Yogan's Journey to Life

Being Alone There is a system within me that 5 parts to it. Each part relates to this Trauma of being Alone growing up, being alone as who I am, being alone as my story, being alone as my past, the physical behaviors and ways I act out due to this Trauma of being alone. The 5 parts of the system are: 1.      Feeling/Thinking my life is meaningless and purposeless. This is very well captured by the end of the Bohemian Rhapsody song “Nothing really matters, anyone can see, nothing really matters, nothing really matters to meee…. Any way the wind blows….” These have been constant and consistent backchats in my recent days going back to several years. Where I would try to stop it and stand up from it, though never really ending it or changing it. But I did use this as a starting point to write out my purpose to become a data scientist and use that money to create my life and support the life of others. So I didn’t let it stop me, I worked with it however w...

So I saw something really fascinating, and this will make for a really great blog post. So I was playing a game just now, and it was online competitive game, meaning that we had two teams, and I was playing with one team, and in this last game we won. Now when I played I had to be very in the moment, especially due to the structure of the game. A single mistake can be extremely costly. So my play style in this game was a rather unique position, and was one of the major reasons, and perhaps the key point that allowed us to win this particular game. I played very well, and made very few mistakes. Within that game I had to take some major risks, but they were calculated and I minimized the riskiness of the risk, if that makes sense. So I took the best route, and I saw it being the one that the team needed, for us to win. It is interesting because you can say the moment was very intense, and I can remember clearly the moment when I was taking the major risk, and how I was very focused...

         I was holding onto the validation from certain people in my life. I was restricting and limiting myself based on what I perceived would be validated by these people. In my mind, I was playing out scenarios, and conversations where what they would say to me would be positive or negative (They were mostly negative). Because I wouldn’t let these people go as attachments, I could not stop this negative thinking. I kept thinking how I didn’t know anything as I did something which I haven’t spoken about with someone else. I couldn’t move me (this is a belief), I didn’t know what to do (this is a belief). And because I wouldn’t let go of my perceptions and beliefs about who they are, and what they think of me, I really couldn’t do anything. So the solution was to let them go within myself. So within that if they were removed from the face of the planet, I would have a reaction. So I stopped that reaction through breathing and bei...