Yogan's Journey to Life

I just saw the Movie "She's out of my League" on Netflix, and it speaks to the point I wrote in my last blog about Relationships since essentially it would require two people to be honest, like genuine and pure, and real people. Not perfect people, but that quality of real honesty. So of course you can write that and show that in a movie because its all scripted and acted. So at the end of the Movie I remembered when I was 18 and I had my girlfriend and I wanted to take her out to the woods to so we can watch the stars together. And that was it. Just to spend time together out in nature, and that would be a present for her. I remembered when I was in another relationship when I was 19 and I made gluten-free pancakes and so breakfast in bed for her, since she was gluten intolerant and so something like that was real special. I remember when I would massage my partner cause she had pains, and she did have some serious knots in her shoulders, to my surprise. I remember ...

When I had my First Friend, I was around 7 years old. I remember that being the first time that its like I decided, or knew that this person here is my Friend. This was the first time, and it was very clear and strong that I felt this way and became this way. So this programming was here and established. And it was very specific, because I went over his house for one day and that is where I decided that point. And so after that day I never saw him again. Because my mom told me that he had moved away to the UK. It was sudden. The news was sudden. And I never said goodbye or saw him again. I was shocked and surprised. Devastated really. And it became a point of where I was right at the point of where I could express myself with a Friend, and have all of those expressions and points come through and it was all just immediately shut down and taken away from me. It was like losing my Friend and being powerless about it. I didn't have any say about it. I couldn't stop it. It...

Self-forgiveness I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be sad and depressed over losing a friend I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be hopeful that they will return one day I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry that they blamed me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself for them leaving I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be tired I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about them I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be free of my reactions about them no matter the cost I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define and expect all relationships with people will end in the same way as them I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel hopeless and depressed that I couldn't do or say anything to keep someone from leaving I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be inadequate and blame m...

 This is blog post is from my personal writings, unedited. I go through the point as it naturally opens up in me. One point leads to the next naturally. I start with what I know, SF on the energy experience:  Shame I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel shame I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel shameful I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel shame with being a burden to my friends I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel shame with making all of these mistakes across my life I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel shame with making all of these consequences across my life I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel shame with not knowing what to do. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel shame with not knowing where to go I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel shame with being lost I forgive myself for accepti...

Something I observe is that we can connect with people through different ways or modalities. Like one way is through words. Some people are able to connect intimately purely through words. Whether it be in the form of hand written letters, which used to be the old way of communicating. Or whether it is through online chat in modern times. And its not so much about only certain people can ONLY connect this way, its more that its like either a skill or a relationship to words in a way that enables them to do so. Compare this to meeting in person and connecting through the presence of a person right here in front of you. Perhaps you can say its easier to connect with someone in person, though that is a generalization and there is always exceptions to the rules. So to summarize what we have so far, people can connect solely through written words without ever meeting face to face, without any NEED to, where it isn't any less. Other people can't do this, at least in the present mom...

When two people come together to start a family, their relationship as a couple while raising their kids is imprinted and transferred into their children. This is what I will be describing today. In past blogs I have analyzed described how parents imprint themselves onto their kids, but this was in the context of the parents as Individuals. Today, I am specifically looking at the Relationship of the parents, and how that imprints onto the children. Looking at this specific dimensions yields new insights onto this subject. In the general knowledge and beliefs people have, I have observed people saying that its important that a child's parents stay married and divorce causes harm. I have also heard about research studies looking at fighting, and yelling and general abusive environment and how that also harms the child emotionally, and mentally, affecting their development. Within my own self-work, through the desteni tools, I focus primarily on helping myself to transcend pattern...

Looking back across my life, I have had many desires and dreams fulfilled. I have experience great things. I have experienced what's its like to be in a relationship. I experienced what its like to have lots of sex. I have experienced what its like to feel so much love. I have experienced what its like to have amazing friends. I have experienced moments of great laughter and fun. I have also had my dreams fulfilled. I was able to work and do what I really wanted. I was able to do things I have always wanted to be able to do. I have conquered so many fears and limitations. During the last years I have experienced somethings strange, where it felt like I had done what I always wanted, and that I have no goal to work towards. At the same time, everything that I desired and wanted was false. This including the places I wanted to work. This includes all of my relationships and friendships. None of it was real or lasted. They were all temporary. Now looking back across my life ex...

Let's talk about the Real Evil in this reality. Today I saw how I automatically started speaking in a SAD WAY, even though I didn't feel sad. I spoke this way automatically because I needed to tell someone something and I didn't know how to, and if I spoke this way it would make it easier for them to hear me. Because when I speak in a sad way I manipulate the person. They can't feel angry at me. Cause I am sad, and that brings out emotions in them. I have faced people speaking in a sad way to me and that caused reactions in me. So this is PROOF that we manipulate people automatically, unconsciously. Was I aware that I was doing it? Only when I saw in the moment that yes I was speaking sad, and no I did not feel sad. I did not make a decision to now speak sad. It happened automatically. So theoretically I can see how we all as humanity are like this. We are all manipulating all the time without really being aware of it. Afterwards I had a good feeling. I felt good ...

When I had a partner I told her that I love her equally. We were talking about how come we loved each other, and I told her, "In truth I know that I could love anyone equally, meaning that it just happens to be you, but it could have been anyone." Suffice to say, NO ONE, in present times, would want to hear that. What do people want to hear, they want to hear how you are special, how you are so beautiful, so wonderful, so precious. My father even tried to teach me that. So this is no secret. But I didn't do that in that moment. For me, I tried not to add any energy to the relationship. I tried to maintain oneness and equality. Because relationships based on specialness or unequal love, is a lie. If you love anyone more than anyone else, that is a lie. Equal love is true love. Equal love is loving everyone equally. This isn't a grand statement. You don't try to increase the energy within you to feel love for everyone. You actually decrease the energy within you...

For the past 2-3 Weeks I have been making vlogs. So check out my Facebook page under my videos or See my Youtube Channel: Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCY4LU4QVg06KgqTCMkNUtUQ Facebook Videos https://www.facebook.com/yogan.barrientos/videos_by Today I did a vlog that relates to my early childhood. Children: Afraid to be Myself

So I am walking a process now, specifically with loneliness. It will be a process meaning this is something that won't change instantly, and I plan on doing several blogs on this point, at least 3. So right now, today, I am using the support of the Eqafe interviews. Specifically from the Atlantean series: Loneliness: Why does it Exist? - Atlanteans - Part 127   So my plan is to write out my realizations, insights, and self-reflections here that I had today, and to do so for tomorrow or the next day which I will also be listening to the next part in the series. Doing this I will give myself time. So for today, these are my points. I see how indeed loneliness is an emotion that is defined as "it is not okay to be alone." Meaning that I have lived this as it being alone is something negative. This means that I have indeed been feeling negative when I am alone. This also means that when I would interact with people, that I did so within the desire to flip this polarity from...

So in line with the recent posts and audio recordings, I am continuing with this topic of being overly agitated/activated/energetic. Now, like I had shared, many thing throughout my day activate/trigger me into this hyped up state. So on this topic alone I could write many blogs. Today's blog will be able social situations and gatherings, because today I faced this point. Now I have to be specific about the context here. So basically in a moment/middle of a conversation that is flowing, meaning that you speak and others respond to what you say, and in that moment you can respond to what they said in response. So this excludes moments where conversations don't flow or they drop flat, or they don't move. And in situations where there are no conversations, like everyone is sitting nearby one and another and not interacting. So that's the context. So in this moment, I become energetic, excited, motivated. This turned on like a light switch and energetic state. I am be...

Ok so when I was coming here to write this post, I was preparing to say how I fear losing someone because of who I am, what I do/did. Now, however, I mean I have faced this point before, so this time I am facing it, it is rather a point of excitement, because I get to see who a person is, in response to who I am and what I did. Will they react? Will they stand? What? And I am excited more because there is a chance, a chance beyond all odds, all chances, that this person will stand. And that chance that possibility, that something real could manifest as a person here in the flesh, is exciting. So its not really an excitement, but really an anticipation to what is to come. You could say I am hoping they stand, because I want everyone to stand, and when they stand I feel like celebrating. And its just something amazing to marvel at for a moment. And it then reminds me of who I am, and my stand, and to see the same standing in another making the same stand as me, is just amazing to see. I...

         I was holding onto the validation from certain people in my life. I was restricting and limiting myself based on what I perceived would be validated by these people. In my mind, I was playing out scenarios, and conversations where what they would say to me would be positive or negative (They were mostly negative). Because I wouldn’t let these people go as attachments, I could not stop this negative thinking. I kept thinking how I didn’t know anything as I did something which I haven’t spoken about with someone else. I couldn’t move me (this is a belief), I didn’t know what to do (this is a belief). And because I wouldn’t let go of my perceptions and beliefs about who they are, and what they think of me, I really couldn’t do anything. So the solution was to let them go within myself. So within that if they were removed from the face of the planet, I would have a reaction. So I stopped that reaction through breathing and bei...

This is Self-forgiveness for yesterday's writing. For your convenience, the link is provided for yesterday's writing in case you want to follow the progression of the Self-forgiveness as it goes line by line, in order of the words, http://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/12/walking-some-supportive-words-walking.html I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel stuck for a long time. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be living the principle of what is best for all for a long time. I forgive myself ofr accepting and allowing myself to not simply write and express myself through and as the principle of what is best for all. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not simply be direct and plain. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate experiments and resist experiments. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate risks and to resist risks. I forgive myself f...

So within myself, I always desired to fit in, however I was not willing to compromise myself. I wanted others to be more like me, OR that they accept me. Investigating this point of acceptance further, I saw that I wanted unconditional acceptance because I thought I was already good and in some sense perfect. However unconditionally accepting anything, could mean accepting bullshit. SO that's where I am grateful for self-honesty, which is like the ability to see bullshit. Anyway, so wanting people to accept me, WITHOUT me knowing who I am, allows for the possibility for accepting abuse, which is unacceptable. So the responsible thing would be to investigate who I am. So rereading what I wrote, I would say that by compromise I mean not having to change myself. And also I see that this whole point is ego, because there is not a single description of something of value, because its all about others accepting me, for what?????? Exactly, so looking inside there is only Energy as a rea...

So one thing I have been participating in, is energy in my words, and specifically negativity. I play myself out in a negative way. How I feel right now is tons of energy. Now, one reason why I am not stopping is because I seem to be addicted to talking about myself to others. And I perceive writing right now as if I am talking about myself. So this is the primary point, writing and generating energy within writing about myself. And so I am not stopping the energy. SO I remember as a child, I would share myself with my mother. And when I would share a realization to her, I notice I would immediately forget what I had realized and sometimes I would actually do the opposite of what I realized not to do. The nature of the realization was to better myself. To acquire some perspective or knowledge that was making me more aware. Yet within sharing it I became less aware. I notice I would feel great within sharing. I see now a connection with the thought pa...