Day 893 Anger and Being Me

Something that I am observing for myself, which aligns with what someone else has told me, is that anger is made in relation to the past ( or memories). So if I feel angry right now its because I am angry at a memory. To me this makes sense. 

When I observe myself I see that anger is directed at memories within me. And I suspect that when I get angry at someone while in person with them, that I am also getting angry at a memory. To me this also makes sense. Because memory defines the knowledge and it assigns value to actions. It defines it within the framework of good/bad and thus also what makes me angry.

If I let go of the anger at memories, and let go of the memories, then I am just here. And I can create and move here something new. I do recognize that this point of memories can be applied to many things about the mind. But I do think it has something to do in particular with anger. Where memories are the subject of direction for anger. I am angry at the memories.

In that case, the trick would be to stop being angry at the memories, to in a sense leave the memories alone. Let them be memories of the past. And so there is no reason to be angry at them. What happened in the past happened. Being angry now at my memories makes no sense. 

In a way its like what needs to be done is remembering the memory, and this time just letting it happen. To not resist or fight back. Because me resisting and fighting is happening here and now. It is a memory, it isn't happening here and now. 

Anger isn't necessary at all, just like how fear is not needed at all. We don't need anger at all, or fear, both just hold us back in any moment. And both separate ourselves from others/everything.

The goal is to reconnect with everything and end the separation with everything. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel anger at my memories

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at my memories of people in situations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at the past as my memories of people doing things.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry in this moment at memories I am recalling in this moments, where I am seeing the memory of the person in the events/situation of the past as my memory of it.

I forgive myself for feeling anger.

I forgive myself for getting angry

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act on anger.

My intelligence, my ability, my power, my money, doesn't come from me. It comes from the body, from the physical. Its not me, and its not mine. It is given to me. And it comes from everyone, all, life. Believing it is mine, believing I have the power, is a lie. And it leads to your suffering and the enabled suffering of others. Life is a gift, that you must keep on giving, and thus you become life. 

I was scared and selfish. I wanted to decide for myself the kind of life I wanted, but I don't have that kind of power. No one does. What you have is who you are. We each have that. And so we must choose to give.We must answer the call of Life. WE must Listen. We must reach out. We must forgive everything.

And I can see how I have the point of giving up within me. And it makes sense to me that the reason why its there is because there is something I am not willing to give up, a desire. And that desire is for wife and children. And so I choose to give up my desire for wife and children. If I have a wife and children, I won't have that desire and I wont have that feeling that a desire of mine is fulfilled. I won't desire it anymore. 

I suppose the reason why the giving up existed, was a point of spite against life, of seeing my desire not being fulfilled. And choosing to give up and do nothing, like a tantrum. If there is tantrum there is desire. 

You don't need desire to enjoy anything. And enjoyment from desire is false, fake. It is of the mind. And its is perverted. Enjoyment that is real is when you are here physical and not within an idea of being fulfilled. Real enjoyment is always here. So desire is not needed, and never was.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to throw a tantrum to spite life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up as a way to attack life, which really only takes the life that is me that is real.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to side with the mind, to side with desire.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to choose energy, to choose feelings, to choose emotions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear saying that I had a desire to have children and wife.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear saying I am stopping the desire to have children and wife.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for having that desire.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing proud in saying i had this desire, I am stopping it, and I align myself with life, with the physical, and with real enjoyment and expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to what I feel.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I was less for having a desire or for participating in energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as bad for having a mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need judgements, in order to change, and to hold myself accountable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing within my power and responsibility that is gifted to me by Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear moving things toward what is best for all in my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being proud of myself, having self-esteem and trusting myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire power believing it would solve my problems.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for power through my posture, how I speak, and through acquiring money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge this process of self-forgiveness as bad and a waste of time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek outside of myself for the solutions regarding to the problems within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make myself feel worse for the difficulties and challenges I have. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that instantaneous change isn't possible, and that I can't change myself immediately.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I need time to change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can't change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe what I feel has power over me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can't stop or change what I feel. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need something other than myself to change me. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to doubt my ability to change and to stop the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I need to submit to the mind, please it, cater to my emotions/feelings, and believing I need a break, I need time, or that I can't handle things (or stop my emotions/feelings).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty in stopping my emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say/believe I am not ready to stop my emotions/feelings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for a sign from outside of me, and believing I just need patience with the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the strength, power of this body to stop the mind, and to fear myself stopping the mind. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear how my outside world will change and respond to me stopping the mind.

I realize that my inner world will be changing to my direction, and that is the one thing I can be certain of having direction of. I realize I can make peace with and accept that I don't determine what the outside world is like, at least immediately, but I also know the outside world will eventually succumb to the stopping of my mind and to standing with oneness and equality, so that all Life is truly one and equal. So if I can accept this way of living, then it is certain what the long term future is. 

I commit myself to stop the mind. 

I commit myself to blog regularly

I commit myself to self-honesty in my expression

I commit myself to be an example and presence of stopping the mind and supporting others on how to do so as well. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my outer world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear any outcome in my outer world. 

I be ME.