Yogan's Journey to Life

Something that I am observing for myself, which aligns with what someone else has told me, is that anger is made in relation to the past ( or memories). So if I feel angry right now its because I am angry at a memory. To me this makes sense.  When I observe myself I see that anger is directed at memories within me. And I suspect that when I get angry at someone while in person with them, that I am also getting angry at a memory. To me this also makes sense. Because memory defines the knowledge and it assigns value to actions. It defines it within the framework of good/bad and thus also what makes me angry. If I let go of the anger at memories, and let go of the memories, then I am just here. And I can create and move here something new. I do recognize that this point of memories can be applied to many things about the mind. But I do think it has something to do in particular with anger. Where memories are the subject of direction for anger. I am angry at the memories. In that case,...

The other day I was talking with someone about something that I had observed recently. And this is how the reason why the Billionaires and the Elite aren't doing what they can to help people like truly and not fakely, is because they don't see all others as themselves. They don't have that point of course you are me and I am you, that sense of equality and oneness with yourself, with others, with your reality. Because if they did then the action would follow naturally. So the main reason why this is important is the point of how we blame the billionaires for the issue, when the heart of the issue is with their heart, and so with our heart. So in our hearts as humanity, are we standing within oneness and equality with humanity? with reality? with each other? with everyone? The answer is no. Because if the answer were yes, then everytime you would ever engage in a conversation with someone, you would listen to them fully, you would ask questions fully, you would see the w...

When I look into my body, I see tension. Why is there tension? Because of I am thinking of other people. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about other people. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be focusing on me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about how I am perceived by others. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about how others would respond to me. Is there anything else inside of me? More tension. Why is tension here? I think about failure. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about my failure in my goals. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about the failure in having an impact. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about the failure to have the impact I set out to do. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am a failure. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to t...

What I am in the process of doing is Giving up all Hope and then Placing Self-Trust Here. Specifically I am giving up the hope that anyone or everyone will make it in their process, will actually learn, grow or change. Even more specifically its the hope for real connections with people, since a real connection would require that person be real (me too of course), where there is that depth. I am giving up all hope that anyone will be real. And what I am doing is placing my self-trust here in me, in what I can do, create, and move in this physical reality. And what I am also doing is that I am going to do all of this Life Creation, and Self-Creation, and World System Creation in the Name of all of those who I basically loved or hoped for to make it, which is everyone really. So I do all of this in the Name of Everyone, in the Name of everyone's potential, even if in reality no one makes it, and all will Fall. Because me doing it, me Living it, Me being the Creation, being the ...

Where am I afraid to go? What door? I am afraid of being with people who are attempting to manipulate and control my actions and behaviors through manipulating my environment, by withholding certain things from me. I am afraid of being in a situation where someone is trying to keep things away from me, that take things away from me. I am afraid of being in a situation where things around me are being moved without my decision, and so there is chaos and unpredictability. I am afraid of being treated in a way where it’s purpose is manipulating my behaviors, and how I feel in order to make me afraid/compliant. I am afraid of being told I am responsible for someone else’s feelings, where I will be punished and held accountable if I don’t ensure I make someone else feel good. I am afraid of being chastised and reprimanded. I am afraid of someone taking actions to change my physical reality/space in order to punish me or control me. When I ...

What am I afraid of? I am afraid of all of my close relationships becoming hostile. I am afraid of everyone I know becoming aggressive toward me. I am afraid of an "intervention," where everyone agrees and believes something about me that they have decided I have to change or else. I am afraid of being threatened with banishment, or being kicked out. I am afraid of being forced to change. I am afraid of the threat of being without support in reality. I am afraid of the threat of physical violence. I am afraid of the threat of being killed/murdered. I am afraid of defending myself and fighting violently. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of all of my close relationships become hostile I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of everyone I know becoming aggressive toward me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of an intervention of me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to f...

I am afraid of disrupting things. I am afraid of standing out. I was masturbating the other day within using my body and physical expression, and so without using my mind. Not thinking about women, not thinking about any images. Just purely physical expression. And I have a fear. I have a fear within being independent of stimulation of women, and their images. I have a fear that if I were to ever have a relationship with a women, and I tell her how I am committed to not be stimulated by her as an image or her as an idea. That with sex it would be a pure physical expression where I am responsible for my own orgasm within that, and that so is she. Where it is an act of self-expression and not a stimulation of the mind through triggers and reactions. I have that fear. Because I fear standing out, being different, and not being accepted by others. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being a different human being. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing ...

So I have an interesting point to share. What I am seeing is that in my body there has been stored programming that has been unleashed when I started to change my posture, my voice, my general holding of my body. So I was someone quite hunched over with my eyes being droppy all the time and not speaking clearly and mumbling quite a bit. I focused some time to change these things, and what I am noticing is that all of this programming in my head/mind came out. And that now I am noticing this point and now I am focusing on doing the SF and to change the inner points of the mind/self. So I'm doing SF on thoughts, emotions and feelings I am having. So here is a cross-reference point for others, that its possible that mind points are hidden within such things as posture, and other physical ways of holding yourself or kind of existing/moving as. I would say in my case I needed to change my posture and how I moved myself in all of these ways directly and so then face all of these mind p...

 I'm too good for this world. This phrase has many meanings/interpretations, read on. One of the things that perplexes me of human behavior is when two people are kind to each other, are happy with each other, and enjoy each others company and then all of the sudden, BAM, it ends. But its not always the simple, though: it ends? What happened? So who I have always been is someone that never went into pushing people away. I know never is a strong word here. But with every person who did BAM, decided that they weren't my friend anymore, I always accepted/respected their decision, but at the same time just couldn't believe it. Meaning, I would ask myself: then was everything they said and did a lie? Did they not really been happy? Were they not seriously kind? Who were they within all the times we had together? Were they just fake/kidding? I mean that's only natural to wonder that. Especially when I was here not wanting to push them away or end things. Yet here they...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to procreate I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be willing to compromise who I am, my integrity and principles for a wife/woman partner I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be willing to suppress myself, my voice, the voice of what is best for all, to hide anything that can be judged as aggressive or distasteful in my words, in my blog and vlogs, in order to appease what I believe women would want. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to conform to this idea of what I think a woman wants: a man who is masculine but not threatening, intelligent but not condescending, strong but not aggressive, is interested in the woman but not intrusive, is attracted to the woman's appearance but is not shallow, is soft, gentle and kind, but not feminine, is submissive to the woman, but still confident. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe it cou...

I am starting this Blog, with a Vlog... haha that rhymed! See below: So continuing on this point. I have seen how throughout my life, I very much cared about many women's opinion me and what they said to me or about me, cause of my interest in potential partners or women, since I am naturally aligned to desiring and being with a woman. So I can see how past girlfriends how what they said to me, I took it to my heart, deep into my heart. If they had a criticism of me, I kept it deep here in my heart, like a scar. It is there. It stays there. And its alive, and sensitive like a fresh wound. I remember one woman saying: Yogan! You don't know what you are doing! You want to change! But you haven't lived it yet! I took that to heart. I didn't stop to consider it or question it, or look who I am in relation to it. I immediately believed it, and believed her. Cause I cared about her opinion about me. And it made me feel real bad. Very bad. Like I am bad. She is rig...

I choose to live more passionately in my blogs and vlogs, like how I used to. I have held back for different reasons. I have decided though that its worth it to do it, to live passionately in my words and expression as what's best for all and that whatever may come of it, I can manage it. Its worth it. So lets start: What is best for all and oneness and equality. What is best for all is stopping every single thought. Every emotion. Every Feeling. The Mind itself is based on Energy, and it relies on these points in the mind.' The Mind mines its energy from the body. Yes mines. It harvests its energy from the physical matter, and destroys the cells/tissue and harms it in the process. Participation in the Mind feeds off the body and accelerates aging. Stopping your mind is the utmost priority. To change this world is to change yourself. To take responsibility for this world is to take responsibility for all that is happening in it. And everything in your minds is...

So I read this line in my last blog: "Accepting that I did something, the worst of me, is the first step in taking self-responsibility and self-change, and accepting that in the face of irreparable consequence is the first step to freedom." https://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2019/03/day-702-fear-from-my-past-relationships.html So I have went through events recently and I have seen I need to Live the word Directive. And that Living Directive is actually the Full step of Fully Taking Responsibility. Because its preventing consequence. Being the word Directive means directing what is inside of you in the moment by doing the self-forgiveness in the moment and stopping the mind point so you are clear and empty inside of you in the moment. Being Directive is THEN asking yourself how do you direct this moment to what is best for all.  And then you speak and you move.            The Living word Directive is you being her...

So I was asked the question: can I embrace the worst part of myself? This wasn't the first time I consider such things as EMBRACE myself, embracing myself, and the evil, dark sides of me. So a practical example of the dark side of me. Not so long ago, maybe 1-2 weeks I was irritated, tired, and started to say some underhanded NASTY things about someone to someone. This is the worst part of me, at least in the Now times, or times of Today. So that's the practical example.... Now here I have something NEW to share.  So the OLD is that I have done self-forgiveness many times, and taken self-responsibility and I would totally do that with this situation. But the NEW here is this approach which is like a Living Word of Embrace....    Its a warm hug or embrace of me. The perfect Image to describe this i me running up to hug ME, and I look today and that is me as a kid, or just me but shorter. But you know when a kid runs up to you and hugs you and looks straight ...

So, there was this moment where things were so good, and so great, and what I noticed was that I was avoiding it, like physically avoiding it. And I was like, wait a minute, I am avoiding this... and its something good, so why not just let myself live it, jump into it physically, you know? So I did that, but then something happened where I immediately shifted away from the good thing. I went into my head, and that's where I kind of stayed. And now I'm writing this blog. So, So I got some work to do to understand this and what's going on. I kind of messed up this one opportunity, but its expected since apparantly I really suck and really shy away when it comes to joining in something physically that is quite good with another person. Like everything is okay and safe. The context is okay and safe. The moment/environment is safe is good, is here for me if I just, you know, own it, own the moment and just live it. Agh, its hard. hahaha anyway this why im writing here to o...

So I have been called Courageous one too many times to ignore it. So here I am going to dissect it from a real time moment. So looking at this moment I am within here. I am courageous in just speaking/doing because I am willing to walk a point ALONE. I am willing to speak up and say something because if I am ALONE within it I am okay. So that means if everyone turns their back on me, and I mean literally everyone, I will be okay and stand the point. Now the most dangerous point within this, is the fine line where you don't go into Ego, and don't cut yourself out from other people's support. So the basic SOLUTION to prevent this danger is to always listen to others and test out what they say. And trust in that testing process. And here is another danger, whether your testing out is a REAL testing out. So the danger is whether you fake test things out or don't have that rigor and self-honesty to really test out the truth/reality of things. So developing that habit/d...

Something I have lived is 5 compromises of relationship. I compromised myself. There are two definitions of compromise. The one is essentially to reach an agreement by both sides giving into some demands from the other, so that neither side fully got what they originally wanted. 1. an agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions. The second definition which is the one that is used in this blog is when like when you compromise yourself, which means to give in or give up some very important things about you, something like being corrupted. 2. accept standards that are lower than is desirable. So the five compromises of relationship that I have lived 1. The compromise of Looking to Receive Approval, and Changing yourself in order to Receive Approval     I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change myself when I have received approval in whatever form, including applause, where in that moment of approval I...

I took a look at my photos of me across the years. I posted an album of such photos on facebook. I can see the change in me, in my very face. Before I was scared to express. I had trouble expressing my face. Then I started practicing. I did things. Like I shaved my head. I did it because our water supply is getting polluted by hair products and I wanted to bring attention to that. At the same time, I face my own perception of what i think others perceive as me. I freed myself through challenging myself. I sought challenge. I expressed my face. As I walked process, the desteni process, where I STOPPED emotions and Feelings, the negative and positive, and I started to EXPRESS myself through the physical, there are changes in my face that happened, changed in my expression. My expression has become more fuller, more confident, more settled. I know who I am. I like who I am. I like my face. I am going to miss this body after I die. I realize I will die, and that life is a gift. I rea...

I believe any person can forgive themselves for anything they have done, and take responsibility for it, and then change who they are. I believe the soul, or the spirit, or the being of the person is powerful enough to overcome ANY situation or challenge. I also KNOW that people will fall and stumble, include fall into old habits, fall into mistakes. And I KNOW that people with perseverance can recommit to their change and get back up again, until a point where they just won't fall down anymore. I know that it DOESN"T MATTER how many times you fall, its about whether you PICK YOURSELF UP AGAIN that matters. I believe in the human spirit, soul, being. I believe in you. No matter what you have down, or who you have become in this life... you can change and become someone different. You can become your highest self, your fullest potential, your god-like self. The self that is truly best for this entire existence. Anyone can apply self-forgiveness. Anyone can. Anyone can live ...

Why do you DO the things you do? Why do you do your job? Why do you have a family? Why do you dedicate your time in the things you do? What's the reason why you do EVERYTHING that you Do? When did you start believing that? When did you BECOME YOU? Do you remember the exact moment? Did you decide to be your exact nature, personality, self? Did you decide to have and BE the Human Nature? Did you decide to have these Identities? Why are you you? Why do we accept bad things? Why do we accept things like poverty, or crime, or rape, murder? Why do we accept an Imperfect system? Why do we accept an Imperfect world? Did you really stop for a moment consider everything and then really decided that it was just best to accept the Imperfect world? Accept to do Nothing. What if I told you that everything you have lived in your life, all your decisions were originally preprogrammed and nothing of you is original, is really you, DONE within a real CONSIDERATION, ...