Day 687 Allowing myself to have a good thing?

So, there was this moment where things were so good, and so great, and what I noticed was that I was avoiding it, like physically avoiding it. And I was like, wait a minute, I am avoiding this... and its something good, so why not just let myself live it, jump into it physically, you know? So I did that, but then something happened where I immediately shifted away from the good thing. I went into my head, and that's where I kind of stayed. And now I'm writing this blog. So,

So I got some work to do to understand this and what's going on. I kind of messed up this one opportunity, but its expected since apparantly I really suck and really shy away when it comes to joining in something physically that is quite good with another person. Like everything is okay and safe. The context is okay and safe. The moment/environment is safe is good, is here for me if I just, you know, own it, own the moment and just live it.

Agh, its hard. hahaha

anyway this why im writing here to open this up, to learn and change.

Its embarrassing to actually write this and say this and know this will be read. And I can see how embarrassment is part of this. Like in the moment, being embarrassed to live openly, just be happy with someone, and express with someone that happiness of this moment with them.

When I was in the moment of speaking where I was in my head, I lost that sense of happiness/enjoyment, it was like being a robot, where I spoke to speak, but that enjoyment in expression that could have happen, didn't.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be embarrassed to enjoy a person, and enjoy a moment with them, and just live that enjoyment and happiness here openly, for them to see, for all to see.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear just standing in front of all, and just yelling/expressing the truth that I am enjoying this moment and I am going to live it and be it, and continue this moment, continue creating it, and not stop in embarrassment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be embarrassed being happy, and expressing physically in my voice, in my self, in communication with another.

Embarrassment shouldn't exist in reality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing embarrassment to exist.

I commit myself to live as being real, being happy, enjoying a moment as it is here, enjoying a person as they are here, and just live unapologetically without embarrassment for how much I am enjoying this moment.

Thank you for reading my blog,
as a special note: Eqafe has launched Eqafe Unlimited, which allows you access to the entire library of Eqafe for a monthly subscription, just like Netflix. Its cheap and affordable. I have used eqafe to find and search for a point I had trouble with in process, such as anger, or fears. It always gave me that extra hint/clue to help me along in opening up a point in writing. Check it out! www.eqafe.com

Relevant eqafe interview: