Thursday, April 9, 2020

Day 819 Secret Bully


So I see this point within me of the Secret Bully. Where in specific situations, where my mind sees the opportunity to activate, then it will be here: the Secret Bully. The design works as follows. It finds the perfect situations where basically another person will be confronted with me as the Secret Bully, but because we are alone, and because I don't do this openly with groups of people, and moreover I be Good with groups of people, and present myself as a good guy, that it would be strange odd if they were to tell anyone about it. So its highly specific.

Understand this is a design, and given that I am writing it out, it loses its power. Because when you write out the design, the pattern, when you expose all the moments where it occurs, then it becomes powerless, because then you know it. When its kept secret and unspoken its like you don't know it.

That is why the Secret Mind exists, to keep you trapped, and keep a level of power over you. Your only choice is to stop.

So the design of a Secret Bully has activated when I see someone likes me. I remember a male friend from school, he liked me, he thought I was cool. I would smile in seeing how he looked up to me. And in that I saw how I could be a jerk to him and say certain things. Its very similar to when someone you see has a crush on you or likes you and you shoot them down. And I can see myself smile about that. Smiling in having that power, and smiling that it is a secret.

Similar situations would be with knowledge, like in a math class and tutoring someone, or basically telling someone they are wrong when they said I got it!!! And they believe they are right, and when they are at that high and that smile, and prove them wrong= same point, the secret Bully.

Or in pointing out the ways I am right or better, and because its in a practical context or in a context of well he is being supportive, he is saying what is right, he is correct= it serves as a perfect guise to be a bully, to be a bit annoying, to rub it in others faces.

The basic desire of the Secret Bully is to feel Good. That is all. That is why all Feelings are deceptive, and all energy is deceptive. If you know any being who participates in Energy, which is practically everyone, then know they are not 100% trustworthy, that they will abuse, because Energy is abusing your own body, it is self-abuse. Energy indicates the willingness to abuse your own body, thus self-abuse.

For all those who think they are Right, Holy, Just, Good. The spiritual people, the Religious, the high and mighty=== as long as that point of Energy and Feelings aren't faced, aren't corrected, they can't be trusted. So don't place your Faith and Trust in others. No one is trustworthy yet. Develop your own self-trust first. And write your blogs so you may prove you are trustworthy and you have exposed yourself and you have walked your process. Anyone who hides, can't be trusted.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to bully others who seem attracted to me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take advantage of others, secretly and hidden.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enjoy having the power over another based on their participation in their own mind/feelings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the excuse of being right and correcting others in order to do it in a nasty way instead of the most supportive way possible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use being right as a way to hide the fact that the way I am doing things and saying things will bring out reactions in others, and thus bring me pleasure and good feelings in being able to do that secretly and having that power/control over others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enjoy having control/power over others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enjoy triggering others, and bringing out their reactions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enjoy the secrecy of triggering others and it not being supportive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enjoy bullying others, especially when no one else knows, and I am seen generally as good and as someone who wouldn't do that.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide my enjoyment and hide my smile when I bullied.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress parts of me instead of bringing them out here to be seen and faced.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do things out of pleasure instead of what will serve others and serve what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enjoy being harsh and bringing others down within a point that I can hide behind such as being right or I am "helping them."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to indulge in feelings and secret pleasures and to keep it hidden.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enjoy feelings, enjoy energy and enjoy reactions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enjoy the idea of having control over another, to enjoy the idea of triggering another, to enjoy the idea of making others react.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse my body through indulging in my energy and my feelings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to hide my secrets so that I can keep abusing in secret.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to maintain my outwardly image of being good, instead of being Honest about who I am.

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