Yogan's Journey to Life

actions, and gifts, or opportunities i gift myself with or take. Or moments that I gift myself with. It can be a moment of sitting down in front of a natural view of nature, rows of trees, while people nearby talk/play. It can be a moment of going out to dance the night away, no matter what others think or may being, just dancing by myself alone, not needing permission or approval, just doing it for me. It can be a moment of laying down, and breathing, being quiet. It can be just giving me something, like cooking a well made meal or dessert. It can be giving myself something I need like water or sleep. It can be giving myself the time to do something, all the time that I may need, plenty of time to work through something. Loving myself is a verb, is an action, is a gift I GIVE to me. That is when its real.  You don't think it. You do it. You live it.

Something I observe is that we can connect with people through different ways or modalities. Like one way is through words. Some people are able to connect intimately purely through words. Whether it be in the form of hand written letters, which used to be the old way of communicating. Or whether it is through online chat in modern times. And its not so much about only certain people can ONLY connect this way, its more that its like either a skill or a relationship to words in a way that enables them to do so. Compare this to meeting in person and connecting through the presence of a person right here in front of you. Perhaps you can say its easier to connect with someone in person, though that is a generalization and there is always exceptions to the rules. So to summarize what we have so far, people can connect solely through written words without ever meeting face to face, without any NEED to, where it isn't any less. Other people can't do this, at least in the present mom...

There's is something that has happened to me... Or rather I should say that I have been walking a long process that started in 2009, and so its been about 9 years of me doing this... And now, its like I don't care what people think of me... I'm not afraid of being alone... I can just say anything... I have my plans/goals for myself which I wrote in my last blogs, and so I have my purpose and meaning. I have my expressions where I have fun through expression. And I went to Jury duty which showed me how much different I am from most people. It's like why bother hiding who I am. I'm so different already anyway. And its also like something inside me snapped, where its like why waste my time not being me, and just living. I am unique and I am different from others. So I live my uniqueness, I share my difference, I live me. Something like that. Because I am so alone already, why wait. Why die without anyone knowing who I am? I share my difference, I share me, before I...

"Only slaves exist within pain and suffering, because they believe themselves to be ‘victim to’ some form of power greater than themselves – and have no resolve to stand up independently, but merely accept and allow the continuation of accepted and allowed pain and suffering." http://desteni.org/desteni-material/blog/marilyn-monroe-human-design-menstruation   I am standing up independently. I am learning to apply independence as a LIVING word. I am not trying to live independence through something external, which means I am not trying to find independence through how much money I have, my status, my popularity, being outside of the family home, or anything else that is external. I am learning to live independence as a LIVING word, which means inside my self, my presence, in relationship with myself, how I move, live, and speak. Independence as a living word has nothing to do with what others say, think of me, comment of me, or how they compare themselves to me. What...

Quest-ion: what is a connection with another person? So this is a question I have. So in scanning my memories, of all relationships with any human beings... in general I perceived my relationships as one sided, meaning that how I felt did not have any necessary connection or influence on how another person felt. This statement of observation was shown to me many times, wherein I would feel good around certain people and connected with them, yet the relationship would end or drift apart. This tells me one thing, that people couldn't perceive how I felt, nor who I am, such as what I think. And to be able to perceive that, would require that it be spoken/expressed. I notice that I didn't often expressed what I perceived or felt. And when I did on a rare occasion, people would be shocked/startle to see this side of me, or perhaps should I say me.  So I noticing something quite funny right now. Look at this: I was known as quiet, and a select people enjoyed this, and s...

Silence I can become very quiet. I can sit and listen to someone talking to me, as long as they are talking. And I can sit with them in silence. I have never done this before, but I would find it quite enjoyable. That I would live/be with someone, and we would never speak, yet we would communicate without words. Now that I went through a personal journey where I spoke and expressed me, I am looking what is required of me. Meaning that what the moment requires of me, whether it is to speak or not to speak. So to again be silent. And its simply based on what the moment requires. Its funny that I have a slight to resistance to not speaking. It's only slight. I find that I can drown my thoughts in silence. That the silence is all pervading, all consuming, a never ending dark pool of liquid. I have heard some people in my life say that to be silent, to not speak would be a torture, something that they can't do, and would lead to great stress and anxiety. I have s...

So within myself, I always desired to fit in, however I was not willing to compromise myself. I wanted others to be more like me, OR that they accept me. Investigating this point of acceptance further, I saw that I wanted unconditional acceptance because I thought I was already good and in some sense perfect. However unconditionally accepting anything, could mean accepting bullshit. SO that's where I am grateful for self-honesty, which is like the ability to see bullshit. Anyway, so wanting people to accept me, WITHOUT me knowing who I am, allows for the possibility for accepting abuse, which is unacceptable. So the responsible thing would be to investigate who I am. So rereading what I wrote, I would say that by compromise I mean not having to change myself. And also I see that this whole point is ego, because there is not a single description of something of value, because its all about others accepting me, for what?????? Exactly, so looking inside there is only Energy as a rea...