Yogan's Journey to Life

So my relationship with myself is one of the most purest of things that can exist because with myself there is the clarity of knowing exactly what I mean, and so not have miscommunication with me, and complete honesty is possible. No need to worry about bias or the right words, or considering/interpreting another. With me that is the one relationship that I can be really honest, and really get me, and really communicate without all that bias, interpretation, judgment, reaction or distraction. I can have a realationship with myself where simply by saying 'myself', that I have comfort and I see myself here and I hold myself, where I stand with me, I support me until the end of eternity. This is the one relationship in my life that I can depend on that won't have the judgment or misinterpretation, or leave me. Where when I speak with myself or as myself I am not thinking about how other people are going to interpret it, I don't have to wash it out or change what I sa...

I accept my Brokenness, and "the Brokenness" itself as it exists in reality, so whether its the Brokenness in other people or things or myself, I accept it. So what I am saying is that I accept my darkside, my shitty side, my fucked up side and all of that of other people too. Because yes I was rejecting the fucked up darkside of other people and rejecting them, which was my mistake to do so. I did reject people for being Bullies, for being spiteful, or betraying me or whatever you want to call it. I notice that I hate even describing what they did and rather not even look at it, which is also a mistake and my responsibility. So I am accepting their darksides and the darksides of everyone. I don't let this fuckedupness define me, nor define them. This isn't all that they are, nor who I am.We are much more and we have the potential for such much more. So I call on everyone to forgive themselves for their darkside and fuckedupness. I encourage everyone to apply ...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of being soft and gentle. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear connecting with other people. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear connecting with someone who got angry in a moment. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate people who get angry. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get angry at a person when they reacted and they were angry and taking it out on me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with anger when someone feels insecure and is getting angry and is blaming me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not instead become soft, become gentle, and become supportive when someone is reacting with anger within insecurity and is blaming me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up when someone is reacting within anger and insecurity, and so give into my own anger...

Bernard was a living word. His words, what he spoke, what he said: it was living; it was alive; it was life. I need to become my own living word. Meaning that I need to speak and say and live in such a way that my words are alive, are life; reflect that I am alive living one and equal with this existence, with this body, with this self, with everyone. While reading Bernards words are supportive: it comes a time when you simply must become the living word yourself: and that means speaking and writing in such a way where you are not THINKING at all, where it just FLOWS, and it just POURS out out of you and it is within the starting point of Life, of Oneness and Equality with Existence, standing in the shoes of every person in existence, and so reflecting what is best for all for every person. It is speaking with the authority that what you are saying IS what is best for all, IS what is best for existence, such that if you were on a podium and the entire existence was watching you and...

Self-forgiveness I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be sad and depressed over losing a friend I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be hopeful that they will return one day I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry that they blamed me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself for them leaving I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be tired I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about them I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be free of my reactions about them no matter the cost I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define and expect all relationships with people will end in the same way as them I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel hopeless and depressed that I couldn't do or say anything to keep someone from leaving I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be inadequate and blame m...

I am starting this Blog, with a Vlog... haha that rhymed! See below: So continuing on this point. I have seen how throughout my life, I very much cared about many women's opinion me and what they said to me or about me, cause of my interest in potential partners or women, since I am naturally aligned to desiring and being with a woman. So I can see how past girlfriends how what they said to me, I took it to my heart, deep into my heart. If they had a criticism of me, I kept it deep here in my heart, like a scar. It is there. It stays there. And its alive, and sensitive like a fresh wound. I remember one woman saying: Yogan! You don't know what you are doing! You want to change! But you haven't lived it yet! I took that to heart. I didn't stop to consider it or question it, or look who I am in relation to it. I immediately believed it, and believed her. Cause I cared about her opinion about me. And it made me feel real bad. Very bad. Like I am bad. She is rig...

An educational Program for Kids: either TV, Movie, Video, or computer program or both. Covering EVERYTHING: Do you want to learn about Electrical Engineering Click here! What is Electricity? Voltage? How to build a generator? What are the parts? Where does energy come from? How does the human body work? What are calories? What is the nature of everything? How does an engine work? How does insulation work? What is heat? How do the muscles of the body work? How does memory work? How does air work? How does X-ray works? How do microwave works? How does color work? How does the brain work? How does the sun work? How do plants work? how does water work? How does uranium work? How does cooking work? How does flavor work? How to make the best tasting foods work? What is fat? How come in schools its not mandatory to learn about Everything how the World works, and how things exist? Especially that which is right here, and immediate in our lives.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not knowing what to do and so try to listen to others, and look to others to direct me, instead of listening to myself and who I am, and so living who I am, no matter the situation. Time to listen to the voice Inside of me. Time to step out of the closet. Time to live Me, Yogan in everything I do, instead of Living someone else or something else. So no matter the situation, apply the Me, the who I am, the Principles, and what I, Yogan, would do. Ask what would I do? Standing/Existing as that Inner Voice So I wrote the above this morning after doing self-forgiveness. I just uploaded a youtube video on this inner voice, and can be seen here: https://youtu.be/WNEfqQCHH98 My Inner Voice... its funny that I saw Westworld and it came down to the point of the Inner Voice. The Robots in the end, found their inner voice.  So what I saw this morning was how my being, my inner voice, is here alwa...

I one time saw something small running through the neighborhood while walking my dog. It was evening already, so it was a dark shadow. I had walked up to it and got scared and freaked out, as well as my dog equally freaked out. I realized it was a kitten and it ran under the fence of a house. I took my dog back and told my brother. I asked for his help. I grabbed a soft towel. We proceeded over there. The kitten ran away under the fence again when my brother tried to grab it. I left a note there for the owners of the house. I doubt the kitten was there since it was hanging out by the fire hydrant on the sidewalk. I came back later and tried again that night. This time we surrounded slowly with the towel, and I was able to quickly/gracefully pick it up securely with the blanket. I held it snug/firm. It seemed happy hanging out there. It wasn't struggling or moving at all. I walked back immediately to our house. I did get a call the next day by someone from the house. It wasn...

So I have been working on this Mind Design earlier in the week. It is massive. It has many interconnected parts that form something of a conspiracy theory because each part rested on another part, and fitted so nicely with the other. I could do something of a lecture of explaining all the various parts and how they fit together. For now though I'm going to continue with what I have been doing which is just sharing a part of it. A bitesize piece. So within what I am looking at, there came up this interesting point. With Friends I can see something like their presence in the room, where if I close my eyes I can know it is them. This feels hard to explain. Let me start again. Each person has a presence, and with some people it is extremely clear what their presence is. And their presence as their expression is so strong that its not defined by their image/appearance of their body. It is something like their nature or way of being. Or something like the way that they choose to expr...

I have been facing parts of me or a part of me that has been buried for a while. And my response first/desire was to get it over with as quickly as possible. This was a mistake. Its not possible to just get it over with NOW. I tried to end it now, and it led to me suppressing the entire point And there is great beauty as gifts of expression with this design. Within my preprogrammed design there is within it my expression It is me within it, and so I do need to release it and redefine it. There is great beauty and playfulness and expression here locked within the design. And the key to unlock it is to walk it step by step Bit by bit Piece by Piece One step at a time There is for sure things I have to redefine within me, to redirect it I do have to adjust and change parts of me here within the design. I know it But its not condemnation or slotted for total annihilation. So I am going to be reacting I am going to be in the d...

My day was really fucking good. I did some exercise walking around and strengthening my back. I read outside in the sun. I am understanding the material I an learning. I read some more. I participated in chats. I watched a movie. I worked on myself in going to heart of what I need to learn in order to improve myself and me in my relationships to people. So I am advancing and going deeper. I am learning and realizing. I feel quite strong, and connected to my body. I want to strengthen that connection to my body even deeper. I want my voice to embody the sound of my body, to be more visceral. I want the presence of the body to come through the sound of my voice. I want to change more and do more. I want to go deeper than I have gone before. I want to see the heart of what this is. I want to see what expression will emerge and radicalize my life, and dramatically change it. I know what the area I want to improve. I am right at the precipice  of changing it. I am walk...

So reality brought before me moments with people that are from my past, and so recreating the dynamic of relationships and moments from my past in front of me. So here I am literally facing my past again. Within me and as me I reacted, I reacted in the same way I have reacted before in the past. My reaction so to feel stressed, depressed, misplaced, anxiety, unsettled. Within seeing this, that I what I am facing is literally my past in this moment, then what I have to do is walk this moment HERE, the only moment that is here, as the Me that I am now, that I direct here and now. The past is gone, even though people are here recreating the moments and living it as themselves, they are NOT me and I am not bound by the past, or by past rules, or by how I should be because that is how I used to be in relation to them. I can create here, how I am, who I am, in the moment, without Shame, without Guilt, with Peer pressure. I stand as the new me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing ...

So I have been called Courageous one too many times to ignore it. So here I am going to dissect it from a real time moment. So looking at this moment I am within here. I am courageous in just speaking/doing because I am willing to walk a point ALONE. I am willing to speak up and say something because if I am ALONE within it I am okay. So that means if everyone turns their back on me, and I mean literally everyone, I will be okay and stand the point. Now the most dangerous point within this, is the fine line where you don't go into Ego, and don't cut yourself out from other people's support. So the basic SOLUTION to prevent this danger is to always listen to others and test out what they say. And trust in that testing process. And here is another danger, whether your testing out is a REAL testing out. So the danger is whether you fake test things out or don't have that rigor and self-honesty to really test out the truth/reality of things. So developing that habit/d...

So I have been practicing speaking and will continue to do so. This is a recollection of the key points that I can do. Find ways to just Speak Aloud. 1. Speaking aloud describing what I am doing: " I am washing the dishes" "I need to use the bathroom"  "I am walking to the bathroom"  "I am eating an apple" 2. Speaking aloud what I am seeing: "I am watching television" "This is third time I am seeing this commercial"  "there is a couple skating on ice" "I am looking out the window" "I see people playing tennis" Points for me to focus on when speaking  1. Projection - which means project as a verb, which means speaking loudly so that you send the sound OUT of you. You project to the room. 2. Place my hands/fingers to my mouth and feel the vibration of my lips, nose, which indicate I am speaking on the edge of my mouth, instead of speaking from deeper within my mouth. I want to speak on th...

Talking with People, just learning about them should be normal. It is normal, just we may find it strange when it hasn't happened in so long. Like learning about someone, about things that may seem like insignificant facts from a certain point of view, can also seem from a certain point of view a Treasure Trove of words and experiences never seen, heard, or felt before. Maybe its about where someone has lived, that you never visited before or been to before. Maybe its about what someone does in their daily life, which tends to be their work/job and responsibilities. Maybe its about a person's interests and hobbies, what they know how to do, and what they do in their free time. Things, experiences, words, music you may never hear of otherwise. It can be simply hearing and understand what kind of a person a person is. Or it can be relating and sharing your own similar experiences, meeting someone who went through something similar or the same as you. It is just normal to just...

Women, Girlfriends, Crushes, Secret Admirer I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to love all these women throughout the years. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to love some women because of how they looked. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to love women because I believed I needed a lover, a wife, a partner. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to love someone because its what I am supposed to do. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see the unbearable pain within me while I was in love. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act out within this unbearable pain as love, and act on this unbearable pain. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put my body through hell because I wanted Love. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to myself to hold my body ransom through unbearable pain as love, in order to force myself to go after someone like ...

So in the following voice clip I talk about the Positive Energy behind Anger, and its worth listening to, However there is more to the story. Today I learned that when you feel angry and you feel good while angry, which involves you smiling slightly as a tell, or you are blaming someone, its just bullshit. Its unacceptable completely. Now, when you feel angry and you feel bad, its something different. Its a sign that you need to SPEAK UP. Why do I say this? Because I feel a kind of anger that I feel bad within. I feel I must speak about oneness and equality and the injustices in the world. I must speak about how we can all change and how we all have a responsibility. I must speak about and point out our flaws and problems. This is like a shameful anger, an anger about suffering in the world. I feel this same kind of shameful anger when I have been teased and bullied. I didn't speak up then. I should have spoken up and stated my truth. I know who I am, I am THIS WAY. And set t...

So today I what I became aware of as I faced my mind was that there are positive experiences that I have been accepting and allowing. The first one in my day was tiredness. When I woke up I was in tiredness, and it was a positive experience, I liked it. It was floating and relaxed, yet it was tiredness as a feeling, as a positive energy. I had trouble stopping it, even with self-forgiveness and breathing. It was only when I applied the inhalation as a point of checking myself for my experience and for any energy. My inhalation was very specific here, it was SHARP and FULL and I held my breath with my lungs full. Before when I was using breath in the morning it was more RELAXED and it was like HALF-full inhalation. So the breathing I needed to do to support was specific. As I continued my day I noticed the pattern of how I have accepted and allowed positive experiences to take over my life. I observed several things about me. I observed how emotions are there to protect feelings, wh...

Today I learned that I have been feeling depression as Cynicism and Pessimism that the a world that is best for all won't happen. I felt this way as a reaction to seeing people give up, argue for their limitations, not willing to change, look at a point, or learn from it. It came from seeing people talking about money, and the natural world like its a dead thing. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel depression when seeing people talk about the nature as a dead thing and talk about how important money is. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel depression when I see people argue for their limitations and refuse to investigate themselves further. I also feel this way when people tell me how a world that is best for all is not possible. I also feel angry as I try to tell them why it is. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel depressed when people tell me that a world that is best for all is not possible. I forgiv...