Monday, September 16, 2019

Day 753 Preprogramming and Working for Money

Preprogrammed to NOT work for money.

The statement: Do what you Love to do, find a Career that you Love to do.

What this statement is saying is to follow your Preprogramming- Do what you were preprogrammed to do. The one missing piece of information that general people lack is that every person was preprogrammed through their mind consciousness system to have a preprogrammed life path- which meant that SOME people were preprogrammed to work for Money for example, or to be a doctor or lawyer, or to be a scientist or teacher etc... or to even be poor, to be an alcoholic, to be failure and live a painful life. Everyone is preprogrammed. So the statement of doing what you love to do, is basically telling you to trust your feelings and emotions, and so to simply do whatever it was you were preprogrammed to do.

Some people are more lucky than others. For me, I was preprogrammed to be something like a Guru, and at the very least I was preprogrammed to NOT be working for money. I can at least see this point here- I feel a demotivation, an emotion of feeling displeased with working for money. And I can see other people and I can see how its easier for them. I know that all emotions are mind systems, and so for me to be triggered by the thought/idea that I work a career in data science for the purpose of making money, even though my plan is to use that money to do good and support life, this is proof that I was not preprogrammd to make money as my purpose. So what I have to do is to remove the systems within me, remove the emotional systems and align myself in the physical with the physical actions/movements without energy.

For the common man/person changing their preprogrammed path when it comes to career can be very difficult. For me its almost necessary, and I am highly motivated to do so. But for many people its going to be quite difficult- unless you are walking the process of emotions/feelings and changing self based on the support of the desteni knowledge/coursework/support. Because the common man does not have the facts on how their mind works or their emotions/feelings work. If they did though, and if they really did apply it and get good at it, then yes it will be much more common for any person to be able to live their fullest expression and become something of Life, of expressions that realize their potential as life, to be or do anything within what is best for all.

Removing/stopping emotions/energies/system is a specific skill. Its not something done through knowledge alone. Simply reading this blog is not enough unless you already have the practice with the tools and applying knowledge/understanding within yourself to change in your physical body/self/life immediately.

Human beings were preprogrammed entirely- completely. The idea of free choice is an illusion. Understanding and how and where your choices is based within your mind system as following energies/emotions/feelings/thoughts is how you start to see the truth and start to understand what choice is and its responsibility is within the context of the reality of Life on the planet- including the level and extent that every single human being is programmed by their mind without even being aware of it. Imagine you have an entire planet of people who are completely brainwashed and controlled and aren't even aware of it, or the complete extent of it. That even the people who are supposedly working with themselves are in another layer of trap/enslavement, here I am referring to Gurus, New Age, Positivity, even Religions, Philosophy/Intellectual people. Where these specific things were placed as another layer of control to mislead people. Cause the one point that no one challenges or points out is Energy in all its form BOTH positive and negative. No one questions the positive polarity.

In my case, I am quite intelligent and able to do some mentally demanding work/career, like data science. So in terms of the physical level, I can do it, I am prepared in my mind/schooling. But where my preprogramming kicks in is when I look at working for money- I start to get emotion reactions that do take me over. And only by seeing now and understanding the preprogramming that says I shouldn't work for Money, that can I see it and can I stop it. As the absolute truth, I am life, I have a birthright to create myself as how I wish, within what is best for all. So to be limited by emotional preprogramming that dictates who I am and my motivation is unnacceptable. Life is fascinating, all subjects and all careers are fascinating. I am aligning with one that I have the physical capabilities to do and that pays very well. I can do, I will do it, and I am removing the programming within me that says I shouldn't do it.

Preprogramming is the same as how astrology was created for people and things like fate/destiny was created in the how specific people were meant to have certain experiences and live certain lives in order to reinforce Faith or Belief systems from other people. Its simply a very elaborate hoax/prank done at such a sophisticated and deep level that it can never be exposed/questioned by the ordinary person with limited information/perspective. But within the greater picture it makes sense how and why it exists. The basic answer is enslavement.

Sunday, September 15, 2019

Day 752 - My Tether to this World

I have found an interesting thing. My tether to this world. It is something defined within the mind, but I can see I can redefine it and live it as words.

My tether is what gives me the sense of living, of hope, and potential and there being a future for me in this world. I find that when I look into myself as my life timeline that my tether to this world relates to Being Understood by someone and finding that one someone who does See me, Gets me, understands me. So its an imagination. I imagine finding such a person and see the potential of the human people that I would find such a person somewhere.

I have had this throughout my life since childhood. I can see the negative polarity of seeing myself as not understood by others, or heard by others. That I am alone in this world, and so feeling frustrated, tired, alone, meaningless within that. And so having this idea of finding someone someday who does understand and get me is what motivated me through so many times in my life. I had a  real hope, and excitement in seeing the potential of meeting someone.

Without this tether to this idea/imagination, I see that I am disconnected from this world, disconnected from all people, all life everywhere. It gives that emotion of feeling frustrated.

Frustrated is specific and I see it relates to when I was a child before I could talk so well, and how adults and people wouldn't understand what I was saying. So feeling frustrated to that level.

So when I do look at or consider the possibility of the future of meeting such people who understand me, it does get me excited, full of hope and full of the potential of things.

So the point of separation is not seeing how there can't be someone who understands me in such a way. I'm sorry to say its not possible. Who I am and how I am is specific. There's no way someone can really get me in all dimensions. At best I connect with people in specific dimensions which does happen often and with most people. So that's clear.

So that's my self-honesty and so to realign and connect the point, I am tying the tether to me. And this means that I will live the words Hope, Excitement and Potential, in the exact way and nature of it that I would get/become through the idea and imagination of meeting people.

The idea of meeting people and friends, family, and loved ones, that is a biggie point for me. For as as long as I remember Friendships and Relationships formed a huge part of my emotions and self-definition and preoccupation in my mind. So actually redefining this one aspect which relates to the Hope, Potential and Excitement that I normally would feel when looking forwarding to meeting or seeing people, and instead LIVE IT as a self-expression at any time or all the time, or everyday, is quite radical.

But this radicalness, is exactly the point, I am becoming something odd/strange in humanity. I am becoming truly something different than how people function/operate. I becoming a point of self-fulfillment, through stopping this seemingly core point in who I am as mind and self-definition, which is something humanity lives as mind.

I am walking this point in the midst of what seems utter chaos in my inner reality and my outer reality. Yet at the same time, walking this process, and getting to the mind points and simply understanding it and changing it through the tools, this is staple. This is what is normal. We were all children at one point. We all become who we were through time. Spending the time to change is how we create our change in ourlives and direct ourselves.

So I see the excitement as ME, I see the excitement as my future and potential. There is always a future involving me in it. I see me being able to do things, I have the potential to do things that I can't predict/know and that excites me. I can come up with all sorts of expressions and live all sorts of things. I see the potential of joy, fun and expression with me, even if its alone or with others. The point is that I AM THERE. I will always be THERE in the future and so always Here, right now. And that is something to be excited about and look forward to :)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel displeasure and dislike for not being understood/heard in a moment

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say/desire that I want to find that one person that understands me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Imagine then the person as really existing, as a person who truly understands me and gets what I am saying, and who I am, and my intentions. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel excitement within imagining this person who understands me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel hope within imagining this person to be real, the one who understands me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be in conflict with reality, and all people, and so continuing to live, because I saw everyone and this reality as not understanding me when I speak or say something. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing as a living word and independent to and different from other humans/people

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing alone as the first one in doing/becoming a living word in relation to a mind point that everyone seems to have.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to Miss Myself, as in missing the sight of myself, missing the view of myself when I live myself, as in not seeing me.

I commit myself to live hope, potential and excitement as me throughout my day as an living of the previous reaction/movement of when I want to be understood and believe I am being understood by someone or some people.


If you ever notice my blog count starting from one again, that was sometimes because I was like restarting my process. Rewalking it again. Realigning to the starting points of process.

So I am doing the same thing today except I just won't be changing the number of my blog, but it is at 751! So it is a one there.

Where I am starting is with the Words and the Definitions of Process. So the word LIFE.

So to redefine and define the word Life.

Life is everywhere and everything without any energy, without bias, without judgment or separation. True and complete equality between every single part and subpart as all of it together forms this existence equally. All is life.

Choice- there is no choice, I give up my choice. I give up believing I can choose to what to say. I give up trying to say things in a different way or say a different message. There is only one message, one principle, one thing to say/speak in any moment, and that is what is best for all, that is oneness and equality, and that is Life. I don't have to think about it, I don't choose. I simply speak. It easy.

Process- refers to the active process through desteni tools and courses- it also refers to the fact that everyone is walking their own process but without the tools. There will be those who will be able to drastically/radically and tremendously change in their lifetime and be examples for others and pave way for others in their lifetimes. There will be those who aren't going to be able to actively walk process. We are all equal as life, and equal in process. We all have to face ourselves and take self-responsibility. No one will escape/avoid responsibility.

Consequence- We all will face consequences. There is collective consequence through our accepted and allowed state of the world, humanity, existence and Life. Like how it is said, there is no free choice, there is only consequence.

Clone- I am going to be like a clone. I am going to speak the desteni message, I am going to speak the message of Life. I will be repeating myself. I am not original. I am not looking to gain favors, or to gain something from someone else. I am simply speaking the Truth of Life, of Existence, of ourselves, of humanity, of Reality. I am speaking as Life, as all of us, and I am becoming something that is real, and I am NOT being Yogan as the Identity or ego or individual as Emotions, Fears, Insecurity, and Energy or Mind.

Physical- The physical is what is real, the mind completely depends on it. The physical is the true source of power. Both for the Mind, but also for the physical resources, and physical prosperity, and physical needs, and physical happiness. All depends on the physical reality and structure. If we trust and utilize the physical in process we will surely succeed. Without using the physical, it will be extremely difficult and practically impossible to make significant headway in walking out of the mind. Indeed, we are walking out of the mind and into the physical body and reality. We are returning to the physical. This is the process we are walking and doing. And also why real physical change in the structure of society is needed to make sure all physical needs are met and we build a society that truly represents the interests of Life and Everyone, so that it reflects what is best for all and living as one and equal as Life and with Life. with and as All.

Mind- The mind was created as the ultimate enslavement tool. It completely relies on energy. At the same time it is the ultimate teacher and challenge as it does require you to stand and take responsibility for yourself, for this existence, for your power, for your responsibility, for who you are and your affect on reality. The mind is neither good or bad. Nothing is in fact good or bad, good and bad is simply and idea and definition created to reflect separation and deepen the separation between all things. The mind is a reflection of that polarity and you can see it in how it defines energy as good/bad, as emotions and feelings. All energy of the mind needs to stop, and can be stopped through breath and self-forgiveness. We can step out of it in any moment and be physical hear. To really remove a programming it requires something deeper like understanding the pattern and understanding the reasons why it exists and creating a plan/script where we walk in real time and we apply the change/correction to reflect the actions that are truly best for all- this is done through writing since we are not able to process all the information in our heads. Writing allows us to actually work with large amounts of information. The mind has all the information it has ever perceived stored in there. It is vast. But it requires energy. The mind cannot exist within Breath, so when you breathe it cannot exist there in that moment. Remember the mind can NEVER force you to do anything, it is all through your acceptance and allowance. It presents you with the options and you are the one that acts on them. You are the one that FEELS the energy and Indulges in the energy. You are the one that can stop the energy. That is why we say I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to... You have all the power. The mind depends on you.

At the same time the mind vastly superior to you in the sense it has all the info about you. It knows you better than you know yourself. It knows your weaknesses, it knows what to do and what to bring up. And it will do everything it can to continue existing. It is not malicious but it is very effective. So be prepared to bring your A game, and commit yourself to not give up and to keep getting back up no matter how many times you fall. That is your power: perseverance. And its all you. No one else can every determine REALLY what goes on inside of you and your space. There is a beauty in that isn't there? We are all self-responsible for ourselves, whether we like it or not, whether we deny it, whether we embrace it, it will always be true.

Monday, September 9, 2019

Day 750 When I feel Sad/Happy regarding others Decisions to learn

The story of seeing a girl at an age 10 and seeing all of her potential and then seeing her 3 years later and seeing all of that potential Squashed.

This is one out of many stories of humanity. The basic truth of all people, is that we’re all quite troubled, and that we at an early age in childhood had that potential and beauty. If you see all of the adults who are supposedly wretched, see how they used to be before, before they were like that, and even before then. Keep going back and you will see we all had that potential on our faces. That potential is there still, even though its deep down.

It breaks my heart when I see that potential squashed. I haven’t learned how to deal with that. But that potential in humanity is the most beautiful thing there is. This is what I live for. I live for the potential of humanity and for myself. I don’t live for what is only here as in the status quo. I don’t live for continuing just the same thing everyday. I live for the potential of the development and growth of us, of our expression, where we can be more expressive, more creative, more crazy or more relaxed. To be able to have fun in unusual ways. Or to be able to support others in surprising ways.

If a person dies, its one thing. They die, its not so bad for me.

If a person moves away or leaves, its not so bad either.

But if a person squashes potential, they destroy it, they really remove potential for growth, understanding, development--- that is what gets me deep in my core.

When someone says no to an open door- when someone says no to seeing what’s more, when someone closing off from the rest of the world, there is nothing more sadder than that.

I am trying to understand that, or recover from hearing such news. I myself feel like giving up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when someone closing the door to learning
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when someone closes the door to potential of learning more
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when someone squashes their potential to hear more
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when someone shows a lot of potential but then squashes it and ends it
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel deeply hurt when someone closes themselves off from listening or hearing more

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I can’t live without people open to their potential
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live for people who are open to learning, and instead of living for Life itself in all people, including those who have closed themselves off.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I am alone when someone closes themselves off from me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel crazy when someone showed a lot of potential and just suddenly closed off all potential at once

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lose faith in myself and my process because another closed themselves off

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to understand their reason to close themselves off, because there is no good reason, just an excuse and just their process they are creating for themselves

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that no matter what we are all in this together, including those who have closed themselves off, and that in the end we will all be at the same place.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel happy with seeing people who live their potential and are open to learning

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel rewarded with seeing people applying themselves and learning

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like it’s a gift to witness someone challenge themselves and be victorious

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to see people succeed, and learn something new

When and as I see myself feeling sad in seeing someone close off to their potential to learn/grow- I stop and I breathe- I realize that we are all walking process, and that its up to each one to define, decide and determine their own process – I realize that what others do or what happens or how things happen won’t matter, because one way or another what is best for all and oneness and equality will happen, that this is the destiny of Life/existence- I realize that one’s personal experience will be affected by our decisions in process- I realize that celebrating someone else’s victory as if its my own is not needed and is my own creation, and that I can instead express as a self-expression instead of a conditional reaction as feelings- I realize that each one’s achievements is their own and it is for them to celebrate and enjoy- I realize its not my victory or defeat regarding what others do with their process and time on earth.

I commit myself to live my stability in not being reactive or emotionally involved in others processes, and their movements and decisions, and to not judge or react regarding any decision they make.

I commit myself to respect everyone’s process.

I commit myself to be just an equal to everyone, instead of something like a cheerleader or a teacher which would react to how others are doing.

When and as I see myself feeling happy in seeing someone learn something new and embody some of their potential- I stop and I breathe- I realize that how I feel about it has no bearing on their process- I realize that my own positive reaction is connected to the negative of feeling sad when someone closes themselves off- I realize that their own victories and achievements is all on their own even if I was involved in helping, it was still up to them- I realize that what matters is that they walk their process and that is entirely up to them, I have no say in that or influence in that- I realize that we are all the same in regards to we all are walking in process in one way or another, and we all determine our own process.

I commit myself to be supportive in how I can to everyone whether they are open to it or they are closed to it, I will support/act accordingly

I commit myself to recognize that each one walks their process and creates their own path and that I respect that and know that in the end we will all meet.

I commit myself to express myself unconditionally and that if I do celebrate with someone that it is my self expression and not as a reaction of feeling good.

Wednesday, September 4, 2019

Day 749 Stepping out of Hell

I am standing up to my mind, and I am standing up to myself. I suppose it is something like Gandi because he advocated non-violence. So I am standing up to my mind in a non-violent way, and so also a non-aggressive way. I am not angry at my mind, I am not resisting it. I actually let it play out a little bit in my head, but within doing so I am clear in who I am, and what I am doing in the moment, and what I am directing. I am clear that the goal is to stop the energies and stop the thoughts/mind through Understanding and Self-forgiveness within Understanding my responsibility of how I created any specific mind system I am being faced with.

So I am committed to stop the feeling/emotions. I am committed to stopping the positive reactions and the negative reactions. I am committed to really release the mind systems and to do so within Understanding the How that I created the particular mind system I am faced with. Through understanding me, through understanding my mind and the story of it, through understanding the specific nature of how and why a particular stream of thoughts exists and particular personality system exists or specific reaction == I will change through and with that understanding. To this I am committed. No matter what may come up in my mind, no matter the content of it, no matter how dark it is, or what it is saying= it is not real. The mind isn't real. What is real is the physical. Physical touch is real. Physical pain is real. Physical reality in all its senses is real. But the mind and the thoughts are unreal, are not to be taken seriously.

There is no point to giving the mind any sense of realness or any sense of interaction that validates it. This includes reacting to the mind itself, this includes feeling worried about it or resisting it, fighting it. The mind isn't real, it isn't me. It is a reflection of me and its a system within me, but it isn't Me. I can change it through understanding Me, and my history and who I am. But the ultimate point isn't about changing the mind, its about changing ME.

In this way, the mind is like a teacher. One that challenges me to the nth degree! But yes, through overcoming the challenge, I learn my lesson. I become stronger and I take a step in the right direction- through aligning myself in each to oneness and equality and what is best for all in fact.

The mind has taken me to the brink of myself, to lose faith in myself, and give the mind ultimate authority. And so standing up from here, I'll be hella stronger. There may be even more challenges in store for me in the future- I won't pretend to know everything- but I can say at least that I stood up and I am standing up from within this point of myself, and in relation to this part of me. That is all any of us can ever do: TAKE responsibility for yourself and your mind and who you are. Do that and the world changes. But do that anyway, cause its your responsibility and your place of power in this world.

Friday, August 30, 2019

Day 748 - Unlocking your Hidden Beauty - through self-expression

When I was a child my aunt told me very specifically how a woman can be very beautiful, but be very nasty, ugly on the inside. Since then I have had that view of who a person is is what counts most of all. Also why the desteni process and focus on SELF, and who you are is the most important thing there is.

Real beauty as expression has nothing to do with Energy- Energy as the Mind- Energy as Feelings- Anything about Positive connotations etc... Not good or bad as energy/emotion/feeling or judgment. If you start with this starting point then you will be able to explore what Beauty is as an expression.... But until you do that, you will only have an IDEA about what beauty as self-expression is. There's no amount of thinking or preparation needed. Just start in the individual moments---- if you have any energy movements with regards to anyone's image/appearance, good or bad, STOP IT. Keep doing that, and don't stop. Eventually you will get to the point and understand.

Redefining words goes hand in hand with Living the Correction as a physical self-expression, which you do as you stop the energy of a mind point. It said that from the point of Nothingness, is where you can create for Real. It makes sense doesn't it?

I can bet anyone can decide in any individual moment- in any moment- if you see you are reacting with energy to anything, that you can truly stop it- if you really do hold yourself back with your entire will/self, you can do it. It comes down to self and to practice. Nothing more or less. Besides that--- it is to write and understand why, which are the other desteni tools, and to effectively redefine anything requires understanding. Can't just skip steps.

Redefining words is meant as a way to support your process. It doesn't and can't replace the other tools of process. So its not either or. Its in addition to stopping energy. If you don't stop the energy or give up on trying to stop it, then your expression won't come through. Being able to differentiate between energy as the mind and real PHYSICAL self-expression is important.

So what are some pitfalls here? Basically Energy is Energy, Positive Energy goes up and it will go down again into negative energy as emotion. These can take various forms including depression, or a feeling of neutrality even, like an apathy. Because of this, its important not to limit yourself into what you THINK may be going on inside of you. Instead trust in a few things--- breathing, and physically stopping and physically aligning yourself with your body and living as one and equal for that moment with the body. Trust that. Basically in any moment you can stop and check and see--- if you are here or not. Are you here or not? Simple. If you find that stopping for the moment and breathing makes a difference, then obviously you were in SOME kind of energy.

So don't TRUST any point of the mind and THINKING. Instead TRUST the physical points and cross-reference= breathe and stop everything and just check. Stop any THOUGHT, stop any emotion, stop any feeling, and just check. You will be able to stop any kind of thought, emotion, or feeling going on within you.

What I'm describing is Some of the Desteni process- there's more to it- including writing and self-forgiveness- if you are interested then read up on it online, and check out a course that's free that introduces how to use the tools. Otherwise, all the info is available online through many recordings, articles, and writings. 

Monday, August 26, 2019

Day 747 Relationships And People


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be sad and depressed over losing a friend
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be hopeful that they will return one day
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry that they blamed me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself for them leaving
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be tired
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about them
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be free of my reactions about them no matter the cost
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define and expect all relationships with people will end in the same way as them
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel hopeless and depressed that I couldn't do or say anything to keep someone from leaving
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be inadequate and blame myself for not being able to predict that this would happen.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to explain to myself why they left, when they didn't say or there isn't any rational explanation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to understand why they left, or otherwise feel bothered by not knowing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid that this will happen again with other people I meet or know.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself and think its my fault if someone leaves
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that they would not be the kind of person that just leaves.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think its impossible to know a person
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to need to know a person
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel afraid of insulting a person through me being myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel afraid of expressing myself as what I see or understand
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish that I could keep all my friends and that they won't ever leave me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish I could have a partner, a wife, who would never divorce or leave me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish I could guarantee or predict with 100% accuracy whether people will leave me, or change, or always stay.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to know my future or the future of a relationship.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to know or judge people in general, and know what they will do.

The reason we judge people is because we want to KNOW what they are going to do. It isn't possible to know for sure that you have gotten to know someone. There is always something more to learn/realize, and what you learn may surprise/scare you, as well as bring you joy.

We judge so we can predict what they will do, so we can believe we can know what they are going to do, so that we can take action accordingly, as a way of having control of our lives. The truth is that its our own judgment and they will act/do what they do, which has nothing to do with our judgment. People always have choice, and who they are is vast and there is much to learn about a person, and to discover. Can you ever really say you have ever REALLY gotten to know a person in every way possible? in everything that they have lived and seen? Do you know all of that?

So the fact is that I have to be prepared to accept possibly anything from people or any person. They could leave, they could stay. I can't and won't ever fully know what choices they will make and who they fully are in all levels of them. That's a fact of Life and living. But I can't stop living because of that fact. I have to keep on meeting people, getting to know people, and expressing myself. I have to keep putting myself out there, and talking to people and being myself. I have to.

So I have to accept that I could be disappointed or surprised. Or find some unpleasant things. Its not something I can control or predict. I either seclude myself and stop getting to know people, or I continue to meet people and talk to them. That's the only real choice, but its not much of a choice, one is obviously better. But when I do feel like I want to run away from the world and seclude myself, then look at this point: was a surprised/disappointed by people? Do I feel like I had no control over people's decisions/actions? Am I then reacting to them leaving for example?

It's not their fault in me being surprised or disappointed. No one is to blame. And its only natural to build an expectation/understanding of who someone is. And its only natural that someone hides parts of themselves that they are ashamed of or know are problematic. No one is to blame.

The best thing we all can do is to be supportive of one another and help wherever we can, and nurture the best of each other. And to let go the idea of control of ever truly knowing/understanding a person completely that ignores the vastness of a person. This includes also in continuing to learn from and engage with people who you may think you know them and have them all figured out.

So I accept the unpredictability, the surprise, the chaos, the disappointment, as well as the pleasant surprises, the gifts, the learning, and the rewarding moments of interactions with people and the relationships I form and nurture with individuals

Sunday, August 4, 2019

Day 746 When Life gives you Lemons

 I'm too good for this world. This phrase has many meanings/interpretations, read on.

One of the things that perplexes me of human behavior is when two people are kind to each other, are happy with each other, and enjoy each others company and then all of the sudden, BAM, it ends.

But its not always the simple, though: it ends? What happened? So who I have always been is someone that never went into pushing people away. I know never is a strong word here. But with every person who did BAM, decided that they weren't my friend anymore, I always accepted/respected their decision, but at the same time just couldn't believe it. Meaning, I would ask myself: then was everything they said and did a lie? Did they not really been happy? Were they not seriously kind? Who were they within all the times we had together? Were they just fake/kidding?

I mean that's only natural to wonder that. Especially when I was here not wanting to push them away or end things. Yet here they are doing it. Who were they really? How can any of this make any sense? I mean the kind of person and the state of themselves, and their mind to be able to do that: is not something I can understand. I haven't done it.

Here I'm left wondering do all people do it? What person that I know will do it next? I mean it seems unpredictable, how can I know? Its just going to sneak up again and sucker punch me. Or is it just some people that do that? What can I do?

It does cause me to feel like a lost of faith in all people, as well as traumatized in not knowing what next person will do that. Are all people like this? How can I know?

This causes me to feel tired of all people and all relationships.

I'm too good for this world, because I am ready. I am ready to be able to talk through anything with a person, to speak on the same level as an equal, and do heart to heart. To have no secrets. To keep nothing secret. No anger, no hate, no resentment, no judgment, none of it. At least not holding onto it, and defining the person with it. I believe people, I believe what they say, I believe they are honest, I trust it, until they prove me wrong. I give people the benefit of the doubt, always. Until the physical reality proves otherwise, but I keep giving people chances at least within reason. And I forgive.

I suppose the biggest shock for me, is the shock of it all, the surprise of it. I never would have guessed that a person would do a 180 degree turn. And its that shock that gets me. How can I see them now? Maybe I choose to see them as two persons, split. Maybe I see them as deeply troubled/possessed. Do I see them as being possessed all this time? I don't want to. And what do I really know with what goes on within them? Its just a mystery. I can't say to know.

I do want to believe that there are parts of them that are good, real, and sincere. I just can't relate to cutting someone off or changing how you feel about someone or how you interact with them. That's not who I am. I guess I'm too good.

If there's one thing I want to forgive is the shock of this one person changing. If there was one thing I would want to have power over, it would be to be able to show this person what they are doing, but also the correction of always pushing for the best in all relationships, and always treating others as how you would want to be treated.

The one thing I want to forgive is to think all people are like this or fearing this happening again. I want to get back to who I am: someone who always sees the hope/potential for any relationship with any person. That each moment is a brand new moment. And each person has great potential. That there are wonderful surprises in stored in the most unlikely places, and there is always something more to learn and push deeper in all of our relationships. So to look forward with earnest, and without this despair.

To keep seeing the hope/potential in creating the new, and putting my best foot forward always.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to despair because one person who completely changed in a moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand that I have only experienced a person completely changing in a moment at a handful of times in my life, so its rare.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that when a person changes so radically in a moment that it indicates a reaction, and for it to happen at such an extreme, it must indicate that it had been building up for a while, since energy takes time to build.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I should have been able to see/perceive other people's reactions, when with this person there was no way for me to know their mind and what they were reacting to within themselves

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take a person's reaction that was building over time, personally, to think I was responsible in anyway for it, and that I could have prevented it or seen it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to start fearing that this person is a reflection of all people, and so fear people suddenly reaction/changing unpredictably in my life all over again.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lose faith, hope, and sight of the potential for any person or any relationship with any person, to be able to talk with them and share with them and learn from them, and really connect and communicate.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lose sight of the importance of communication with people

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lose sight of the importance of connection with people

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lose sight of the necessity and requirement that in order to walk oneness and equality that means developing relationships with people and connecting deeply with people, and learning from it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lose sight of it being a necessity that we develop and explore relationships with people, as part of this process to Life as all as one and equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to start believing/thinking that I have to walk this process alone, and its supposed to be walk alone and isolated.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel despair when thinking about how maybe I have to walk alone

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that maybe the other person is right, that they should walk alone and be isolated.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think it would be better if I walk alone and isolated

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that this desteni/life process is meant to be walked completely isolated/alone, when clearly we have to walk together as well, and we have to redefine all of our relationships and be the absolute best person within all of our relationships

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let one person's possession/fall completely take me over.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto maybe this one person is not possessed and can see/do what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear/worry about who else can unexpectedly fall and become possessed

I'm sure many people can relate to when someone you know and enjoy suddenly changes in a moment. Like completely changes. It is shocking and it is despairing. They just up and leaves, maybe without even saying a word. A person who does that, wasn't really present/here completely in their application. And we don't have access to a person's process, and their mind. We can't know or predict when its going to happen. God knows I would love to be able to predict that, but I can't. No one can. But it certainly happens over time, and its certainly the lack of application over time. I suppose the most difficult thing is when someone totally seems they are getting it and are applying it, but then all of a sudden shifts, and it all ends in a moment.

We have all seen that I'm sure. I suppose its really difficult when you enjoy them, and you see them and interact with them. I certainly miss these people still, and I still do. At the same time, its important to not get caught up in their process and lack of self-application. As Life, as oneness and equality, there is only one outcome, what is best for all. That is what is certain. When we lose sight of that we lose sight of the overall path and who we are within walking it. The simple truth is that when we walk the path of oneness and equality and what is best for all, we truly become someone that is trustworthy, that is dependable, that is here, that doesn't give up and walks away. That has and is walking a process that is bringing together all the separate pieces. All the separate pieces of expressions. All of the points of limitations are broken. To gain all the individual abilities, and expressions, and understanding, and presence. To be supportive by speaking within what is best for all. To be clear on what the principle is, what the best action is, what the best approach is, what is the best thing to do. To not compromise on the principle. Realize that the person you are becoming as what is best for all, as one and equal, is the very person you would want to know and want around in your life, and would want to interact with the most. You are becoming the solution/correction for humanity. The very thing you would want to prevent others doing, you are preventing it as yourself.

You aren't able to really do anything about anyone's process in a decisive sense. I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is. But you can decisively decide your process and who you are. You can be that example, that correction, within your living word and expression. You can do it. If you do that, you will always have someone that others can depend on. You will be dependable, you will be predictable, you will be supportive, you will be present. And your presence will change things as you act, live and speak. In terms of the results outside of you, I'm sorry but I can't promise anything about that. I really can't. You will have people, all sorts of people, who will fight tooth and nail and completely resist you no matter what you do or say. But you can't let that define you, your process, the principle of life, of oneness and equality and what is best for all. In some way, you can see it as being up to you to make sure you live it and it is done. Cause just like how you can't determine others, then others can't determine you. Its up to you.

So take ownership of it man, and speak with authority what is best for all. You know what it is. You will always be able to know it, even if sometimes you get possessed for a while. It will always be there within you, waiting.

So this is both a very sad tale and a very hopeful/inspiring one. This is reality. I don't make the rules, but I would say this is best for all. Because we each have to be individual and walk the process. We don't determine/decide another's process. Just like how others can't determine/decide ours. And that's best for all, isn't it?

Wednesday, July 31, 2019

Day 745 Desire to Procreate

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to procreate

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be willing to compromise who I am, my integrity and principles for a wife/woman partner

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be willing to suppress myself, my voice, the voice of what is best for all, to hide anything that can be judged as aggressive or distasteful in my words, in my blog and vlogs, in order to appease what I believe women would want.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to conform to this idea of what I think a woman wants: a man who is masculine but not threatening, intelligent but not condescending, strong but not aggressive, is interested in the woman but not intrusive, is attracted to the woman's appearance but is not shallow, is soft, gentle and kind, but not feminine, is submissive to the woman, but still confident.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe it could be worth it to take more gently in my blogs, to not be aggressive, to be more passive, in order to appease what I think women want.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to change/suppress the message and principle of oneness and equality because of this desire to procreate and find a partner

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need to change and play a dating game or flirtatious game and that I can't be myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that no woman would want me as I am, where I am childish, feminine, relaxed, open-hearted, loving, playful, accepting, understanding and listening.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I need to become more masculine for women, that I need to be more aggressive, and be physical fit and tough for a woman to like me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I that I need to deepen my voice and be more masculine in my speech in order to attract a woman

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that its worth changing if the alternative is I find no one who is compatible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe its worth compromising who I am and my expression if it means I can find someone who is attracted to that compromise

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to manipulate my image and present to women what I think they want.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place any value in any relationship that starts on physical attraction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place any value on any opinion of another that's based on superficial appearance and instead of mutual expression, connection, conversation, listening an understanding.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think its impossible for a man and a woman to approach each other as equals in conversation, understanding, listening directly and be here with each other and see whether an agreement makes sense for both.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that everyone in this world is superficial and shallow and that no clear communication is possible between me and a woman, as they will always be in a system of flirtation, judgment, and attractions, which is within energy.

So it is possible for two people to come together as equals and speak and see each other as who they are, without energy and judgment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel hopeless and think I have to compromise/change and to think it would be worth it if I have kids from it, and I imagine it all works out in the end.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consider giving up my stance, principles, and living word and expression, and my commitment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it is best for all that I hide/suppress myself, my blogs/vlogs, desteni in order to find a partner.

I commit myself to walk my process absolutely, without compromise, suppression, and without reaction, fear, shame, or guilt.

I commit myself to place any possible relationship or agreement with a woman always behind my process, always second to living what is best for all, oneness and equality, here, openly, publicly.

I commit myself to expand and deepen my social relationships with all people, especially with men, since there isn't that barrier or judgment in the mind due to system of flirtation, and romance energy.

I commit myself to live a full life, where I am myself, I live as my expression that are aligned within oneness and equality, as this body, in breath, with all people equally.

I commit myself to treat women the same way I treat men, as equals. 

Tuesday, July 30, 2019

Day 744 The Reproductive System in All of Us

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of talking about Desteni with a potential partner

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of talking about oneness and equality with a female

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of being assertive, adamant, confident and sure of myself when speaking about process, the tools, desteni, and oneness and equality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to suppress and hide Desteni from a potential partner

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to only present that which is light, fun, and likeable about me to a potential partner

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to change myself and put on a presentation to a potential partner that isn't me, and is suppressing myself, my words, my stand and my principles that I'm living of oneness and equality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be and adapt and become whatever it is that I think females will like: being more masculine, having a more attractive body type or hair, what I think and how I express, that I become more softer/gentle with females.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not treat females like how I treat men

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry/fear that who I am as who I naturally am without changing for others, is not good enough for females

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that all females want an attractive guy, and they only care about the looks, and they are shallow

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that all females are ingrained within the system and none of them can see the importance of self, of process and of desteni

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I need to change, compromise my principles, my words, my blogs, my vlogs, my sharing, and my stand in order to make a relationship work with a female of the system

I commit myself that I won't ever stop my blogs, vlogs and my stand within Desteni

It's not worth stopping being myself and my stand that is of oneness and equality for anyone or anything, since I am walking this for everyone. Its not worth giving this up for a relationship.

I commit myself to treat all females and males the same, since we are all just people.
I commit myself to not to create a presentation or persona especially for dating and for females
I commit myself to be myself, live my words, continue to align to oneness and equality as what is best for all

Sunday, July 28, 2019

Day 741 Being a good person in the eyes of society

The human mind is an interesting thing. So those from Desteni know this, but most people don't know: about how interconnected your mind, thoughts, emotions and feelings are within everything you do, perceive and learn.

It's the missing piece of the puzzle. If we were to structure a classroom, and a teacher and an environment that addresses the mind of individuals directly, which means challenging the thoughts, emotions and feelings of people, and pointing what is practical and decisions that are best for all... doing all of this so as to show each person who happens to be a child, that their mind is a thing that is moving that they can stop and that isn't them. And that they can choose to live something else and direct themselves. And that the only choice that is best can only be what is best for all. To understand the consequences of choices, and so the choices that limit consequence is best.

Currently we operate our classroom and teachers without tackling the human mind at all. At best its a teacher's secret weapon of manipulation, where teachers employ the same tactics as all humans do, which is manipulate the emotions, which can be done for example through anger as intimidation, or through bribery and feeling manipulation with sweet words. Obviously the commonsense here is that what is being taught/shown is that authority is to be respected at all times, and the teacher must always have control at all times. So from the child's perspective, the lesson is that children must be controlled at all times, that their peers cannot be trusted. Then you have some children that rebel, which would only be natural to do in such a case. And then they are made an example of.

So the brainwashing is deep. Is it done out of a malicious intent? Is it done out of ignorance?

The bottom line here is that the human being as each person is like a machine that is hungry for one thing: energy, no matter what form it may be in. No matter the cost. No matter the actions that must be taken.

To tackle that and address that at an early age would be supportive to individuals. But you end up in today's time, everyone being like a child lets say. Everyone is a child because everyone is still after energy. So they weren't every shown or directed how to stop and how there is a consequence with going after energy and that is not what is best for all. So you essentially have children teaching other children. You have the blind leading the blind. And the systems in people go unchallenged and life continues as it has for as long as people would think it has.

Don't get me wrong, the energy and the system is no joke. This isn't a criticism of people, far from it. It's more like I am pointing out how everyone is in a deep ignorance of themselves and each other, and no one has a clue of it. So of course it will seem threatening to see/consider this. I suppose most people may think that maybe they need to change, but that overall things are pretty good.

Of course, that isn't the case. If you take a look at the physical numbers and the physical reality of people everywhere at once. But its almost like an apathy, like a dream-like state that people go into. They stop seeing, they stop caring, they stop questioning things.

That's its important to do these little wake up calls. How a few words can point out the apparent truth. You haven't and no one is questioning the mind, and knows where thoughts are coming from, and where decisions are coming from. Why do you think what you think and feel what you feel? How come you don't question/push for a better/world society, that it isn't a topic of conversation, or a mission or goal. How come its not pushed for in your life, in your conversations, and relationships. How come people are only living their lives for themselves?

I could be much harsher, which only seems harsher if its more to the point. No one can tell where their thoughts come from, and how come living what is best for all isn't a priority. I mean you were never shown this, and you never questioned this. Realize one thing, to become something or realize something, you have to actually do it, spend the time questioning, and looking at it. It takes time. And everything that is who you are right now took time.

The one thing that limits people is the idea of fitting in and being a good person in the eyes of society, and friends and family. People just wish to achieve just that goal. Just be good enough in the eyes of society and your relationships. Just that. That's enough. But what if society as a whole is blind and ignorant? I mean you are placing a lot of trust in society. Is there a way to know for sure? To be objective about things? Can you see for yourself independently that who you are and what you are living is best for all in fact? Can you see for yourself what would be best for all of us to do and become and live as a society and humanity?

Most often people stop at excuses that other people are bad. That other people are the problem. Its definitely a disturbing wake up call when everyone is the problem. When the supposed good people living good life are also problematic too. I mean it is a mass ignorance and a cultural acceptance and allowance at a massive scale. It is all of us excusing and justifying things that are not best because we are all doing it.

Who is going to question things and stop things if I don't do it? If one person doesn't start, who will?

So in conclusion, the human mind is interesting. And we are quite ignorant as long as we don't know the detail of ourselves, our thoughts, our personalities and the totality of self. This isn't taught or questioned in school, but it can be. Children can be shown the way. And it will save them a great headache of repeating your mistakes. Isn't this just commonsense?

Thursday, July 25, 2019

Day 743 People


people will hurt you, cut you, punch you, make you cry, steal from you, make of you... make you laugh, cry with joy and love, sing, dance, play around, become goofy, explore different parts of yourself, smile and feel overjoyed!

I always knew when I would open up to people that it would get to me. That I would have this thing which seems like weakness. Its gonna suck. Its gonna hurt. And I know it.

I am in uncharted territories, I mean there's no guidelines here or rules on how to be or what's best. I only have myself in this. Am I making a mistake with this? Do I know what I am doing? I don't know. But I think that's its okay that I don't. At the same time...

at the same time it feels right. Its my unique way of relating to people and supporting people. Its my expression. I guess.

God it sucks, it sucks so bad to be kicked, to be screwed with. But at the same time its so good to connect, to reach out and laugh and say something. So FUCKING good.

And yeah it gets me, and yeah I have a kind of sensitivity. It does suck sometimes. This isn't what I thought/expected my path would be. Am I wrong? Am I am on the wrong path? Am I fucking with myself? I do wonder these things. At the same time I only have this choice in front of me.

I have these life experiences, I have LIVED something. This is what I lived and am living. This is what life has presented to me. So what do I do with that info?

I choose love. I choose people. I choose to open my heart.

This is not what I expected to be doing or saying. But I can do it, and it feels real. It feels strong, it feels unconditional. It feels physical. It feels like its me.

At the same time I know this isn't natural to me. Meaning I have to push myself do initiate it, but when I do then its so natural.

I am different and I am unique. I don't know what drives other people, what motivates them. But I know what motivates me. And I can bring people together over me.

To clarify, this isn't some super power about getting people to accept me and my expression, not at all.
Also to clarify that this isn't about Feeling a certain way.

This is literally just approaching people, and initiating conversations with people and literally just say/express what is here as me as my expression. I mean that's it in a nutshell.

At the same time it is a specific part of me, and it is my specific expression. And its not about controlling others or expecting anyone else to accept it. And its okay!!!!

Its okay if I spent months talking to someone and they suddenly decide to cut me off, its okay!!!!

Its okay if people are rude, and if they say no to me!!! Its okay if people ignore me!!!

Because there are other people!!! I am being me, and I am being the same way with everyone and people will respond differently, and unpredictably.

And that is the nature of Life right now. Everyone is in a unique place/space within them and in their lives. That's all there is to it.

But being Me, and being this way, is great and amazing. And it does bring out these really great interactions and moments with people which are deep, enriching, fulfilling. and so fucking good.

I mean it does suck and its gonna suck everytime someone fucking reacts, sucker punches me, flips out, and just throws away all interactions we have had. Yes. But I can't let that stop me from living what's real. What I know is real, what life has shown to me.

So I hesitantly choose to live me, knowing I am serious about making sure its best for all, and i trust in my process. So I live it, and we'll see how it goes and where it goes. Time to see if I can initiate things in my life and DO IT

Wednesday, July 24, 2019

Day 742 The System

Walking the World System is tough. Where to begin?
-You have to be popular, or likeable. It's like highschool, where you know everyone out there is in their positions not because they are the Best person for it, or have the highest level of integrity, its because they were likeable/popular. Because that is how most people work. That is the majority of us humans. So that is what our workplaces become.

- Lying gets you ahead, as long as you don't get caught. I mean look at Trump. And the same is found everywhere. Look at Ned Stark in Game of Thrones. If you have integrity and tell the truth, you immediately aren't popular cause you don't fit in. Your hiring managers and everyone high in the company got there by lying and cheating. If you don't do the same, you are different than them. You're a threat to the system.

- I would like to bombard and get rid of the world system, but even if I did, even if humans went back to a rural, physical lifestyle, nothing would have changed. Because the system is inside of the humans. The system isn't because of the technology, or money, or anything physical. Its because of what's inside of everyone, the internal system. That is the problem. People would just recreate the same thing.

Someone has to take a stand. Someone has to be an example and show another way. We can't just continue doing the same thing and expecting different results.

The system does try to make you conform. And most people don't have a choice. But when you do have the choice, how can you use that choice to influence change?

One way is to write blogs and do vlogs. One way is sharing your view and opinion. In the world system, having an opinion or a view that is public is a luxury. Tell me, if no one is sharing their views, how can change happen? I mean the system has found a way to buy off the ability to speak and share oneself wholly and openly and to be real and naked.

The ability to express oneself freely and openly is a tremendous thing then, when its so costly to use it to say/share something, especially that which is radical, and best for all, and is unpopular. Yet how else? How else can change occur? I mean that's why its attacked isn't it? That's why Desteni is attacked. That's why anyone speaking directly and plainly what's best for all, the message is attacked.

How can we not support real change if we're not willing to just speak and be heard/seen, and have the message be heard and seen for what it is. If it is a tremendous cost then it must be worth it.

The only way forward for all, is that we all take responsibility for this entire world. Everything and everyone in it. We remove all barriers, beliefs and thoughts that create any separation between everyone/everything. And we simply do what's best for all of us, all of us as equals. That is what must be done. That is the way forward. That is the only path/option that all can come together and agree upon.
If this the first time you are hearing this message, then welcome to the group called Desteni. Learn more.

Thursday, July 18, 2019

Day 740 Beatles and Across the Universe

Love, love love.

I saw this movie when I was 16 or so. It was 2006 or so. I remember sharing it with a good friend. So this more sharing something deep and real. Can we all say that Love is confusing thing?

At the same time though, can we all agree that there is a use of the word love, that when we live it with everyone, it becomes something different. To love everyone. I mean there is something there, isn't there? That's like the core of oneness and equality... Seeing everyone else as YOU. And wouldn't that be Loving everyone?

True love would be what's best for all wouldn't it?

Love, love, love.

I mean, its not bad. Its not wrong. I mean someone REALLY committed to Love, would do so without the limitation of energy.

In the movie you see some glimpses into the Hippie movement, into that time period. Into history.

The Vietnam War. The protest. Death. The Anger, Violence.

I mean, what I am doing is Love. To end the abusive patterns, to treat people well, with respect, and to show people what I have lived/down learned. How to change oneself, how to do better, and do more. To have that amazing self, have access to that power/strength, and have the vision of what's best for all. And to live it and do it with words and actions, and who I am in the moment with people.

I mean this is what life is about. Life is about People. Doing Better, doing my best! To live with integrity. Being REAL, honest, and being practical with what's here. No matter the situation we are in or are placed in by life.

Things are fucked in the world yes. But lets start where we can and with everyone we can.

But we make the world, and we make the words. All words were invented/created, and we can recreate the words. We can reforge. Love can be reforged. Where I started my Desteni process was with ending things like LOVE as energy. And I knew already way back in the beginning that the Love that is one and equal with ALL is real. When love is exclusive to just family or one person, then its fake. But LOVE lived as an expression that is not energy is REAL. Where you need to start though is in ending that energy. I mean its simple, but there's only that way. If you live love selfishly to feel an energy you will get burned. I promise you that.

I mean the Desteni process isn't that radical in the sense of what REAL life would like. Living by each other, doing good by each other, helping, being here, present, creating things that are good for all, doing what is best. I mean isn't that love?

I mean, wouldn't the most strongest person BE someone who isn't Living Love as energy for him at all? I remember how I was when I was 16, I wanted Love from other so badly. I wanted a girlfriend. So I was quite selfish and obsessed with finding that. Now with walking process I couldn't care less about that feeling as ENERGY. I want what's REAL, which is action, and behavior, and words and relationships with people. Sharing a moment, and speaking with one another. I want the world!!! haha, not be obsessed with one person. Of course, who would want to be with me? I guess only someone similar or who gets it.

Love is/was a great preprogramming method to keep people trapped in energy. But I said fuck it and went to end that energy. And now I use the word love to refer to Action and commitment and being trust worthy and following through your word, and honoring your relationships and other people the best you can. I mean that's real LOVE. And so there's nothing wrong with this movie. It has these truths in there. But my 16 year old self was still obsessed with energy. So remember this. It will never be about the MOVIE or the PERSON or the RELATIONSHIP or the WORD that makes you do something, its always just YOU that do it. You do it. You are the living word. What you speak is what you create, and what you live. So be careful what you say, apologize for your mistakes, and speak the corrections and then live it of course. Live integrity, Be integrity. Then I guess you become like Love, no?

Toodles! and have a good day!
-the home of real Love

What is best for all
Oneness and Equality

Wednesday, July 17, 2019

Day 739 You're Welcome!

There is a particular writing voice I want to practice. Its one I have used before. Maybe it will help or maybe its effective. Let's see.

Clears my throat. Hi humanity/world, my name is Yogan. I am walking a process with my mind/self. To stop the mind/past, and reconfigure myself into expressions that are best for all, and applied in moments.

Right now I'm walking processes that are specific. I'm trying to understand specifically what is going on with certain mind points/personalities. Part of my conclusions as what I need to do is to try to live what is best for all more. To in moments where I am not sure what exactly to do or say, that I try my best anyway. And so I keep on trying. That is what I'm doing now with this blog. I don't know where its going exactly. I don't have some plan or outline. I suppose its like rambling. But I am trying. I am trying to find a way to speak what is best for all and put it out there.

I have walked a lot of mind, but the nature of what I have walked in the past was always of a more intense nature, and yes reactive nature, and also drove me to action with vigor/readiness and knowing what to do about it. So that has been the past.

In the present, I am dealing with something reactive but its more subtle. I don't know what to do with it. I am conflicted in some ways, I'm not sure about it. I mean it is reactive in nature because in some moments its here and its not. And I know I do want to change it. But I don't have that vigor/readiness, and I don't know exactly where to start/go like for sure.

I suppose that's why I need to just try. I need to try things out cause I don't know. I mean it is what I have been doing for sure, trying different things with it. And now part of my conclusions is that I need to live what is best for all more, especially in these moments where I don't know exactly what to do, I don't have that confidence. But I think this means something, this is a kind of lesson. Its a kind of practicing to live what is best for all, even when you don't know, even when its like I'm confronted with people doubting me, or at least it feels that way.

I feel vulnerable, I feel soft/supple/sensitive, and that's not bad. I also feel genuine and relaxed and kind of at peace very strangely. I also feel like I got a realistic grasp on things in the world, and in my life.

I suppose I look back on my past blogs where I have been super confident about things, where I knew what to do and what to say and where to stand. And I am comparing myself to back then. So yeah, I'm here now. I'm not back there. 

Change is good though, it means I am trying new things and I am exploring other parts of me. Who knows? Maybe if I walk this through I can gain access to more sensitive sides of myself that I can express more confidently.

Sometimes in life we have to be lost, and that doesn't mean I have to just sit around and not try to express myself or expose myself to the world. I am walking through something, this is real, this is what I'm really going through. Ideally I would walk it all within understanding with solutions in place for everyone else, but I don't. So I'm really walking this in real time. And again, part of the solution I am seeing is to walk it like this, to try to speak/live what is best for all and this includes writing blogs on what is here.

So there is no inspiring words in this blog, it is me really expressing what I am going through, and not having all the solutions/answers.

When I am in such a space within myself I do stick for and look for words or principles that I can hold onto. And I try to identify the problems/issues.

In some ways I feel like a novice, that I am incapable of doing some things. I feel weak. Its mostly in relation to the world out there, to this world system. And yeah its tough. Its about how to be in relation to the world, how to be in relation to people. It's about how I am alone in this world, in not having the advice or understanding from others to navigate it and also receiving bad advice as well. It's like I really have to depend on myself. I would rather have someone guide me, but there isn't any such person, even though I think there should be. And I also feel/sense that most people have went through or are going through the same thing. That people just stumble through the world not really knowing where they will end up.

What I am faced with is the reality of the world system we have today. It does divide us, it does classify us through many ways/rules/definitions. It does it through clothes and clothing, through religions and ideas, through money, through education. And for me its weird. For me I have been pushing to see everyone the same no matter their backgrounds, and so for me it wouldn't be strange being friends from a working background, an educated person, or religious, if you want to classify it as that. But I am seeing how in just a few words/moments people do judge. And for me its weird.

I mean when I think back to when I was 18, I would have said of course people judge! Of course everyone is wearing a mask and is pretending. Of course! So I guess in some ways I have changed. I have made many efforts to get to know various different people and it has worked. I have changed since back then, but at the same time its almost like I am a new person to the world and I am disturbed/shocked and I don't know how to navigate the world. One thing I know how to be for sure is myself.

And that's another thing, where being myself leads to others reacting. And then its like, I'm not sure how to be or what to do. And the lesson here is to do what's best for all. To try to say something or do something. I know that there is so much I can't control. And so I have to accept a lot of things that I can't change. But at the same time I need to try my best and keep trying and not give up. This world is like this, it will resist you, it will bring you down, it will find a way to mess things up. But I have to keep trying and going at it, and keeping being me, and keeping being what is best for all.

Something I am realizing for the sake of practicality is that with the word Welcoming I can see what people are welcoming to me. This can happen in a conversation or interaction, I can see if someone was indeed welcoming to me, and inviting me almost. It's definitely a sign/indication that I can continue to call this person or see them and have a really equal conversation with them. And I don't think its because of anything I did in particular, its really how they are responding, and almost like who they are, and maybe in relation to me specifically? Again, its not something I control, but its something natural. Natural in the sense that I didn't control it or manipulate it. Which when you are free of that burden I mean that is what natural is isn't it?

So this is what I am concluding, that to be welcoming to everyone is important, so I need to do that. Because when I was shy and quiet I didn't do that. And just like how I am being welcomed by others, then I need to welcome others too. So it works both ways. And so the idea is that I pursue the relationships with men and women that are welcoming in that particular sense. I suppose I am using a word here to refer to something which you as a reader can't really know. Because the other dimension to this is when people are not welcoming. And so I can divide it clearly between the two: welcoming and not welcoming. And its not a judgment but an observation based on what is here.

One point is that being welcoming to others is very important since I don't know who is going to welcome be back, but at the same time its not the idea of having to welcome others against their will or anything like that. So really its about pursuing those talks and interacts with people who are welcoming you!

So something I observed which is very important is how there are people who are not welcoming you but are making the effort to talk with you and respond, but in such interactions the person is having a secret agenda I suppose. What I am saying is that the welcoming point is not there, and its like an interaction with a person which is one you are soon to forget. Its not very memorable or impactful. Yet you could pursue the interaction if you wanted to. In the end though what I found was that that welcoming point was lacking and it didn't have that fulfillment or that sense that you are really with a person. It's odd. But its an important lesson. It shows/reveals something real in the world that can be found/encountered.

I mean, people are all different, and maybe someone is not welcoming to me because they are racist, because they don't like young people, or males, or whatever. So again, its a theme of not really having control/say over the person/moment. And its really about just putting yourself out there, being welcoming to everyone, and seeing who is welcoming to you in the conversation/interaction and then pursue that!

The idea is that it will be harmonious and natural. I suppose there are people that are doing exactly what I am saying in a very instinctual and intuitive sense. They just do it, they go after and pursue what is welcoming, harmonious, and they don't pursue what isn't it.

Obviously I am doing something different here, I am walking with it aloud in a very specific writing and sharing it online. But its something for me to learn and realize. Because we aren't all preprogrammed the same. If anything, I was preprogrammed to go after the interactions that are tough/unnatural and inharmonious. I can't say why I am like this, but I can say I have been disappointed many times.

The same goes with career/jobs. Obviously too, or at least it should be, its better to work with an employer who is welcoming to you. Now I was about to write: wants you to be there. I just did write it, but I deleted it, since there is a difference here between someone welcoming you and wanting you to be there. Again it comes down to ulterior motives or secret agendas. People are selfish, and so maybe they want you to be around so they can fill the position, but they don't REALLY want you there, does that make sense? So its odd but its like they are choosing you, but aren't welcoming to you. 

In the case of relationship, the analogous point would be someone who really wants a boyfriend but feels like they can't get who they want. And so when they see you then are like kinda of choosing you, but within that belief like they don't have other options and so they are kinda forced too. So that's why the interactions are all forced and unnatural. They aren't welcoming you, but are still pursuing that relationship anyway because they REALLY REALLY WANT IT.

So with an employer maybe they really want that position to be filled but they aren't welcoming you for some reason. Maybe its a judgment of your race, or your age or they don't like your personality or whatever. At the same time an employer maybe forced to pick you but they also are welcoming. So really it comes down to that dimension of welcoming. Let me define it.

Welcoming is like feeling like the person is there for you and has got your back. That you can go to them with your concerns and worries and they will listen to you. That they are responsive to you, that they are listening to you, that they are wanting to help you, and they sensitive to your needs/concerns. I mean yeah that's welcoming for sure. And with that definition I can easily classify people and my interactions with them into those two groups: welcoming or not welcoming. They either got it or they don't. And again, why that is? I don't know. But for now its not about understanding why. Its about respecting that I don't have control over others, and also to go after the opportunities presented to me. These are the people I can pursue interactions with and they are welcoming, so then DO IT!!!!!! And these people aren't welcoming, so don't pursue it. At the same time I see its practical to check in every now and then with people who aren't welcoming. Because I remember when I was 18 and I was so shy and I wasn't welcoming to others. I know people can change.

An important point is how stable the interactions are, meaning for people who are welcoming that they continue to be so seemingly endlessly, I mean for reals Im not joking. And every person who was not welcoming and for example also TRIED to be like interested, but obviously not really interested in me, then it always ended not well, it wasn't natural and they became reactive.

I suppose it can be considered a judgment to say they became reactive, but at the same time I know that throughout my interactions with such people, I always continued to be me and expressed me. So it really wasn't just the right fit. You could say that they were always reacting to me since the beginning but they had an ulterior motive, they wanted something so they suppressed their reactions. And its something that I can see clearly if I compare it to people who are welcoming and so are obviously expressive in an genuine natural sense and it is a stark difference.

For me what is odd is that I don't pursue the people who are welcoming. Its almost like I interact with them, but then I don't call them again, I don't pursue it at all, yet I pursue people who aren't welcoming. I know it sounds stupid, and it is. Its a pattern/system, and its one I can change.

So practically for jobs, its best to also apply to the positions/fields that you are welcomed in now. Meaning that they need you, and so they want you. I mean obviously within that you will have an interview and have a sense of what its like. But its one of those things that you will know intuitively. Just like how I am seeing all of this now, I do have that intuition, but I haven't been living it with awareness within my interactions and making my life better.

So I will be calling people who are welcoming and it doesn't feel natural AT ALL. I don't want to do it!!! But its good for me. I mean it sounds stupid but this is my reaction/resistance. I don't know why. But I know relationships with people are tough for me. Though having that interactions with people who are welcoming isn't like anything else, and it makes a big difference. i am not some almighty god who can just endlessly interact with people who are always resisting him and I can stand find within that. I do need the people who are welcoming and so are supportive and attentive to me. That interactions are so fucking good! i mean realy!! I have no idea why I don't go after it! But I should obviously. Let's just chalk this up to my preprogramming. Its a way for the system to control me and prevent me from expanding and growing and being Strong within me.

So this is the word welcoming. And how I am using it to help me divert my time and my choices for career, friendships, for places I live too. I mean its about all of my human relationships you can say. Obviously I may not be ABLE to control every situation and decide in a way that is best. But I mean the issue here isn't that, but that the fact that I am NOT PURSUING the really welcoming relationships when there is NOTHING stopping me or preventing me. I can do it. I can. But I am not. And why is that? Its resistance and its the mind. Its my pattern. So this is what I am faced with, and the point here is to always choose YES what is welcoming, I mean of course! Always choose it where all other things are equal. It is great, it is an important factor. Yes it is!

Tuesday, July 16, 2019

Day 738 Here's a Cat

I just finished watching stranger things 3 and its 1:38 am exactly. And I have an Image of a cat here. This is my life. I'm writing this blog because writing one blog does make a difference. A single word can make a difference. I know it sounds corny and cheesy. I'm 29 now as of July 13. Did you know I was born on Friday the thirteenth? So, yes I'm 29, and I feel the weight of it. I can see myself getting older. And I feel the weight of Tiredness, of apathy, of the world being so big that how can I possibly change it? How can I change it one word really? I mean really? Yes really. With one word, with one blog, with some moments out of my day I can help change the world. The world is big. Really big. But we have to do something. We have to try.

When it comes to the world we have many problems. We have problems with our system. We have problems with needing to make money in order to eat. We have the problem where we need to do jobs that aren't best for all, that's only existence is to make more money for someone else, and that the main goal and motivation is to make money. We have the problem of a lack of spirit too, a lack of will-power to really change thing. We have the problem of a lack of vision and understanding of the problem.

We are many people. The main thing we have to do is to really figure out what's going on inside us, inside this head of ours. To really understand what it takes to change who we are, ourselves, this personality, this way of being. To really understand so deeply and so wholly that we do change, and we can change with our willpower and direction. Like an exact science or an art. And we do have to do this individually as ourselves. I mean a real detailed self-research, and self-exploration into the deepest depths of us, of our minds, and self, into the very building blocks and core of self.

This is a tremendous thing. I mean countries and nations have invested many efforts into figuring out how to control the dangerous public, to educate the populations. I mean it works I suppose. At the same time its not true understanding. You have the blind leading the blind. People who don't really understand their own minds, going ahead to teach others what it is. I mean what are people really teaching in the end?

The world is big, really big. And just one mind, our own mind is very very big, its vast. I know it may seem stupid but just saying this makes me feel a lot better. Like saying the truth. Its a big task ahead of any of us who dare to walk the entire mind, and walk the entire world process. Its not easy. There's no guarantee for success. Failure is likely. But maybe I have watched too many movies since saying that is getting me a bit pumped actually, haha.

I suppose if I look at it, I'm happy in knowing that I have a chance to do something real, to leave a real impact, on a very deep and real level. I mean, how many people can say they are walking the depths of the mind and actually have the descriptions of what it is, and have the tools to work with it, and have the backup of other people to do it. Its like a secret agent thing or something. I know I will get old and die or die young. But at least tonight, this blog is mine, I'm owning it. This is my baby and creation, an no one can take away my word. No one. Not tonight, and not right now.

I have a sense of a blind optimism, which I like. Believing that things will work out. Maybe not for me, but for others, for someone 200 years from now, because of my efforts. In some ways the fantasy is more real than the current reality. I suppose the future is a kind of fantasy isn't it? Yet if you really want to create something that will last, well you have to have that vision/fantasy of it and know that its going to be about something futuristic, something that will take a long time and effort and planning and investment.

In the mean time, I'm betting on the small moments in my day adding to the bigger picture. I'm betting on me. I'm betting that I'm worth it at least, that having that blind sense of integrity, doing something because it is right, it is best for all even if no one is looking. I'm betting on becoming my utmost potential, something almost godly, at least in the most practical sense. It's important to have goals you know? To have that vision.

Because otherwise I can see me wasting away, and just coasting by. I don't want to coast and wither. I want to expand and create. I want to see a new me, a different me. Something grand, something really spectacular to behold at least in my own eyes. I suppose I can always be a villain in someone else's story. It's something scary and intimidating to dare to take ownership of myself and not be defined by others, and what they think. It's dangerous. Or is it? Do I trust me to actually be what's best for all? Am I worthy of that trust? Or am I just fooling myself? Maybe at least asking these questions is a good start. Though I do believe there has to be something within us that knows. I mean its so simple.

The weight of the self-doubt and the powerless is heavy. Do I believe there are people that should doubt themselves and second-guess themselves? Hell ya. Do I think I should? I think I shouldn't. But I still do anyway. Well, here I am. I do have a deep sense of powerlessness and I do feel powerless when faced with it, odd huh? But I am reminded of all the possibly and potential of me and others. I see the things I want for me and others. And I remember that I can really change this experiencing by committing and sticking by to some basic principles. To always find a way to do what's best for all, to always try to find a way. However I can. I can write a blog. I can write privately for me. I can try something. I know it sounds stupid but I think that's what the system wants you to think. Like the world system wants you to think that its hopeless and pointless, and that the only way is to make money and join it. I know that's not the way and I know its not stupid to write a blog and TRY. People do give up trying. People do get older and they give up. People do let the system get to them. And so its important to not let it happen and to try again. I think we can all agree on that?

If we are going to fight or live for something let it be for Life itself! Let it be for each one of us, the life in us, and around us, and in all of existence everywhere. Can you see the value of life everywhere? If so then remember it and don't let it go.

It's 2:17 am now. I know things are going to work out for all of us, and for life everywhere. Everything we live is temporary and for a time. And we have what we need to be happy and fulfilled in us and in our life. But it has to be earned/lived through the self-process. Its not earned through money and ways of the system. We'll do it, I believe in us. Have a good night!