Yogan's Journey to Life

What I am in the process of doing is Giving up all Hope and then Placing Self-Trust Here. Specifically I am giving up the hope that anyone or everyone will make it in their process, will actually learn, grow or change. Even more specifically its the hope for real connections with people, since a real connection would require that person be real (me too of course), where there is that depth. I am giving up all hope that anyone will be real. And what I am doing is placing my self-trust here in me, in what I can do, create, and move in this physical reality. And what I am also doing is that I am going to do all of this Life Creation, and Self-Creation, and World System Creation in the Name of all of those who I basically loved or hoped for to make it, which is everyone really. So I do all of this in the Name of Everyone, in the Name of everyone's potential, even if in reality no one makes it, and all will Fall. Because me doing it, me Living it, Me being the Creation, being the ...

Proceeding down the hall, I see another door that I fear to go, and don't want to open. Overly Emotional when something happens in my Relationships- either Friendships or Partners. I can just open a door and then close a door, its not a big deal if someone enters my life and just leaves. But I can see my emotions, me being emotional about it, as if to say I care about them more cause I am emotional. Emotions don't equal care. Care is not emotional. Its not as big as a deal as I am making it out to be. Just open a door and close a door. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel emotional when someone enters my life and when someone leaves my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel super excited when someone enters my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel devastated when someone leaves my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel it to be rude or disrespectful to say that som...

When someone you Love is Angry at you. I think this may be actually my greatest weakness. I see it being a point of great weakness because there are two parts. The first part is the fact is that it is someone who I love, or in other words have a connection with. And the 2nd part is them being angry at me. Either part alone is a point of challenge/force. So together they make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Because the point becomes: I am causing them to be angry, and I am responsible for their anger. And I feel blame/responsibility and I am afraid of losing them. The truth, the truth of desteni, the truth of Life is that no one is responsible for how anyone else feels. No one. And not with anyone. You are not responsible for how other people feel. This includes anger. And this includes people you have a connection to. You are responsible for how you Feel. So on a physical level I am afraid, I am swallowing in my throat that I am so afraid. I am physically possessed in fear...

Recently I wrote out this phrase,  "When you are really faced with the Heat of yourself, the Darkness, and the Deceptive Light of yourself.... no one's motivation or words will be the saving grace.... its all you baby! haha. We need Self-Willed individuals.... and that process is like the formation of diamond. Its under a lot of pressure and takes time." And the specific words, the Heat of yourself is specific. It encapsulates and captures a very nice meaning, and real time moment with the Mind and reactions that I have lived and I'm sure humans everywhere have lived/faced. I would like to unpack this to bring attention to it, for it may assist others and its a very nice reference for that. I also will cover the solutions as well and taking responsibility as well. Facing the Heat of Yourself I notice that Heat is very much connected to two things you have Romance/Love, getting caught up in the heat of the moment... and also the moment when you are in a heated a...

I saw a pattern within me today about fearing the strong woman. I was assisted by someone who I was reacting to. I was reacting to them in nervousness. They suggested for me to see what words they represent to me, and so not to focus on them as the image. So I took this advice, and I started working on it. I also had a celebrity who I had a similar reaction to in my past who I met. So I tried to see what words they represented. I got a few words that I initially identified but turned out NOT to be the main word, however its related. Initially I saw the words of ease of communication and happy/smiling and friendly. So I took these words with me. And at that point I was looking at the words and trying to stop my reactions. It didn't work and what happened was me kind of controlling myself and restricting myself, becoming a controlled silence. What I did at this point was kind of allow it because I wasn't sure, that maybe this is what my expression is supposed to be. Anywa...

Something I notice from the recent years in Trump being president and the liberal left and conservative right is the amount of anger there is on both sides. What is interesting to observe is how people believe that Anger is a sign of caring. Because Trump is Visually angry people believe he really cares about America. On the left side, with Bernie Sanders, he too was outraged and people believed because he was so upset he must care. In my observation of everyday life, people who are angry about things are deemed as people who care about things. In all truth though this can just be a ruse or trick. Being angry doesn't necessarily mean you care, however because of what people believe, this becomes what people see to be a sign of of caring. If you are deceived by someone who pretends to be angry, its your responsibility for believing that anger means people care. It doesn't mean anything. Anger itself feels good. It is self-rewarding and so self-reinforcing. It becomes an ad...

Anger as Justice is tricky because... when you are in traffic and a car cuts you off you think to yourself what an asshole, or that they shouldn't be doing that! I can list many more examples here... someone throws their trash on the ground. someone didn't clean their dishes. someone left a mess. someone talked about you behind your back. someone took something from you without asking permission. So pretty much in all above examples it is sociably ACCEPTABLE to become angry. According to society and invisible rules you are right to get angry. At desteni though we push further, we ask the question deeper, we don't just accept things just because. We want the answer that is best for all in all ways. What does anger do here? And perhaps more importantly what does anger feel like? Have you considered that you feel good when you feel angry? Don't you? You feel empowered, strong, ready to go. The opposite of feeling weak. So anger isn't a negat...

Today I learned that I have been feeling depression as Cynicism and Pessimism that the a world that is best for all won't happen. I felt this way as a reaction to seeing people give up, argue for their limitations, not willing to change, look at a point, or learn from it. It came from seeing people talking about money, and the natural world like its a dead thing. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel depression when seeing people talk about the nature as a dead thing and talk about how important money is. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel depression when I see people argue for their limitations and refuse to investigate themselves further. I also feel this way when people tell me how a world that is best for all is not possible. I also feel angry as I try to tell them why it is. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel depressed when people tell me that a world that is best for all is not possible. I forgiv...

The human Mind Conscious System works in polarities of good and bad. You have good feelings and bad ones. No matter what you feel, it charges your thoughts: You feel angry so you think about how an idiot someone is, and you think about them in anger. Or someone makes you feel happy, and you think about how good they are to you. This is how thinking works, it responds to how you feel. Its possible to stop the mind, and so stop the thinking and the feeling. Why do this? Because how much do you control your thoughts? Observe and see for yourself that they just move on their own. This is because your Mind manages your thoughts automatically, it creates them for you to hear and see. You don't directly create your thoughts, like on purpose. So your choice is either to participate or not to participate. Either let things happen or stop giving it attention. It is through your awareness and attention that you empower your thoughts and emotions. What is interesting about your mind is t...

You are in a room, doing something. Someone enters the rooms and yells at you. They are angry. They back you into a corner. You tell them in a calm voice, you are not allowed to talk to me this way, I need you to calm down and breathe. They refuse to listen. You then repeat, I won't allow you to talk to me this way, I choose to leave. The reason I leave is because being angry, talking like you do, is not best for you and it is not best for me. So it is best for all if I leave, because it may support you to change. So its your choice. If they choose to change, you stay. If they choose to stay the same, you leave. You don't want to leave, because you love where you are. Yet it is best for all that you leave. You are willing to let go everything you love, everything you have for what is best for all. You could have also chosen to not say anything. You could have stayed quiet and accept it. If you accept it, then you will guarantee your stay, you will have what you love. I...

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of being attacked and hurt by someone's words. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of arguementative, attackative, aggressive, angry people. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of someone becoming arguementative and attackative in response to me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of sharing, speaking, and writing, because I am afraid of someone being arguementative, attackative, aggressive in response, and I fear that those responses will hurt me emotionally, where I react with feeling inferior, hurt, belittled, feel less than, pushed away, isolated, alone, dumb, useless, worthless. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame someone else for how I feel. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the words that someone else spoke or wrote for making me feel a certain way. The Frogivenes...

My A. saying that he’s the best. I feel angry. I feel my blood rushing through my hands and feet, my heart pulsing. My breath is shallow. I feel like shouting. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel angry. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel my blood rushing through my hands and feet, when I am angry. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel my heart pulsing when I am angry. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to breathe shallow when I am angry. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like shouting when I am angry. When and as I see myself feeling angry- I stop and I breathe – I realize that other people do not take anger well- I realize that when I am angry, I don’t really know what I am angry about specifically, I just feel it and act instantly – I realize that I don’t know where my anger comes from- I realize that the adrenaline I feel, is not good for my heart and m...