Yogan's Journey to Life

 I fear someone coming up to me and tell me I am evil. I fear losing the people in my life. I fear losing friends. I fear being alone. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the people in my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that through fearing I could hold onto the people in my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to through this to justify fear. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being alone. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that by fearing it means I care. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that its ok to act on fear if it means that you can keep certain people in your life. Fear harms me. It is unacceptable because of this. For me, I stop fear.

I am very confused. I do not like what I am feeling, or what I am participating in. But I am doing it anyway. Why? I feel like there is something inherently wrong with me. That I cannot do anything. I question whether I am just playing the victim. Am I? Why would I accept and allow this, why would I accept and allow such a hell for myself? There is something that I believed I could not do on my own- and I asked the mind for help. Now within participating with a group I am living this statement, however I have always existed in a group, everyone does; we all effect each other in every moment. I feel like I may just be ranting to get attention. Is this true? Do I just want attention from people, where I generate energy from attention and feel good? Within me I am feeling a response- energy building up and it feels pleasant- so I interpret this as a clear Yes. SO what now? SO obviously if I just run away, and If I were to come back I would still have the same react...