Monday, June 10, 2019

Day 729 I am me

So directing another person. I have been figuring this one out: trying to direct another person. Bernard said in a very short chat long ago how a partner has to direct the agreement. Does this mean directing the other person? I don’t know. Maybe he said a partner has to direct the other. Anyway.

The point here is no matter what Bernard may have meant or said, I am deciding here and now to not direct another, whether it be an agreement partner or any person really. Especially though in an agreement. I have decided that even in an agreement to not direct the other person. This is a big deal for me, to decide this.

I am going to let each person walk their process. Those who have the tools, have the tools, those who don’t have the tools, then if they are ready I will share the tools.

More importantly though in an agreement where you are spending such a life time with a person, to not direct the other person. I know its tempting, that is what I believed at least partly believed. This also includes when someone does flip out and go into a possession. I mean, I can suggest some points, but I am not going to take responsibility for them to stand. So yes, I’m not going to direct them.

Could I speak the words and direct them? Sure I can. I wrote out words for myself on how to direct someone with something. But for like the 10 minutes after I wrote the words, I know that this isn’t me. Me living this way, to actually direct another person. No, I can’t do that. This isn’t ME. It’s not. I refuse. I won’t direct another person. If Bernard were to come to me or anyone else and say I need to direct this person, I am going to say No. I won’t. I will support their process, if they have the tools already cool. If they come to me for support cool. But no, I won’t direct them. Even if they are suffering, even if it takes them 10 years, 20 years to realize their points that I wanted to direct. I won’t intervene. I will show them the tools if they don’t know and they are ready, but I won’t direct them, I won’t force them, or pressure them, or manipulate them. I won’t. That’s not who I am. I choose not to be that. I won’t.

This is my decision, and mine alone. This is who I choose to be. When/If I have an agreement with another individual, I won’t be directing them. I won’t. If the agreement ends after 1 month or year so be it. I won’t believe or listen to anyone saying I should have directed them or I should direct them, I won’t. They have to direct themselves and choose who they are to be. I won’t interfere and make try to make that choice for them. I won’t.

Living this way, I will die happy. No matter what happens, no matter if I never get into an agreement, or if I get into several and they all end quickly. I don’t care. I won’t let any of these potential futures or ideas influence my decision to not direct the other, and I won’t let it bring me guilt or regret if I look in the past and this is what happened.

This is who I am, this is who I choose to be, and this is where my heart/being is. I am me.

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