Yogan's Journey to Life

What I am in the process of doing is Giving up all Hope and then Placing Self-Trust Here. Specifically I am giving up the hope that anyone or everyone will make it in their process, will actually learn, grow or change. Even more specifically its the hope for real connections with people, since a real connection would require that person be real (me too of course), where there is that depth. I am giving up all hope that anyone will be real. And what I am doing is placing my self-trust here in me, in what I can do, create, and move in this physical reality. And what I am also doing is that I am going to do all of this Life Creation, and Self-Creation, and World System Creation in the Name of all of those who I basically loved or hoped for to make it, which is everyone really. So I do all of this in the Name of Everyone, in the Name of everyone's potential, even if in reality no one makes it, and all will Fall. Because me doing it, me Living it, Me being the Creation, being the ...

I am terrified of losing my purpose/vision.... of seeing everyone fall... of seeing it all come to nothing... to see everyone give up... and to lose my vision of everyone's potential and all that we can be. I am afraid of being completely alone. Bernard said how its about the collective, and its about the collective rights that are individually applied. And how its not about the individual, but about the collective. The quote is here: "It is not about agreement or the individual, it is about the collective within the consideration of eternity and consequence. In this the individual will be forced to consider the collective and consequence will be according to what the individual accepts as the collective. UNTIL the individual accept EQUALITY as the Principle for ALL within the Collective. The enforcement of Equality is by no other means, But through consequence , as the Nature of the Collective is EQUALITY while the nature of the Individual is Inequality. Thus understand...

Proceeding down the hall, I see another door that I fear to go, and don't want to open. Overly Emotional when something happens in my Relationships- either Friendships or Partners. I can just open a door and then close a door, its not a big deal if someone enters my life and just leaves. But I can see my emotions, me being emotional about it, as if to say I care about them more cause I am emotional. Emotions don't equal care. Care is not emotional. Its not as big as a deal as I am making it out to be. Just open a door and close a door. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel emotional when someone enters my life and when someone leaves my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel super excited when someone enters my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel devastated when someone leaves my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel it to be rude or disrespectful to say that som...

Shall we proceed to the next door? I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing friendships that are lost because it turns out they weren't who they said they were. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear seeing someone living a life of self-torture secretly, without asking for any help, and me being powerless to intervene. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear seeing someone who fell from their potential, who had all they keys and power to change and become great, but gave in and gave up. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being witness to that great torture and fall from self, and being powerless to say anything to anyone, and being powerless to intervene and help, because remember that change has to come from self. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being the only one that knows of someone's secret that they are dying on the inside and are simply falling. ...

Where am I afraid to go? What door? I am afraid of being with people who are attempting to manipulate and control my actions and behaviors through manipulating my environment, by withholding certain things from me. I am afraid of being in a situation where someone is trying to keep things away from me, that take things away from me. I am afraid of being in a situation where things around me are being moved without my decision, and so there is chaos and unpredictability. I am afraid of being treated in a way where it’s purpose is manipulating my behaviors, and how I feel in order to make me afraid/compliant. I am afraid of being told I am responsible for someone else’s feelings, where I will be punished and held accountable if I don’t ensure I make someone else feel good. I am afraid of being chastised and reprimanded. I am afraid of someone taking actions to change my physical reality/space in order to punish me or control me. When I ...

She said: step in the circle if you are nervous that you’re in a new place. I hesitated to step in. I knew it was not true, but I was also afraid of standing out and not being part of the group. But I decided to stand back, and smiled. I felt nervous in standing out of the circle. The camp leader said ok. I noticed some eyes did look at me, but I focused looking straight ahead. The upperclassman next to me whispered in my ear that “you’re an asshole” I felt shocked, it struck a cord with me. I felt afraid. I suppressed that response and carried on my day with excitement. I believe I need fear in order to fit in. I believe I need to respond to fear, in order to be accepted and be like everyone else. I fear standing without fear, and so standing separately and differently from the group of people. I am afraid of not being accepted because I don’t have fear. I am afraid of sticking out and standing out from the crowd. I am afraid of not being liked. I forgive myself for acce...

What am I afraid of? I am afraid of all of my close relationships becoming hostile. I am afraid of everyone I know becoming aggressive toward me. I am afraid of an "intervention," where everyone agrees and believes something about me that they have decided I have to change or else. I am afraid of being threatened with banishment, or being kicked out. I am afraid of being forced to change. I am afraid of the threat of being without support in reality. I am afraid of the threat of physical violence. I am afraid of the threat of being killed/murdered. I am afraid of defending myself and fighting violently. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of all of my close relationships become hostile I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of everyone I know becoming aggressive toward me I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of an intervention of me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to f...

I am afraid of disrupting things. I am afraid of standing out. I was masturbating the other day within using my body and physical expression, and so without using my mind. Not thinking about women, not thinking about any images. Just purely physical expression. And I have a fear. I have a fear within being independent of stimulation of women, and their images. I have a fear that if I were to ever have a relationship with a women, and I tell her how I am committed to not be stimulated by her as an image or her as an idea. That with sex it would be a pure physical expression where I am responsible for my own orgasm within that, and that so is she. Where it is an act of self-expression and not a stimulation of the mind through triggers and reactions. I have that fear. Because I fear standing out, being different, and not being accepted by others. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being a different human being. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing ...

I just saw the Movie "She's out of my League" on Netflix, and it speaks to the point I wrote in my last blog about Relationships since essentially it would require two people to be honest, like genuine and pure, and real people. Not perfect people, but that quality of real honesty. So of course you can write that and show that in a movie because its all scripted and acted. So at the end of the Movie I remembered when I was 18 and I had my girlfriend and I wanted to take her out to the woods to so we can watch the stars together. And that was it. Just to spend time together out in nature, and that would be a present for her. I remembered when I was in another relationship when I was 19 and I made gluten-free pancakes and so breakfast in bed for her, since she was gluten intolerant and so something like that was real special. I remember when I would massage my partner cause she had pains, and she did have some serious knots in her shoulders, to my surprise. I remember ...

The documentary called Century of Self had very aptly call this current time period: the Age of Self. If you watch the whole documentary you will see how it approaches this point of the "The Age of Self" as a form of a conclusion that says we have been a product of mass manipulation through corporation, advertisements, and essentially the free market. Where we have become consumers self-obsessed with ourselves and our wants, needs and desires- and how this all started at the turn of the 20th century or the 1900s, because previously we weren't like that at all. So here is a twist of that coin: that this is indeed the Age of Self, and all that the documentary is pointing is quite true, but the 2nd meaning of the Age of Self is that this is the time period where Self as the Solution and as the one responsible for reality becomes Necessary and Prevalent. It is the Desteni message, that through Self is the Key. Because you have all the tools such as Self-forgiveness, Self-re...

I won't accept and allow being Kind and being Fake about it, so Smiling at someone, being courteous, yet when it comes to actually being supportive: the support isn't there. Because what really matters is being Real, and so really supportive of each one. No matter their situation or who they are: we can support them within their position. Because we can push for the best from each one. To give more, to be more, live more, apply more, create more. Because the point is to bring all points here, all people here, all application here so that we may grow and create more, and stand as one and equal. But Kindness, Positivity, Friendliness, and Smiling means nothing if its not backed by real supportive actions by the person, or real supportive and practical words. The following must end: Hypocrisy, Being Fake, Anger, Fear, Jealousy, Comparison, Ego, Hiding, Pretending, Lying, and so basically any other point that is not aligned with standing in Everyone's shoes as equal: ...

So my relationship with myself is one of the most purest of things that can exist because with myself there is the clarity of knowing exactly what I mean, and so not have miscommunication with me, and complete honesty is possible. No need to worry about bias or the right words, or considering/interpreting another. With me that is the one relationship that I can be really honest, and really get me, and really communicate without all that bias, interpretation, judgment, reaction or distraction. I can have a realationship with myself where simply by saying 'myself', that I have comfort and I see myself here and I hold myself, where I stand with me, I support me until the end of eternity. This is the one relationship in my life that I can depend on that won't have the judgment or misinterpretation, or leave me. Where when I speak with myself or as myself I am not thinking about how other people are going to interpret it, I don't have to wash it out or change what I sa...

Standing in everyone's shoes would necessitate that all fear and anger end. Because how can you be angry at yourself? Or how can you possibly fear yourself? Doing so would be absurd. The statement: I stand as all as one and equal, is specific. Imagine a person saying that they stand as everyone: All the people across the world, all the people you know or have heard of or encountered and of all the countries, and places, and parts in the world. To stand absolutely with all that exists: there can only be one meaning or one interpretation. Standing as everyone challenges your own point of separation: it challenges your anger, and your fear and your judgment and blame. Because you will resist standing as someone who you judge, blame, fear, or feel anger which you direct at them. Standing as everyone would support peace, harmony, and simply being supportive, constructive, present, warm, and gracious. I am working with Fear and Anger when it comes to what I see on the News an...

In the past I have understood perfectly well that all Fear is unacceptable. I would explain it as a point where People say that you need fear in order to protect yourself from something like burning you hand on the stove. So you fear burning yourself. People would say such things, and call it good. So this is unnecessary because what I would say in response is that we can KNOW that our hand will burn and so we don't need fear. Like we won't be burning our hands on stove because we have no fear within us. So what I say is the truth, and the basic truth is that human beings have mind consciousness systems that are producing thoughts, feelings and emotions- and are completely directing what people should be doing, deciding, thinking and believing. And your experience of yourself is like you are watching a movie and you are following what arises within you like watching a movie. So fear to me is something that is more obvious to me, at least in the past, when I say all fear ...

  I am going to be making some absolute statements here: First, what matters more than anything is this one process I am walking for myself. Meaning that I have these ideas and pressures of needing to give something to the world and to many people, and that I need to have success or leave an impact. So I'm saying absolutely that my individual process is more important and it comes first. So who I am here in the body is what matters. My fears, my emotions matter in that I must direct them, and that any excuse or reason of wanting to leave an impact through career or money or something in the world is unacceptable. So what comes first is this Self process, and so the Truth of me. Who I really am in the moment. What fears I am accepting and allowing? What anger? What emotions are here? If I die and no one knows me or remembers me. If I leave no legacy. If all I do fails. What I am saying is that none of that matters and what matters is this one thing: Self, and my process of s...

I am stopping the Mind, and I am birthing life from the Physical. Everything that is Physical is of oneness and equality and of value. Everything that isn’t physical, and so including the Mind and the Energy, is not of Life or Oneness and Equality and so it must end. Because it is moving in separation of self and of disservice to Life. We each have to stand and take self-responsibility for directing ourselves, and so with the body and ourselves: it is the solution and the point. We don’t need the mind to direct us. So I focus here and bring forth the Physical here and all that is Physical Here. And I remove all that is the mind: the automatic thinking and the energy. All that I will allow to exist here is the Physical. That becomes my self-definition, the Physical become what is value, and that value is one and equal with and as all that is Physical. Like Bernard said: the Physical is the Key, and the one point that everyone overlooks. That Physical is the ...

My Dream: I had a dream where there I was and I was dancing Cha-Cha with a guy because he's super into Cha-Cha, and then it turned into all of us guys like jumping around dancing and laughing. So here I was connecting with that expression of dancing with Friends that had been suppressed this last year. This was something I had expressed the year before that. And I know its a part of me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress my dance expression. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own expression. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing a friend through me being myself I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing a friend through me dancing. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge people by their age. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see all people as equal regardless of age. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing mysel...