Monday, January 13, 2020

Day 789 If its me against the world

I just saw the Movie "She's out of my League" on Netflix, and it speaks to the point I wrote in my last blog about Relationships since essentially it would require two people to be honest, like genuine and pure, and real people. Not perfect people, but that quality of real honesty. So of course you can write that and show that in a movie because its all scripted and acted.

So at the end of the Movie I remembered when I was 18 and I had my girlfriend and I wanted to take her out to the woods to so we can watch the stars together. And that was it. Just to spend time together out in nature, and that would be a present for her. I remembered when I was in another relationship when I was 19 and I made gluten-free pancakes and so breakfast in bed for her, since she was gluten intolerant and so something like that was real special. I remember when I would massage my partner cause she had pains, and she did have some serious knots in her shoulders, to my surprise. I remember being sweet, kind, considerate, and really wanting to do special things together.

And not only that, I also remember I wanted to get together with all of my friends that I made in the first week at school at 18 years old. I wanted us all go out and eat together, just hangout and be together. I wanted to call everyone and coordinate something. I remember being so excited, and smiling literally from ear to ear. How I would also rush to say hi to my partner, and want to jump up and down, just because. Bernard said that at the beginning of Relationship, that is when its most Pure and Real, and he was right. And it is that level of expression that we need to strive for and live into reality= what is Real and Pure. And all of that is not of Energy or Mind, when we actually live it as choice and as our body and as ourselves.

I let of all that get suppressed, I let all of that end. I hid it away in my memories. I hid those parts away from myself. And I got scared. After each breakup its like I cut away all of my relationships, in order to start over or I don't know. I felt scared.

I want to know, and I want to correct this point. I want to be myself again, I want to bring back to the surface what I suppressed and so remember who I was when I was 18. Because that was Real and it was Me.

I don't think I have ever met a person who has said what I said or has said these same aspiration exactly how I have. Maybe because my process is unique, but I know that everything I am talking about is universal and applies to all of us. So I will make it happen and bring this gift to everyone, by me living this point and correcting this point. So you don't have to go through it, or at least make it easier/faster/better.

i am alive and I am 29. Its been about 10 years. But also the last 10 years has been about that moment of React, that time period, and becoming and Reaching into my past, into was is real, into what is suppressed, and bringing everything to light, so that I can live as Life and be what is best for everyone, including me. Life is a movie or can be a movie, if we script it, which I have been writing and cataloging my Journey. I have been guiding myself and making strides. I have been leading myself to this point.

Because we are all me. We all have this same purity and innocence of Friendships, and Partnership, and Expression, and Joy and Excitement that is boundless and supportive, and caring. This is our true nature, and I am going to bring it out Here for all to see, in the flesh. Honesty is real and is possible.

If its me against the world, I will do it. If its me fending myself off from 100 hungry wolves, I'll do it. Whatever it takes, I will get it done.

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