Friday, March 13, 2020

Day 812 Time to Recreate myself

Time to Recreate myself again.

I see now that I have been developing and participating a desire to have someone else like me around. Someone that I can talk to in depth and detail about the mind, about all the details. all the dimensions, all the aspects and observations as if it was a fascinating scientific pursuit or study. To be able to share and make cross-referencing with that person regarding any and all dimensions of the mind/body and our experience. To discuss the techniques and methods used, as well as describe the mind system, treating them as universal things to study/catalogue and so share and discuss as something mutual and applicable to all of us.

SO I was developing that desire. And desire means energy. Desire are system. All desires are system as long as they operate within energy. Its possible to make a decision about what you want or go after it, all without energy within it or behind it. That is not what I was doing in this case. I had a life long desire, that spanned many years. A desire to have that level of communication with someone else where I could discuss the mind and these techniques on such an equal level.

I can see how within creating this desire as energy that I also was creating simultaneously the opposite energy, which in this case was feeling lonely and sadness. And so while I was chasing my desire it felt good and positive, but when my bubble burst and the things happened around me that led to me reacting in the loneliness and sadness.

What is best for all, is that I stand without energy and without reacting to anything that is happening around me. No matter the people, the place, the situation, I am responsible for my reactions. I am not however responsible for other people and their process/actions/reactions, as I cannot directly intervene in their choices. But how I am, how I live, what I do, and what I say is my responsibility, every cubic inch/centimeter of this body is my responsibility.

So what this means is that when I reacted to desiring someone because I desired to have that level of communication, that was me creating consequence and separation from myself. When I reacted within loneliness, I am responsible for that. I am responsible for my diminishment, for my actions, how I lived, and how I reacted. 

It doesn't matter the state of the world or people, or the state of my life. I am responsible for me. And that is why all energy must end, and we must take back our choice and so our responsibility and the ability to act/do/create what is best for all in all ways, and all places.

It is time for me to be painstakingly and annoying so damn open and so damn honest and so damn specific again. To describe in detail and open up my mind and process for everyone, so that it can serve as a cross-reference and so information that can be used in a practically beneficial way to support us all.

Because we are not desire. We are not loneliness. We are not that. We are each other. We stand as one and equal. And there is no reason to be lonely or desire ever, because all is you.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel desire to have someone that I can talk to about anything/everything

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to not be alone

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel lonely

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to not feel alone

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to have a open/detailed conversation with people

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from communication with people

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my body

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from others

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from what is here

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for another who I believe can fulfill my desire of being able to talk about things in detail and openness and be understood without confusion

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on ever finding a person to talk with

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not make talking to people a point of desire/search for the one I can talk with, but to simply accept what is here without desire, without pulling it in or pushing it out.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not simply have accepted 'what is here', 'who is here', 'how they are', and so work/be/live from that starting point of what is here.

Nothing and no one can ever replace me and what I can offer to others, and give of myself to all as equals as another me.

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