Yogan's Journey to Life

 I had taken in 2 cats in their early stage of life, 1 year ago. During this time I was able to witness how they act during heat. In heat the act becomes possessed. In heat means their sexual programming is activated. Their personality becomes taken over. The body become possessed. They lose themselves essentially. I did have them fix shortly after, for those worried about that. Now, this behavior is the same with humans. Except we are not aware of to what extent it exists. Its easier watching others go through it, to tell that something happened.  Looking at my case, One thing specifically I went through is falling in Love. What does that mean exactly? Comparing this to a simple desire for sex, which many men and women have, where they act on it, find someone at a party, sleep with them and leave feeling fulfilled. What I am discussing is different than that. Falling in Love, is where I become mentally obsessed with someone. Thinking about them, imagining conversations with t...

Bernard once asked to keep writing my blogs since they are quite effective and that he likes something to read.  I am finding that I am getting angry again. Angry in a way that I want to write, I want to make videos, I want to say what needs to be said to resonate in the world on our responsibility, what needs to be done, and what is best for all.  I looked in my last 2 posts into Love, and how it was said that Love was used to pacify or cancel out the thoughts of revolution in USA. And inside my body it feels that way. Where I can feel pacified and not wanting to do anything once love gets in me. Which is a strong contrast to this anger.  I would call this anger passion. And I would be worried about whether it was real or not. And that is what I told Bernard, and he said to keep writing, and that I would get it in years time. I am not sure yet. But I am sure that being pacified, being content and relax and not doing anything will only lead to things getting worse, never ...

 Love.  I know there is a place that I just wont go. And when I try to go, I shutdown. All the motivation and hoopla that I muster in order to get me there, just fades away. Just drops, I drop. And then I can't move an inch anymore, and I drag myself back to the things to pass the time, until I try again.  There's a really cool series of videos did, where essentially bernard was explaining the basic resonance pattern that every human is living, which is love. And he shows how every single person will inevitable choose love over everything else. Unless of course that resonance, that impulse is changed in ourselves, so we no longer feed, or go after that love. Love is the reason the hippies failed. That revolutions today fail because love has been stuffed in our faces in every way. link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GQKiYTroY0 So looking at me, I can see how thats the case. How in being this revolutionary radical this past decade, has been put to a fizzle due to love. Th...

RISK Author unknown  To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.  To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.  To reach out to others is to risk involvement.  To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.  To place your ideas, your dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.  To love is to risk not being loved in return.  To live is to risk dying.  To hope is to risk despair.  To try is to risk failure.  But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to do nothing.  The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, and is nothing.  They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live.  Chained by their attitudes, they are a slave, they forfeited their freedom.  Only the person who risks can be free This above poem was written in the old desteni forum. Dont know who wrote it. But it was significant for me, so I saved it. I am in a position where I don't ...

 So in a way continuing from my last blog, except looking at it from a view of placing expectations on myself. So my parents places expectations on me as becoming a great spiritual teacher. The way they would treat me and talk with me, telling me directly about my great insights, and how in my astrology chart I was meant to uplift people spiritual and be a great teacher for humanity. My name Yogan was from a story book that was new agey about a guy sent to earth to do just that. So I accepted this narrative. Just like how we all accept and allow all that the mind has told us and said what we are, and also similarly what others tell us too, which the mind just repeats to us doesn't it.  Acceptance and allowance is what we all do aint it the truth? So preprogramming or not, as a child with the platform to speak and to observe, its very obvious the things people are going through. And since I was encourage to find the truth and to help others, that is what I did. Anyway could do ...

 Light worker facial expression when they are wrong about their intuitive reading of someone else. I remember this face of 2 different people when they were wrong about me, and I corrected them. I am realizing that I have this same kind of reaction, and it must be some preprogramming for this lightworker in general realm. When I was wrong about the first girl I kissed, I read her completely differently, I was devastated. If I knew who she really was I would not have kissed her. People put on masks. And because I had so must trust and faith in my reading of her, I felt embarrassed when I was wrong. Like extremely so, then I suppressed my memories, wanted to drop anything to do with her including our mutual friends. Like wanting to start over from scratch. Reset. This is a pattern for me, stemming from this preprogramming of when I am wrong in my reading of another, and I am heavily invested in that reading. I act on it. I take it very personally when my reading of another is wrong. ...

 Strength.  All life is one and equal. All thoughts are lies. Every thought the mind presents to you to follow, is a trap wrapped in cheerful wrapping paper.  Here in this space I have absolute control over every word. Meaning others, you, people can't stop me. This is the power of writing. It is freedom. And morever through words, I can rewrite myself. I can live words into reality. Through firstly breaking through the plane of potential, the words structure gives me structure. That is why words are so powerful. It is the building block, like the dna of self. Through pictures and images, it can't describe self so well. And in fact, image is the mind's playground as well, so caution is advised. The desire to be what is best for all. The desire to move as a group. The desire to have friends. The desire to be recognized, to be seen. The desire to be liked. All desires are bullshit. Creation, pure creation of self, means one becomes something. Like matter, like an object. Th...

 My self-forgiveness and self-honesty are no longer effective, not for a while. And I aim to fix that. One of the things that is constantly in my mind while writing a blog and self-forgiveness online is others who are reading it. I am thinking about how it will affect others, and how they will react to it. I am worried about how it can inadvertently affect others, in ways that don't seem obvious. And I have this painful intuition on my body that responds when I do things. I am really in a fucked up situation. Its like I am scared to live. Cause I had my heart broken. Which is what has happened before several times in my life. Except this time it was my deepest wishes and desires, of friendship, camaraderie, sharing, openness, community. It was my faith in humanity, the goodness of others. That being said, its not your fault or their fault. That is who we are now, we are quite messed up, evil mother fuckers, quite demented, quite broken, quite sadistic, ruthless etc...  I remem...

Something that I am observing for myself, which aligns with what someone else has told me, is that anger is made in relation to the past ( or memories). So if I feel angry right now its because I am angry at a memory. To me this makes sense.  When I observe myself I see that anger is directed at memories within me. And I suspect that when I get angry at someone while in person with them, that I am also getting angry at a memory. To me this also makes sense. Because memory defines the knowledge and it assigns value to actions. It defines it within the framework of good/bad and thus also what makes me angry. If I let go of the anger at memories, and let go of the memories, then I am just here. And I can create and move here something new. I do recognize that this point of memories can be applied to many things about the mind. But I do think it has something to do in particular with anger. Where memories are the subject of direction for anger. I am angry at the memories. In that case,...

 Fear. There is no reason to be afraid of anything. Not of death, disease, harm or violence. Fear itself is irrational. It has no reason. The reason we assign to it is that it protects us. But fear doesn't protect us at all. What does protect us is actions. Physical actions are things we do, which can include protection. Fear itself is a possession, is like an entity. It is not an action. It takes over what your actions are. And those actions are maybe sometimes to your benefit, and other times not. But all together it is not always best for all, and thus it isn't best for all since its something that you either accept and allow or not. Thus if you accept and allow fear you know you are accepting those actions that aren't best for all.  Fear is ancient. Its a foundational point of our minds and ego. And it is how and why we can even act within violence. Look here, would violence exist if fear didn't exist? And here I am talking about violence done not out of necessity, ...

The only thing of value that exists is every single one of us. Living this statement actually means you have value. Those who are selfish don't have any value. This entire reality is built on the principle that all lives matter equally. And that is why at death you will see that only those who can stand as point, will have any access to what matters. If you disagree with me, your an abuser. Because what you are saying is that not everyone is worthy of care, of money, of support, of food and all and everything we need to become effective individuals that can care and support others in turn. Abusers are a common thing, and Abusers are irrelevant. To be an abuser is to be a distraction that is to be ignored. Because those who understand and support Life, need our attention. Isn't it funny how abusers want attention? I think its hilarious.  Just like how we stop our thoughts, we also stop the abusers. We ignore them. We don't give them any attention. Life need nourishment, need...

 So by taking responsibility for this world, for my actions, for other people, for all people actually, for everything... what I am saying is that my actions, and who I am can have an affect on everything, all people, every moment. It's true. I can be the way that would really affect/change any moment. Like speaking in such a way that it wakes people up, it shakes them, it brings attention. This world and how it works, and how we work, how I work= it works perfectly in the sense that we can become exactly what is needed. We have the power of creating.  Being a guardian of the universe means taking responsibility for everybody, all people. It is your job to help every person get closer to their self, and the truth. And that is how we can bring about change. But that means you can't get angry anymore, it means you can't complain, you can't get irritated, you can't lose your patience, and your personality, and your limits are also moot. It really means letting go of yo...

 So I stumbled upon something recently. It is about Fear. That fear can be experienced as a positive or negative experience. So the idea that Fear is only something negative is wrong. And because of what I learned about Anger some 2 years ago, that it can also be lived in a positive way, then it makes sense to conclude that perhaps all emotions/feelings can actually be experienced as positive or negative.  This is a revolutionary perspective. As it brings the focus more on energy and how we are perhaps choosing or living experiences based on positivity/negativity, so polarity. Because the end goal of the mind is simply to garner more energy for itself through experience, and it doesn't really care whether it is positive or negative.  A brain scientist might say that emotions/feelings are just chemical experiences in our bodies. To which I would say that if you look at how we actually relate to it on a meta-physical level, then it is interacting on the level of personality...

So looking at this word Unity: what first comes up is United States. So if we really live the word Unity, then we wouldn't stop at just united states, but continue to say united countries or united world. I suppose that is what United Nations is. What does it mean to live unity? I suppose on a superficial level we can say that we are the United States, but are we united? What does it mean to live Unity? How about the opposite? We are the Separated States, or the separate countries. We all live in separation. Would we prefer that? Do we enjoy our individuality, and our separateness? Do we prefer that distance between us? What does it mean for us to live Unity? What about within us as individuals? Are we united within this body and mind? Are we united in our self? What would that look like? I think that once we understand what it means to be united within our individual selves, will we then more clearly see how to be united as people. Because unity is an expression. And ...

Black Lives Matter The fight to bring justice and reform is important. To protect the lives of people is important. To remove those who don't live with integrity, honor and respect all life from positions of power is important. Currently our culture has been one of money and power. Those who have money, have the power. I have heard proposals of defunding police departments and reinvesting in services such as mental health hotlines that would be first responders designed to handle mental health situations. And to create other such services that can respond instead of the police where force is unnecessary. Force should always be a last resort and it must be wielded respectfully and by those with the utmost integrity and deserving of trust. It is a honorable position, or at least is should be. Obviously that honor has been lost. I think about what if I were to join a police department and be a police officer. Would I be the only good man there? Meaning, that I am looking to be ki...

So I see this point within me of the Secret Bully. Where in specific situations, where my mind sees the opportunity to activate, then it will be here: the Secret Bully. The design works as follows. It finds the perfect situations where basically another person will be confronted with me as the Secret Bully, but because we are alone, and because I don't do this openly with groups of people, and moreover I be Good with groups of people, and present myself as a good guy, that it would be strange odd if they were to tell anyone about it. So its highly specific. Understand this is a design, and given that I am writing it out, it loses its power. Because when you write out the design, the pattern, when you expose all the moments where it occurs, then it becomes powerless, because then you know it. When its kept secret and unspoken its like you don't know it. That is why the Secret Mind exists, to keep you trapped, and keep a level of power over you. Your only choice is to stop...

Time to Recreate myself again. I see now that I have been developing and participating a desire to have someone else like me around. Someone that I can talk to in depth and detail about the mind, about all the details. all the dimensions, all the aspects and observations as if it was a fascinating scientific pursuit or study. To be able to share and make cross-referencing with that person regarding any and all dimensions of the mind/body and our experience. To discuss the techniques and methods used, as well as describe the mind system, treating them as universal things to study/catalogue and so share and discuss as something mutual and applicable to all of us. SO I was developing that desire. And desire means energy. Desire are system. All desires are system as long as they operate within energy. Its possible to make a decision about what you want or go after it, all without energy within it or behind it. That is not what I was doing in this case. I had a life long desire, that sp...

Something that I can trust is the point that we are all one and equal. No matter who someone is, no matter what they have done, no matter all that have done that is considered bad, or good, or evil or right... they are equal to me and I am equal to them. Our equality point is what is real and what I can trust. Because it is speaking as equals, where its like a giant collective, or caucus, or gathering, where Imagine like a giant meeting hall, or town meeting, and we are all there. Imagine Existence is at the townhall, and so all of us are equal. So what we should do is that which is best for everyone, all of us, cause we are all equal. This point is what I trust, and what I am committed to living, to upholding, to manifesting in this world: which is our equality and oneness. This understanding, this vision, this perspective changes everything. Its like a value, a virtue, or a morality or a religion. It is how you view the world, it is how you view yourself and others. It is a creed, ...

There have been years of my life where I felt at home with myself. Where no matter where I would be, or move to, I know I would be at home because I had me. And there were years of my life where I wouldn't be at home with myself, where I felt lost and disconnected. During those times I knew something was off and I had to find a way again to be at home with me again. There's always a reason why I would have an issue being at home with me. Anyway, I definitely think that we should aspire to have that point and/or develop that point for ourselves. So to describe this in further detail, its having that oneness and equality connection with everything that exists. Where in this moment, no matter where you are, or what you were doing: you connect with and understand that the true nature of Life is that we are all one and equal. So when you see someone super confident, or successful, or smart, or talented = you see yourself one and equal with them. When you see someone who is sufferi...

What I am in the process of doing is Giving up all Hope and then Placing Self-Trust Here. Specifically I am giving up the hope that anyone or everyone will make it in their process, will actually learn, grow or change. Even more specifically its the hope for real connections with people, since a real connection would require that person be real (me too of course), where there is that depth. I am giving up all hope that anyone will be real. And what I am doing is placing my self-trust here in me, in what I can do, create, and move in this physical reality. And what I am also doing is that I am going to do all of this Life Creation, and Self-Creation, and World System Creation in the Name of all of those who I basically loved or hoped for to make it, which is everyone really. So I do all of this in the Name of Everyone, in the Name of everyone's potential, even if in reality no one makes it, and all will Fall. Because me doing it, me Living it, Me being the Creation, being the ...