Yogan's Journey to Life

 I have been working on the Positive/Negative Energies, surrounding Optimism and rose colored glasses. I suspect the following: that my lazy eye is due to the preprogramming of viewing the world and everything through extreme optimism and hope, as they say viewing the world through rose colored glasses. I used an astrology website https://www.zodiacsign.com/ to see the levels of preprogramming that exists within me. This lead me to the term of rose colored glasses, as it had indicated that as a weakness. And when I looked at my entire life, I indeed have viewed the world that way.  In my teenage years, I would delve into memories like a drug, and I would delve into Love as a drug. The first time I ever saw porn was around 13 years old. And when I looked at the kind of dreams I had as a child, I was preprogrammed to chase love. When I looked at my previous post on Love, it ties with sex is true. It drives the birthing of children. All done within a possessed state. All done wit...

So I'm going to be describing something that may be very hard to understand. Even with the right words, if you read it too quickly, then you are already accessing the idea of it. Being vulnerable in asking someone something: Can I go with you? Will you help me? Can I have your number? Can we hangout? Do you want to go to...? And here, imagine that you are truly saying these words as truly asking the person. Not putting up a facade, not trying to be cool, not trying to already shield/guard yourself and act like you don't care. Truly being vulnerable in truly asking for what you want and so you are declaring to the person what you want and you are in the same moment ready to hear them say Yes or No. That moment is the one I fear. I fear vulnerability. And when I look at people in general, everyone does as well. And the common advice that I hear and have been told is to be STRONG and CONFIDENT and basically FUCK THEM if they say no. And this is what I see everyone givin...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to procreate I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be willing to compromise who I am, my integrity and principles for a wife/woman partner I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be willing to suppress myself, my voice, the voice of what is best for all, to hide anything that can be judged as aggressive or distasteful in my words, in my blog and vlogs, in order to appease what I believe women would want. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to conform to this idea of what I think a woman wants: a man who is masculine but not threatening, intelligent but not condescending, strong but not aggressive, is interested in the woman but not intrusive, is attracted to the woman's appearance but is not shallow, is soft, gentle and kind, but not feminine, is submissive to the woman, but still confident. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe it cou...

I am starting this Blog, with a Vlog... haha that rhymed! See below: So continuing on this point. I have seen how throughout my life, I very much cared about many women's opinion me and what they said to me or about me, cause of my interest in potential partners or women, since I am naturally aligned to desiring and being with a woman. So I can see how past girlfriends how what they said to me, I took it to my heart, deep into my heart. If they had a criticism of me, I kept it deep here in my heart, like a scar. It is there. It stays there. And its alive, and sensitive like a fresh wound. I remember one woman saying: Yogan! You don't know what you are doing! You want to change! But you haven't lived it yet! I took that to heart. I didn't stop to consider it or question it, or look who I am in relation to it. I immediately believed it, and believed her. Cause I cared about her opinion about me. And it made me feel real bad. Very bad. Like I am bad. She is rig...

So I'm writing this blog because of something I observed about myself as I got older, and observed about other people who are older than me. And what is leading me specifically to write NOW, in this moment is watching this video. See Link: Link So she started dancing ballet 70 years ago and she never quit. So something about age is funny. Like I mean, I am 29, I don't feel like I'm a different person when I was 13, because of my age or number. I'm still the same person, and the ways that I have changed is not because I'm older, its because of who I decided to be and my decisions to change, and what I decided to do in front of challenges and opportunities. So there are things that I love and will always love. Because why on earth would getting older change things that I love to do? It wouldn't. So its not strange at all for someone who is 80 year old or 90 years old to dance what they love to do, because they are the same person as before. Like  anoth...

yesterdays blog: https://yoganjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2019/01/day-685-reacting-in-worthlessness.html Continuing with yesterday's point on Worthlessness in me while looking at how it relates to being Comforted. So as a child growing up in worthlessness, I didn't seek to change the worthlessness directly, because I didn't know how, I didn't have the tools that I have now that I learned from Desteni ( www.desteni.org www.lite.desteniiprocess.com ). So what gave me a momentary pause or distraction from feeling worthless was feeling comforted, and being comforted. Now looking at how this developed over the years its interesting. I remember some of the first crushes I had on women, when I was like 9 years old, that it was with girls in my class who were nice to me, and paid attention to me, who seemed like nice people. So I was being comforted in that moment. And it was very specific, like the smile of the person, making feel that I was being accepted and welcomed. ...

So in a previous post I did forgiveness on my beliefs about women. In this blog I wanted to do a follow up. So, within rereading my blog post I have new insights. So, basically imagine one of those women groups or female groups that believe women are powerful, and believe women hold some special power, that there is something sacred about women, and that believe the world would be better if ran by women. Like some special female spiritual empowerment group thing. Imagine the above. Now, would you say that you want YOU to be let's say all these things: Powerful, DEEP, Strong, Compassionate, Caring, Insightful, Intelligent etc...   just because you were a women? Look at this point here. Would you want to BE anything JUST because you are a WOMAN???? If you look at this point in self-honesty you will see it is incredibly limiting and incredibly insulting to yourself and to everyone, including the female body, to think that WHO YOU ARE, what you LIVE, the words you are like...

So in the recent Previous Blogs, I covered Manipulation in the context of Confidence and Anger. Now in this blog I will cover Manipulation in the context of Being Nice, Kind and Happy. As well I will be covering this Bias I have, this judgment I have that enables me to be easily manipulated by a certain group of people. This group of people is women. So because of how I was raised I have had certain deeply ingrained beliefs and ideas about women. For as long as I can can remember, I viewed women/girls, including girls my age when I was growing up, to be more matured. I believed it. I believed females were more intelligent. I believed they are more trustworthy, Honest, and Kind. I believed women are Nice, gentle and compassionate. I believed the world would be better if women ran it. I believed that mothers were also nicer, kinder, more gentle, more responsible, stronger than fathers. I believed women were more important than men. I believed that it was better for me to be around gi...

Remembering my life and who I have been. I have been many different persons. I once was a person very much in love and obsessed with one person. I remember all the love and pain I felt. I was in so much emotional pain. Remembering the emotional pain I felt, it feels like no physical pain would mean anything in comparison to that. This is my evidence that love is the real evil. I once had the relationship I wanted. I had lots of sex. I felt close, intimate. Then I found out the person was someone who was not committed to me. I realized that I made a mistake. I realize I needed to change. That is when I started Desteni. I was ready. I remember being like 7 years old and sad. I remember being happy in regular class, and when I moved to gifted class everything changed. the kids in regular class were friendly and sociable. The kids in gifted class were super serious and intimidating. It was like being in military school, or where everyone was a robot. I remember feeling just weird, ...

So today we are opening my Men mind, and by that I mean, what I, as a guy or man, find attractive and why? Specifically we are looking at a kind of attraction which I have observed most if not all men, who are straight/heterosexual, have towards an specific particular image of a woman, as well as her physical facial expression. So to start off this blog, I ask that you remember/imagine what you have thought to be a hot woman or man. So for me, I have many times while growing up, having certain fantasies, particularly involving a woman which I considered to be sexy or hot. So the question here is why is this particular image of a woman decided or chosen to be what is sexy or hot. And in general we do, as males, and women, have a shared idea about what is sexy or hot. Here are some examples. For women, it means to wear mascara, a tight dress, or short shorts, or showing cleavage, and wearing make up so make yourself like young without wrinkles, etc... So in commonsense yes, there is pr...

This post is an important post. It's important because it is something I am directly seeing and observing now, which before I hadn't in such detail and in such awareness looked at before. And now that I am seeing it, it is striking. The point I am looking at is how the Femininity is no where to be found in women. Why this is, I have some good guesses, though ultimately I know that only self can only be the one that is directly suppressing or denying a part of themselves or an expression. So I am a guy, yes. I recognize how some people may consider me unfit for this topic. But I know that I am fit, because of what I have observed this life. So the point of femininity opened up for me, and I could give a brief description of what it means. Now for me, I can express and apply femininity, which is a softness, gentleness, smoothness, grace, calmness, stillness, sweetness etc... So those are some words that can describe the movement. Now, interestingly enough I was this way wit...

So I am going to explore multiple orgasms in a series of blogs. It is a huge topic and it can be overwhelming and difficult to even talk about. So for today I am going to just give an introduction and overview. So if we look at the reports women are having trouble achieving both orgasm, and so also multiple orgasm. "In studies, about 15 percent of women report having experienced multiple orgasms." http://www.nytimes.com/2007/04/10/health/10real2.html?_r=0   Unfortunately I couldn't find any reports for how many men experience multiple orgasms, but at least some do have multiple orgasms. "Most people - men and women included - assume that an orgasm and male ejaculation are one and the same. Actually, the male orgasm generally takes place several seconds before the ejaculation itself; and in fact, men can experience an orgasm without ejaculating at all - good news for guys who were wondering whether they can come multiple times." http://www.selfgrowth.c...

Understanding Attraction The above video is from the Self & Living Store, and happens to be one of their free interviews on youtube. I wanted to share about my application with the suggestion provided. So attraction is no stranger to me, I have had it for many women over the years, even as earlier as the 1st grade in Elementary School. Since then about every year or so there was always someone that I felt an attraction when thinking about her or seeing her. The fact that there were so many is interesting to see.  So when I had a look at the word (meaning the word that is what it is I am actually attracted/desiring), especially seeing how it is a word I am not living that I would like to live, what came up was Expression. There were many different reasons why this was the word. So to give some of those perspectives, that with these persons in my past, I believed I could be myself and express me. I would actually express myself such a completely different way with this per...

Image: Beauty, women, I had trouble looking at the woman that lived in the apartment. She was young. And I found her attractive, and by that I mean that I reacted to her. I felt nervous, shy, scared but in a desirable way. I wanted to look at her, but I felt these emotions. I don’t even know her. I felt intimidated by her appearance. I felt valued/judged by how she would have responded to me. I feel like she would have placed value in how I valued/judged her appearance. I didn’t speak to her, and I looked away, avoiding eye contact. So what I am seeing is that I am having a large value placed in how she looked, and with that I would place value on myself based on how she looked at me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place value in how a woman looks, and to place value on how she looked at me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel nervous, shy and scared when there is a woman that I am valuing highly, like with beauty, re...

In a previous blog post I said that I watched a documentary recently about women's current inequality. Since watching that documentary I saw a movie. I looked for the things mentioned in the documentary, like how all the women are in a very limited number of roles. Mainly women are there just to be a love interest for the man. Who she is is not someone independent of the man. Her definition is depended on being in love with the main character. Also the main character is a man. The man's role is also to be a provider. The man feels pressure to make money and provide. That is the man's role. So I notice this in the movie I watched. The women are also sex objects. The way they dress, how much they weigh, their makeup, how they talk, what they do, all relates to appear sexually, and desirable for the man. I'm not a woman, and I never really bought into the movies being real or representing what it means to live. I have seen movies, for the most part being dumb, and reveal...

So I watched this documentary called, Miss Representarion. So in my life, I didnit really perceive or see women as having a greater obstacle than men. Partly because it seems everyone has something fucked with them, and there is something each can do. I don't see there being a greater obstacle for men or women in this life. It seems the obstacles that face everyone is big already. If however, women, or men, view themselves as a victim I would say you're wasting your time. So I would like to speak from the point of me having made myself a victim, to provide perspective on this women inequality. So bullying. If you are absolutely sure of who you are, 100%, can anyone say anything to you, telling you who you are, and convince you of anything? No. So really, whenever anyone makes you feel or think a certain way about you, they are giving you a gift, because they are revealing to you a fault in who you are that you accepted and allowed. All you have to do is fix that fault. If you ...