Yogan's Journey to Life

What I am in the process of doing is Giving up all Hope and then Placing Self-Trust Here. Specifically I am giving up the hope that anyone or everyone will make it in their process, will actually learn, grow or change. Even more specifically its the hope for real connections with people, since a real connection would require that person be real (me too of course), where there is that depth. I am giving up all hope that anyone will be real. And what I am doing is placing my self-trust here in me, in what I can do, create, and move in this physical reality. And what I am also doing is that I am going to do all of this Life Creation, and Self-Creation, and World System Creation in the Name of all of those who I basically loved or hoped for to make it, which is everyone really. So I do all of this in the Name of Everyone, in the Name of everyone's potential, even if in reality no one makes it, and all will Fall. Because me doing it, me Living it, Me being the Creation, being the ...

It really is a cool alliteration. D esperate D esire,  De De , I'm using it to describe something within me. I had already described Desperation as a key word, along with anxious and nervous. I had a memory where I was pulling on my parents arm, telling her to go, that I wanted to go! I was like cmon! cmon! cmon! lets gooooo!!!! already!!!! CMON !!!! The emotional state that I was in was Desperate. Looking at my current moment. I desperately want something. I desperately want this, and so desperate desire then. This is in relation to a person. Where I want to be with this person. At the same time I can draw a contrast here to perfectly illustrate the reality of desperate desire as emotion. In contrast to desperate desire, what I want as having a family, having kids, having a partner that I can share such a deep intimate connection with that we would be connected simply by our words hundreds of million miles away from each other, that I can see their soul, that they bear thei...

Looking back across my life, I have had many desires and dreams fulfilled. I have experience great things. I have experienced what's its like to be in a relationship. I experienced what its like to have lots of sex. I have experienced what its like to feel so much love. I have experienced what its like to have amazing friends. I have experienced moments of great laughter and fun. I have also had my dreams fulfilled. I was able to work and do what I really wanted. I was able to do things I have always wanted to be able to do. I have conquered so many fears and limitations. During the last years I have experienced somethings strange, where it felt like I had done what I always wanted, and that I have no goal to work towards. At the same time, everything that I desired and wanted was false. This including the places I wanted to work. This includes all of my relationships and friendships. None of it was real or lasted. They were all temporary. Now looking back across my life ex...

So I have been reviewing my life and what I am realizing now, within my recent years the point of how I placed my desire of wanting to connect with people, to have social skills, first before what is best for all. So I did just that during the last 3 years after graduating college. I went after what I wanted. So this influenced my decisions where I tried to work within a sales position, to develop social skills. Then I worked at a school, also as part of my desire to connect with people. The result of placing my desire first before what is best for all meant that I choose things based on what I wanted, not what is best for all. I could have instead first placed what is best for all first, and then within that life path I could along the way get what I want. But then when I want would not come first or before what is best for all. So this is my lesson. Also really, in sales, I wasn't getting what I wanted, which was to really connect with people, intimacy, on a equal and one level...

The fear and desire of receiving attention on my blog. I feel fear and desire when I write on my blog, because I know or have seen in the past that people read, see, or visit my blog. Within a moment of seeing the statistics of the number of views on my blog posts, I feel excited and energetic. I feel happy, thrilled and enthused to see this. Within the moment of writing on my blog, I feel tired, resistance, fear, stressed, that I just don’t want to do this THOUGHT. I feel like running away and avoiding writing on my blog at all costs . So I stop and I breathe   I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel fear when I write a blog post that will go on my blog, A Behaviorist’s Journey to Life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel desire when I write a blog post that will go on my blog, A Behaviorist’s Journey to Life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to receiving attention from people....

In some ways I see myself as a lesser man than 12 months ago. I have become more daring and more risking, but these qualities alone mean nothing. I used to judge certain people who we social, smiling all the time, as sort of correct, and who I was as being quiet, which I did not see myself as quiet or that as a problem, but that others saw me as quiet and I saw that that was a problem, because it was a problem to them. SO I have to learn not to take what other people think are problems with me, as a real problem. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take on what other people think are a problem for myself and judge that as a good thing.   I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take what I think other people will have a problem with me, as a problem for me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take what other people think is a problem for me, that I am quiet, and make that into a problem where I think I the s...