day58- Update- supporting myself
I had for a while in my life fantasize about meeting a group of people/friends that would accept me. I also imagined having a relationship partner and a best friend as well. However, I see I have made these several points as compromises to who I am, because I have charged these points with energy, so that I become overwhelmed by these points. I also notice I enter into points of contests/ego with friends, with these people who would accept me. I saw it as something normal or to be expected, an idea I built and reinforced with my observations and constant thoughts, imaginations and playouts in my minds. This has lead to a great compromise in who I am and in my living. The nature of who I am is to seek consolence, and so be weak within that. All these years I have built up strength and skill. Who I am is in reverse. Inside I seek to do nothing, be nothing, and let others do all the work. This is ego and self-interest, the exact evil that creates the world. I am just lik...