Sunday, January 26, 2020

Day 794 - Fifth Door - Witnessing Self-Destruction

Shall we proceed to the next door?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing friendships that are lost because it turns out they weren't who they said they were.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear seeing someone living a life of self-torture secretly, without asking for any help, and me being powerless to intervene.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear seeing someone who fell from their potential, who had all they keys and power to change and become great, but gave in and gave up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being witness to that great torture and fall from self, and being powerless to say anything to anyone, and being powerless to intervene and help, because remember that change has to come from self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being the only one that knows of someone's secret that they are dying on the inside and are simply falling.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being a friend to someone who is falling in their lives, self-destructing, self-sabotaging.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear witnessing directly someone's fall and someone's self-sabotage.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear finding out that someone has been secretly in self-sabotage and self-destruction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear someone shutting me out because they accidentally revealed to me that they are self-sabotaging, self-torturing and self-destructing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being a part of someone's life where they have all the tools and all the support yet they won't stand.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my friendship with someone turning from being something normal and cool in appearance, into one where they have many deep seated issues where they have been hiding that they are falling and are in a terrible lostness in themselves.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being powerless to help someone because they won't accept help.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear seeing the potential that someone can be and become, yet see them choose to not receive any help and remain stuck.

I fear knowing and seeing all the people who were only a choice a way from changing their lives, and so seeing all the lost potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear becoming a part of someone's life, being intimate with them, and it turns out they were hiding a secret self-destructive life, and they shut me out because I found out and saw them at their worst, and they don't won't receive any help from me, and so I leave knowing their secret and I can't help them and I can't tell anyone about it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear seeing the potential of who someone can become and being powerless to help them.

When and I see myself in such a situation where someone is in a self-sabotage and I can't help them- I realize that I must simply stop the fear and be willing to support them with where they are at- I realize that me being willing to support them is what I can do, so that the day they are open to it, I am there and ready- I realize that I can witness someone in such a point and not react in fear- I realize I can stand as a pillar and support for them even if its at a far distance beyond direct communication with them- I realize that I can leave the door open to them.

I commit myself to be without fear when it comes to witnessing someone self-sabotage and witnessing they shutting me out.

 I commit myself to stand as a pillar of support for someone self-sabotaging so that they know that I am here in case whenever they decide to ask for help. 

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