Yogan's Journey to Life

Bernard once asked to keep writing my blogs since they are quite effective and that he likes something to read.  I am finding that I am getting angry again. Angry in a way that I want to write, I want to make videos, I want to say what needs to be said to resonate in the world on our responsibility, what needs to be done, and what is best for all.  I looked in my last 2 posts into Love, and how it was said that Love was used to pacify or cancel out the thoughts of revolution in USA. And inside my body it feels that way. Where I can feel pacified and not wanting to do anything once love gets in me. Which is a strong contrast to this anger.  I would call this anger passion. And I would be worried about whether it was real or not. And that is what I told Bernard, and he said to keep writing, and that I would get it in years time. I am not sure yet. But I am sure that being pacified, being content and relax and not doing anything will only lead to things getting worse, never ...

Something that I am observing for myself, which aligns with what someone else has told me, is that anger is made in relation to the past ( or memories). So if I feel angry right now its because I am angry at a memory. To me this makes sense.  When I observe myself I see that anger is directed at memories within me. And I suspect that when I get angry at someone while in person with them, that I am also getting angry at a memory. To me this also makes sense. Because memory defines the knowledge and it assigns value to actions. It defines it within the framework of good/bad and thus also what makes me angry. If I let go of the anger at memories, and let go of the memories, then I am just here. And I can create and move here something new. I do recognize that this point of memories can be applied to many things about the mind. But I do think it has something to do in particular with anger. Where memories are the subject of direction for anger. I am angry at the memories. In that case,...

 So there's something that I have realized about when people go through trauma. The common response by people who go through trauma says that it changes them. And what I see is that one of the reasons why it changes them is because they are feeling certain things that they don't know how to stop. And this includes anger and blame. And the mere suggestion that people who go through traumatic events forgive their abuser, is already scoffed at, let alone the suggestion that they forgive themselves for the anger and hate/blame that they feel. I suppose it makes perfect sense in this humanity that we are today that we don't know how to go through an event like trauma, and be able to process it and revert back to how we were. Because if we did so then we would remain like children. We would be naive, we would be pure, and open hearted, and we would still believe crazy things like no one should be harm, and all life is precious, and all people are equal regardless of any differenc...

 People people will hurt you, cut you, punch you, make you cry, steal from you, make of you... make you laugh, cry with joy and love, sing, dance, play around, become goofy, explore different parts of yourself, smile and feel overjoyed! I always knew when I would open up to people that it would get to me. That I would have this thing which seems like weakness. Its gonna suck. Its gonna hurt. And I know it. I am in uncharted territories, I mean there's no guidelines here or rules on how to be or what's best. I only have myself in this. Am I making a mistake with this? Do I know what I am doing? I don't know. But I think that's its okay that I don't. At the same time... at the same time it feels right. Its my unique way of relating to people and supporting people. Its my expression. I guess. God it sucks, it sucks so bad to be kicked, to be screwed with. But at the same time its so good to connect, to reach out and laugh and say something. So FUCKING good....

Recently I wrote out this phrase,  "When you are really faced with the Heat of yourself, the Darkness, and the Deceptive Light of yourself.... no one's motivation or words will be the saving grace.... its all you baby! haha. We need Self-Willed individuals.... and that process is like the formation of diamond. Its under a lot of pressure and takes time." And the specific words, the Heat of yourself is specific. It encapsulates and captures a very nice meaning, and real time moment with the Mind and reactions that I have lived and I'm sure humans everywhere have lived/faced. I would like to unpack this to bring attention to it, for it may assist others and its a very nice reference for that. I also will cover the solutions as well and taking responsibility as well. Facing the Heat of Yourself I notice that Heat is very much connected to two things you have Romance/Love, getting caught up in the heat of the moment... and also the moment when you are in a heated a...

Here we are again. Something new to name within me. An energy without a name, that is unique/different from the others. The name is Thrill. Its specific. Context: Seeing others Fight I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel thrill in seeing others fight I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel thrill in seeing others emotionally fight I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel thrill in seeing others physically fight I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel thrill in seeing others react with energy I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel thrill in seeing others speak in energy to one another in conflict I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel thrill in seeing others argue with one another within energy  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel thrill in seeing others get personal and attack each other with insults  I forgive myself for accepti...

So the next step in my blogs is to address the situation when you are faced with people who have used Confidence to manipulate you. Like how I said in previous blogs, people/humans are not aware, they are minds. So your mind systems moves to manipulate others with Confidence as one technique. When I am faced with people who have manipulated me, I feel anger. I feel irritated, annoyed. I feel rage. I feel blame. It is just pure anger. So this blog will be about how to, lets say forgive others for abuse they have done to you. The simple answer is that in order to forgive others, I really just have to forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel anger, irritated, annoyed and to blame them. Because I realize that people are not aware. They are acting out their programming. And yes they did manipulate me, and you could say the following:    if they had known better, if they had been aware, if they hadn't manipulated, then I would have gotten back some years in my l...

https://www.facebook.com/Destonians/photos/a.156500847756254.40073.108425792563760/1700888423317481/?type=3&theater When we embark on a new journey, we don't always know what is ahead of us. While our decision was crystal clear, our motivation strong - we can get distracted by the sceneries we pass, the seasons that change, the travelers we meet, the many cross roads we face. Voices from the past, telling us we are making a mistake, that we should give up and go back to what we've always known. We get caught up in the tests, trials, temptations and even good times along the path we walk. We may want to get off the road as soon as possible, or perhaps set up a tent and decide that where we've gotten is far enough. We may forget about our initial decision, as if it was in a past life, perhaps even a dream. In a way, we're all in our own Odyssey journey back home, to Life.   What moved you to start your process to birth yourself as Life from...

When I had a partner I told her that I love her equally. We were talking about how come we loved each other, and I told her, "In truth I know that I could love anyone equally, meaning that it just happens to be you, but it could have been anyone." Suffice to say, NO ONE, in present times, would want to hear that. What do people want to hear, they want to hear how you are special, how you are so beautiful, so wonderful, so precious. My father even tried to teach me that. So this is no secret. But I didn't do that in that moment. For me, I tried not to add any energy to the relationship. I tried to maintain oneness and equality. Because relationships based on specialness or unequal love, is a lie. If you love anyone more than anyone else, that is a lie. Equal love is true love. Equal love is loving everyone equally. This isn't a grand statement. You don't try to increase the energy within you to feel love for everyone. You actually decrease the energy within you...

Time to share a story... of a man who with a great desire, had created his own trap/prison. So this man, since a young age had a desire to have a partner for life, a twin flame, a soul mate. He had spent a great deal of time fantasizing, hoping, wishing, with various potential suitors in his life. They were his secret crushes. None of them came to fruition. It wasn't until he was 18 and entering college did he have a real chance. And indeed, it did come to pass. In the beginning the relationship was great, wonderful, amazing. However, suddenly and unexpectedly there came a moment where he had lashed out within anger. Earlier that day he had wanted his partner to do something for him. And when he didn't get his way he became spiteful. And so later on in that day when that same partner wanted him to do something for her, he gave her justice, and denied it. He spoke spitefully, he spoke in anger, and he justified it because he didn't get what he wanted. The partner reacted...

So when I had a little time today, I decided to sit down and watch tv. Now the first channel that was on was Nickelodeon, and it was the middle of the day, so the programming that was on was a child's tv show. Now it is interesting that we call television shows, tv programming... Do you see? You are being programmed? So I hated what I saw on tv, and especially what I heard. But this is only because I know better now, however, growing up watching tv, I would watch these types of shows daily hours on end. For some reason I was attracted to this television programming designed for kids. Why? I didn't know. And yet, know as an adult, I can reference the same experience. It still has an effect on me, except now I know better. The main thing I hate about these shows is how it doesn't depict REALITY at all. The way the people act, how they act, how they treat each other, is very obviously insincere and fake, which you can even hear it in the voice. But if you don't have expe...

Hey everyone, so I have been opening up some really interesting points in the last 24 hours. There is much to share, but lets takes things one by one. So we'll see if we will get to everything today, and if not then tomorrow. So the topics we will be covering is fear and anger. In my recent blogs I have been covering points where I have been feeling activated, perhaps I should say react-ivated, where I realized I have been in the past years on certain levels of myself in a constant reaction to most and much of my daily life. I can see fear is a subtle and potent point, where once you start out in it, it is hard to stop it. So my investigations in the past 24 hours have covered these points, and now I am ready to share some of what I have found. I figure that we could start with something small, yet an important realization/observation about daily life. So we'll be looking at anger, and being right. Now, what is interesting that I am observing is this particular percepti...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the emotions and feelings that are generated within hate. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse this body through participating within and as energy while I am within and as hate. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as hate. When and as I see myself participating within and as hate, I stop and I breathe- I realize hate does not help us build anything- I realize hate is simply an outburst of ego trying to get on top of the pile of shit - I realize nothing worthwhile is created from hate - I commit myself to stop hate within and without. I am perceiving some people as hating, and I judge that they should not be hating. I felt conflict. I don't know what to think. They should not be hating. How can I help them see that. Within that I feel stressed. Within helping them I generate energy as positivity, but I ...

So in general, the sciences always investigates things in separation of themselves. They consider that there is an out there separate from me, that what is out there is in separate from me. This is a mistake on parts of the sciences, because as anyone who has spent time with themselves alone, can see how much of what's inside is in outside in the world, in others too. Also, vic versa, much of what is outside of us is inside of us too. So its a huge error to assume that what is in this world is separate from oneself. Ok, so that was one problem. Within Behaviorism, we can see this manifested specifically through looking at the behaviors of others and assuming that that is all there is. Like there is nothing more than the behavior. That behavior is all we are. Again, anyone who has ever spent time with themselves alone would know that we often hide things in our minds, secret intents, and that we also are sometimes directing ourselves, and that most of the time not so much. So there...