Tuesday, April 14, 2020

Day 820 Real time writing & self-forgiveness - Tension

When I look into my body, I see tension.
Why is there tension?
Because of I am thinking of other people.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about other people.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be focusing on me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about how I am perceived by others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about how others would respond to me.
Is there anything else inside of me?
More tension.
Why is tension here?
I think about failure.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about my failure in my goals.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about the failure in having an impact.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about the failure to have the impact I set out to do.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am a failure.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I was always going to fail before I even started.
What else?
I feel a pain.
What does it represent?
Loss, ending, the beginning of the end, the process of mourning and letting go, the need for things to change, and inevitability of change/end/death.
I have to accept and embrace change/death/end within the starting point of what life requires, of what best for all requires.
I think: "Yogan you cannot do this"
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I cannot stand alone separate from others and leave.
Yes I can, of course I can, anyone can. The question is what is best for all? And am I willing to ask that and do what it requires of me?
I remember my point of power: connecting with and sensing the Life in all things. You are me and I am you. And I will treat you how I would like to be treated.
What do you feel?
Scared, worried, alone.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel scared of being alone.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel scared of being not heard or understood.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being restricted to just myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing access to others.
What do you feel now?
Nothing.
What do you want to create?
What is best for all, whatever that is needed of me. To be more productive and make more money. To write a blog everyday like this, like a journal. To continue to be an example of consistent application in writing and self-forgiveness everyday until the day I die.
I feel empowered without shame. I feel empowered as a living word. Because I feel my body. I feel my body, my chest, my lungs. And I see myself stopping the fears. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fears. And I know without fears, without shame, without reactions, I am Strong, and I can do Anything. And I will prove it and walk it into the physical, and if others deny the truth of what they see on me, that is not my responsibility, because what more can I do? If there is more I can do I will do it, but being an example of change, of being fearless, shameless, and super strong, and walking that process in detail for all to see, I will have done all I can. Being persuasive and convincing others that time/age is over. This time is the time of the individual responsibility. Free yourselves.

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