Friday, November 30, 2018

Day 73 Being a part of the solution, instead of being part of the Problem

There are many things that one can say is wrong with the world.

But one thing that happens is that people complain about what is wrong, and they only take it to there, just words that are complaining about the problem.

But what is needed is sacrifice, commitment of your Life and your Time in some positive way that is practical that will inevitably bring about the end of the problem with a solution. It can be long term stuff. It can be where you spend your money. It can be saving your money and using it wisely in supporting people that are voices of changes. It can be directly volunteering, becoming a politician, starting a business, making a plan to work a certain job that provides you security and use that security to support others, uplift others. We each have strengths and inheritances. We are not all born equal or have access to equal opportunity. BUT we can BE equals, and SEE each others as equals, and so give this life all that we got, and we utilize our strengths and advantages to change the world, uplift people, support the voices of change. Some people will be better at being the voices than you, and that's okay. We each have our talents and so our best roles to play. We will do this together, and make it through together, as soon as we join in and start rowing as a team. The team of life. The team of humanity. The team of the world. It will take sacrifice. It will take time. It will take your life and commitment.

Don't be a complainer. Join in the Revolution. Play your part. Do it. Solve the Problem.

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

Day 72 Care

A world where everything is done with love and care for the end result. When apples are grown, that the man/woman plants the tree seeds with care. The person cares for the seedling. Cares for the tree. Cares for the fruit they pluck from it. Carefully places it for transport. The transport person carefully transports it. The people receive it with care. Its placed with attention in the hands of the one who eats it.

Imagine if everything done in reality is this way. What would have to stop? What would have to change?

What is stopping us from living care in the moment?

We can eat an apple with care with attention, carefully.

Its matters who we are, what we do, how we live. What words we live. They create reality.

Sunday, November 25, 2018

Day 71 Update on Adrenaline

Update since Blog post Adrenaline:

So since I have been walking the point of Adrenaline as described in my blog, well here's an update.

I have been paying attention to my physical heart, and when and in what moments I react so that adrenaline or my blood pressure kicks it up, and so I feel my heart pounding. So I have been purposefully being calm and relax in my time where I don't have to be running around.

One of the greatest luxuries in life is being able to just take your time walking somewhere, to just enjoy the view, enjoy the moment, going slow. This requires time.

Also, by paying attention to my heart, this has helped me in conversations where I can remain calm, and more stable and not react within conversation topics. At the same time, when I do talk, I see I'm much more effective, and pay much more attention to what was just said, and able to bring through my point, as how I see it, clearly, quickly, and to the point.

I see and can envision adding to my blog sections dedicated to Adrenaline as a chapter. As well as Anger as another Chapter, and Sex as another, where all three chapters are connected as a the same underlying point yet different as the different dimensions of the point. It will be explained in such a way that a psychologist researcher or a scientist can use it to jumpstart studies and show what's going on in people.  I suspect some of the people diagnosed with Depression are participating in this adrenaline as I found it does decrease your sensitivity to your senses, and so the world seems less bright, less going on, such as food being more bland for example or sex being underwhelming. It has a physical component which CAN be studied and shown in the lab. I'm sure of it. I hope this can be studied by someone and it can then benefit Humanity.

For brief moments and spurts I did use my adrenaline in order to study deeply mathematics in preparation for my GRE test. As well as during a deep and complex conversation with an individual, where I had to keep track of multiple points. Something I noticed about me was that I bounce my foot. I have done that throughout my life, notably in school desks, when i am studying something deeply, or am taking a test. I bounce my right foot. My theory is that it moves my physical energy around, which means my blood, and so fresh blood pumps around my veins, noticeably to my brain. I am very focused and can feel the surge of blood to my brain as I am focused on the task.

I realize many people drink coffee every morning. I never drank coffee, but I did have a moment one night some months ago where I drank this highly caffeinated beverage by accident at night. I had woken up and felt weird. I noticed I didn't feel physical pain. Like I would pinch myself and not feel it at all. i got really worried/scared. I then realized it was probably the caffeine. Now looking at how I felt with adrenaline its the same. Because caffeine is only a signal. Caffeine signals for you to release adrenaline. It doesn't give you adrenaline or any resources for example. So that's the difference. So it make sense. So I realize many people are probably existing like this.

Saturday, November 24, 2018

Day 70 The Little Prince

The book called the Little Prince...

I learned that love is simple. Its simple because I did it as a child. Very simple. I loved my toys. I loved my toys because I spent time with them, I paid attention to them, I interacted with them, I was here with them. I spent TIME with them, I had MOMENTS with them, as memories of experiences. I can remember them and recall them, and I cared for them. When I lost them, I was distraught. I missed them. I can remember them with fondness, with love in me.

Only the children know what they are looking for," said the little prince. "They
waste their time over a rag doll and it becomes very important
to them; and if anybody takes it away from them, they cry..." 
"They are lucky," the switchman said"
 I'm very sure I understand what love is now. While reading this book, I'm pretty sure I can see it. I see it my past. I can see the moments and the people with who I actually loved and those who I thought I did love, but didn't really. I understand now the difference. I can see how as a child I had the innocence to love, but not the understanding of the difference between that love and the fake version of it. Now as an adult full of experience, I can look back and see the difference. 

This is what I see.

With some women, I tried to love them. I sincerely tried. I gave my best. But it wasn't possible. It didn't fruition into love. And it simply wasn't possible, because of the moment and because of us, the both of us. It's not something you can force or make. Its something you can try and test and just see how it pans out. 

With two women, I can see that it was Love, real love, pure love. The same love, that had the same feel of it, when I would love my toy. Like the rag doll in the example above. Where I was being me, and there it was! Ties were establish between me and the other person in moments that were real. It was real and sincere. It was full. It was fulfilling. And I can look back and see that it is so. 

It's very simple really. What real love is as an expression between two individuals. 

And it does end, because that is how things happen. I remember when I lost a toy, a specific toy and I missed it. What you do when you lose something you love? Well you go on and you love something else. Because love is not really about the other in the end. It is about you and the love that you live as, that you are. And yes it involves reality, people and things. 

With these two women, I know they loved me. It's something I know. That doesn't mean we are meant to be husband and wife. It doesn't even mean we have to be friends or be in contact. Because things in Life pull you apart. Not only Death, but also life circumstance, personal goals etc... That doesn't mean the love wasn't real. In fact I can say that its here now and its present. 

What's more important is that I can see now the realness of it. And so I am learning. So I can bring love into my life now, through my physical reality. Like my room, or my clothes, or my food, or my body. Now with awareness I can do it, knowing what real love is. Because its all the same. Whether its the Love for my room that I decorated myself piece by piece, with attention and care and the memory of it, or with that of a person... its the same. Yet it is the different, but the Love is the same realness, wholeness, fullness, hereness, and NOT-FAKENESS. 

Being okay with Loving and then losing a specific person or thing, is important. What happens most often is we don't know what we are doing or what is happening, so we react and so we don't MOVE ON and LOVE something or someone else, and our life becomes dark and hollow. As children we have the capacity to love, just not the maturity or self-awareness to understand the difference and specificity of our love and how it works and what it is. It is Us. It is Me. It is not the other, it is ME that is loving, that is living the love. And we have loved many things as children, so it is not the first time, or first love. Your first love probably was a toy! LOL. 

I think this is why Toy Story movies are such a big success because they press on this nerve that people are not even aware of but they will CRY in the movies for the Love between the toys and the child. Because that was a real sincere love, that children have, that you had for you toys, for the moments you spent there with THEM. 

That same kind of pure love is the real love, and only love, that you want to continue to live with things in this reality and certain people in this reality. With people its more trickery. Because not everyone is as open, honest, and here as an inanimate object is. Believe it or not. And you know this. You know how there just can't be communication that is clear and real, no matter how clear and real you may be with another. And it may be for various reasons that are out of your control. The details of which don't matter, but just know that no one is to blame. 

You can read the Little Prince here: 

They say its a childrens book WRITTEN for Adults. And its important to read the beginning to the end. Though the meat about the LOVE that I learned from was from the Fox and from the relationship between the little prince and the flower. 

I had read it once before as a child, but I didn't understand it. Now though, reading the deeper layers with personal experiences on love I can see what its trying to say. I would be surprised if a child would get it or understand it, which is why I suspect it was really written for adults and not children.

Anyway, the lesson with the fox, is like I said above in my entire blog except that its in my own words. I don't believe I can say it any better than what I have said before. BUT if you read it the Little Prince maybe you can see for yourself better than how I have explained here in my own words. You may have to find your own words and see into your own soul and see the reality of Love that you have lived in this Life-time. The key to the secrets of you is within you. 

Grab the reigns and start living. 

Friday, November 23, 2018

Day 69 Adrenaline

Adrenaline as excitement

Adrenaline as fear


My heart beating, my heart pressure is high. I can't relax/stop it. It just goes.

I am addicted to Adrenaline. My body is conditioned to exist in adrenaline. I am seeking for more adrenaline. Adrenaline as Fear is my everyday life. Adrenaline as Excitement is my Entertainment everyday.

I choose to redefine and stop. No more adrenaline as fear or as excitement. No more heart pressure. Instead I choose when I do it. I choose when I adrenaline. Otherwise I am relax, stable, slow.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as adrenaline when I wake up and for my day.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move quick and fast as what's normal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as caffeine.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for adrenaline as excitement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for adrenaline.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my blood pressure to rise and beat high, even though I am just sitting in a chair doing nothing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have adrenaline even though I am just laying in bed or I am just sitting doing nothing, where it feels I can't stop the blood pressure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let adrenaline be habit.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let adrenaline be normal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enjoy adrenaline.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to find adrenaline as entertaining.

I redefine adrenaline as high blood pressure as a way to do things with my body in a fast way where it needs more resources for my muscles or my mind/brain. It is short burst. The body is not designed to use it long term. Should be very rarely a full day. Not the norm. It is harmful to exist in such a high state of demand on the body. Not Normal.

I take responsibility for adrenaline that it is to be directed by me on purpose. It is my responsibility to use adrenaline responsibly. Just like a drug, just like a caffeine. It is how I use it, how I live it. There is consequence for using it. It has an effect. It up to me to change.

Power doesn't corrupt. It just reveals who you are. Take responsibility.

Day 68 Moving Slower. Tortoise vs the Hare

I have needed to just call a halt on everything and take things slower. This occurred physically to me, cause I got sick. I can tell that I got sick because of stress, because before I got sick I was dealing with a lot of stress. Basically I don't have time for everything I want to do right now. And I had been trying and pushing to get all of these things done. But its just not possible. I have to give myself time, plenty of time to do things right and well.

Just making the statement that I'm going to be pushing back my deadlines and giving myself more time, already lifted some of the weight. But I also had to tackle some of the reasons why it exists.

Why was I doing this? What about me thinks its okay to push all of this stuff on me to get it done as fast as possible?

I know that before starting working in my jobs, so when I was in college still and then younger than that, I was different. I would have always taken things slow and do things Right. That is my preference. I know I am good at that, and I know that's the best way to get things done. What happens includes a environment shift and pressure. BUT, its who I am in such an environment, including the pressure. So no one else is to blame, not even my environment.

So what is about me that thinks its okay to push things like this? One thing is a belief that what is my best?

The belief about what is my best is that I believe my best is when I am running around quickly and fast and getting things done as fast as possible. I believe that. And thats a problem. So I redefine it.

My best is actually me going slow and doing what needs to be done, one thing at a time. Because slow and steady wins the race. It doesn't matter how long it takes. THIS is my best. So what I notice is this feeling of feeling bad, where I feel bad if I am going slow, within the belief I am not doing my best. So I redefine it.

My best is me moving SLOW, and doing this WELL, giving myself the TIME to do it. It DOESN"T MATTER how long it takes. The time it takes to get things done is how long it will take. This is unequivocally, universally, unconditionally my best in all universes and existences. Anything not that is NOT my best.

So first redefining what is my best is my first step.
Rather becoming honest with that, and realigning myself to what is the god honest truth.

I can't do everything and DO everything WELL. I just can't.

So what I have been doing then is living this. So for example I had been for a while leaving my dishes and plates to be cleaned later because I had a lot in my mind in all the things I needed to get done and there are deadlines and basically all this stuff to get done. So what I am doing is like I said, taking things slow, and pushing things back and dropping things I can do. So what I do then is I wash everything, and do it slow. It doesn't matter if I am tired, I can do it slow.

So things I wanted to get done in my life in a year, are being pushed back maybe two years or even three years. How ever long it takes. I am no longer in a rush to do it to get it done. I am slow and steady now like a turtle. I will win the race, I will get there. I will just do it right, and well. No more rushing. When I run I will be running while moving slow within me.

I stand absolutely in this decision. It won't change. I will get there, to my goals. I am just no longer the rabbit.

Slow and Steady Wins the Race.

Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Day 67 Self-Forgiveness on Purpose being Happiness of my Partner/Husband/Wife and Children as My Family

Note: I don't have children or a wife/girlfriend, but these words as symbols exist within the mind consciousness system, and so I can do self-forgiveness now on them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live for the happiness of my family, wife and children.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live for the feeling energy of my family, wife and children.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that real self-expression of happiness and feeling energy of happiness, are completely different.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I cannot live the purpose of making others happy as feeling energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad, sad, purposeless, meaningless in my family, wife, children not liking me or not wanting me around.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad, alone, isolated, sad, depressed, purposeless, meaningless, when my wife, children are disappointed at me, angry at me, vengeful at me, blaming me, hating me, frustrated with me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like life is not worth living, to feel suicidal, to feel like moving away, to feel like they are better off without me, when my family, wife, children do not see me as their hero, but their burden/villain.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel week, powerless, a victim, when my wife, children, as family, blame me for being moody, depressed, angry, a burden, annoying, where every time I'm around them they are unhappy to see me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have Thought within me "why did I have a family in the first place, they don't even want me!" "They would be better off without me!"

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the Thought within me "I will leave, That'll show them! They will start to miss me and only THEN will they appreciate me!"

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let in Energy, as Emotions (negative), and Feelings (positive), within my relationships of family, as wife-husband, and father-children Within and As ME.

I realize that inserting all this energy, as feeling good and bad, in reactions to people, doesn't make sense, especially when you have the perfect alternative of living in self-will and self-awareness, as expressions that you take full responsibility for and do not blame and assign responsibility to others for.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take responsibility for the Fact that Making an Agreement to spend a considerable time with someone, like a lifetime, involves my responsibility too, where I can spend the time to get to Know the person fully, where I have the opportunity to share and open up, and to see who the person is and who I am, and what kind of future that would look like together.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself if my wife and children have reactions, and participate with energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of standing within the responsibility of voicing/showing that reactions and energy lead to consequence and that living self-expression is the only way to really live well, to my wife and children as family, or my potential partner.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make my purpose of having happy wife and children, that are happy with me, my purpose at all.

Having a wife, is making an agreement, a partnership for the remainder of your time on Earth. This is my vision for mine. There is complete honesty, openness of Who I Am. I am a revolutionary out to change the world in terms of the Mind, Self, Spirit of people and the economic system that provides for our physical needs/well-being. I am a living example of working with the Mind, and Self that desteni as a group provided self-forgiveness, self-responsibility, and self-writing and other tools to do so. I am proof the tools work, and I am satisfied in what I have seen and done in my own self-change.  And There is equal understanding and agreement about the importance of my goals, being universal goals, humanity's goals, Life' goals. Where with that understanding it is commonsense, that my partner would need to walk that self-betterment process as well, and it is commonsense that our children would need to be raised/shown that process as well. And it is commonsense that we must together as team work towards both humanity's betterment process and for the Economic fixes so that physical well-being is met. So a complete and mutual understanding and walking of the process, with the remainder of our time on Earth.

 You can clearly see that simply making my wife and children happy is not Synonymous or compatible with  Who I Am, My Goals, and My Future, nor with the future of Humanity, of Life, nor the goals of Life, or Existence.

Living for Happiness is part of the Problem. People spend ridiculous money on ridiculous things to make them HAPPY. People get drunk and Drugged, to make them HAPPY. Happiness is not a measure of Goodness. Happiness is Equally good and bad, which makes it harmful and untrustworthy to Life. A man living for happiness is inherently untrustworthy in terms of doing what's best for all, and being a caretaker, guardian of Life.

Happiness is a measure of how you FEEL, not on HOW you are Living, or WHAT you are doing, and the CONSEQUENCES it has on yourself and OTHERS.   

Happiness as self-expression is NOT that. It is something you DO, and you ARE, that you share and live for yourself in the moment. It is an alignment of what you are doing to your body on a physical level, which reflects in your awareness, where you SEE any future consequences of what you are doing and you take responsibility for your expression.

Monday, November 19, 2018

Day 66 Self-forgiveness on Purpose

Desire to make someone else Happy.

I want to make someone else happy.

My purpose is to make others happy.

My purpose is to make children happy.

My purpose is to make my children happy.

My purpose is to make my wife, girlfriend happy.

My purpose is to make my wife and children happy.

If I lose my children and wife, then I have no purpose. I am purposeless, I am nothing, I feel sad and depressed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make my purpose making others happy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live for making children happy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live for making my wife/girlfriend happy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have my purpose to be the happiness of others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel fulfillment and purpose from making others happy and so like me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do things, and change things about me that makes others happy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live out this Male/Man program of being the dutiful/dotting husband that only lives for the happiness of his children and wife.

I'm not being a person, I'm being a SYSTEM when I'm only looking to make others happy.

This is the World System, to not be a person, and live a purpose that is a System.

Friday, November 16, 2018

Day 65 The Insurmountable Challenge

I feel tired of not being understood, of being so alone. Any time I remotely open up deep parts of myself, they go straight over other people's heads. How many people are like me?

Someone who gets science and philosophy and mathematics. Someone who can express themselves clearly in words. Someone who fights for everything in existence, nature, animals, plants, all people.
Someone who gets children, understands them. Someone who can place themselves in the shoes of most people/situations. Someone who has a strong imagination and creativity. Someone who doesn't need or care for any drugs or stimulants and can have so much fun without them. Someone who can LISTEN. Someone who can be here. Someone who can do anything and learn anything. Someone who is committed to the advancement and develop of the human being as Self.

Let me tell you my life story in short.

I was not born this way. I made a journey. So that you understand I am not magical, I was not given this, I worked for this.

I was a child yes. I saw things. I saw my own expression, I saw the realness of it. I saw others choosing to stop expressing themselves. I saw others choosing to harm and take advantage. I looked for people that were real. I was fucking alone, but at least I stayed true to the truth. I stayed true to real expression. I never forgot about it. I always looked for it. I wanted what was real. I BELIEVED in the potential of every person. I gave everyone a chance. I allowed myself to get fucked over.

I never quit on this. And this was since I was a kid. The real expression was always on my mind. It was always part of my quest. I know there is something real here this is missing in all of us. I know we had it as children. I know gaining access to it, and living it again is the way. No matter the sacrifice, it will be worth it.

I kept this alive in me. I fought for this. Even though I was different, even though I couldn't really share it, or be understood or fit in, I fought for it. I tried every way I could to make it real.

I lived a life of being alone since childhood, with this knowing of what's real, surrounded by people who can't recognize, can't see the value in fighting for it, and giving up everything for it. I do this for everyone.

I would spend some of my time on this endeavor. Looking and Seeing. Testing out ways for me to change. I believed if I meditated more, I could do it. If I was more disciplined, more focused. If I could be more brave. Every method presented to me, or that I would stumble upon I would try it. I know that I can become better, that anyone can, and if I found the way then I can help bring others through the same way. This was my life and mission, nothing else. Not money, not family. Not material possessions.

This was consistently me. This was me as a teenager.

I did school. I trusted my teachers. I learned EVERYTHING I could from them. I made the decision to learn from older adults.

With all of these decisions and everything I was living, I was become much older. I felt like I was 40 years old already. I was seeing the bigger picture. I was seeing what matters.

Finding desteni was like a detailed schematic of the entire mind. I could explain it clearly now. I know how it works. I even was told how long it would take to walk it! I had all the information I could ever need. Yet with all this information I can't save anybody. I can only save myself.

I may be forever alone, but at least I won't be fucked, and I will have a real self. In short I'm done with believing I am doing this for others, and I can save others. I can't save anyone, but me. I do this for me, in the hopes that someone else will join me and we can actually talk as equals.

So you see, what it takes is determination and grit. What it takes is holding onto what is real. What it takes is the willingness to sacrifice everything that is not real for what is real. What it takes is willingness to walk this alone and be alone while surrounded by people who don't get you or understand you. What it takes is the willingness to learn everything, and push through every resistance, frustration, annoyance, pain, and burden. What it takes is finding success eventually again and again by finishing what you started. What it takes is to live this in every moment, where every breath you take is a challenge in just being aware of this moment of breathing.

So even with all the tools, all the information, it all comes down to your spirit, who you are. What do you do when you are confronted with an insurmountable challenge? What do you do when you are completely alone in how you see the world, even though you KNOW it to be the truth? How do you proceed? How do you use the information and tools before you?

There is no reason at all that I can see that would prevent you from making the same choices as me. In any moment of challenge, take on the challenge and succeed. In every moment, remember what matters most and remember what is real. Sacrifice all that is not real. Hold onto what is real. Become stronger. The surface definitions don't matter. What matters is who you are inside yourself. is where you can find the tools and information on the mind. It is very simplistic and accurate, and I'm sure one day it will be widely understood and be part of everyday life.

Thursday, November 15, 2018

DAy 64 My Views 1

My political views, is that we overall transfer wealth from the wealthy so that its spent wisely in Life itself. This includes not only in the country of origin, but in support of all people around the world.

My view is that we need to focus on the study of the Mind and Self, where we understand how and why we are who we are, why we develop our personalities, how and why we make our decisions, and what roles that thoughts, emotions and feelings play within that. In addition, how does physical memory or rote memory play a role in forming the basis of our personalities, and decision making, especially when it happens instantaneously as a reaction. How come we have such difficulty in seeing a different point of view, without bias?

I'm especially interested in using what we learn, in the form of tools or methods that we can utilize to change ourselves, change who we are, our personality, change our gut instincts, our decisions, and being able to take on different perspectives without bias. Being able to stop an emotion, or feeling or thought. Being in control over our inner reality, and so creating stability within ourselves so that we may observe, see and understand all that is happening within us, within our minds, our bodies, and so all of the self.

"Perhaps the greatest mistake that we can make is to take for granted that we are GOOD, and INTELLIGENT, and RIGHT.

The one who is intelligent, questions whether they are intelligent, good or right.

The one that is good, will question whether he or she himself, or herself is good, intelligent, or right.

The one that is right, will never stop questioning whether they are right, intelligent, or good.

Never take it as Granted or a Given that who you are is what you Think or Believe to be.

Knowing who you are comes from never stopping questioning who you are."

- San Sampson

The greatest error we can make in the study of the Mind, and Self of the Human, is not use our own experience as evidence, and to deny that we are ALREADY using our own experience as evidence for theories we like, and feel are right. The study of the Mind of the human is the study of oneself, because you are human and you have a mind! And we cannot take for granted ANY of our biases, feelings, inclinations, leanings towards any idea or explanation of the Mind or the Self. We must find a way that explains EVERYTHING clearly, without fault, error, holes or gaps. Doing so requires challenging our views. The self challenge or self-questioning is vital. Having an unsatisfied attitude for anything less than full understanding is great.

To start with a clear example, compare a baby/toddler to 10 year old person, to a 20 year old to a 40 year old etc... Children are way different than adults. Yet they are two different snapshots of the SAME person. So what happened? Something happened. Decisions were made. Momentary, in the moment decisions were made regarding whether you are pro-choice or pro-life. Pro-gun, pro-gay marriage, pro-taxes, pro-american etc... in one moment a decision was made. How and why do we make our exact decisions? As we get older, it becomes clear when we stick to our decisions and when we change our decisions. Even then, why do we change our decisions? How come?

Perhaps, the study of the Human, the Self or the Mind, is the study of the Decisions we make. Can you tell me why you make your decisions? What do you base your decisions on? And how do you explain other people making different decisions?

Wednesday, November 14, 2018

Day 63 Religion, Nationalism, Culture, Country, Identity, Country, Race, HIstory.

These things are all lies.
Religion, Nationalism, Culture, Country, Identity, Country, Race, History.

None of this stuff is worth dying for or fighting for.

None of this stuff is Life.

None of this stuff have any meaning. Religion, Nationalism, Culture, Country, Identity, Country, Race, History.

You were all just babies born into your situation. ALL OF YOU.

None of this stuff matters: Religion, Nationalism, Culture, Country, Identity, Country, Race, HIstory.

You were born INTO it.

This is not life.

This is not meaning.

What is meaning is Life.

What is meaning is Everyone.

You want happiness? How can you have happiness without meaning?

Love Everyone, Love Life.

Love is GIVING LIFE to everyone.

Give everything that Life needs. Food, Water, Home, security.

Work for Life.

Do not work for 2nd house, luxury watches, luxury cars, bigger TV.

Work for Life.

Work for Everyone

Work for Meaning.

Give money to Everyone

Give money to Life.

Make money have the value of Life.

Right now money has no value.

You can change that.

None of this stuff matters: Religion, Nationalism, Culture, Country, Identity, Country, Race, History.

What matters is Life.

You will DIE.

Make Life Better for ALL.

Give up your idea of Life. Give up your idea of Religion, Nationalism, Culture, Country, Identity, Country, Race, History.

Sunday, November 11, 2018

Day 62 My first blog post

I know that for other people, they may not get my connection with my first blog post online. Let me try to explain why the moment is special for me and why I revisit it sometimes.

There is a purity to someone just starting their process, and posting online for the first time. There is a simplicity, just like a baby or child. There is a purity, a innocence, a good-will of intent.There is also that first step of bravery where you are going public, you are exposing yourself, you are writing something personal and real.

My first blog post didn't seem like much, but for me it was. I was REALLY MEANING and standing behind my self-forgiveness. I meant every word, and I wrote it, spoke it, and lived it very deeply within myself. I remember where I was, I remember the feel of the room, I remember the orientation. I remember the emotions and feelings, I remember just the moment.

I really had in that moment the intent and will to walk the process into infinity, no matter what may come, not knowing what I will face, not knowing what will happen.

I was standing behind, within and as a principle of life, something that can stand infinitely so. I stand with and alongside anyone willing to do the same.

The words I wrote in my first blog was literally reprogramming myself. I was programming myself just like how a computer is programmed. I am a programmer. By saying these words, meaning it, and then living it, it becomes real. I really do become the words in my living, in my actions, in how I see the world.

I am reminded as well of I all I didn't know yet that I have faced since then. All the challenges and struggles. My darkest moments. As well as all the joys and expressions I always dreamed of having and living. I used to pray in the car with my mom aloud, that I would have good self-expression. I used those words specifically, exactly. I always knew how I did have this wonderful expression within me and I KNOW it is within EVERYONE, and I know we have lost it, and I KNOW we can LIVE it again and gain access to it. This has been a journey I have been on my entire life. This is for everyone.

Friday, November 9, 2018

Day 61 Desperate Desire

It really is a cool alliteration. Desperate Desire,  De De,

I'm using it to describe something within me. I had already described Desperation as a key word, along with anxious and nervous. I had a memory where I was pulling on my parents arm, telling her to go, that I wanted to go! I was like cmon! cmon! cmon! lets gooooo!!!! already!!!! CMON!!!! The emotional state that I was in was Desperate.

Looking at my current moment. I desperately want something. I desperately want this, and so desperate desire then. This is in relation to a person. Where I want to be with this person. At the same time I can draw a contrast here to perfectly illustrate the reality of desperate desire as emotion.

In contrast to desperate desire, what I want as having a family, having kids, having a partner that I can share such a deep intimate connection with that we would be connected simply by our words hundreds of million miles away from each other, that I can see their soul, that they bear their soul onto me, all of their secrets, all of the evil and bad they have lived, all of the mistakes they have made, all the wrong and bad things, as well as the good obviously, its just that people are afraid of their own shameful stuff which is why I emphasize that first. Anyway, you get the idea, real intimacy, real openness, unabashed, unafraid, comfortable, and more than willing. What I want as these words are not a desperate desire.

In contrast, desperate desire is an irrational, illogical, want and need of a person for no reason at all. Its an energy field that comes up in me. It's an obsession, a possession, a take over of my feelings. A Coup. It exists out of habit, out of personality that I lived in childhood. And I applied it within women/girls I liked, with my crushes. And it is a such an overwhelming and painful experience. The stress of it, the anxiety, the nervousness is intolerable. It's so chaotic. This Desperate Desire.

Why do you exist? Why should you? Desperate Desire? It's no fun.
 Just an addiction to intensity. Addiction to the intensity of anger, sadness, of energy, any energy.
No more!!!!
I can't get what I really want as long as I accept and allow this energy addiction, this allowance of desperate desire.

Let all energy die. I kill it.

No more.

Just me, living here, in physical reality, in physical body, creating real physical relationships and moments shared with real physical people. The era of energy is over. A new life has begun.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing desperate energy within me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing desperate desire within and as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live life through the intensity of emotion and energy, as addiction and habit and personality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let this painful experience of desperate desire exists for anymore.

Sunday, November 4, 2018

Day 60 People and Animals

So I have been watching the videos from DODO that share videos on facebook, that I see while scrolling through facebook. Its all about animals. Its hard to put in words.
There are people that care about animals, that GIVE UP their lives and self-definition and money to take on a NEW self-definition and Life that is about raising, caring for the animals, to the utmost degree. You can call this real Love. real Care. This is something I would do. And this is the BEST of Humanity, and the human spirit.[0]=68.ARDxH-SH1CSRhDgwSC_7AU3P6b5Vr42GnyvReMxOLUmFPJdcK7AAvifRiTgJw_XEbqfXcIeKyADbKKC7oO7vvYa4tbaDPh8UTKzn2xtEjIEjIeqAyx8s6TvlWbvUafJeT0L_XUJmAWu6cN00eeiovQC0wgGhtWrZ90GytVyQLN9w-dGunPL48abcFqxnsBY7aTaXfFkuGM5HQyMvJUoStFYZdaVWHyMHIOdCnw8&__tn__=-R[0]=68.ARCEY943k6BB42k5tK1X_y8ucFiis9sCOiuUfiC1k-9i67Px1wX9dhn7816DeRKp_xMUe-kQVOpc7rQrddG_QdYP8-pAhW7Tzr0pnCeR-kXcfMdzsqrPj7YZ10mA6VZeIjR5bsEJ_yjo9VcFFj0hm9-8Sool6k1xvdyXbBhceplAqQqQsuToStl1cP-KqMzuciWkREx1cby74QItFRIfwvfDgbelbvDiZI2NXgs&__tn__=-R[0]=68.ARD8fgr6wv0dnykmLhlBJBkj-h_xgoPWrmuS688WSZ6EKUD-hrGqhBZhYvgnareIu73qpv0nViSVvCTPop3rmu5mhjuEI7qCBt-D5Tds1bMFmZCW53Qj2VmfkFXLWGTcSPekPV5zo6hW3Wrx0tPgUqAiKZeuns9xHpf461ZZnCroTGdnkv8Z8IUDP0zrJIbaZBx1YnKr0-3qoMQdPKgOY3KQ3czQEi1ERX2ux0Y&__tn__=-R[0]=68.ARDEWSGJcOQ-IK09cKKenT9OssY4OESTrKF7F_ShqupsvIxNyYaRJNqofg9NqoDwcszxnOms9sbxucJxxi_2QaJB-BEEFH1cS1LHV_0iThvTlTTaF4L0aVfDP-3CF6cjwEyKwj3ibZmg5aaRMLJQCHOmTH-OJjn2jI5iaG_2yo1wGmYYuIfiTAEHmzUPCS7wI8qBGJ9TxFNzz8d9QBZAomGAwkNKTGNtlGIIa58&__tn__=-R

Real Happiness and Joy comes from the service, and caring of life. To give yourself. And all I want to do is my part in that. I'm going to go after what I can do best which is making money, but I'm going to use that money to support Life. Watching these videos make me cry and feel good in the happiness of people living real lives. Watch these videos. There more awesome videos like this, because there are more such awesome people out there like this. Imagine if these videos were never created.

These people KNOW who they are and they have PURPOSE. And it serves LIFE.

Thursday, November 1, 2018

Day 59 Just Talking with People

Talking with People, just learning about them should be normal. It is normal, just we may find it strange when it hasn't happened in so long. Like learning about someone, about things that may seem like insignificant facts from a certain point of view, can also seem from a certain point of view a Treasure Trove of words and experiences never seen, heard, or felt before. Maybe its about where someone has lived, that you never visited before or been to before. Maybe its about what someone does in their daily life, which tends to be their work/job and responsibilities. Maybe its about a person's interests and hobbies, what they know how to do, and what they do in their free time. Things, experiences, words, music you may never hear of otherwise.

It can be simply hearing and understand what kind of a person a person is. Or it can be relating and sharing your own similar experiences, meeting someone who went through something similar or the same as you.

It is just normal to just talk to someone. To listen to them. To ask them question, to follow your own natural curiosity in getting to know someone. Asking the first question that pops up within you. Something that you don't know about the person.

We are all different. No one else grew up in my house in the time I did. No one else slept in my bed and wore my clothes, wore my shoes. No one else had my exact experience nor relationship with the things in my life and people in my life including friends and family. No one. The same goes with everyone. We have lived our own lives. And either seeing that someone relates to some aspects that are similar moments that we lived is quite cool to discover and see, or to see the different, foreign and alien experiences, also cool.

Life, should be easy. Talking should be easy. Natural. Normal. Just a conversation.

So get out there and learn about someone... new.

Day 58 Explanation of Everything

From the big to the small.

From the state of corruption in some country's government. From monopolies of businesses. From Liberal Rich States and countries, to the poor. To country's starving people. To desecration of land. To the flow of money. To the emotion of anger. To the feeling of Love.

Everything can be explained and understood.

The human.

The human has a body, and a mind. The mind creates the personality you have been using. 99.99999999% of people don't know the extent of their mind, what it does, and why it exists.

99.9999999% of people are disempowered. All of these people gave all their power away.

Realizing yourself, means realizing what your mind is and what it does. It means being honest with yourself about what you know already.

The flow of money, the flow of decisions, the flow of moments all come down to this basic awareness. How energy flows in your body. Stopping this energy is of utmost importance. Consider it like poison. Energy flowing indicates and abdication of responsibility. It indicates the mind is moving, which means you aren't.

Watch how money flows. Watch how the decision flows on how to flow money. Watch the flow of sweat and tears and blood for the flow of money decided by anothers flow of energy of mind.

You can say it starts like this.

1. Flow of energy in your mind

2. Flow of decisions

3. Flow of money

4. Flow of blood, sweat and tears

5. Repeat.

Restructuring the person, means challenging this flow of Energy as the ROOT cause.

The outside system is not evil.

The outside system is not to blame

Who is to blame is YOU, because you let the energy FLOW within you.

If you didn't let the energy flow within you, you can change the flow of money. You can change the flow of the sweat, blood and tears.

You can change the flow of decisions.

This entire reality is a flow of decisions.

You haven't and don't know your purpose, your self, your flow.

If you want to remake reality, remake yourself. This reality becomes a reflection of You!

Right now you are a reflection of reality.

As long as you accept and allow the flow of energy within you, nothing will change.

 You are capable of stopping all energy, and do anything without energy. ANYTHING.