Yogan's Journey to Life

Controlling another's perception of me. I choose to let go of controlling another's perception of me. I choose this even if they have the wrong perception of me, a judgment or a reaction. It is the responsibility of each one to walk their own process and direct themselves and their perceptions of others. Its not my responsibility to do that for them, and that even includes their perception of me. I choose to let go of trying to control others perception of me. I choose to not define myself or react to how others perceive me. I choose not to decide for others how they should view me. That is entirely up to them. I am not here to walk other peoople's process. I can give suggestions, yes. I can show the tools and the process that can be walked. But its not my responsibility to walk it for them. The perception that  each one has is entirely up to each one of them. I realize that it doesn't reflect me what someone else is thinking of me, or what they think I am. If ...

So, having met some Destonians that I have known for like 9 years for some, that its like HOLY SHIT. I don't know them. Like really KNOW them. And that's how it is. Now one VERY specific and PARTICULAR point that I am going to zero in on is the image and face of a person. Now, using one person as an example, if I look at photos of their face on facebook, all of my judgment and preconceptions on WHO that person is based on how they look, how they smile, their facial structure, their eyes, EVERYTHING, is just completely and FLAT OUT WRONG. I am wrong in my assessment of who they are, based on image. So obviously the question is why then do we do this? Why do I do this? Because that goes to show you CANNOT trust the image at all to tell you who the person is. You cannot. Its not trustworthy. And that is Interesting isn't it? I mean really look at it. Because we are all the time judging based on what we see. All the time. We do it so often and so regularly that we forget ab...

Fear of Being Alone. We do a lot in the name of NOT being Alone. I have done a lot. How much? I went into years of depression because I had people in my life. I had the attention, the love, the admiration, the worship, celebration, care. I felt needed and wanted, I felt I belonged. I felt like this is who I am, I found myself, this where I am supposed to be and do. All of this that I felt and thought was a lie. Because these feelings are lies. These thoughts are lies. This positivity, this bliss, this pleasure is a lie. How can feeling good be a lie? I was part of some people's everyday life. I got to know them. They would smile at me, and I would make them happy. When I would make they happy, laugh and have fun, I felt amazing. I felt complete, I felt great, I felt wonderful and bliss. This is all I ever wanted to do forever. Just make them happy. I wanted to keep them in my life, and I wanted them to keep me in their lives. I wanted to own them and be owned. I wanted...

I am going to be writing about something that has been haunting me for years. It is my first relationship. It will be about the abuse, the lies, and the deception I faced. It will be about how I didn't call out the abuse, the lies or deception, and how I didn't stand up for myself. It will be about how I will learn, change and be better for me. Writing this out here is how I start to change into being better for me. So, my first relationship was with a girl I met in college. I had spoken with her a few times. We hanged out. She had told me that she had broken up with boyfriend. However, this was a lie. I am someone that would never date someone or do anything with someone who was still with someone else.  After we had our first kiss she had then called to break up with her boyfriend, who was in her home town. I only found this out later when she had went back to her hometown for break and had kissed her ex-boyfriend. She was deciding who she wanted to be with. What I should...

The Allocation or Distribution of Money is a hot topic. When we talk about some group of people deciding how the money of a country is spent. Does that seem strange to you? Like, for example, let's say that I say to you, let us all get together, get organized and become the leaders that decide how money is spent in this country. Would that seem strange to you? Well, believe it or not, in every single country, and society, and within every level of government and business, someone or some group of people are deciding how ALL of the money is spent. Essentially every major decision is influenced by the funding. Now, why would it seem so crazy that citizens of a country or government come together to decide how money is spent, distributed or allocated? Is that so far fetched? Yet it happens daily, that someone who is a citizen, and also a politician is voting on how money is spent. They vote yes on wars, which is funded. So in reality, the sessions in congress, or your government...

Asking for help So asking for help is cool, however like with anything, we can take something which can be self-supportive, and actually use it in a way that it is not self-supportive. So for example, when asking for helping as a way to do better in something or expand oneself (so whatever that means in the context), in contrast to when asking for help and one does not actually expand or can be expressed as not doing one's best, but is retracting self and relying on others to do the supposed work that self would have done. So, each one knows already when one does this, so it is our responsibility to act. And if your really not sure whether you do this, then one thing that can be practiced is sitting with self and being honest with self about what happened, and who self was in a moment prior. That's what cool about self-honesty, you always have access to yourself, just be honest. After reading what I wrote, I realized something cool: you decide, to be self-supportive, and thus ...

There comes a point where you just have to believe in yourself. I face this point now. It opened up in a moment where I was being aware of my body while pointing out what was the mind and what was me. The question came up how I knew what was the mind and what was me. I considered whether it was self-honesty, and I said no. That it was more of a point that I just know it. Sort of like faith. And this scares me a bit from the perspective that abuse is so easy. That I can say or another can say that they are stopping the mind or whatever and it isn’t true. But at the same time, you already know what is truth of what is going on in the moment. So I just have to believe in me that I am capable of knowing and just do it, with no hesitations or regrets.               For a long time faith has been used to abuse, which occurs through its starting point of separation. At least that is what I have understood. Where faith has i...