Day 86 Source of my Courageousness
So I have been called Courageous one too many times to ignore it. So here I am going to dissect it from a real time moment.
So looking at this moment I am within here. I am courageous in just speaking/doing because I am willing to walk a point ALONE. I am willing to speak up and say something because if I am ALONE within it I am okay. So that means if everyone turns their back on me, and I mean literally everyone, I will be okay and stand the point.
Now the most dangerous point within this, is the fine line where you don't go into Ego, and don't cut yourself out from other people's support. So the basic SOLUTION to prevent this danger is to always listen to others and test out what they say. And trust in that testing process. And here is another danger, whether your testing out is a REAL testing out.
So the danger is whether you fake test things out or don't have that rigor and self-honesty to really test out the truth/reality of things. So developing that habit/discipline of testing things out, as well as the self-honesty to test things out for the truth.
So the source of self-honesty for me, is simply something simple, I look here in my heart, in the moment of simply be alone with me, and I ask myself and I answer myself whether I commit myself to what's best for all, no matter what. And I say yes. So even if I get embarrassed, or shot, or I am poor or rich, or whatever...
So within all of this is the DRIVE and COMMITMENT to walk my process, to no matter how things are that I work on me, on thoughts, emotions and feelings, on my expression.
Now, I have been told that I am perceived as someone comfortable being ALONE.
So, the basic truth is NO I don't want to be alone, and I don't want people to leave me, or turn their backs on me. I want them to join me and be surrounded by people. I want that. Its just that I know that I accepting a lesser version of what is best for the sake of not being alone is not acceptable. I just place the process and what is best for all first. Because I care about people, I care about the people who I want to be surrounded with.
And I suppose looking at past moments where I was Courageous, in some moments its like I say FUCK IT, because something really great/supportive can come from saying something and the ONLY way to find out is to SAY SOMETHING. I may fuck up, and I have fucked up where I was in reaction, and I thought I had checked myself well... well guess what then I just learned something new!!!!!!!! I learned i was wrong, I learned that I wasn't fully aware of all dimensions of myself, and I am learning this NEW reaction that I was in, and I am learning the correction and a better way to approach it next time. I am always learning!!!!! So that's another thing I am committed to my process which means being committed to learning!!!!!
One of the moments I have faced repeatedly, is the point of speaking up and risking LOSING a friend or losing someone in my life. In such moments, I made the statement that if I lose someone because of something I did that was preventable, well then I will learn from it, learn from my mistake so that NEXT time that I have such a similar opportunity, I will do better and be better. So I don't hold onto one person or one result, and I always hold onto my development and process of being better.
Only those willing to LOSE can GAIN.
I have had plenty of moments where I needed to recuperate or recover from something. Though with that moments of rest, I do make sure to learn from how I fucked up. Its not always easy, definitely not. And I have forgotten in moments why I'm doing what I am doing, but then I find myself back to the point of process. I remember it. I never completely forsake process or intentionally quit. Never. I am tempted with reactions, I do feel things, but then I work on them with the tools.
So now you know my secret to being Brave. Something like
1. Being committed to Process
2. Use the tools and prove to yourself, to your standards that they work, and you can change.
3. Be willing to fuck up and BE WITHIN reactions, and then walk out of them from there
4. Face your fears, your weakness, the most challenging moments within you, and STAND STAND STAND
Perhaps another way to look at my courageousness is how I made it so I have nothing to lose. Because I lose my fears, I lose my attachments to individual opinions, I lose my ego of needing to be right or look good in front of others, I lose my image/persona. I mean what else do I got to lose?
So looking at this moment I am within here. I am courageous in just speaking/doing because I am willing to walk a point ALONE. I am willing to speak up and say something because if I am ALONE within it I am okay. So that means if everyone turns their back on me, and I mean literally everyone, I will be okay and stand the point.
Now the most dangerous point within this, is the fine line where you don't go into Ego, and don't cut yourself out from other people's support. So the basic SOLUTION to prevent this danger is to always listen to others and test out what they say. And trust in that testing process. And here is another danger, whether your testing out is a REAL testing out.
So the danger is whether you fake test things out or don't have that rigor and self-honesty to really test out the truth/reality of things. So developing that habit/discipline of testing things out, as well as the self-honesty to test things out for the truth.
So the source of self-honesty for me, is simply something simple, I look here in my heart, in the moment of simply be alone with me, and I ask myself and I answer myself whether I commit myself to what's best for all, no matter what. And I say yes. So even if I get embarrassed, or shot, or I am poor or rich, or whatever...
So within all of this is the DRIVE and COMMITMENT to walk my process, to no matter how things are that I work on me, on thoughts, emotions and feelings, on my expression.
Now, I have been told that I am perceived as someone comfortable being ALONE.
So, the basic truth is NO I don't want to be alone, and I don't want people to leave me, or turn their backs on me. I want them to join me and be surrounded by people. I want that. Its just that I know that I accepting a lesser version of what is best for the sake of not being alone is not acceptable. I just place the process and what is best for all first. Because I care about people, I care about the people who I want to be surrounded with.
And I suppose looking at past moments where I was Courageous, in some moments its like I say FUCK IT, because something really great/supportive can come from saying something and the ONLY way to find out is to SAY SOMETHING. I may fuck up, and I have fucked up where I was in reaction, and I thought I had checked myself well... well guess what then I just learned something new!!!!!!!! I learned i was wrong, I learned that I wasn't fully aware of all dimensions of myself, and I am learning this NEW reaction that I was in, and I am learning the correction and a better way to approach it next time. I am always learning!!!!! So that's another thing I am committed to my process which means being committed to learning!!!!!
One of the moments I have faced repeatedly, is the point of speaking up and risking LOSING a friend or losing someone in my life. In such moments, I made the statement that if I lose someone because of something I did that was preventable, well then I will learn from it, learn from my mistake so that NEXT time that I have such a similar opportunity, I will do better and be better. So I don't hold onto one person or one result, and I always hold onto my development and process of being better.
Only those willing to LOSE can GAIN.
I have had plenty of moments where I needed to recuperate or recover from something. Though with that moments of rest, I do make sure to learn from how I fucked up. Its not always easy, definitely not. And I have forgotten in moments why I'm doing what I am doing, but then I find myself back to the point of process. I remember it. I never completely forsake process or intentionally quit. Never. I am tempted with reactions, I do feel things, but then I work on them with the tools.
So now you know my secret to being Brave. Something like
1. Being committed to Process
2. Use the tools and prove to yourself, to your standards that they work, and you can change.
3. Be willing to fuck up and BE WITHIN reactions, and then walk out of them from there
4. Face your fears, your weakness, the most challenging moments within you, and STAND STAND STAND
Perhaps another way to look at my courageousness is how I made it so I have nothing to lose. Because I lose my fears, I lose my attachments to individual opinions, I lose my ego of needing to be right or look good in front of others, I lose my image/persona. I mean what else do I got to lose?
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