Yogan's Journey to Life

Aloneness is highly valuable. I realize that the space of aloneness that I had as a kid where its like I could be alone with me and my body even though I was in a entire classroom of people. And with that aloneness I was untouchable, I was safe and free, and more so I had Me. I could Imagine scenery and things happening. I was secure and safe. And no one was pestering me, stalking me, bothering me. No one was after me. I was left alone,  I was respected. But having someone stalk me, go after me, pester me constantly, and me accepting and allowing that is not okay. I have to fight and defend my right to be left alone and at peace. Fuck off! Leave me be. I want to be alone. I don't want to talk with you. I don't want a relationship with you. That Aloneness is sacred. And that aloneness does depend on money. Owning your own space on this earth. Unfortunately that is how it exists, but we have to fight for equal money so all may be free to be alone and create. Being respect...

So I'm writing this blog because of something I observed about myself as I got older, and observed about other people who are older than me. And what is leading me specifically to write NOW, in this moment is watching this video. See Link: Link So she started dancing ballet 70 years ago and she never quit. So something about age is funny. Like I mean, I am 29, I don't feel like I'm a different person when I was 13, because of my age or number. I'm still the same person, and the ways that I have changed is not because I'm older, its because of who I decided to be and my decisions to change, and what I decided to do in front of challenges and opportunities. So there are things that I love and will always love. Because why on earth would getting older change things that I love to do? It wouldn't. So its not strange at all for someone who is 80 year old or 90 years old to dance what they love to do, because they are the same person as before. Like  anoth...

Being/Feeling Worthless I felt and believed I was worthless because as a kid I was quiet, shy, I didn't know what to say or what to do. I didn't know how to have conversations or speak. When it came to the girls I had crushes on, that I liked, I didn't know how to speak to them. And to one particular girl who made me her friend, who was super friendly to me, and spent time with me, and invited me to things, I felt/believed I was still worthless, I was too worthless to be with her. I was too worthless for her. I am quiet. I am shy. I don't know how to speak. This self-perception carried on within me. As I grew older and met other girls/women that I had crushes on, that I eventually dated, I still saw myself as too worthless to be with them. As I was with them, held hands with them as we walked, I still saw myself as worthless. I was afraid to say something stupid or I was afraid I wouldn't know what to say. I was afraid I was still too quiet, too shy, too inexper...

Patience Many people would call me a patient guy. Well, I am patient in some ways and in some moments and with some people. But in other moments, with other people, in other ways I am not patient. So this blog I am writing to assist and support me to be more patient with a certain someone, in a certain situation/context, and in a certain way. So for my situation/context I am facing, I see I can be more patient through yes understanding the person's situation they are in. Understanding does help. However its not enough in this case. For me, even with understanding their situation that they are in, I still am impatient. I still want things to be done faster and happen faster. I want things to move faster. In reality, they cannot. I definitely require patience. This is really out of my hands and out of my control. In addition to this, I am in the state/position of the unknown. I don't know what will happen or how things will turn out and I have no way of making it known or h...

The book called the Little Prince... I learned that love is simple. Its simple because I did it as a child. Very simple. I loved my toys. I loved my toys because I spent time with them, I paid attention to them, I interacted with them, I was here with them. I spent TIME with them, I had MOMENTS with them, as memories of experiences. I can remember them and recall them, and I cared for them. When I lost them, I was distraught. I missed them. I can remember them with fondness, with love in me. Only the children know what they are looking for," said the little prince. "They waste their time over a rag doll and it becomes very important to them; and if anybody takes it away from them, they cry..."   "They are lucky," the switchman said"       I'm very sure I understand what love is now. While reading this book, I'm pretty sure I can see it. I see it my past. I can see the moments and the people with who I actually loved and those who ...

So yesterday I was looking at the biases that I have toward women, which include seeing them as better, more honest, more intelligent, more trustworthy, and nice, and kind. And this was brought up thanks to looking at the manipulation that I have faced. Now I have already covered using Confidence, and using anger. And yesterday I sort of started introducing the point of using kindness, and being nice, and happy to manipulate. In this blog I am really going to focus in on this topic. Now one context where I have constantly faced being treated with kindness and happiness is when I was a child. This is something all children face. We treat children with kindness, and being nice to them and happy. So how is this manipulation? Well, how about when you tell a child in a great big happy voice with excitement = "why don't we go over here and do some finger painting won't it be so much fun!!!"  So the child gets excited by what you are saying and follows you and then starts ...

There are a million different abuses and problems in the world. Oceans are dying, the Earth is dying, children are dying and being abused, animals are dying, greed, violence, and an economic that perpetuates it. And on and on.... I am the meaning of Life. Saving the planet is not the point. Saving the world is not the point. Saving children is not the point. Saving the animals, the waters, the people are not the point. I am the point. I am a child. I am a planet. I am a water, a people, a earth. I am an animal. Am I saving me? I am living in emotional turmoil and suffering. I am living in abuse. What am I doing about it? Where is the value for the life that is me? How I treat me, isn't that how I will treat others? Is it possible to do what is BEST for others, even when I am not doing what is BEST for me? I may be thinking I am saving others or doing what is best for others, but is that not from my limited point of view if I am still abusing me, putting me through hel...

So I am the process of finding work. And something I thought of doing is to take an aptitude test. I found something interesting. In the aptitude test, I saw that my Strengths and skills are in math, analytical thinking, logic, reading, writing, solitary work. My weaknesses are social interaction, working with people. The aptitude test also asked what my interests were. I looked down the entire list. Nothing interested me. The closest thing is Philosophy. So in the list there were things like economics, finances, construction, everything. The one thing I would like to do is help people become better, to become more aware of themselves, and learn. That is my interest. The aptitude test then asked me what my preferred working environment is. I love working outdoors, I could work outdoors the entire day. I love it. That is my preferred working environment. So to summarize my ideal job would involve 1. Strengths- Math, analytical thinking, numbers, logic, mental labor 2....

So I was watching WallE on the tube and someone made the comment that I like to watch kid's movies. So I questioned the person what their definition of kids movie is. Because why is certain movies just for kids? So the person shared that they saw kids movies as lacking violence and sexual content. So when I reflect on this seemingly small point, I actually see a greater pattern in society. Whether this is the case or not it is for you to decide. The pattern is that we define childhood and adulthood as being different, where you are an adult once you have sex or once you have committed some acts of violence. Meaning if you see a person who has never had sex and is not aggressive, then you perceive them as being child-like. And if you see someone who has had sex for the first time, you perceive them as an adult. Alternatively if you see someone who looks attractive or dressing sexually or provocatively, then they are no longer a child. Another example is if a child commits acts of ...

We are continuing from yesterday's post Children's Rights So respect is not guaranteed to children. In fact, it is normal in society expect children to respect Adults, but not for children to expect respect from adults. Where for some reason adults are allowed to get angry, yell, get irritated and annoyed toward children, yet if children do so, they are at fault. Part of the reasons given, which are excuses and justifications, is that children don't earn money, and that they don't know anything about the world and the struggle that adults go through. That children are given a free ride by their parents, so the children should be as accommodating as possible to the adults. This is based on the notion of survival. But in reality, it is based with ego, as the adults are acting within self-interest at the cost of the children. This cost means that children are talked TO, and they are not heard. This cost means that children should LISTEN and not talk back. This cost means...

Here is a fact: take the most badass, meanest, toughest, scruffiest, harsh person on the planet. A person so harsh and violent that they would kill a child or baby just for fun. You take that person, and realize this simple truth, when they were born they were just a baby, and they were innocent and pure. This is true for all of us. This is true for the strongest of us, the smartest of us, the dumbest, the most "evil" and most "good." We were born equally in this way/regard. It is true though however, that we are not born the same. Some are born with mental or physical handicaps. Some are born with diseases. And our genetics do have an influence on us in some very unimportant superficial ways, and in some more consequential visible ways. Yet we are all still born innocent and pure. The concepts or character of being a badass, mean, tough, scruffy, or harsh doesn't exist in anyway whatsoever, at least apparently so. Any person that will murder, will be ...

So this blog will be focusing on the topic: What is it like to live through the eyes of a child on this earth? Various topics will be covered. Some examples include child labor, children soldiers, children living in poverty, child refugees, child prostitution, and children sex trafficking, pedophilia as mental dysfunction. Other topics that will be covered will answer questions such as: What is it like as a child to have a family? To be raised by parents? To go through the education system? To grow up in the modern culture, including music, fashion, popularity, purpose, celebrities, and money?  In essence the we will be investigating the following: what problems do children face today, and what solutions/options are available to them or how you as an adult can support them?

With Halloween approaching near, I figure it would be good to address fearful things, such as scary movies. I remember when I was young, I had a babysitter that watched a scary movie on TV. I was very scared, and had nightmares about that movie for many years. It was only when I was 18 did I really confront these fears, understand them and dispel them. Now I can enjoy fear in a playful way, such as with friends for example. For most parents, it seems better to prevent your child from seeing a scary movie until they are ready. One question that seems unclear is, when are they ready? Taking my own life as an example, no adult sat down with me to explain what fear is, what movies were, how movies were fabricated and fake, and how to also calm yourself down at will. It was only when I was 18 years old that I made the conscious decision to understand fear, and to be able to direct how I feel in a moment. However, I saw myself as perfectly capable of understanding and investigating this si...

Right now, I am attempting to secure a position at a sudbury school, and to work there long term. Why? So there are many reasons why. The work doesn't pay very much, so it isn't for the money. The first reason is that who I am as a person fits well in this school. So how I naturally am as a person. Open, honest, considerate, listening to others, being playful, making jokes, helping others, but also knowing when to be stern, especially when someone is doing something that is harmful/wrong, but also patient, mostly, though I am not perfect. Also working at a subdury school is unique in that my principles of equality among people, is applied in practice by having each student of each age, being equal under the rules and with the power to change those rules as anyone else, including me. I also have a high regard for the potential awareness and intelligence children can possess when they are respected, regarded, and given the ability to question, learn and understand through the e...

Previous Posts: My relationship to myself. Origin Story Part 1 My relationship to myself. Origin Story Part 2 My relationship to myself. Origin Story Part 3 So I do believe that I have now seen the source or core of this massive point. But I won't know it until I walk it real time here in writing. So basically what I see is a complex point. This view or understanding of it as complex is probably why it is such a influential point. So let's see if we can simplify things for ourselves. We will start by describing the situation. So you know when you say something and someone get's upset, angry or emotional? So was this because of you or them? What's your final answer? So right now I can tell you that you can't give me an answer, and if you believe that you had an answer, then I say to take a good look because this the complexity I was speaking of. So basically without further information, you can't know whether it was because of you or them. I mean, hon...