Yogan's Journey to Life

So yesterdays blog was the intro for these series of blog covering this mind personality. https://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2020/03/day-813-dastardly-secret.html Today I'm going to start with the walking through the detail of the programming. So less fun description and more breaking down the exact programming. The overarching theme here is enjoyment that is bad. Like laughing at someone else's pain. Bullying others. Being happy when others lose. So the following memories are such moments: Stealing a bottle of bubbles from a fellow student in the 1st grade who won it for some achievement. I saw he was quite happy receiving it. I grabbed it and placed it in my bag. I could see he was sad/upset about it missing. The teacher tasked some students to search the desks/room for it. When they approached my desk, I said go ahead and search everything I have nothing to hide, and kind of did this motion of raising my arms and then crossing it over my chest. I felt a sense of ...

Revenge of the Ego is a recording Bernard did. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNwExWTsSXM And I see an explanation for something I went through which happened through an unexpected way. Bernard used an example of a relationship and how in the beginning of the relationship it was pure, and real. And how slowly over time the ego inserts thoughts that make you doubt it. Is this the right person? Is this where I am supposed to be? Is this the right place? And how it sabotages the whole point. So what i am seeing is that this happened to me, but with my career choice and goal. Because in the beginning I was happy, and excited, motivated, and willing to walk it and looking forward to it. But then it slowly went into doubt. Is this the right goal? Is there something else I should be doing? Are these the right people? And I can see how it fell apart, and how the ego took me to the point where I would give up. And like Bernard said that its more advanced than me, the mind is more s...

I have found within me a point of placing parts of myself, my expression, my visions, my living words, simply parts of myself within People and Objects in my Life. So it sounds similar to the Horcruxes that Voldemort used in Harry Potter. And I suspect that unconsciously that point was picked up and written in that story because it reflects something real. I suspect that this is something we all do. So what this means is that parts of myself is defined within the relationship to that person/object. For example lets say the willingness/eagerness to socialize with people and communicate/share is defined within one person in my life. So I have all these various parts of myself that is defined within people and objects in my life and what that means is that if something happens to that person/object than it can feel like I lost something, like I lost a part of myself. Have you ever seen yourself go through such a thing or seen others go through such things? It seems to me to be something...

So, I'm standing again in clearly seeing the Life that is here as me. What this means is that how I see myself is a being, a something that is life- if I create an imagination about it in order to describe it- it could be seeing myself/my body that is right here in his moment as I sit in this chair and type, and seeing that inner body as like a blue light that is my body. Its not about an image, but if I were to use an image it would be that. How I see myself is about seeing myself as life- meaning that I have no beginning and no end, that I am standing with and by every single part, particle, and speck in this existence, from the great to the small. So I committed to support every single part/person/thing in this existence- no matter who it is or what they have done. Because there are no enemies in reality/existence- there is just people/life that may be exercising power in accordance with their programming and in ways that is not what is best. But there is no enemy, there is no n...

This Blog is Almost like a Thought Experiment. It is Reflective, and you need to Read it all the way through because my Perspective Changes in real time. So make sure to read it all the way through, I end somewhere differently than where I started out in the beginning.  There is me as Yogan as my story as an individual... There is also me that is not Yogan, that takes on a grander perspective, grander vision, that includes many more perspectives at once, and strives for what is best for each perspective. When I live in this way of living from multiple perspectives or many perspectives... I become something different, I see things differently, I respond to situations differently. It is a point of greater understanding. Understanding more perspective on any given situation or moment. It is a point of living outside of my previous conceptions of my self of who I am, of Yogan. It is a point of just having a body and just relying on that fact that I am anchored here in r...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not knowing what to do and so try to listen to others, and look to others to direct me, instead of listening to myself and who I am, and so living who I am, no matter the situation. Time to listen to the voice Inside of me. Time to step out of the closet. Time to live Me, Yogan in everything I do, instead of Living someone else or something else. So no matter the situation, apply the Me, the who I am, the Principles, and what I, Yogan, would do. Ask what would I do? Standing/Existing as that Inner Voice So I wrote the above this morning after doing self-forgiveness. I just uploaded a youtube video on this inner voice, and can be seen here: https://youtu.be/WNEfqQCHH98 My Inner Voice... its funny that I saw Westworld and it came down to the point of the Inner Voice. The Robots in the end, found their inner voice.  So what I saw this morning was how my being, my inner voice, is here alwa...

Yesterday's blog: https://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2019/01/day-690-about-being-alone-as-trauma.html So first an update. Things have been pretty quiet in my mind. Like I have the moments where the thoughts and experience would come up, and they start to creep in, but then I remember and am applying my application in the moment to change with understanding. And so I change it, I stop the thought, mind chatter. Negative backchat. Feeling Nervous or Anxious in relation to conversations/messages. I remember the point that its connected to this Trauma of Being Alone, the pain, the agony, the self-hatred, the torture. and voila! done. And just the eerie quietness of the moment, of being alone. That is eerie because its been so long, so not my normal. If it wasn't obvious, within this system, I have been living my life, I have been pushing in every such way for expansion and growth in every dimension and way I understood thus far. I have been accepting every challenging, emb...

Update since Blog post Adrenaline: https://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2018/11/day-69-adrenaline.html So since I have been walking the point of Adrenaline as described in my blog, well here's an update. I have been paying attention to my physical heart, and when and in what moments I react so that adrenaline or my blood pressure kicks it up, and so I feel my heart pounding. So I have been purposefully being calm and relax in my time where I don't have to be running around. One of the greatest luxuries in life is being able to just take your time walking somewhere, to just enjoy the view, enjoy the moment, going slow. This requires time. Also, by paying attention to my heart, this has helped me in conversations where I can remain calm, and more stable and not react within conversation topics. At the same time, when I do talk, I see I'm much more effective, and pay much more attention to what was just said, and able to bring through my point, as how I see it, clea...

I have needed to just call a halt on everything and take things slower. This occurred physically to me, cause I got sick. I can tell that I got sick because of stress, because before I got sick I was dealing with a lot of stress. Basically I don't have time for everything I want to do right now. And I had been trying and pushing to get all of these things done. But its just not possible. I have to give myself time, plenty of time to do things right and well. Just making the statement that I'm going to be pushing back my deadlines and giving myself more time, already lifted some of the weight. But I also had to tackle some of the reasons why it exists. Why was I doing this? What about me thinks its okay to push all of this stuff on me to get it done as fast as possible? I know that before starting working in my jobs, so when I was in college still and then younger than that, I was different. I would have always taken things slow and do things Right. That is my preference. ...

Note: I don't have children or a wife/girlfriend, but these words as symbols exist within the mind consciousness system, and so I can do self-forgiveness now on them. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live for the happiness of my family, wife and children. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live for the feeling energy of my family, wife and children. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that real self-expression of happiness and feeling energy of happiness, are completely different. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I cannot live the purpose of making others happy as feeling energy. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad, sad, purposeless, meaningless in my family, wife, children not liking me or not wanting me around. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad, alone, isolated, sad, depressed, purposeless, meaningless, whe...

I feel tired of not being understood, of being so alone. Any time I remotely open up deep parts of myself, they go straight over other people's heads. How many people are like me? Someone who gets science and philosophy and mathematics. Someone who can express themselves clearly in words. Someone who fights for everything in existence, nature, animals, plants, all people. Someone who gets children, understands them. Someone who can place themselves in the shoes of most people/situations. Someone who has a strong imagination and creativity. Someone who doesn't need or care for any drugs or stimulants and can have so much fun without them. Someone who can LISTEN. Someone who can be here. Someone who can do anything and learn anything. Someone who is committed to the advancement and develop of the human being as Self. Let me tell you my life story in short. I was not born this way. I made a journey. So that you understand I am not magical, I was not given this, I worked for...

Link https://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/04/ I know that for other people, they may not get my connection with my first blog post online. Let me try to explain why the moment is special for me and why I revisit it sometimes. There is a purity to someone just starting their process, and posting online for the first time. There is a simplicity, just like a baby or child. There is a purity, a innocence, a good-will of intent.There is also that first step of bravery where you are going public, you are exposing yourself, you are writing something personal and real. My first blog post didn't seem like much, but for me it was. I was REALLY MEANING and standing behind my self-forgiveness. I meant every word, and I wrote it, spoke it, and lived it very deeply within myself. I remember where I was, I remember the feel of the room, I remember the orientation. I remember the emotions and feelings, I remember just the moment. I really had in that moment the intent and will to wa...

My plan with this blog is that I will revisit each day and add a new point. - 4/23 Update: 5/17 I have been doing video logs almost everyday in order to practice speaking. See me here: https://www.youtube.com/user/yoganb7 For these days I haven't been updating this blog. But today I am adding a relevant/awesome point to read. Check it out below. Living Words: Living words are words that I am able to live in any moment, in this list are words that I am in a process of definition and redefinition, and of actually, practically & physically living. ->Helpful ->Curious (So I created a document of living words about a week ago from today. This was created as a response to a very specific moment where I felt distraught like my whole world was falling apart, and I knew how I felt wasn't the real me, and my demeanor wasn't the real me. In that moment a cat was meowing. I had the choice to go check on the cat and make sure it was okay, or to continue with w...