Yogan's Journey to Life

I am starting this Blog, with a Vlog... haha that rhymed! See below: So continuing on this point. I have seen how throughout my life, I very much cared about many women's opinion me and what they said to me or about me, cause of my interest in potential partners or women, since I am naturally aligned to desiring and being with a woman. So I can see how past girlfriends how what they said to me, I took it to my heart, deep into my heart. If they had a criticism of me, I kept it deep here in my heart, like a scar. It is there. It stays there. And its alive, and sensitive like a fresh wound. I remember one woman saying: Yogan! You don't know what you are doing! You want to change! But you haven't lived it yet! I took that to heart. I didn't stop to consider it or question it, or look who I am in relation to it. I immediately believed it, and believed her. Cause I cared about her opinion about me. And it made me feel real bad. Very bad. Like I am bad. She is rig...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kl9XjNV__eQ So I watch this youtube channel with these people doing improv comedy all the time. Its really funny sometimes. I like the Try not to laugh challenge videos. And so I was watching some new videos today and laughing. And here is one of the videos about Dating. Whats cool in some of these videos is that they open up about things. Being very open about the realness of living and stuff going on. That openness is a cool dimension. When I get access to someone else being open..... that then opens up points for me to look at and consider. So in this video I'm linking its about dating. So I'm going to open up this dimension here for myself and for what's best for all. So first of all, one thing I have learned from experience is that there is ALL kinds of people out there, All kinds. And so within knowing that there is all kinds, who I am in my approach is that point of not assuming or believing things, and kind of cautiously, slo...

Being/Feeling Worthless I felt and believed I was worthless because as a kid I was quiet, shy, I didn't know what to say or what to do. I didn't know how to have conversations or speak. When it came to the girls I had crushes on, that I liked, I didn't know how to speak to them. And to one particular girl who made me her friend, who was super friendly to me, and spent time with me, and invited me to things, I felt/believed I was still worthless, I was too worthless to be with her. I was too worthless for her. I am quiet. I am shy. I don't know how to speak. This self-perception carried on within me. As I grew older and met other girls/women that I had crushes on, that I eventually dated, I still saw myself as too worthless to be with them. As I was with them, held hands with them as we walked, I still saw myself as worthless. I was afraid to say something stupid or I was afraid I wouldn't know what to say. I was afraid I was still too quiet, too shy, too inexper...

Remembering my life and who I have been. I have been many different persons. I once was a person very much in love and obsessed with one person. I remember all the love and pain I felt. I was in so much emotional pain. Remembering the emotional pain I felt, it feels like no physical pain would mean anything in comparison to that. This is my evidence that love is the real evil. I once had the relationship I wanted. I had lots of sex. I felt close, intimate. Then I found out the person was someone who was not committed to me. I realized that I made a mistake. I realize I needed to change. That is when I started Desteni. I was ready. I remember being like 7 years old and sad. I remember being happy in regular class, and when I moved to gifted class everything changed. the kids in regular class were friendly and sociable. The kids in gifted class were super serious and intimidating. It was like being in military school, or where everyone was a robot. I remember feeling just weird, ...

Understanding Attraction The above video is from the Self & Living Store, and happens to be one of their free interviews on youtube. I wanted to share about my application with the suggestion provided. So attraction is no stranger to me, I have had it for many women over the years, even as earlier as the 1st grade in Elementary School. Since then about every year or so there was always someone that I felt an attraction when thinking about her or seeing her. The fact that there were so many is interesting to see.  So when I had a look at the word (meaning the word that is what it is I am actually attracted/desiring), especially seeing how it is a word I am not living that I would like to live, what came up was Expression. There were many different reasons why this was the word. So to give some of those perspectives, that with these persons in my past, I believed I could be myself and express me. I would actually express myself such a completely different way with this per...

So there's a reason why I have this title. Because they are triggering, and words about conflict and fighting, such as "Vs." draws people's attention. Also in combination with Valentine's Day, which invokes usually positive feelings, its the perfect combination of positivity and negativity. So my title's wording is to bring in readers. At the same time however, it describes exactly what I will talking about today. So today is Valentine's Day, and what does this mean for me? In the past it meant, someone else. In the present, it means me. Do you see why now I wrote this title? There is a difference between the past and the present me. And there is a difference between me and another. Intimacy with me is quite an interesting thing. Its truly everlasting, not so much so for the typical relationship. What is the ideal relationship? You meet someone by fate occurrence, they are your perfect match, you fall in love, get married, have kids, grow old toget...

So this blog will be from a guys perspective. So hi, I'm male, haha. Even though this topic will cover girls, as seen from my perspectives, I invite readers to switch girls with guys, to see if the same patterns exist within you, even if you may be female, or homosexual/gay. So I am 24 years old, a male, and I identify as a male, and as heterosexual. So that's really like THE word that defines and has defined much of relationship to females/girls in general, "SEX." One thing I can identify right away, is that it is about my beliefs and ideas, not about the actual physical act of sex. I have only had sex a few times, and only had sex when I was 18. So from about the time in elementary school when I first saw GIRLS as something special, unique, interesting to the time I was 18, there was no SEX. So its not really at all about sex. Instead, during that time period, I would think, fantasize, imagine conversation with some specific girls, and would have desires and f...