The most important thing that I can offer existence is to show that its possible to live and exist without thought, emotion and feeling. To show what its like to no longer feel insulted, intimidated, scared, worried, love, hope, sadness, excitement. To show what it is like to smile for real, laugh real, spontaneously in the moment, unplanned.

Wednesday, August 8, 2018

Day 20 From Self-forgiveness to Living Words

So I have an observation to share today. I did work on an emotional reaction today that came up due to unique, unpredicted moment. I felt panic and it was in relation to scarcity of something I needed. Context is like you need something to do your work but they don't have enough for everybody and by chance you don't get it. And there is nothing you can "do" really to protest it. So you have to make due with the hand you were dealt. Its a really unique emotional signature and I remember it existing way back when I was in another situation that had to do with scarcity of something I needed and them not having enough. Back then it had to do with school lockers and I got stuck with one that was so far away from my classes that I had to run/rush to get to it, and I for a while couldn't find a single locker, and that was the very last one left in the school. This feeling has a very unique signature.

Anyway, so I did self-forgiveness, but it wasn't enough really. I also couldn't really see anything more than just what I wrote here. I started feeling sick from my emotion, and so what I decided to do was just end it completely because it was going to affect my health. So I called upon my strength to just remove it completely. That point of stand, strength, power within me doing what's best for me/all. I notice pretty much immediately how I was free to express myself, because it was gone, out of the equation.

What I see to be the case is that my strength was developed over the many years I applied self-forgiveness in all sorts of circumstances and challenges, as well as breathing. I had a insistence and persistence when it came to what came up in my mind. This translated into my being able to stand in this way, with this power. So you can say that through self-forgiveness I was getting access to living words. Through how I used self-forgiveness and who I was within it. Not only that, its like this strength and power leaves the space for my to play around and explore the garden so to speak. Because I know I have my stability set/secure I can freely play around now knowing I have the security and foundation.

This is why doing self-forgiveness is so important. Because over a long period of time you create something within you that is you, that you can call upon. And that's another thing. I have to call upon it. It is not something magical that possesses me. I need to move still. I will always need to move still. There will never be a time where I won't be moving myself, if I am to live real and here.

Having something possess you is how our relationship to the mind is now. So what we are doing now, as something new, as an evolution is to move ourselves always. And that will always be the case. No more just sitting back in the back seat and doing nothing. Time to Move!

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