Yogan's Journey to Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to procreate I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be willing to compromise who I am, my integrity and principles for a wife/woman partner I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be willing to suppress myself, my voice, the voice of what is best for all, to hide anything that can be judged as aggressive or distasteful in my words, in my blog and vlogs, in order to appease what I believe women would want. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to conform to this idea of what I think a woman wants: a man who is masculine but not threatening, intelligent but not condescending, strong but not aggressive, is interested in the woman but not intrusive, is attracted to the woman's appearance but is not shallow, is soft, gentle and kind, but not feminine, is submissive to the woman, but still confident. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe it cou...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of talking about Desteni with a potential partner I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of talking about oneness and equality with a female I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of being assertive, adamant, confident and sure of myself when speaking about process, the tools, desteni, and oneness and equality I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to suppress and hide Desteni from a potential partner I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to only present that which is light, fun, and likeable about me to a potential partner I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to change myself and put on a presentation to a potential partner that isn't me, and is suppressing myself, my words, my stand and my principles that I'm living of oneness and equality I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myse...

The human mind is an interesting thing. So those from Desteni know this, but most people don't know: about how interconnected your mind, thoughts, emotions and feelings are within everything you do, perceive and learn. It's the missing piece of the puzzle. If we were to structure a classroom, and a teacher and an environment that addresses the mind of individuals directly, which means challenging the thoughts, emotions and feelings of people, and pointing what is practical and decisions that are best for all... doing all of this so as to show each person who happens to be a child, that their mind is a thing that is moving that they can stop and that isn't them. And that they can choose to live something else and direct themselves. And that the only choice that is best can only be what is best for all. To understand the consequences of choices, and so the choices that limit consequence is best. Currently we operate our classroom and teachers without tackling the human...

 People people will hurt you, cut you, punch you, make you cry, steal from you, make of you... make you laugh, cry with joy and love, sing, dance, play around, become goofy, explore different parts of yourself, smile and feel overjoyed! I always knew when I would open up to people that it would get to me. That I would have this thing which seems like weakness. Its gonna suck. Its gonna hurt. And I know it. I am in uncharted territories, I mean there's no guidelines here or rules on how to be or what's best. I only have myself in this. Am I making a mistake with this? Do I know what I am doing? I don't know. But I think that's its okay that I don't. At the same time... at the same time it feels right. Its my unique way of relating to people and supporting people. Its my expression. I guess. God it sucks, it sucks so bad to be kicked, to be screwed with. But at the same time its so good to connect, to reach out and laugh and say something. So FUCKING good....

Walking the World System is tough. Where to begin? -You have to be popular, or likeable. It's like highschool, where you know everyone out there is in their positions not because they are the Best person for it, or have the highest level of integrity, its because they were likeable/popular. Because that is how most people work. That is the majority of us humans. So that is what our workplaces become. - Lying gets you ahead, as long as you don't get caught. I mean look at Trump. And the same is found everywhere. Look at Ned Stark in Game of Thrones. If you have integrity and tell the truth, you immediately aren't popular cause you don't fit in. Your hiring managers and everyone high in the company got there by lying and cheating. If you don't do the same, you are different than them. You're a threat to the system. - I would like to bombard and get rid of the world system, but even if I did, even if humans went back to a rural, physical lifestyle, no...

Love, love love. On NETFLIX I saw this movie when I was 16 or so. It was 2006 or so. I remember sharing it with a good friend. So this more sharing something deep and real. Can we all say that Love is confusing thing? At the same time though, can we all agree that there is a use of the word love, that when we live it with everyone, it becomes something different. To love everyone. I mean there is something there, isn't there? That's like the core of oneness and equality... Seeing everyone else as YOU. And wouldn't that be Loving everyone? True love would be what's best for all wouldn't it? Love, love, love. I mean, its not bad. Its not wrong. I mean someone REALLY committed to Love, would do so without the limitation of energy. In the movie you see some glimpses into the Hippie movement, into that time period. Into history. The Vietnam War. The protest. Death. The Anger, Violence. I mean, what I am doing is Love. To end the abusive patterns, to ...

There is a particular writing voice I want to practice. Its one I have used before. Maybe it will help or maybe its effective. Let's see. Clears my throat. Hi humanity/world, my name is Yogan. I am walking a process with my mind/self. To stop the mind/past, and reconfigure myself into expressions that are best for all, and applied in moments. Right now I'm walking processes that are specific. I'm trying to understand specifically what is going on with certain mind points/personalities. Part of my conclusions as what I need to do is to try to live what is best for all more. To in moments where I am not sure what exactly to do or say, that I try my best anyway. And so I keep on trying. That is what I'm doing now with this blog. I don't know where its going exactly. I don't have some plan or outline. I suppose its like rambling. But I am trying. I am trying to find a way to speak what is best for all and put it out there. I have walked a lot of mind, but ...

I just finished watching stranger things 3 and its 1:38 am exactly. And I have an Image of a cat here. This is my life. I'm writing this blog because writing one blog does make a difference. A single word can make a difference. I know it sounds corny and cheesy. I'm 29 now as of July 13. Did you know I was born on Friday the thirteenth? So, yes I'm 29, and I feel the weight of it. I can see myself getting older. And I feel the weight of Tiredness, of apathy, of the world being so big that how can I possibly change it? How can I change it one word really? I mean really? Yes really. With one word, with one blog, with some moments out of my day I can help change the world. The world is big. Really big. But we have to do something. We have to try. When it comes to the world we have many problems. We have problems with our system. We have problems with needing to make money in order to eat. We have the problem where we need to do jobs that aren't best for all, that's...

This Blog is Almost like a Thought Experiment. It is Reflective, and you need to Read it all the way through because my Perspective Changes in real time. So make sure to read it all the way through, I end somewhere differently than where I started out in the beginning.  There is me as Yogan as my story as an individual... There is also me that is not Yogan, that takes on a grander perspective, grander vision, that includes many more perspectives at once, and strives for what is best for each perspective. When I live in this way of living from multiple perspectives or many perspectives... I become something different, I see things differently, I respond to situations differently. It is a point of greater understanding. Understanding more perspective on any given situation or moment. It is a point of living outside of my previous conceptions of my self of who I am, of Yogan. It is a point of just having a body and just relying on that fact that I am anchored here in r...

  So this word Sacred Feminine is specific. I have a specific reference for that word. I know exactly what this word means to me. I have a reference on how to live this word. I have lived this word deeply in various moments of my life. The sacred feminine, I am using it to refer to the Real Femininity that is an expression of all Life, that we can live here as humans. Its something deep, real and certain. It is something that can exist here and lived very clearly. It is an expression here as oneself, with and as one's body. It is a self-relation, it is a self-movement. It is an embodiment of self, that changes our perception of things and how we take things in. The sacred feminine is not something lived widely by people. It is not widely found or widely seen. It is highly rare. Taking my life as proof to me, I see this to be the case. Yet I have seen the exception, the few who did live it for a moment. I am interested in living the expression that I am referring to with th...

I am looking at the word Friend today. And with looking at this word I am reminded of one of my very old friends, the Trees. There have been times in my life where I didn't have any human friends, actually for many long periods of my life. But the trees were a old reliable friend. There is a book called the Giving Tree. It helped me see that Trees are alive and that they give themselves as how they describe in the book. And I remember my mom telling me to stop hitting a tree with a stick, and how it feels pain. Trees do bleed sap. I remember I would draw trees as a kid There were specific trees that I would go visit. Some when I especially was sad and lonely. Resting my head against the one branch of this one tree. I would look at a tree and I could see all its splendor. I could hear in my head the voices the trees and plants would make, or at least I would imagine it. How I would say hello silently within myself to them, and I would hear right away how they say hi back al...

 Clenching my Jaw Putting my teeth together, my lower and upper jaw together and pulling it in tightly. I feel Anxious about the exam. I think I am going to do poorly. I feel like I don't want to take the exam and I want to avoid the exam. I feel stressed. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to subsconsciously put my teeth together and close my jaw tightly. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel anxious about the exam I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am going to do poorly I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like physically avoiding the exam I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel repulsed by the exam I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I do not want to take the exam I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am going to do poorly on the exam when and as I see myself putting my teeth together and pressing them...

What is it that matters in Life or to Life? What is it that matters? What is the core purpose or meaning to Life? Many people have asked this questions over the eons of time and generation. Many have died throughout this time. There were also many that did live before they died. Where are all on different points in Life, with different families, backgrounds, power... Many of these things we were born into, yes we were. But its not about what you were given, either as challenges or gifts, but who you were with the life you have been given or born into. Will you turn challenges into gifts? We are all being tested in this way. We are all being challenged in some way. We all have something to learn, something to do, something to expand upon. What is the meaning/purpose to Life? I would say that whatever you DO with the Life you have, that becomes your meaning/purpose that you are living. Whatever you do and apply here, now, today, and then tomorrow and the next day is your Living Pur...

A moment where my attention got zoomed in focus on something/someone. Here the mind is activating. It is clearly the mind. Thoughts started to stream: maybe they are doing some activity, maybe they are secretly angry at me. Maybe they are doing something intentional and its direct at me! I don't want to see this! I also can't help but look! It has caught my attention, i am looking at it. So I had obviously shifted into something. I had a thought/opinion about the situation about what to expect and about the scenarios that could be happening. I was emotional already. It felt real and it caught my attention. I notice this aspect of having my attention caught is a red flag for the mind. My attention was shifted. It became zoomed in and focus on this thing that was happening. I didn't want to look away, I wanted to pursue and look at it more, and at the same time I didn't want to look at it, but I couldn't move on. So all of this is obviously the mind, its cle...

Competing with men for the favor of women... in other words competing with men for getting with a particular woman of interest. You know, relationshippy stuff. I am seeing a dimension of this. Seeing how I do smile subconsciously in hearing how a guy was having difficulty in his life. I smiled caused I saw him as a competitor for getting with a woman. I mean it seems very primal and very obvious like why it is and where its from. So I can see how in my mind how the thoughts move to the line of thinking about paying attention to him and him getting in favor with some female. Like I know when I am paying close attention to something that this happening in front of me--- its like a heightened awareness and zoomed on focus on them... are they hitting it off? I can feel like others guys know what I am talking about, and women too... like in those moments your mind can't help to go to seeing or thinking whether there's a connection going on between two people, and how you may b...

Controlling another's perception of me. I choose to let go of controlling another's perception of me. I choose this even if they have the wrong perception of me, a judgment or a reaction. It is the responsibility of each one to walk their own process and direct themselves and their perceptions of others. Its not my responsibility to do that for them, and that even includes their perception of me. I choose to let go of trying to control others perception of me. I choose to not define myself or react to how others perceive me. I choose not to decide for others how they should view me. That is entirely up to them. I am not here to walk other peoople's process. I can give suggestions, yes. I can show the tools and the process that can be walked. But its not my responsibility to walk it for them. The perception that  each one has is entirely up to each one of them. I realize that it doesn't reflect me what someone else is thinking of me, or what they think I am. If ...

So directing another person. I have been figuring this one out: trying to direct another person. Bernard said in a very short chat long ago how a partner has to direct the agreement. Does this mean directing the other person? I don’t know. Maybe he said a partner has to direct the other. Anyway. The point here is no matter what Bernard may have meant or said, I am deciding here and now to not direct another, whether it be an agreement partner or any person really. Especially though in an agreement. I have decided that even in an agreement to not direct the other person. This is a big deal for me, to decide this. I am going to let each person walk their process. Those who have the tools, have the tools, those who don’t have the tools, then if they are ready I will share the tools. More importantly though in an agreement where you are spending such a life time with a person, to not direct the other person. I know its tempting, that is what I believed at least partly believed....