Yogan's Journey to Life

Bernard once asked to keep writing my blogs since they are quite effective and that he likes something to read.  I am finding that I am getting angry again. Angry in a way that I want to write, I want to make videos, I want to say what needs to be said to resonate in the world on our responsibility, what needs to be done, and what is best for all.  I looked in my last 2 posts into Love, and how it was said that Love was used to pacify or cancel out the thoughts of revolution in USA. And inside my body it feels that way. Where I can feel pacified and not wanting to do anything once love gets in me. Which is a strong contrast to this anger.  I would call this anger passion. And I would be worried about whether it was real or not. And that is what I told Bernard, and he said to keep writing, and that I would get it in years time. I am not sure yet. But I am sure that being pacified, being content and relax and not doing anything will only lead to things getting worse, never ...

 I had the expectation from Life, from just existence itself, that I would get in the future, my partner. And I expected this because I desired love. And like a child throwing a tantrum, I withdrew from life when I didn't get the love I desired. Where my motivation for a career as a statistician was the money that I believed I needed to attain love. Because I saw myself having my career and money, and thus being able to attract someone cause of it. I have no doubt that its possible because of the nature of man, everyone wants love, and money is a good bonus.  Within withdrawing from life, from trying, I have found myself without motivation. Within believing no way can I get love from another. For this outcome I am grateful. For it would have been far worse if I had gotten the love I desired.  Its amazing how much love rules us all. The desirability of love. And how we choose love over life any day of the week.  I know real integrity would choose life over love. I kno...

 Love.  I know there is a place that I just wont go. And when I try to go, I shutdown. All the motivation and hoopla that I muster in order to get me there, just fades away. Just drops, I drop. And then I can't move an inch anymore, and I drag myself back to the things to pass the time, until I try again.  There's a really cool series of videos did, where essentially bernard was explaining the basic resonance pattern that every human is living, which is love. And he shows how every single person will inevitable choose love over everything else. Unless of course that resonance, that impulse is changed in ourselves, so we no longer feed, or go after that love. Love is the reason the hippies failed. That revolutions today fail because love has been stuffed in our faces in every way. link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GQKiYTroY0 So looking at me, I can see how thats the case. How in being this revolutionary radical this past decade, has been put to a fizzle due to love. Th...

 The mind creations inside ourselves is a byproduct, like a fart. It holds no power. It is our creation.  So its like a fart.  So farts is a byproduct of the bacteria breaking down food in your digestive track. It is gas, like carbon dioxide or some other gas. We create an experience inside ourselves like fearing something, and we get so worked up, and make it such a big deal. And the experience we create in ourselves is energy, and that is like a byproduct. We experience it. We experience the muscles contracting, and the physical sensations. But its not real. Its something we made up. And just like a fart, we can release it, and the sensation goes away. And that is the case for the entire mind. The mind is a fart. Just let it go.  I accept myself. Because I can. Its a decision to say that my self-confidence comes from me, and not anywhere else. My acceptance and confidence comes from me. So when I write, when I speak. I do it. And I do it with confidence and accepta...

RISK Author unknown  To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.  To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.  To reach out to others is to risk involvement.  To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.  To place your ideas, your dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.  To love is to risk not being loved in return.  To live is to risk dying.  To hope is to risk despair.  To try is to risk failure.  But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to do nothing.  The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, and is nothing.  They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live.  Chained by their attitudes, they are a slave, they forfeited their freedom.  Only the person who risks can be free This above poem was written in the old desteni forum. Dont know who wrote it. But it was significant for me, so I saved it. I am in a position where I don't ...

 The baby doesn't matter. The fetus doesn't matter. A baby while cute, is empty. The parent, the adult is a person, with a vast range of experiences and memories, that which a baby can't and doesn't have. A baby will over time take in their environment, take in the information, and the programming for better or worse.  A parent, who currently in our system, makes the money and thus provides for the child, does have the final say. A woman has hundreds of thousands of eggs in her that could become babies. Those are fucking little cells, are they gonna have hundreds of thousands of babies? This physical reality is matter. Life is everywhere in everything. For a baby to live it has to kill and eat thousands of other things, all those cells.  If you want to take this into religion and god, the first sin of man is man believing that man is more or less than anything else in existence. The separation from life, from all, as one and equal is the original sin.  Man is a colle...

 The people I really hate are those that try to hurt others either physically, mentally or emotionally, and especially those who target me. I can see the faces of them making jokes about the deficiencies of someone (me) and hollering. Like the only real enjoyment is how mad I get. Bullies.  The enjoyment of torturing another *me. The picking on. The taking advantage of my kindness and silence. Piling on and never stopping even when I tell them to. Literally their enjoyment is seeing suffering. Saying the words of derision. Making fun of me being me. Making fun of me living and expressing as me.  And especially someone who is a bully who says/pretends they are walking process. It makes me want to give up. To lack that basic component of caring for others.  I let bullies win, and they know it and sense it.  The people I look up to, I know they wouldn't stay silent. They would say exactly what was needed. I just hate them so much. I forgive myself for accepting and...

 The mind is dumb. The movements it makes is fruitless. The stories it conjures up, for naught. The reason for its existence, vile. Either vile for its act of slavery, or vile because the human being is so vile without the mind limiting it. Vile either way.  Compare that to physical living. Empty mind. A physical body, a physical form, a physical life, with physical pleasure, physical work, rest, purpose, movement, creation, play, communication.  Giving life all physical bodies everywhere. The life of dignity, access, creation, self.  Oh how the self of the mind has taken over, the self. Like an evil twin, a mirrorverse hiding away the reality. How much of what is said is part of the grand cover up, the grand conspiracy, the illusion over this reality, that all is normal and well. Hiding away our bodies. Real choices, real actions, made within breath and by one self. Not a blob of emotion and feeling. The mind is a voice whispering in your ear about all the problems ...

 So in a way continuing from my last blog, except looking at it from a view of placing expectations on myself. So my parents places expectations on me as becoming a great spiritual teacher. The way they would treat me and talk with me, telling me directly about my great insights, and how in my astrology chart I was meant to uplift people spiritual and be a great teacher for humanity. My name Yogan was from a story book that was new agey about a guy sent to earth to do just that. So I accepted this narrative. Just like how we all accept and allow all that the mind has told us and said what we are, and also similarly what others tell us too, which the mind just repeats to us doesn't it.  Acceptance and allowance is what we all do aint it the truth? So preprogramming or not, as a child with the platform to speak and to observe, its very obvious the things people are going through. And since I was encourage to find the truth and to help others, that is what I did. Anyway could do ...

 Light worker facial expression when they are wrong about their intuitive reading of someone else. I remember this face of 2 different people when they were wrong about me, and I corrected them. I am realizing that I have this same kind of reaction, and it must be some preprogramming for this lightworker in general realm. When I was wrong about the first girl I kissed, I read her completely differently, I was devastated. If I knew who she really was I would not have kissed her. People put on masks. And because I had so must trust and faith in my reading of her, I felt embarrassed when I was wrong. Like extremely so, then I suppressed my memories, wanted to drop anything to do with her including our mutual friends. Like wanting to start over from scratch. Reset. This is a pattern for me, stemming from this preprogramming of when I am wrong in my reading of another, and I am heavily invested in that reading. I act on it. I take it very personally when my reading of another is wrong. ...

 Strength.  All life is one and equal. All thoughts are lies. Every thought the mind presents to you to follow, is a trap wrapped in cheerful wrapping paper.  Here in this space I have absolute control over every word. Meaning others, you, people can't stop me. This is the power of writing. It is freedom. And morever through words, I can rewrite myself. I can live words into reality. Through firstly breaking through the plane of potential, the words structure gives me structure. That is why words are so powerful. It is the building block, like the dna of self. Through pictures and images, it can't describe self so well. And in fact, image is the mind's playground as well, so caution is advised. The desire to be what is best for all. The desire to move as a group. The desire to have friends. The desire to be recognized, to be seen. The desire to be liked. All desires are bullshit. Creation, pure creation of self, means one becomes something. Like matter, like an object. Th...

 Something I have is an effective ability to read others. What I notice is 2 categories of people. 1) obvious and 2) hidden. Being obvious is when a person is saying whats on their mind, and acting with whatever their mind tells them to do.  Being hidden, is suppressing the mind, and instead showing another image to others. The mind will eventually spill out. And the degree or skill of suppression varies. Some are experts at it, usually out of necessity for work or daily life. Since every person is born an innocent child, for a person to develop a mind conscious system that is so disharmonious with the needs of everyday life, they must have gone through an abnormal and abusive living situation as a child. Picture bullying, being beaten up, raped as a child, or any other horrible, painful, treatment by others: adult, other children, teachers etc...  The mind develops under these conditions. Naturally one such conditioning is anger or rage. Because to protect ones body or s...

 I finally get what the Living word is, in the context of my life where I haven't been speaking or writing much for fear of upsetting other people, or "interfering" with their process.  So here it is, the definition, or what it includes as part of the definition. Whenever you speak, write, as what is best for all, as oneness and equality, it is the moment of you manifesting yourself here in the physical, and the nature of manifestation is that of power and the ability to effect change on reality and others. Side effects include clarity, health, as well as moving process along for everyone as a whole. The sole responsibility we have is to speak/write as what is best for all. To keep doing it.  One of the personality traits that I have that has been holding me back is the desire to define myself according to the results of the physical. Results are stupid. Because Results are an accumulation of so many things, including that which is not in my control. My ability is mine, a...

 Speech and words are a responsibility. Are we making sure we are present with every word? Are we listening to make sure that who we are is aligned with oneness and equality, by checking if the mind is overtaking the moment. Do we acknowledge the mind? Or do we deny its existence? The mind's pollution as Thought, as emotion, as feeling. Such a simply formula. Breath and stop the mind. Be here and express. Forgive to release. And keep living.  Its monumental how important and drastic such a move is. To be labeled a heretic, a wierdo, a pariah. Attacked on all fronts. Yet ironically, what allows the mental stability, and fortitude to withstand such an attack, is the very reason why are you are attacked. You are practicing the birthing of self from the physical. The process of ending the mind, and starting to live as life as the physical. The layers or the standing as life. 

  Sexual Conceptions. Thoughts. Beliefs, Ideas. Images. Imagination. Fantasy. Pleasure. None of that is real and none of that matters.  Its a whiff of smoke. Cause the real stuff is the actual people. And when its just a fantasy, there are no other people. They are literal make believe. And when its Porn, its literally acting. And you are not there.  You are here, and what is real is what is here. So your partner, your relationships, that is what is here.  What makes me truly happy is being able to communicate anything with someone. That level of trust and respect is amazing. And that is something you can't fuck with, pun intended.  Friendship is the basis of all relationships. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to glorify sex, and orgasm. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place on the pedestal the idea of the attractive partner that stimulates me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place flirtation and sex ...

 I rather fail doing it my way.  I have hesistance to failing. I want to succeed every time. No failures. No loses. Getting it right every time.  So I freeze up and I rather not try, then risk failing. So to that I say I rather fail doing it my way. Cause I am constantly like listening and trying to assess what is the safest or best way. But that doesn't mean its what I really want to say, and what I really think would work. It's not my best.  Basically there is a lot going on in my head. The fears, the concerns, the possibilities. That I cut away the parts that are fun, that are interesting, and that I see is best. Cause I don't want to fail at all. And I want to have that certainty. And I don't have it. I don't know what will happen. And I can't handle it.  And then you have others opinions, and beliefs. And it brings doubt, of what is the way, cause frankly I don't know. Yet I have to choose something. But if I can be okay with failing. Then that would be...

 Its important to do self-forgiveness on anything conflictual or frictional. Like you know when your talking with someone and you know when it is that way. Typically is a topic, or something personal about them, something they say or do. You know. Friction, fighting, conflict, resist, shout match, argument, SHE said, he said etc... You know? Its' not kosher.  Knowledge can play a role with that. Like your knowledge of something. Like this is how things are. And if someone says something that is not how things are you wanna fight em, and tell em that is not how things are, this is how things are. Knowledge. Knowledge for fighting, brews more conflict. So whats the point except more separation. Knowledge should be treated with respect and sacredness, not abused for fighting.  Your the main character, and you can change the course of the outcome. Without your input, no fight can occur. Like dousing a flame. And its everyone's participation.  Examples I forgive myself fo...

Destruction. I judge it. I fear to partake in it. And its the only thing that can set me free. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear destroying. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear breaking things. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself when I break things, destroy them. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the power of my destruction. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad, to feel embarrassed, ashamed of breaking things.  I can destroy, I can break things, by accident or on purpose. Destruction is just another form of Creation. It is the shifting and movement of reality, of parts, of matter, of self, of persons, and relationships. I can break and destroy.  I am judging my ability to create art, to beautify my life and reality. Because of my judgment of destruction. I need to destroy the old in order to bring the new. I need it for my art, for my ability to ex...

 I feel an immense challenge within me. I don't like this world, as the system. I don't like that you have to generate money in order to eat and live. I don't like how land is bought and sold. I don't like the way where money controls all aspects of life currently. I hate it. I must change it. I must make sure that all have access to life. I must bring all here so we may unify on this point. We can recreate this world today, and give people the options and vision today, of what it means to live oneness and equality today. Limits are meant to be broken. I can't live for an empty selfish lonesome life.  My greatest strength and motivation is people, is the group. We are what is interesting and worthwhile. Stand with and as the group, and you will care for as well. Such a simple principle, when applied into reality can rework this reality, from one of separation to one of all as one and equality. Unity in our words, in our actions, in our money, where our power is one,...

 So here I am. I am self. I am a living thing. I have an awareness. I have senses. I can create, see and express. And what I express comes from my interaction with the moment here. I have this body, I have me, I have words. And I want to create. I don't want to think. I don't want to enter into the past as memories and regurgitate well planned ideas and thoughts that seek a particular outcome. I want to be naked here. Unplanned, unknowned, and not in control. I want to have some fun with me, with words. I know I can do better. Particularly in the realm of love and friendship. I know I am not a very good friend, and I immediately start to defend myself by saying how others aren't such good friends either. And maybe thats true. And maybe none of us are that good at it. And maybe because we all have such a burden of the mind weighing down on us. Well my favorite thing is still create fun moments, moments that are predicted, and are created out of thin air, nothing at all requi...