or have some serious mental illness or faults. These individuals lack commonsense, principles, and are often driven purely by base reaction, and desire for self-pleasure and self-interest. They are narrow-minded, limited, and completely egotistical, and conform to arbitrary rules and authority as if lacking the ability to see and analyze the world around them for what it is. These are characters that are often driven by sex, within self-interest and disregard for the one you are having sex with. They often are self-loathing, self-debilitating, self-destructive, selfish, etc... They lack all care and regard for the ...

"We are all drug addicts. We are addicted to our minds, energy, thoughts." Drugs. Stimulation. Highs, lows. Delusions. Hallucinations. Addictions. Money. Imagine a man coming up behind you. Inserting a needle in your neck, injecting a drug. You feel high, good. Your high man! You feel happy for no particular reason! You don't know why or how! It's a drug man! You were drugged. It just happened. This happiness isn't real man! It's a drug. We have all randomly feel happy or sad. Imagine swallowing a depressant. You're depressed man! Why? I don't know! I just feel sad man. Why do I feel happy or sad? I didn't choose this! Who says I am to be happy or sad? Who decides? Not me man! So can this be real?! No man! It's not me man. I am an addict man! I want to feel happy or sad, man. I don't know how or why, but I want it man! Just make me feel sad or happy man! Do it to me, give it to me! I will do whatever man! Cars, sex, money, d...

Ok so in my last post I made it clear what I was doing, so stopping any movement within me, which is not me directing it. So I have been applying this for the past 24-ish hours. So while I was applying it I had great success. And I have been able to sit with the reactions I have been having and simply be here with them, which already has become a point of release or stability, Im not sure how to describe it. Though I have to walk this each time with each set of thoughts I have. So with a new set of thoughts, by new I mean thoughts I have not yet sat with and walk with yet, it is that exact point of not having walked it yet, so it is that point of separation that makes it seems so big, but when I stop and walk with those thoughts, then everything is cool. So like right now for example when going to bed to go to sleep, there was a set I thoughts I had, which I did not stand one and equal to, and walk with, so it became overwhelming and I allowed it to direct me. I at some point took prac...

Im taking a moment to write about Sudbury school because it represents to me an opportunity for us as humanity to correct the fuckup that we have allowed total and complete suppression of everyone, and it starts in childhood, with schools, and at home, and later on in the workplace, and also with friends. I am not a liberal minded person, I am person that cares for everyone period, even if you do not care about yourself, I care about you. Because I know we are each life, one and equal, and i know this because it is something you live and actually demonstrate. This is proof enough for me. Stand together with me, let's be strong together.  Here's a recording of a live chat where I spoke with Anna and Marlen about the balance of freedom and responsibility. The Sudbury School seems to be a reasonable alternative to other schools. There is a general branch of schools called free schools, that have varying differences. Sudbury is its own category. From t...