The most important thing that I can offer existence is to show that its possible to live and exist without thought, emotion and feeling. To show what its like to no longer feel insulted, intimidated, scared, worried, love, hope, sadness, excitement. To show what it is like to smile for real, laugh real, spontaneously in the moment, unplanned.

Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Day 25 Love, what does it feel like? Self-forgiveness

Women, Girlfriends, Crushes, Secret Admirer








I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to love all these women throughout the years.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to love some women because of how they looked.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to love women because I believed I needed a lover, a wife, a partner.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to love someone because its what I am supposed to do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see the unbearable pain within me while I was in love.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act out within this unbearable pain as love, and act on this unbearable pain.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put my body through hell because I wanted Love.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to myself to hold my body ransom through unbearable pain as love, in order to force myself to go after someone like I am supposed to, as love is supposed to be this and be the best thing ever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see Love as this positive thing without seeing how it actually feels like in my body.

As humanity, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to love my partner so much, which means I was in unbearable pain, that I would yell at them in anger, and trick them, manipulate them, push their buttons, because of how I accepted and allowed myself to exist as love as unbearable pain.

This includes children too, where as parents we love our children so much, which means we are in so much unbearable pain that we do completely retarded things that are plain abusive because of how we accepted our bodies to be in such unbearable pain, and so we imprint this and lash out on our kids as what is acceptable for them to do when they love someone, so that this pattern and this reality of unbearable pain as love is never questioned and never changed, so much so that we stop becoming aware of how love actually feels like in our bodies.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rather pretend and believe love is something positive and good, which is what my parents tell me, and my tv, movies, shows, people tell me, that it seems impossible that love could be anything other than a positive experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an alternate mind reality of belief and thought where I can simulate a positive experience in thinking, through thought, that I can pretend is what love is, while separating myself from the experience of my entire body.

I realize that all forms of Love exists like this. You see it with Love with your dogs/cats or other pets. Love with your children. Love with your family. Love with your friends, Love with your partners/romances/wife/husband. Love with anything. Love with people. Love with groups. Love with countries. Love with Religions. Love with God. Love with Ideology.

I realize that humanity will have a hard time seeing how love exists, because Love is hailed as the One Good Thing in this Existence. I realize that all humans have been born in families and that Relationships are everywhere and so Love is something present within every human in some way. I realize that through focusing on this one point and correcting it will have a major impact on  Life.


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